Raul's Back, Chavez Gets Hugged; Great Movie Plot Ankled: Who was Stealing the Great Commies of Earth?

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Fidel Castro is out of action, unseen, and rumored dead; his brother Raul replaces him and he too disappears from the public eye–until yesterday, as his brother released a statement and some alleged new photos, warning his subjects to be prepared for "adverse news." (What, that they live in a tyrannical communist hellhole?)

Raul's appearance, hugging fellow commie icon Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, alas, foils what seemed to be a delicious pattern developing of missing Red autocrats: Burying the lead, a North Korean news service reveals in the last sentence of this report from Friday on his filmmaking prowess the news that Kim Jong-Il has also been out of sight since his recent missile-lobbing triumph over the decadent West. Clearly, the plot to a movie too idiotic to actually shoot has been foiled. But may they all disappear again, and soon.

[Links and conceptual hat tip to leading anti-communist Ivan Osorio.]

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  1. They are obviously being replaced by robot doubles.

  2. No, that’s exactly what the reds WANT you to think.

  3. They are obviously being replaced by robot doubles.

    Is this The Singularity, then?

  4. I notice that the newspaper Castro was shown holding didn’t have any actual “news” on it — there’s no telling when it was taken.

    Mad props to the Run DMC all-Adidas outfit, however.

  5. Mad props to the Run DMC all-Adidas outfit, however.

    Hey, all the best street thugs wear them.

  6. It’s not the Singularity, just a bad 70s SF movie.

  7. Why can’t our puppets ever perform this well? Clearly, communism is kicking our butts.

  8. The ten food you should never eat are — as you might expect — ten foods that you shouldn’t eat too much.

    I’ll give them the Chicken Selects — take a look at McDonald’s nutrition facts and you’ll see that those things are scary disgusting. Many of the other things are stupid. For example, the frozen dinner has 530 calories. It’s a DINNER people; it’s supposed to contain a lot of calories. I would guess that the average American consumes well over 530 calories at dinner. I burn that in a 40 minute workout. Come on!

  9. Oops… wrong comments. Sorry.

  10. Perhaps we’re all living in some Mirror Mirror universe version of Atlas Shrugged, and all the dictators are running off to seclusion at “Casa Castro”, and wondering with amusement what the world will do without them…

  11. Man, I am so jealous of Kimmy. He has the life that we all want to lead — no work, all the time in the world to pursue whatever the hell you want, with the adoring approbation of millions of sycophants.

    Want to make a movie with whatever plot you want? Kidnap a director and film it! No one wants to see it? Force them to! He collects nice cars, plays with cool military hardware, wears whatever he wants…

  12. Perhaps we’re all living in some Mirror Mirror universe version of Atlas Shrugged, and all the dictators are running off to seclusion at “Casa Castro”, and wondering with amusement what the world will do without them…

    Maybe, but while Galt’s Gulch was defended by all sorts of cool technology, Casa Castro is defended by a few Soviet-era artillery pieces, and the guys who know how to operate them swam away first chance they got.

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