The Meanest Sailor Dubuque's Ever Seen

On first glance, this campaign site by James Hill, "the only Pirate and truly independent candidate" for Congress who takes "no bounty from any Person, Party, Organization or Corporation," is exactly what you'd expect. Equal parts stupid and crazy.

I would have your wife right in front of you. I would smoke the last of
your glaucoma medication. Then I will surely drink your liquor cabinet
dry. However, know this my friend. I will never break an oath to uphold
the public trust. My affidavit will be signed in my own blood. A
Pirates crimson mark, with real binding effects into my after life.
Laugh if you will then ask yourself if you could do it.

Yeah, whatever. Not that impressive, in this era of "YouTubes of the Day," until you realize Hill is running for Congress in Iowa. Which is, relatively speaking, totally landlocked.