Oscars

Oscar Roundup '06

|

The winners:

1. Jon Stewart, for repeatedly poking a pin in the pretensions of the Hollywood crowd. As the night wore on, the audience seemed to warm to him—and he, in return, seemed to exude more and more contempt. His best moments came after two of Chuck Workman's haphazard collections of movie clips. After a ridiculously self-congratulatory batch of excerpts meant to illustrate Hollywood's history of taking brave stands for social justice—I kept waiting to see the Klan riding to the rescue in Birth of a Nation, but for some reason they left that one out—Stewart said sarcastically, "And none of those issues were ever a problem again." And after a montage of clips purportedly taken from "epics" (since when are E.T. and West Side Story epics?), he gave us a look of supreme boredom and said, "What's next: Oscar's tribute to montages?"

2. 36 Mafia and that terrific reanimation of '70s soul, "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp." In a radical break with tradition, the Best Song award has actually gone to the best of the nominated songs. I would have been happy to see Dolly Parton win it too, partly because she's Dolly Parton, dammit, and partly just to beat back that godawful schlock from Crash.

3. David Cronenberg, because now a bunch of people are going to rent his Crash by mistake. And the Academy thought Brokeback Mountain might stir up a backlash!

4. Gay-themed jokes. Especially Academy President Sid Ganis's crack about the pleasure of sharing experiences in a darkened theater. He's right: Watching a DVD just isn't the same.

5. Wallace and Gromit. It was the best movie I saw last year, and I'm glad it managed to win something.

The biggest loser: TiVo. When we bought this thing last fall, our friends told us one of the advantages was that that you could start watching something late then fast-forward through the dull parts. There must have been a lot of dull parts this year, because we caught up pretty quickly.

NEXT: Virginia Legislators Teach Students A Lesson: Bigotry

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. “…godawful schlock from Crash.”

    Nonsense. “In the Deep” is a great song.

  2. I’d say the biggest loser was Brokeback. Having seen it and Crash, I’d say that the better movie won, but I’m sure there are a lot of pissed off San Franciscans right now…

  3. Jon Stewart was horrible. Awkward. Boring. Even my friends who worship the ground he walks on thought it was bad.

  4. You forgot the Acadamy of Heterosexual Males Best Stylist Award for whoever put Salma Hayek in that blue dress.

  5. I agree w/ Ammonium. Stewart was just awful. Bored = Boring. And the lack of star power at the event was just staggering. Even the list of people who died was almost devoid of real celebritites. (Bancroft and Pryor and then who? Eddie Albert? Shelley Winters?)

  6. Baylen: I forgot to include that in my list of winners: Richard Pryor, for winning the annual “who gets the most applause in the death montage” competition.

  7. Gee, another movie that everyone will forget before the year is out won best picture what a surprise. At least Brokeback Mountain looked good. I have honestly not figured out redeming or interesting quality about Crash.

    There is no telling what movies made this year if any will have real staying power and become part of the cultural lexicon, although it is fun to guess. Walk the Line will has a base of once and future Cash fans to keep it relevent. It will no doubt replace Shawshank Redemption as the most run movie on TNT. The Saw movies will probably attract a long term following among horor scifi types. Narnia will keep a long term following among Christians and fantasy people. Brokeback Mountain probably stays relevent due to a large, dedicated following in the gay community. Those movies will still be watched and considered good movies ten or twenty years from now. The one dark horse movie to keep a following is Capote. No one saw it in the theaters but it is reviting. It is one of those movies you could watch a hundred times and still find interesting. I think once Capote gets on cable a lot more people will like it than do now. That is my guess anyway.

  8. Cronenberg didn’t direct Crash. Paul Haggis did. But Cronenberg’s A History of Violence was even worse than Crash.

  9. I think the most redeeming part of Crash is that it showed that not just white people are racist.

  10. Cronenberg didn’t direct Crash. Paul Haggis did.

    Yes, I know. Hence the phrase “by mistake.”

  11. Jim,

    Cronenberg directed “Crash” back in ’96. It was a also about car crashes and deep emotions.

  12. Best thing I have read about Crash was in the LA Times of all places

    “As someone who rides the Metro to work, lives in the mixed neighborhood of Silver Lake and is married to a foreigner, maybe I’m just not the target audience. But I’m certainly not alone ? more than 1 million of us ride L.A. public transit each weekday. We “crash” into each other at shopping malls, the YMCA and the ballpark. And unlike characters in “Crash,” we usually react to fender-benders by at least trading insurance cards before screaming racist insults.

