That Explains the Horns on My Bag of Weed

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V.S. Herrell, leader of Tennessee's Christian Separatist Church Society, reveals that marijuana is "a Jewish drug." Rastafarians might disagree.

My favorite part is Herrell's discussion of the drug policy reform movement's financial backers:

It is clear, from this author's point-of-view, that [George] Soros and his fellow-travelers are merely front men for a world Zionist conspiracy to destroy America….While we were unable to locate conclusive proof that John Sperling, CEO of the Apollo Group, and Peter Lewis of the Progressive Corporation Insurance Company are indeed Jewish themselves, they are undoubtedly Jewish fellow-travelers…. George Zimmer, founder and president of the Men's Warehouse [sic], was also difficult to pin down as a known Jew. However, he did attend the 26th annual menorah lighting in San Francisco as an honored participant.

I'm accepting nominations for the Catholic drug, the Buddhist drug, the Mormon drug (a toughie), the Muslim drug, etc.

[Thanks to Allen St. Pierre for the link.]

NEXT: We Have Met the Enemy and He Is Soros

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  1. I was always thinking about going kosher, anyway.

  2. Wouldn’t the Catholic drug be a lollipop laced with Rohypnol?

    Yes, I went there. And I can do that because I’m Catholic.

  3. Jacob Sullum,

    Are you accepting nominations for the perfect drug?

  4. I thought the Jewish drug was Marxism. Maybe that’s just for English departments.

  5. Rastafarians might disagree.

    Or not. Most rastas being Zionists and all.

  6. thoreau,

    Anyone can go there, Catholic or not.

    It never ceases to amaze me how people in groups always want to ascribe special status regarding criticism to only group members.

  7. Catholic – alcohol
    Muslim – caffeine

  8. R.C. Dean,

    Its far more complex than that. Many Rastafarians don’t call themselves Jews after all, they call themselves Ethiopian Orthodox Christians.

  9. US-

    I thought muslims were all about the Qat/Khat/whatever the transliteration of your choice is.

  10. The mormon drug is toothpaste.

  11. Meth is the Protestant drug (being prevalent in generally-protestant white suburban america)
    Cocaine is the Catholic drug (being prevalently grown/smuggled by catholic Latin Americans)
    Hashish is the Muslim drug (for historical reasons)
    Multiple young girls is the Mormon drug (at this point, for historical reasons as well).

    And for a better reason why Pot is the Jewish drug…it gives you the munchies, so you go and spend money, which in the long run benefits capitalism. The argument that capitalism is run by/greatly benefits Jews is a lot stronger than any direct connection we have to any drug.

    OK, I thought too much about this.

  12. The Catholic drug? Alcohol, what else. Rum, Romanism and Rebellion!

  13. I’m accepting nominations for the Catholic drug, the Buddhist drug, the Mormon drug (a toughie), the Muslim drug, etc.

    The Catholic drug is alcohol, usually red wine. The Mormon drugs are fresh air and cool mountain water.

  14. The Mormon drug is simple: Jell-O, the official state snack food of Utah. (Seriously – see http://www.le.state.ut.us/~2001/bills/sbillenr/SR0005.htm ).

  15. The buddhist drug is acid, it makes you one with everything.

  16. Anyways, it’s commonly known (or should be) that every law against a drug has it’s source in a fear that some minority was using it to get into white women’s pants. Marijuana was the mexicans IIRC, opium the chinese, cocaine the blacks and Austrian jewish psychotherapists etcetera..

  17. OK what is the Atheist drug?

  18. Buddhist drugs are quite clearly plants and fungi which have psychedelic properties.

  19. The Mormon drug is BDSM.

    The Catholic drug is guilt.

    The Lutheran drug is jell-o.

  20. why don’t they use alcohol to get into white women’s pants? It seems to work for us.

  21. kwais,

    Reason.

  22. why don’t they use alcohol to get into white women’s pants? It seems to work for us.

  23. Hak,
    I don’t know what is up with the site today.

    But, reason is why they don’t use alkihol, or reason as a drug for all y’all going to hell for not believing.

    If the latter, how’s that a drug? And how do you OD?

  24. The “Mormon drug” has already been unequivocally established as ephedra, a.k.a. “Mormon tea”: http://www.viable-herbal.com/singles/herbs/s425.htm

  25. The “Mormon drug” has already been unequivocally established as ephedra, a.k.a. “Mormon tea”: http://www.viable-herbal.com/singles/herbs/s425.htm

  26. The Mormon drug is simple: Jell-O, the official state snack food of Utah.

    What do they do with it? Freebase it, inject it, or stuff it into their magical underwear?

  27. Jell-o is nice, but the real Mormon drug is ice cream.

    I haven’t tried BDSM, so I wouldn’t know.

