Not a Dry Eye in the House

It's a day old, but I venture that this hilarious Ben Stein column about Karl Rove will outlive cockroaches and Robert Byrd after a nuclear holocaust. Stein's shtick as a writer for the American Spectator online has always been to endorse or forgive anything Republicans put their minds to. To wit:

Naturally, the conversation was off the record, but I can say a few things:

First, Karl Rove has lost weight, although he was never fat to start with. He's amazingly fit and trim now. Rep. Murtha, who commented on Karl's posterior as large, has obviously never met Karl.

Second, Karl is probably as important as any human being on this planet except Mr. Bush. He is a world-class political figure. Yet he helps wash the dishes. He helps keep the house clean. He walks the dogs. I have never heard him say one mean word about anyone on the other side. Not once. He is probably the most humble human in a position of high authority I have ever met.

Third when dinner was over, I told Karl I knew he has a lot of work to do and we would call a cab. "Nonsense," he said, "I'll drive you home." And with that, he got into his modest car and drove Alex and me home. (We actually had him drop us at the Barnes & Noble on M Street.)

Now, this is a great man. A great and well-grounded man.

Ordinarily, sure, it's an act of humility to drive someone to their destination after a party. (It would have been humbler still if Rove removed Stein's sandals and washed his feet.) But Ben Stein is a celebrity in his own right, and it's never a chore to hobnob with celebrities. And Stein writes a sweetness-and-light column about Republicans, and no one in politics does him a favor without knowing that.

But wait! There's more!

At this point, I question a great deal of Bush administration policy, especially on taxes. But Karl Rove is why I am a Republican. He is how Republicans are. Richard Nixon was not kidding fifty-four years ago when he talked about his wife, Pat, not having a fur coat, but instead happily owned "…a good Republican cloth coat…"

Let the record show that Ben Stein actually takes Richard Nixon at his word. (Of course, Stein is a shifty Jew, so take it with some salt.)

Real Republicans are not haters. Not ever. It's just not in them to hate, just as it's not in any real American to hate any other American who lives within the law.

I had no idea so many queers were breaking the law.