    The conceit of “Crash” and the Oscar-nominated L.A.-bashing movies it borrows liberally from (“Magnolia,” “Short Cuts,” “Grand Canyon”) is that they have the guts to portray the real Los Angeles. In truth, they tell us far more about the neuroses of their directors ? and the prejudices of academy voters ? than about our actual city.”

  13. Wallace and Gromit.

    Would have enjoyed it more if it hadn’t been for the painfully blunt “hunting and guns are bad” message.

    Crash was about racism? I thought it was about people with poor decision-making skills.

  14. Speaking of the death montage, why didn’t it include Knotts, McGavin, and Weaver (all of whom, although perhaps more associated with TV, had decent movie careers)? Was it put together too far in advance?

  15. “You forgot the Acadamy of Heterosexual Males Best Stylist Award for whoever put Salma Hayek in that blue dress.

    This is the first thing I have read or heard about the awards that I regret not seeing.

  16. Temujin334,

    Her pick was on Drudge, WoW is all I can say.

  17. Speaking of the death montage, why didn’t it include Knotts, McGavin, and Weaver

    Cut-off day is February 1st. They’ll be in next year’s

  18. Would have enjoyed it more if it hadn’t been for the painfully blunt “hunting and guns are bad” message.

    I’m surprised you got that vibe from it. I didn’t think it was any more anti-gun than the average Elmer Fudd cartoon.

  19. I agree Jesse. I just thought it was really funny. I never got that vibe at all and I am a first class gun nut.

  20. Crash was yet another movie about racism, how many of those have there been in the last 40 years? Countless. Important as that issue may be, and as good as that movie was, it had a parochial focus. And yes, who’s going to remember it by next year?Brokeback Mountain, on the other hand, had the whole nation talking, and pointed toward a more universal concept, love or affection between men, on any level, and the difficulties that presents. It’s a movie that broke the mold and will have a place in history. The Academy people ducked.

  21. The biggest load of crap came from all the actors and directors who kept harping on and on about how the “theater experience” is far better than the home DVD-watching experience, and how there’s a sense of “community” in a dark theater. What horseshit. These people have money: Have they never experienced “Apocalypse Now” on a 52-inch widescreen plasma HDTV with a 600-watt surround-sound system, a big plate of goodies and their semi-naked girlfriend next to them? I personally hate watching movies with in a crowded theater, with screaming runts and coughing geezers. Talk about “out of touch.” Methinks me smells panic among the Hollywood bunch.

  22. Tobycat,

    I hear George Clooney after this year tackling the controversial and rarely discussed subject of McCarthyism next year plans to continue his string of courageous and thought provoking stands by making a movie condemning the racist South.

  23. I just want to take a moment to agree with the commenters above in appreciating Salma Hayek.

    That is all.

  24. I agree that of all the nominees Breakback Mountain is probably the only one people will still be watching 20 years from now.

    But I’m still disappointed that Serenity didn’t get a nomination.

  25. Two other movies from this year that will still be watched and talked about 20 years from now, Grizzly Man and March of the Penguins. I still think Brokeback is just a mediocre melodrama about forbidden love once you get past the gay sex. I really think that it will be forgotten by most of the country within a few years.

  26. I’m surprised you got that vibe from it. I didn’t think it was any more anti-gun than the average Elmer Fudd cartoon.

    I don’t get anti-gun at all from Elmer Fudd. Maybe it’s just because my intial exposure to Fudd was at an age when I was blissfully ignorant of gun issues; maybe it’s because we all knew that Daffy might take some hits, but no one was ever going to get killed. It doesn’t seem to me like Fudd is presented as objectively evil because he’s a hunter; in other regards, he is a polite, well-spoken, gentleman (albiet with poor enunciation). Contrast that to W&G, where Quartermaine is mostly defined as a hunter, and is depicted as universally offensive: boorish, moneygrubbing, manipulative. triggerhappy, and itching to kill something, just for the sake of killing it. Although, again, maybe I see it that way because I am now at an age when I am particularly sensitive to gun issues.

  27. But I’m still disappointed that Serenity didn’t get a nomination.

    it did, but its category was not televised:
    Worst Title That Provides No Incentive to See It Among the Non-Fan Boy Audience.

