Would you rather live in the ascendency of a civilization or during its decline?

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Brace yourselves for the completely unnecessary "Revenge of the Nerds" remake. Inevitable Curtis Armstrong cameo nonwithstanding, this threatens to add an ugly asterix to one of the cinema's least appreciated milestones.

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  1. What? No ugly Obelix, too?

  2. attack of the tyops!

  3. I love that they call it the “seminal” teen comedy. Maybe thats for all the gratuitous nude shots of hot college babes.

  4. p: Seriously? Damn, I’ve only seen it on basic cable.

  5. FXKLM – How does basic cable handle the “hidden cameras in the snotty sorority house” scene? It’s one of the key moments in the piece. And it inspires Booger’s (Curtis Armstrong’s) line, “This is bullshit, pan down – I want BUSH,” which was later appropriated for the 1988 GOP presidential campaign.

  6. “May you grow up in interesting times”

    It’s a Chinese curse!

  7. D. Weigel: when i’ve seen it on tv, they zoom all the nude shots in till you can’t see any private parts, resulting in a massively grainy image, since there’s so little of the frame left to show

  8. I haven’t seen it in years, but I don’t remember any obvious cuts or pixelation. When it’s on basic cable, it seems like a fairly innocent kids’ movie. There was some sexual content, but not a whole lot. I never got the impression that anything substantial was edited out.

    In worse nerd-related movie news, The Corner claims that Ben Affleck is set to play a young Captain Kirk in a new Star Trek movie.

  9. In worse nerd-related movie news, The Corner claims that Ben Affleck is set to play a young Captain Kirk in a new Star Trek movie.

    I believe this is one of the signs of the apocolype.

  10. A pox on the lips of you fucking ass-terix! Learn to fucking type! And spell! And go to my website, where you can order “Revenge of the Nerds–the Director’s Cut” (with beaucoups private parts)

  11. Are you kidding me? That movie is barely more than 20 years old.

    Not to mention a classic.

    Hollywood is definitely grasping at straws, if it wasn’t already brutally obvious.

  12. Revenge of the Nerds is by far the best of the Animal House ripoffs — better, in fact, than Animal House itself — and is the unsung precursor to the loser chic of the ’90s.

    Also, the best non-soundtrack-related part of Ray was figuring out that Ahmet Ertegun was Booger.

  13. Jesse,

    You think Revenge of the Nerds is better than Animal House? Put down the crack pipe and step away from the video counter. Animal House is one of the smartest written scripts of any genre. The dialog is incredibly smart and well written. The movie has become a part of the cultural lexicon, everything from “was it over when the Germans Pearl Harbor?” to “damn glad to meet you”. It is just a brilliant and culturally significant movie. Not culturally significant like To Kill Mockingbird, but culturally significant in that it had a lasting effect on how people really speak and act. Revenge of the Nerds did none of that and was a moderately funny but utterly forgettable film.

  14. Maybe it’s an age thing, John. (I’m 32.) I don’t think I’ve actually seen Animal House, but I’ve seen Revenge of the Nerds a bunch of times, and I still say it’s a classic.

  15. Maybe Lowdog, but I was 9 when Animal House came out and in high school when Revenge of the Nerds came out. I should like the latter if it were an age thing. If anything Animal House has grown on me over the years as the quality of the dialog in movies has continued to decline.

  16. Fucking eh. When will this remake epidemic end. I swear, the day a Caddyshack remake opens in my local theater, I’m moving to India.

    Oh and while they might ‘prune the bush’ out, they’ll leave the sex in (albeit in uber-juvenile innuendo form). What is certain to be consigned to the ashes, are the drugs, and since it’s a Fox project probably the gays as well.

  17. It is coming Warren. It is just a matter of time, but I hear Bombay has some nice areas. How long before the Airplane remake? Or Threes Company with Jessica Simpson, Mandy Moore and Owen Wilson?

  18. It is coming Warren. It is just a matter of time, but I hear Bombay has some nice areas. How long before the Airplane remake? Or Threes Company with Jessica Simpson, Mandy Moore and Owen Wilson?

  19. Since David hasn’t fixed the typo, I’ll spell it out: it is “asterisk.”

    I think the others who posted jokes were too subtle.

    And for the love of jesus christ on a pogo stick, something needs to be done about these H&R servers. This is my fourth attempt at a post.

  20. John: Revenge of the Nerds had the inspired bad taste to equate the geeks’ travails with the civil rights movement. And if Animal House has “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?” — a great line, I grant you — Revenge has the even better “Shit! We forgot to practice!”