  28. I’m accepting nominations for the Catholic drug, the Buddhist drug, the Mormon drug (a toughie), the Muslim drug, etc.

    The consensus so far:

    Catholic: Alcohol (red wine, Guinness, and Jameson)
    Buddhist: Opium? The psychedelics make sense, too.
    Muslim: Hash
    Mormon: These guys are high on life, and they’ll do anything to get their next fix.

    Some others:

    Scientologists: cocaine
    Baptists: a sixpack of Coors Light tallboys
    Presbyterian: fine scotch in moderation
    Atheists: Cheap scotch and lots of it

  29. My followers prefer cassarole’s, which they call “hotdish.”

    Better than a diet of worms, eh?

    Martin

  30. Buddhism would not be opium… Acid yes.

  31. Catholic: Another vote for booze.
    Lutheran: Green Bean Casserole.
    Southern Baptist: Fire and Brimstone.
    Mormons: Donnie Osmond.
    Muslims: C-4.
    Scientologists: Fresh Gorzablats from Namthar 7.

  32. The drug of Zen Buddhism is tea. This is made quite explicit in the story where Bodhidharma, having difficulty staying awake, cuts off his eyelids and hurls them away; they land on the ground and grow into the first tea plant. “The taste of Zen and the taste of tea are the same.”

  33. Rastafarians might disagree…
    Or not. Most rastas being Zionists and all.

    Unfortunately, the one Hasidic reggae artist I’ve know of disavows the use of sensemilla. Some of his songs are good despite this.

    http://www.matismusic.com/

  34. artist I know of… dammit.

    If VS Herrell’s original contention were correct, I would become a firm supporter of Israel. I might even try to get back together with my Jewish ex-girlfriend…

  35. The Catholic drug? Alcohol, what else. Rum, Romanism and Rebellion!

    Rum be our drug of choice, matey! Arrggghhhh!

  36. Most mormons I know are on Ritalin. Especially now that ephedra is banned.

    As for actual buddhists, meditation is all they need. Wanna-be western buddhists use psychodelics as a fast-food approach to the nature of mind. McAcid anyone? You want that supersized?

  37. “OK what is the Atheist drug?”

    Smug.

  38. JSM, Yes, and bag it for the road.

  39. The Moonie drug is sleep deprivation.

  40. The Atheist drug is religion, I’ve been clean for years.

  41. a world Zionist conspiracy to destroy America

    I thought the Zionists were the evil Christian Right majority of America? Oh, I’m so confused!

    My votes:
    Muslim – definitely Hashish
    Lutheran/Anglican – beer
    Catholics – wine

    I also have to agree here:
    Atheists: Cheap scotch and lots of it

  42. According to the last episode of Big Love the Mormon drug is Robitussin.

  43. Atheist: Disgust toward the multitudes of humanity who still stupidly cling to supernatural nonsense.

  44. I thought the Zionists were the evil Christian Right majority of America?

    That depends on which day of the week.

  45. “”OK what is the Atheist drug?”

    Smug.

    Comment by: mediageek at April 6, 2006 11:53 AM”

    MG:

    you need to visit chicago. you’ll see that’s the 23-32 year old catholic (female) drug. mein gott. smug and hypocracy.

  46. Having watched Big Love on Sunday, it seems pretty clear that the Mormon drug is cough syrup; I can only assume that Krusty-brand purple is a bonus.

  47. “…[George] Soros and his fellow-travelers are merely front men for a world Zionist conspiracy to destroy America…”

    That must be why Soros was using money from the drug cartels to finance the candidacy of John Kerry.

    That’s what Dennis Hastert said; on teevee.

    My recollection is that he was making the claim based on this prodigious leap of “logic”: “Well, Soros has said that he is in favor of decriminalization of drugs. THEREFORE we may assume that the money he contributed to the Kerry campaign must have been provided to him by the Cocaine Overlords.”

  48. What, no love for the rohypnol-laced lollipop?

  49. “Atheist: Disgust toward the multitudes of humanity who still stupidly cling to supernatural nonsense.”

    Like I said…

  50. Have you ever been to a convenience store in Utah? The candy aisle is twice as long as in other states. I say the Mormon drug is sugar, in its many forms.

  51. disgust smug. you really got to check it out. there’s a huge difference.

  52. I have an idea for a song parody: “I Want a Jew Drug” by Jewy Jewis and the Jews. But not being Jewish myself, I’ll let somebody else write the lyrics.

  53. Thoreau, I think the Mickied lollipop is the drug of choice for priests, but lay Catholics prefer booze in all its forms. I base this on a careful study of my in-laws, who drink anything except water. Also, I liked your joke.

    The Southern Baptist drugs are iced tea, four-note harmony singing (actually a really good one. I recommend, especially for fans of 50’s rock and roll) and exotic Jello constructions best considered as art, not food. If those don’t work, they resort to vicious backbiting, arguments, and church-splitting.