  28. I’m appalled that Itzhak Perlman had to share the stage with that atrocity, the 36 Mafia. Best song my ass. The woman couldn’t sing in key to save her life and the choreography was like watching a rotating checkerboard, no focal point.

  29. Cronenberg didn’t direct Crash. Paul Haggis did.

    Cronenberg directed a fine movie called “Crash”, starring James Spader & Holly Hunter. It’d be great if people accidently rented that one. The book is excellent as well.

  30. That’s what I get for being stupid. I stand corrected.

  31. The Top 100 Things I’d Do if I Ever Became a Libertarian President

    #42: First Lady: Salma Hayek. Oh, my.

  32. Wallace and Gromit.

    I know all the buzz was about Wallace and Gromit this year, but I still wanted Corpse Bride to win.

    smacky’s Best Dressed awards go to:

    Uma Thurman
    Reese Witherspoon
    Diana Ossana (Brokeback screenplay author)
    Jennifer Garner
    Felicity Huffman
    Jennifer Aniston
    Jennifer Lopez (good dress, but bad hair and makeup)

    I would like to add that Diana Ossana’s blue gown was 100 times more gorgeous than Salma Hayek’s.

    And why is Queen Latifah always on the best-dressed list, even though she looked like a tightly-cased sausage in her gown this year? I have no problem with being politically correct towards bigger people, but don’t lie.

  33. I just want to go on record as saying Crash is the worst movie to ever win best picture, eclipsing Forrest Gump. At least this year, though, their weren’t any actual good movies that got robbed.

    I will at least say that I enjoyed Crash more than Gump. Gump was just agravatingly stupid, wheras I got a few unintended laughs out of Crash.

  34. The biggest load of crap came from all the actors and directors who kept harping on and on about how the “theater experience” is far better than the home DVD-watching experience, and how there’s a sense of “community” in a dark theater.

    Like any of them have gone to a multiplex or otherwise “experienced” what a movie theater is like in the real world.

    Their idea of community is getting their agent, lawyer, and posse together out at the beach house to tell them how great they were in their last flick, while it plays in the background.

  35. smacky, with all due respect, I don’t give a damn what dress Ms. Hayek chooses or chooses not to wear. I believe that I may not be alone in that opinion among heterosexual American males, aged 15-105.

  36. The chiropractors in Hollywood are going to awfully busy this week.
    Hundreds of people at the Academy Awards last night injured themselves while patting themselves on the back.

  37. “The biggest load of crap came from all the actors and directors who kept harping on and on about how the “theater experience” is far better than the home DVD-watching experience, and how there’s a sense of “community” in a dark theater.”

    I’ll go back to the theater when they make people shut the hell up again while the movie is on. What has happened in the last 5 years to make people think it’s ok to talk during a movie?

    You know what the breakdown of I blame this on? Society.

    Also, they have to make a movie worth seeing. Wich doesn’t happen much anymore.

  38. RE: Comment by: John at March 6, 2006 10:45 AM

    John, the fact that the LA times piece was so good might have something to do with the fact that it was by erstwhile Reasonista Matt Welch.

  39. Movies are no longer art. You don’t watch them, you endure them.
    We need LA to slide into the ocean now.

  40. I thought Jon Stewart was funnier than previous hosts, and I’m not a fan. But how scary-looking was Dolly Parton? I felt so sorry for her.

  41. RC Dean,

    Didn’t you hear? They should be proud to be out of touch.

  42. smacky, with all due respect, I don’t give a damn what dress Ms. Hayek chooses or chooses not to wear. I believe that I may not be alone in that opinion among heterosexual American males, aged 15-105.

    I was anticipating a retort like this from one of the male commenters. I just never thought it would be you, Pro Libertate. *sniff*

    But SRSLY, I was talking about red carpet outfits, not best juggs. I thought Salma Hayek’s dress looked like a pretty standard prom/club-style dress. It was just ok.

  43. I’m sorry, smacky. Let me explain. See, men have this blind spot–we don’t actually see clothes when we see women.

    Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

  44. See, men have this blind spot–we don’t actually see clothes when we see women.

    That’s only true for you lucky bastards with x-ray vision.

  45. how scary-looking was Dolly Parton?

    She’s always been scary looking.
    It’s the end of the fantasy world now that hi-def tv is here.
    Anyone seen Carmen Electra up close? Eeek.