    There’s no honor in inventing the teen gross-out comedy. But perfecting it — that’s an accomplishment. Advantage: Revenge of the Nerds.

  21. I’m wondering — do you think Fox will include the segment where Booger rescues the Tri-Lam’s first party from lameness with his “Wonder Joints”??

    I’m currently taking bets at 100:1 odds that any remotely positive reference to drug use does not make it in.

  22. Jessee,

    Beyond the fact that Revenge is just not that funny, it just didn’t have that much of an impact. For the record Fast Times at Ridgemont High prefected the teen grossout comedy years before Revenge of the Nerds.

  23. Didn’t have much of an impact? The pop culture of the ’90s would have looked completely different without the Geek Chic pioneered by Jeff Kanew’s comedy. From Bill Gates to Kurt Cobain, Revenge of the Nerds set the template. (Ever notice how much Beck’s backup band looked like the nerd band at the frat talent show? Do you think that’s a coincidence? Soy un perdedor, baby.)

  24. Jessee, I have to concede I don’t know much about Bill Gates’ fashion influences but I always thought Cobain and the grunge folks were more inspired by Pig Pen than anything else.

  25. Since I’m old enough to have seen both legally when they came out in theatres, I can safely say Animal House was the best.

    By the time I saw Revenge I was well past my nerd stage, so it didn’t resonate as much.

    But in terms of comedic dialogue, nothing tops Caddyshack.

  26. Armstrong has a semi-big serious role as the principal in last weekend’s Akeelah and the Bee. Weird.

  27. Hollywood movies are “written” by committees of writers who are paid less than the peons who clean the porta-potties on the set. The writers have to please producers who are looking for a brand new concept with a proven track record. The producers own libraries of old movies, which if remade can be returned to video rental shelves for a brief run of secondary interest, until the remake replaces them. The old movies are royalty free as compared to making a film from a copyrighted novel.

    It’s not a formula for innovation.

  28. I’m OK with it, as long as they keep that pissy little schnook Anthony Edwards as far from the project as possible.

  29. My question is, if Hollywood is going to do remakes instead of coming up with something original, why don’t they remake some of the crappy movies of the past instead of the great ones? It’s not like there’s a shortage of old crappy movies sitting on the shelf.

    Wouldn’t it make more sense to try to finally get The Beastmaster and The Satanic Rites of Dracula right, than to try to top the original Willy Wonka?

  30. Are you saying they didn’t get Beastmaster right the first time, Crimethink? It figures that you’d be a fan of Willy Wonka though, considering the sexual tendencies of your clergy.

  31. “Jessee, I have to concede I don’t know much about Bill Gates’ fashion influences but I always thought Cobain and the grunge folks were more inspired by Pig Pen than anything else.”

    John, better go check on the next door neighbors. Those damned kids are probably playing their hippity-hop too loud.

  32. I like that idea, crimethink. Although saying Beastmaster was crappy is nearly sacreligious. Any movie with Mark Singer can’t be totally crappy. 😉

    More seriously, I want to see The Silmarillion made into a movie. They already did LOTR, so why not? The whole damn movie would be CGI, but there’s lots of fighting in that book, so it would be hella exciting and fun to watch.

  33. Larry A:

    Not quite. Guild MINIMUM for a feature-length screenplay is $50K, and even non-guild writers can usually command more than that. Big name writers frequently get paid between $500K and $1M per script, as well as a small cut of the gross. (TV writing is considerably less lucrative, but still a decent living- half-hour animation scripts usually command $5-6K, with live action scripts going for more- especially for hour-long dramas)

    Yeah, given the dreck they’re turning out, a lot of writers are definitely OVERpaid, not underpaid. Just don’t tell anyone I said that, given I’m trying to get into the industry and all… 😉

  34. No mediageek, I was serious. Look at a drawing of Pig Pen sometime. He is grunge all the way. Flanel shirt, boots the whole bit. Pig Pen was original grunge. I didn’t mean it as a slam.

  35. If they remake beastmaster, 1. can we see tanya roberts’ tits again? and 2. maybe they won’t kill a tiger this time

    The trainer came to me and suggested that he could dye his tigers black. I told him that I don’t know anything about that stuff, if he could do that then fine. You have to anesthetize the tigers and he did that to all 4 of his tigers and dyed them. One of them didn’t come out of it and died. If I had known there was any risk in anesthetizing them I wouldn’t have done it. It was terrible.

  36. I AM BEASTMASTER!!!!

  37. Lowdog,

    Make Silmarillon into a movie? No. It would be an absolute disaster. There’s no coherent storyline to build it around.

    A bunch of separate one-hour specials — that’s the way I’d do it if I were in charge.

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