And the NSA Keeps a Record of Your Playlist, Free of Charge!

Their polls are down, their agenda has ground to a halt, but let no one say the GOP can't offer awesome swag.

Personally I'll hold out for the Democratic iPod, molded into the shape of James Carville's skull and pre-loaded with three hours of Howard Dean speeches.

Completely serious question: What would the Reason edition iPod look like, and what would it come with?

Comments

[MP]

Skinned with the RPG, of course!

Pre-loaded with Free To Choose, the complete series.

[Timothy]

"Personal massager"

[Dave W.]

It would have a sticker that says Reason Online: Unregulated Markets And Not-Dangerously-Open Minds placed on the device.

If you look under the sticker it says: "VIOXX by Merck."

[taktix]

GOP: We're hip, we're cool. Tuck-a tuck-a tuck-a tuck-a...

[metalgrid]

I'll consider it as long as it doesn't come with a Fitness spokesperson against free weights pre-loaded on it.

[Marcvs]

The reason edition? Two words: "Endless Pools"

[.]

It would look like a pack of cigarettes, loaded with illegal immigrant porn.

[VM]

Metalgrid: see MP's comment above. in lieu of Carpet humper. but might i recommend mastering your own body weight? if you don't master yours first, nobody will later!

But i don't think there'd be a single "reason look". there would be combos of other looks, and people would mix and match. some would make technological improvements, while others would do asthetic or ergonomic changes. then that would eventually get (out of date, but before that)incorporated into a dynamic player.

then it would be banned because it couldn't be tracked by homeland "security".

finally, some jackass lawyer would think it is linked to metabolic disease (probably this type is anti vaccination, too!), and we all get sued.

so there.

[Pig Mannix]

Completely serious question: What would the Reason edition iPod look like, and what would it come with?

It would play annoying salsa music 7x24, and any attempt to turn it off would activate a video of the Reason editorial staff waving their hankies and screaming "Fascist!".

Naturally, it would come with a lithograph of Nick Gillespie's grampa engraved on it.

[J. Bruno]

When you put on the included headphones, they lock onto your ears, at which point the GOPPod begins reciting the Constitution and the Bill of Rights in a continuous loop, forever. Any attempt to disengage the GOPPod, and any attempt to perform an act that directly or indirectly contradicts the edicts of the aforementioned documents, will result in excruciating pain.

[rhywun]

And every 10 minutes, a "veiled subscription pitch" would interrupt your music or video.

[VM]

However, rhywun, via MG, recall the quote of a famous muse:
"just subscribe to the fucking magazine" 🙂

(and do the Rick B. strategy: subscribe, and on occasion purchase it from bookstores/newsstands to keep it visible!)

[Jason Ligon]

We would obviously have a lot of Choice as to contents and appearance. All of them would have the Reason logo in a subdued way on them, but estheically, you could get the following examples, maybe each with a protector that looks like a leather jacket:

The Sullum Pack of Smokes look

The Bailey double helix with a pre loaded club remix of biotech stock disclaimers

The Walker transistor radio

The Doherty Burning Man

Etc.

[Rich Ard]

Tell you what - if Peter Bagge skins it, I'll buy one.

[Jeff P]

Pillow girl. No-brainer.

And it comes loaded with all the songs from which the myriad obscure lyric references on H&R have been inspired.
These, of course, would be bootlegged.

[Doctor Duck]

Two words: "Endless Pools"

"These pools... are doorways.
From your world... to all worlds."

100 Golden Obscurity Points for attribution.

This crowd has never let me down. Someone here knows everything.

[SR]

"100 Golden Obscurity Points for attribution."

I have no clue, but it's a true "Googlewhack" -- one hit (no attribution): blather.newdream.net/p/pool.html

[mediageek]

It would be orange.

And come preloaded with every RUSH song ever recorded.

What? You honestly think there'd be room for other songs?

[mediageek]

"However, rhywun, via MG, recall the quote of a famous muse:
"just subscribe to the fucking magazine" :)"

A veiled subscription pitch from VdR? That could actually work...

[B.D.]

Does the GOP one come with "illegally" downloaded Beatles tunes?

I'd suggest that the Libertarian would come with software that allowed it to connect to any number of stores for downloading and playing on any number of devices. As such, it would strip DRM from any download that would prevent such use after purchase. What would it look like? It would show a picture of the address you ordered it shipped to.

[Happy Jack]

A Reason iPod?

I have to believe that it can only download from some obscure band's site, where it's impossible, due to the site owner's lack of savvy.

I guess the musical version of all-caps is having the volume stuck on eleven.

Oh yeah, it would have to come with Frank 'n Nancy singing Something Stupid.

[Shem]

It would have Howard Roark's entire speech on it, as spoken by Alan Greenspan. Unfortunately, the length would ensure that there wouldn't be any room for music, and any attempt to remove it would be met with accusations of being "anti-life"

[Shem]

Wait, check that, make it John Galt's speech. I was going to write something else entirely but forgot to change the name.

[dhex]

"i'm not going to ifuck you"

[Maurkov]

Doctor Duck: That sounds like the Wood Between Worlds from CS Lewis's The Magician's Nephew. I haven't played around enough with google's book search to verify.

[Rhampton]

This appeared on DefenseTech.org last week:

I called Valdis Krebs, who's considered by many to be the leading authority on social network analysis -- the art and science of finding the important connections in a seemingly-impenetrable mass of data. His analysis of the social network surrounding the 9/11 hijackers is a classic in the field.

KREBS: The right thing to do is to look for the best haystack, not the biggest haystack. We knew exactly which haystack to look at in the year 2000 [before the 9/11 attacks]. We just didn't do it ... The worst part -- the thing that's most disappointing to me -- is that this is not the right way to do this. It's a waste of time, it's a waste of resources. And it lets the real terrorists run free."

[coarsetad]

It wouldn't be a Reason iPod without the carpet-humping man.

[Sandy]

The Reason iPod: looks just like the regular iPod (let the market decide, plus the style is hip already), comes with lots of policy podcasts, a hipster punk music selection with inexplicable insertions of prog rock, and above all:

Porn. Lots and lots of porn.

[perilisk]

"When you put on the included headphones, they lock onto your ears, at which point the GOPPod begins reciting the Constitution and the Bill of Rights in a continuous loop, forever. Any attempt to disengage the GOPPod, and any attempt to perform an act that directly or indirectly contradicts the edicts of the aforementioned documents, will result in excruciating pain."

Wow, give some of these to Republicans!

[Joe Strummer]

Of course, it comes preloaded with every Clash song ever, c'mon, it's a no-brainer, guys!

[Shem]

Porn. Lots and lots of porn.

Grab your dick and double-click for porn, porn, porn.

[WHH]

It would contain scenes from an upcoming movie version of Atlas Shrugged starring Ayaan Hirsi Ali as Dagny Taggart.

[Doctor Duck]

These pools... are doorways.

I have no clue, but it's a true "Googlewhack"

That sounds like the Wood Between Worlds from CS Lewis's The Magician's Nephew

I don't know if they borrowed it from Lewis, but it's essentially the entire lyric to the downtempo / trance music cut "Pools in Eyes" by Q-Burns Abstract Message on their CD "Oeuvre".

(Not the same as Pools in Eyes from Throwing Muses, though the title may be an homage.)

So I guess I stumped the band...?