  46. I wanted to see Salma Hayek come on the stage the way she did in From Dusk Till Dawn. Cape, headress, snake, everything.

  47. When I think of Dolly Parton, I think of Dollywood. When I think of Dollywood, I think of biscuits and gravy. Dolly looks like she needs a plate of biscuits and gravy bad.
    It’s no wonder that men make such a fuss over Salma Hayek. She was the only celebrity female there who looked like she could survive a shagging.

  48. Reading stuff about the Oscars always makes me glad I’m a cultural luddite/idiot when it comes to movies. I may miss out on a few great performances now and then but I’m spared having to watch crap like the Academy Awards, hallelujah.

    the pleasure of sharing experiences in a darkened theater

    Let’s agree–don’t touch my raincoat & I won’t touch yours, okay?

  49. Didn’t you hear? They should be proud to be out of touch.

    I heard Clooney’s little speech on the radio this morning. God, what a condescending prick. How it must pain him to have to share his planet with the little people.

  50. R C Dean,

    What’s Clooney’s problem with the leprechauns?

  51. What’s Clooney’s problem with the leprechauns?

    I believe they prefer to be called midgets.

  52. I still think that Hilary Swank had the best dress of the whole show.

    Then again, I have a major crush on her, so I’m biased.

  53. RC,

    Clooney’s speech actually got off to a decent start. He made a self-deprecating joke, then sincerely complimented his fellow nominees. It went off the rails when he violated rule #3 of the Oscar winner code. The rules are: #1-be entertaining; #2-be gracious; #3-be brief. Instead of exiting on a high note, he got preachy and self-congratulatory. My favorite moment was when he puffed up with pride over “his” academy awarding an Oscar to Hattie McDaniel back in the day. I know when it comes to racial open-mindedness, Mammy is the first character that pops into my head.

  54. RC,

    I could almost stand Clooney if he had the balls to do something really courageous. If he wants to make the 900th movie about the evils of McCarthyism, that is his business. It is his incessant claims of being courageous for doing so that drive me nuts. You want something courageous; how about making a foreign language biblical epic that reaffirms you strict Catholic beliefs and is shot entirely in Latin and Aramaic? Say what you want about Mel Gibson, you may hate his movies and can’t stand him, but you have to give the guy credit for bucking the establishment and having balls of steel. Since Hollywood is populated with cowards, I guess it is only fitting that a poser like Clooney gets hailed as a hero and a truly courageous if misguided artist like Gibson gets run out of town.

  55. Dolly Parton had two fattened red leeches that passed as lips; Clooney needs to have his stuffy, chiseled jaw punched; Stewart was mildly amusing; Ben Stiller’s schtick was hilarious for 4.6 seconds; the wrong movie won; the Oscars are a giant fucking joke played out to a fawning world that the Hollywood elitists not-so-secretly despise; I’d say fuck the Oscars, but they already masturbated all over my face.

  56. I’d say fuck the Oscars, but they already masturbated all over my face.

    I believe there’s a movie to be made on that.

  57. Dolly Parton once said”It takes a whole lot of money to look this cheap!” I think she’s great–scary outfit and all. All y’all rugged individualists on this blog could be a bit more appreciative of someone who’s willing to laugh at herself and rake in the $$ while she’s doing it!
    (And sing well in the bargain, IMHO).

  58. Smacky, right on with the list of dresses, but I would include Sandra Bullock’s on the list. Extra points for having pockets, too. Also, Uma Thurman would look good in something made out of duct tape and old kitchen towels.

  59. You lack Tivo experience, Jesse.
    You see, for a show like the Oscars, you have to record it and give it at least an hour and a half before viewing. Like I did, and I caught up to it just before it ended.
    I rule.

    Cheers.

  60. Scanning through I saw someone mentioned GRIZZLY MAN –
    quite possibly the funniest movie ever made. Seriously.

  61. Grizzly Man is so compelling. That guy is such a nutcase. It really is voyeuristic pornography in some ways. You know the bears are going to eat him at some point but you just can’t stop watching it. The whole feeling of “can you believe what this nut is doing?” never wears off. If I had to be locked in a room for a month with one movie made this year, it would have to be Grizzly Man, although I feel a bit guilty in saying that.

  62. Smacky, right on with the list of dresses, but I would include Sandra Bullock’s on the list. Extra points for having pockets, too.

