Martin Luther King wasn't robbing no bank when he was shot dead…


"We live in a system so insane," says comedian/monologuist/diet visionary Dick Gregory, tearing it up at the NAACP's 97th annual convention, "that once you get into a position to determine public policy, they will kill you.

"Malt liquor is made in white beer companies but only sold in black neighborhoods, and you don't get suspicious?" continues the 73-year-old breathatarian. "They put a thing in it called manganese and once you get so much manganese in you you will kill your mama, but they got you believing that's [normal for you to act that way]."

Much much more.

"I understand that many African-Americans distrust my political party," President Bush continues.

My favorite Gregoryism of them all, in support of his all-fasting diet, supplemented by breathing in pure air, absorbing the direct light and energies of the sun, and bathing in pure water:

"I look at the obituaries every morning and ain't nobody listed but you eaters."