Life Imitates the Onion


President Bush will launch another major
public-relations offensive to strengthen support for the Iraq war —
this time likely emphasizing the high stakes and changing nature of the
battle more than the progress being made. The series of speeches begins
tomorrow at the annual American Legion convention in Utah and will
continue through the anniversary of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and
on into the middle of next month.

The new campaign is aimed at framing the Iraq debate
over what the White House considers the vital stakes involved in the
war and reinforcing public sentiment that favors sticking it out. The
speeches will be aimed at rebutting mounting public calls—from
Democrats and even a few Republicans—for setting some kind of
timetable for at least a limited troop withdrawal.

The Wall Street Journal, Aug. 30

WASHINGTON, DC–In a nationally televised address Monday, President Bush urged all citizens, regardless of race, creed, color, or political affiliation, "to quiet down for just one minute" so he could have "a chance to think."

"Every American has an inalienable right to free speech and self-expression," Bush said. "Nonetheless, I call upon the American people to hold off on it for, say, 60 seconds. Just long enough for me to get this all sorted out in my head."

"Please," Bush added.

The Onion, Aug. 30