    Karen,

    I think you mean Maggie Gyllenhaal’s dress? (Hers was the dress with pockets.) Or did Sandra Bullock’s have pockets, too?

  63. ^
    Favorite quote among many is the wildlife official with the kiss-repellant moustache: “The only reason he lasted as long as he did is the bears probably thought there was something wrong with him, like he was mentally retarded or something.”

  64. smacky, just for you, I am refraining from any Uma Thurman commentary. Of course, Karen’s statement really makes any such remark superfluous.

    If, for some insane reason (like a severe blow to the head), I ever attend an Oscars ceremony, I’m wearing a kilt. No, not the formal variety, but one that might’ve been worn by one of my crazy Scottish highlands ancestors. I’m a Wallace on my mom’s side, so maybe something Great-to-many-powers Uncle William would’ve worn would be appropriate:)

  65. “The only reason he lasted as long as he did is the bears probably thought there was something wrong with him, like he was mentally retarded or something.”

    They probably thought he would be too bitter.

  66. Pro Liberate,

    I had a prof in law chool who showed up for our Contracts final in a kilt, for what reason no one knows to this day. It was the last final at the end of the longest two weeks of my life of finals. Seeing your Yale geek lurch like prof show up to the final in a plaid skirt while in a state of complete sleep deprivation was truely surreal.

  67. Cronenberg directed “Crash” back in ’96. It was a also about car crashes and deep emotions.

    Chthus, you’re an evil, evil person. 🙂

  68. When a good friend of mine — of Scottish descent, and a great fan of Braveheart — got married a couple years ago, he had all of us dudes in the wedding party wear kilts. (The formal kind.)

    Of course, a lot of the wedding-party photos had to be discarded after they were found to be unsuitable. None of us were used to wearing skirtlike garments, much less sitting in them modestly.

    Then there were the disposable cameras provided at each table at the reception. “Take your own photos and help us make memories!” Combining dudes in skirts with alcohol and small cameras — that turned out not to be a good idea. At least two of the dudes went commando, and we’re still not sure who the “mystery photo” belonged to.

    Also, Uma Thurman would look good in something made out of duct tape and old kitchen towels.

    Good god, that is the kinkiest thing I’ve heard all week! If you could see the mental image I have … well … never mind.

  69. John, a friend of mine wore a kilt to a reverse-gendered Macbeth that we went to (it was a couples night out, so we had to go to something avant garde for the ladies). Other than my befuddlement at dealing with Mr. Lady Macbeth on stage, I found it quite weird to be sitting with someone wearing a kilt. Considering that he’s Cuban, it got even more odd.

    I have been to formal events where someone shows up wearing the whole formal kilt ensemble. That’s actually pretty cool. If I had money to blow, I might consider doing that myself. Until then, my regular black tux will have to do.

  70. It is interesting that homosexuals have embraced Brokeback Mountain so much. After the initial quicky in the tent, the two main charachters spend the rest of the movie being generally nasty to their wives and families. They really are not very likable or sympathetic characters.

  71. Smacky, according to the People website, Sandra Bullock’s dress had pockets. She had her hands in ’em. I thought Maggie G’s dress was good, too, though.

  72. Smacky, according to the People website, Sandra Bullock’s dress had pockets. She had her hands in ’em. I thought Maggie G’s dress was good, too, though.

    Hmm, that’s strange. I saw pictures of Maggie Gyllenhaal with her hands in her dress pockets. Maybe it’s a trend. (I hope not, pockets usually make women’s hips look wider than necessary.)

  73. Smacky,

    I saw a picture of Kiera Knightly, who I know is the size of a small child and her dress made her hips look huge. I worked for me as Knightly always does but I am sure it made her gasp in horror.

  74. Hey, smacky, what would you wear to the Oscars? No pockets, it goes without saying 🙂

  75. I’m sorry, smacky. Let me explain. See, men have this blind spot–we don’t actually see clothes when we see women.

    Geez, no kidding, and now Karen expects us to notice pockets.

    Also, Uma Thurman would look good in something made out of duct tape and old kitchen towels.

    Now that’s a dress I would notice. 🙂

  76. Salma Hayek’s dress looked like a pretty standard prom/club-style dress. It was just ok.

    As one who shares some of Ms. Hayek’s, um, wardrobe considerations, I disagree! That little strap is doing one HELL of a job! (Wonder how sore her shoulder was at the end of the night.)