  54. I thought a lot of muslims believed that any intoxicating drug is haraam, even in amounts that aren’t actually intoxicating? So I say caffeine or C4 are the best suggestions so far.

  55. Rastafarians might disagree.

    Or not. Most rastas being Zionists and all.

    Let’s ask Matisyahu, the young hasidic Jewish reggae star, what he thinks. I think he actually dissed the herbage somewhere on his ‘Live at Stub’s’ record.

  56. How come you always take two Southern Baptists fishing with you?

    If you take one he’ll drink all the beer.

    What the difference between Reformed Baptist and Southern Baptist?

    Reformed Baptist say hello to each other at the liquor store.

  57. hey – what about WASP drug #1: cream of mushroom soup.

  58. Karen,

    Damn Straight! Also, don’t forget potluck goods of any kind. But let’s be honest– the REAL drug of evangelical Protestants is crappy acoustic praise music gussied up like rock and roll. That damn “Our God is an awesome god” sticks in your brain worse than the shakes.

  59. eric,

    Oh, thank you. Music was the greatest Protestant art, and we’ve completely abandoned it, in favor of Muzak Meets Jesus. The last time I had to hear that crap was at a friend’s mother’s memorial service about ten years ago.(“funeral” is apparently deemed by Megachurch Marketing as too somber, formal and off-putting. Can’t have solemn in a church, after all.) The congretation all sang with their hands up in the universal “please stay away” gesture and their eyes closed while swaying back and forth. It was remarkably like the behavior of quiet drunks at a frat party. The really sad thing was that the dead woman was an accomplished classical organist and pianist. I decided that they played that mess just to prove she was really dead; otherwise, she would have risen from her coffin and beaten her survivors with the casket flowers.

  60. The Unitarian drug is whatever you have on you, even if it’s multiple drugs. Or none. Bring as much or little as you want. As long as you accept that drugs, or something that could be broadly interpreted as drugs, exist in the world, you are welcome to join. Or not. Up to you.

  61. lol

    The muslim drug is caffeine or hashish?

    Probably both, the fundementalist are drinking super caffeine with a shot of The Prophet Mohammad’s Mud Butt Espresso and some Jihadi super sugar before the obligatory religious rapture err.. frenzy.

    While the majority are smoking hookas full of hashish and opium and sitting at coffee shops and talking for 8 hours straight about everything from the creation of the universe to the ecnomic developmental models to whether anal sex is disqualification from the high rent districts of heaven; all of this is done without any of them moving their butts and inch or actually doing anything. Afterall, they’re poor and talk is cheap.

  62. Catholic – Red Wine
    Buddist – Inner Peace and LSD
    Mormon – Caffine(but only Coke brand)
    Muslim – Joy Plant Tea(opium tea) or Hashish
    Southern Baptist – ‘Natural Lite’ but only after 1pm on Sunday
    Anglican/Episcopalian – Bloody Mary’s or Cake
    1st Congressional Church of the US – Power

  63. I think it’s safe to say that the only reglion that doesn’t have an official drug is — of course — Christian Scientists.

  64. How come no one’s mentioned the world’s 3rd largest religion?? The Hindu drug is also LSD, although the Soma of Vedic fame was (supposedly) Fly Agaric a.k.a. Amanita Muscaria.

  65. What about the Scientologists?

    Litigation, or lording all of your personal secrets over you?

  66. My mother is a nurse in Boise (one of the de facto Salt Lake Juniors). According to her, they get quite a few Mormon moms with pretty bad cases of depression. So I’ll say the Mormons get to claim…Prozac.

  67. mediageek,

    I’m going to say that media attention is the drug of choice for scientologists since Tom Cruise used the lure of media attention to snare a white woman.

    Speaking of Tom Cruise, is amyl nitrate still popular among gays, or has it been completely trumped by Xstasy?

  68. That’s funny. My people created marijuana. I can’t wait until it’s legalized. Us Jews will get all of the money and take over the world. Be careful all you anti-semetics! We’re coming!

  69. mk, given the latest antics of Cruise over his wife’s impending delivery, I’d have to say that crazy is the Scientologist drug of choice.

  70. mediageek,

    I read the article. That’s all quite icky.

  71. Wouldn’t the Catholic drug be a lollipop laced with Rohypnol? Yes, I went there. And I can do that because I’m Catholic.

    Father, I suspect that thoreau converted to Catholicism purely for the jokes!

  72. Caffeine & Nicotine are the Muslim SpeedBall

  73. The inner-city drug is unidentified because it is inside a brown paper bag. It seems to be liquid, judging by the ups and downs of Adam’s apples while partaking.

  74. Ellie, does that offend you as a Catholic?

  75. Carl,

    I thought you people already ran the world?

  76. Mormon drug? When you got so many wives, who has time for drugs????

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