Headline of the Week

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From CNN:

Missing student found dead in landfill
Police: No foul play suspected

It doesn't make any more sense if you read the story, either.

[Hat tip to Ben Schwartz]

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  1. Some information is obviously being left out of the reports. The police have not released all the facts, perhaps, to save the family from embarrassment or further grief. Although absent any evidence of suicide or accident, I would at least consider foul play.

  2. Assuming no foul play, it seems like a college kid got really drunk and maybe decided it would be funny to take a trip down the trash chute. Unfortunate, but no murder.

  3. I think I saw this CSI episode. The kid tries to shove some garbage down the chute, fails, falls, ends up in the Dumpster, the Dumpster is hit by a car, causing the kid to hit her head hard enough to go unconscious while she’s suffocated with trash.

    Of course, The Real Killer(TM) could have seen this CSI episode, too.

  4. Authorities have said Fiocco may have slid down a trash chute into the bin, although a camera used to scan the chute found no traces of blood.

    Perhaps the student dropped his trash can through the chute, went to retrieve it, and fell dead into the trash when a car hit the dumpster. That’s what happened on CSI.

  5. Ooh, beaten by less than a minute. That’ll teach me to waste time googling for a hyperlink…

  6. Frat hazing is technically not ‘foul play’ but rather a combination of natural selection and criminal negligence.

  7. Yeah, John, but at least you got the plot right. I had to content myself with haphazard recollections.

  8. “Frat hazing is technically not ‘foul play’ but rather a combination of natural selection and criminal negligence.”

    maybe it is. its also totally ghey.

    If these children are our future, I’m all for binning them.

  9. If you watch the video, what the police superintendent actually said was “no evidence of foul play has been found”. That doesn’t indicate one way or the other what they might suspect, or what really occurred. It simply indicates they haven’t yet turned up any evidence from which to draw a conclusion. Since they’re still investigating, it doesn’t appear that they’ve ruled out anything yet.

  10. No foul play, maybe it was just drunkeness that led the poor lad astray.

    I remember when I was at the U of Maryland a girl was crushed to death under the wheels of a freight truck outside a bar — she had been playing a little game where they tried to run under the truck before it started rolling. She didn’t make it, a real waste of a life, unfortunately.

  11. What was that line from that movie? Something about how it is a shame that folks are throwing away a perfectly good white boy….?

  12. The injuries that Fiocco’s body had sustained were consistent with being processed by a trash disposal system

    Jesus!

  13. Did he jump?

    Or, was he PUSHED?

    (Should I care?- sounds like a Darwin contender, to me.)

  14. But I thought that trash disposal system was only turned on every other day!

  15. Frat hazing is technically not ‘foul play’ but rather a combination of natural selection and criminal negligence.

    I dunno, being in a frat seems pretty foul to me.

  16. What the police aren’t telling us is that the autopsy on the student’s body revealed a high concentration of Dihydrogen Monoxide in the bloodstream….

  17. crimethink, someday, if we all join together, the blight of dihydrogen monoxide will be removed from this world.

    I just heard that McDonald’s uses frozen dihydrogen monoxide to cool drinks. Is there nothing they won’t do to an unsuspecting public? Egad. It’s getting serious out there–there’s a very high percentage of dihydrogen monoxide in our lakes and streams. Even in rain!

  18. VS gets my vote for line of the day on this thread.

  19. R2 and C3P0 were too late…

    Now that he’s been found, we can turn our collective attention to missing OSU Student Brian Shaffer ( http://medicine.osu.edu/brianshaffer/ ).

    He dissapeared from The Ugly Tuna Saloona in the university’s failing “South Campus Gateway” project. After seizing the land through eminent domain abuse they’ve pressured the news media to describe the area as “a campus area neighborhood”.

    When Shaffer’s father posted fliers of his missing son in the area they were promptly removed by Campus Gateway management.

    Tax revenue was supposed to make it all worthwhile but the crime problem is as bad as ever (worse if you consider efforts to stifle media coverage of crime in the area) and occupancy is only about 30%.

    Best of all, “affordable” grad student housing starts at a paltry $1,000/mo.

  20. I forgot to mention that Columbus Police already checked the local landfill and found no sign of Shaffer:

    http://www.nbc4i.com/news/8804871/detail.html

    Apparently they watch CSI too.

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