  77. Speaking of duct tape. . . . When I worked at a supercomputer center back in the 90s, I ran across an engineering joke about duct tape:

    How is duct tape like the Force? Both bind the galaxy together.

  78. Three things to say:

    1) big ups to Three 6 Mafia. For them to get such a display of respect was shocking to say the least.
    2) whoever is Jessica Alba’s personal trainer needs to be tied to a telephone pole & flogged. A great beauty has been ruined by the whole hollywood thinner-is-always-better, curves-are-bad bullshit, I damn near wanted to cry when she came out.
    3) I wish to emigrate to Salma Hayek’s cleavage…

  79. Well, I really liked Stewart’s performance. He is a hard core bleeding heart liberal (remember his show right after 9/11? Gag. . ) and he seemed quite happy taking the piss out of all the stick-up-their ass liberals present. And he was pretty funny.

    On the other hand Clooney will be courageous when he makes a wide distribution film on the inherent misogyny of Islamism . . .

  80. On the other hand Clooney will be courageous when he makes a wide distribution film on the inherent misogyny of Islamism . . .

    Fat chance Petunia

  81. The greatest Oscar dress ever was the one Edith Head designed for Grace Kelly when she won for “The Country Girl.” Unfortuneatly I can’t seem to find a link to post, but trust me, it was perfect.

  82. For those who haven’t seen Crash, Michael Schaub
    at Bookslut offers this.

    “…it looks like that movie Crash got a million nominations, one for original screenplay. As a public service, I reprint the script for Crash in its entirety here:

    Man: I had an experience today that reminded me that racism is still very much a problem in this country.

    Woman: Yes. Racism is bad.

    Man: It’s very bad.

    Woman: Yes, it is. Very, very bad.

    There. I just saved you ten bucks and two hours…. “

  83. I was talking about red carpet outfits, not best juggs.

    As if there was some purpose to women formalwear, other than to display breasts in the most attractive manner possible.

  84. I was pretty horrified that Joan Crawford’s entire career was reduced to a cheap “no wire hangers” joke in the bio-pic montage, and that Richard Pryor’s death outshone Shelley Winters.
    And why was “Something’s Gotta Give” in the montage of worthy movies? Middle-aged women’s lack of boy-toys?
    I love Dolly but watching actors who can’t clap in time to music was pretty funny.

  85. The greatest Oscar dresses ever were worn by Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

    Hi-larious.

  86. Oh, and I like Salma Hayek’s outfit. That’s straight up classy.

  87. “As if there was some purpose to women formalwear, other than to display breasts in the most attractive manner possible.”

    Of course. But I think that among high-falutin’ society, it’s a bit of a social faux paux to point this out.

  88. Dolly Parton has passed into Cher territory and is on her way to Neverland if she’s not careful.

    Salma Hayek, not normally one of my faves, did look awesome in the blue dress. But for my money, Jessica Alba is the sexiest woman in Hollywood now.

    And, ladies, stop showing off your chest skin as soon as it gets speckly and your cleavage is crinkled.

  89. “And, ladies, stop showing off your chest skin as soon as it gets speckly and your cleavage is crinkled.”

    Oddly enough, I spent part of my afternoon using photoshop to remove chest speckles from a realtor…

  90. It is interesting that homosexuals have embraced Brokeback Mountain so much.

    …and that the fundies have so thoroughly rejected it, given the flick’s basic message: that being queer will make you miserable…

  91. The problem so many had with Jon’s Oscar performance was that people expected him to come out an bash Bush, instead he bashed Hollywood, and you could tell the audience was not amused, also who really thought he was going to come out with all guns blazing so to speak, he knew he had to tone it down for the night and he did, and yet he still kept it funny.

    His jokes were dead on, Hollywood takes itself waayy too seriously.

  92. Jon Stewart was excellent. The audience was just made uneasy about the fact that he actually applied his cynicism to the bloated, self-congradulatory trainwreck that is The Oscars, instead of the much easier targets that would have gotten him gigantic laughs.

  93. Stewart was excellent, I like the Scientology joke. Jessica Alba can eat crackers in my bed and not get kicked out any day. Crash is horrible — Land of the Dead deserved an Oscar more than that trash. A History of Violence is excellent, William Hurt’s performance plus Cronenberg at his creepy best — wow — I’ve seen 1000+ movies and that makes my top 20 quite easily. Want to know for sure if Crash is crap? http://www.aintitcool.com lambasted it when it came out — they love everything, I mean everything. Anything with Sandra Bollocks in it should be disqualified anyways.

