Post Yenta Makes Stalkerazzi Look Like a Class of Ed Murrows


I've always figured gossip journalists were better at newsgathering than regular journalists. Now it turns out they're also better at scrounging for shady money. When NY Post Page Six Fop Jared Paul Stern wanted to cash out, he didn't just chase Peter Ferrara/Maggie Gallagher-sized chump change under the table—he dunned a billionaire for $220,000, a monthly stipend, and other favors. Sadly for Stern, his ambitious (and I would expect, felonious) effort to hold up the supermarket tycoon and scenester Ron Burkle was caught on tape by the feds. Post rival Daily News has the squirm-worthy details. Look for the fall line of orange jumpsuits from Stern's Skull & Bones clothing label.

NEXT: The Messianic Legacy

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  1. The distaff Skull & Bones model is worth a click.

  2. Sinincincinnati morning drive-time radio asshole, Jim Scott, had an unusual exchange recently with some semi-prominent female gossip journalist.
    He was humoring her about her hobby of (??). Then he asked her about some recent gossip from her column.
    She replied, “How the hell should I know,” or some such, and hung up.
    I can’t provide more info than that.
    I hate Jim Scott.
    I only listen whilst I’m powdering my tootsies for the walk to work.
    He sets his side of his Sleep Number bed at 95 which is another reason to hate him.
    It’s too high. He congenitally can’t get jiggy.

  3. Short of being implicated in something criminal, why the hell would a billionaire be worried about anything that would come out in the press? So you hire some lawyers to sue the piss out of anyone who tries to bug you until the end of time, beyond that I can’t see how you’d have to experience much more than a little aggravation now and then.

    I don’t think this reporter Stern was exactly thinking straight when he came up with this scheme.

  4. “He sets his side of his Sleep Number bed at 95”

    Chuck Norris’ Sleep Number Bed goes to Infinity + 1.

  5. Chuck Norris’ Sleep Number Bed goes to Infinity + 1.

    Toshiro Mifune could have kicked Norris’ ass. There, I said it. Plus, he once played a character who sued hell out of a gossip columnist.

  6. Ah, but that’s merely speculation — Chuck Norris and Toshiro Mifune could never meet to settle the question man-to-man. Why? Because they know that if they we ever at the same place at the same time, Jack Bauer would take the opportunity to kill them both with a single shot from a sniper rifle.

  7. After Toshiro Mifune was shot once, he “learned” the attack and became immune to all firearms. He also gained the ability to fire bone shards at the supersonic speeds with incredible accuracy. So, Jack Bauer and Chuck Norris both had to avoid Toshiro Mifune. Fortunately for them, he got bored and decided to experiment with creating life in another galaxy.

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