  94. They really are not very likable or sympathetic characters.

    No, but they are fully human, a quality that’s generally lacking in Hollywood portrayals of gay characters. Think about the other movies and TV shows that feature gays; they’re either overdrawn stereotypes designed for comic relief or martyrs who lack any recognizably human characteristics. The fact that a more or less mainstream movie is being made that shows gays in a realistic light says something about the acceptance of gays.

  95. Best Dressed (mostest hottest):

    Felicity Huffman
    Nicole Kidman

  96. “Oddly enough, I spent part of my afternoon using photoshop to remove chest speckles from a realtor…”

    Thank you. You’re doing a lot for the environment.

  97. linguist, I’m surprised that, in this forum, you got away with saying what you said. I expected snarky remarks from the less blessed women, and a study in adolescence from the men. Strange what gets attention around here.

    I, of course, respect you for your mind 🙂

  98. linguist, I’m surprised that, in this forum, you got away with saying what you said. I expected snarky remarks from the less blessed women, and a study in adolescence from the men. Strange what gets attention around here.

    Hey, for the record: I wasn’t making snarky remarks about Salma Hayek. I simply believe that Diana Ossana’s blue dress was much more beautiful than Salma Hayek’s. (And since we’re officially talking titties, I think Diana Ossana’s cleavage looked better, too.)

  99. I didn’t mean you, smacky. I knew you were just talking fashion. In fact, I didn’t have anyone in mind–it was just a generic reference to anti-big-bosom animus. Which I oppose.

    Incidentally, I was talking about linguist’s reference to her own bounty, not to Ms. Hayek’s. I read it and thought it a dangerous remark to make around here (? la Jennifer’s showering women discussion). Of course, she got away with it, since it’s just you and I around here now 🙂

  100. Oh, ok. I gotcha, Pro Libertitty. 🙂

    Life’s too short to hate on big breastestes.

  101. smacky, you’re one of those enablers, you know 🙂

    Hmm. Nice, but I prefer the total Hayekian package. Besides, she’s got libertarian credentials. Sort of.

  102. In fact, I didn’t have anyone in mind–it was just a generic reference to anti-big-bosom animus. Which I oppose.

    Since we’re milking this topic dry (heehee, get it?) I’d like to add that while the anti-big-bosom animus is annoying in its own right, so is the belief that all women want huge boobs. I consider myself blessed to not have them. I was out at a restaurant with a well-endowed female friend the other day and my friend and I caught her furtively resting her chest on the table, to try and take some of the strain off her back! (Whereas sometimes I don’t even need to wear a bra.) Another added bonus is that I look good in young boys’ clothing. In conclusion, it’s best not to assume anything whenever possible.

  103. Stewart: Really enjoyed him. Some very funny criticisms.

    Crash: Took an issue that has been played out in many films, took it a different direction and broke it down. Liked the experience and the film better than Brokeback.

    W & G: Didn’t understand the comment about an anti-gun message…thought the antihero was just a douche.

  104. Well, although my tastes accommodate women of a variety of builds, there is something simply Oedipally satisfying about large, um, tracts of land.

    The chesty women I know always complain about their excess. The less chesty often indicate a desire for more. Maybe it’s just a little of the grass-is-always-greener phenomena. It’s probably better just to be happy with what you have.

    I have room for the Natalie Portman look, and I suppose she looks good in boys’ clothes, too 🙂

  105. Heh. I’m amazed I snuck that through, too!

    But really, I did mean to point out that evening gowns are the hardest thing to find for those so endowed…and often quite painful. I truly am amazed by that dress, for its engineering if not its beauty.

  106. Actually, I’ve noticed some weird engineering of her clothing before. She’s obviously quite ample, but I remember noting that she didn’t look all that busty in Dogma, even though she was in a pretty skimpy outfit. Hollywood is magical, I guess.

    Just know that we men salute you and women like you for the pain and suffering you must endure for our aesthetic enrichment 🙂 There should be a statue in D.C. or something.

  107. I thought that was what the Korean War Memorial was for.

  108. I must be missing something. Why is “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp” a good song? Horrible music, awful lyrics. What’s the next Oscar winning song going to be? “It’s tough out here for a pedophile?”

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.