Couldn't They Just Pretend to Arrest Them?

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Last week two 10-year-old girls at Old Kings Elementary School in Flagler County, Florida, were arrested for pretending that parsley was marijuana. They're lucky it wasn't oregano.

[Via the Drug War Chronicle]

NEXT: Who CIFA'd?

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  1. Hello, Flagler County Sheriff’s Department? Yeah, I’d like to report a crime. My, uh, this, like, friend I know, named Jimmy- uh, Jimmy something. Anyway, he totally committed a crime when I banged on his door at 2 o’clock this morning.

  2. I think I’d prefer jail rather than attend drug awareness classes.

  3. Whoa! When I think of the things my friends and I used to pretend to do when we were kids — we used to pretend we were shooting each other!

    We’d have got the electric high chair!

  4. Just another example of the disastrous impact the War on Drugs has on young people.

    We’re blogging about this and other flagrat Drug War attacks on youth over at the DARE Generation Diary: http://DAREgeneration.blogspot.com.

  5. Hey, they should be glad they didn’t pretend to have a gun with their pretend drugs. That gets you increased penalties, you know.

  6. If the officials are taking it so seriously, is the snitch going into protective custody? Those two girls might retaliate and pop a mushroom cap in her ass.

  7. The next time my wife fakes an orgasm I am having her arrested as a sex offender.

    I must confess that I could be tried for war crimes – I did some nasty things to my plastic army men.

    Are there any penalties for state lawmakers who pretend to be serving the public????

  8. But, by sending them to drug awareness class, they’re just going to learn more about drugs. We can’t have that now, can we? Oh wait, that’s just sex we can’t tell them about. Or was it that we can fake sex, but not drugs? Shit, I’m confused. I need a drink.

  9. As this happened at school, shouldn’t they be subject to the addition “School Zone” penalties? 20 years for these kids!

  10. It’s…against the law…to pretend?!

    Somebody loan me a fake gun so I can fake kill myself.

  11. If they had a large enough amount could they get hit with “Intent to pretend to distribute”?

  12. “The girls were charged under a state law that makes it a crime to claim that a substance is a drug”

    So they violated the truth in advertising law?
    Not that this excuses it, but have politicians ever violated that “law”?

  13. Ed –

    I’m sorry you feel that way. The doctors are on the way with armed gaurds and a judge’s order for civil commitment. We can’t allow people to flagrantly kill themselves, even if it’s done … fakily….

  14. Just be glad that the kids didn’t share cold medicine.

  15. “The girls were also suspended from school and ordered to attend drug awareness classes.”

    I think at 10 they have too much drug awareness.

  16. You know, they should really think more carefully about their actions. Putting two 10-year-old girls in the slammer is only going to turn them into lesbians.

  17. Oh yeah, giggidy giggidy. Future hot lesbo pot smokers.

  18. Remember, kids, quasi-juana is a gateway drug which leads inevitably to pseuderoin and hot girl-on-girl prison action.

    Now, if only I could get my hands on some kind parsley…

  19. The girls were charged under a state law that makes it a crime to claim that a substance is a drug — whether or not the item is intended for sale or distribution,

    How is this not a clear first amendment violation? They were not intending that anyone should rely on their claim to defraud them; it was merely a prop in a game, or prank as they said. If they want to put on a play at school, say one of those DARE propaganda pieces where the evils of drug use are portrayed, perhaps with a child playing a drug dealer, wouldn’t they be in violation of this law? What about any TV show or movie filmed in Florida? This is absurd beyond belief.

    Sigh… just one more example of the asinine level to which this country has fallen for the War on Freedom bullshit.

  20. I’m trying to find the ostensible Florida drug statute that prohibits pretend pot, but can’t. Anyone know where it is?

  21. “The girls were charged under a state law that makes it a crime to claim that a substance is a drug — whether or not the item is intended for sale or distribution,”

    There’s a reason for why Florida has its own tag on fark.com.

  22. Jim:

    I think this may be what you are trying to find.

    Unfortunately, cops being generally illiterate, they didn’t bother to read the actual definition of the “crime”:

    (3) It is unlawful for any person to manufacture, distribute, sell, give, or possess with the intent to manufacture, distribute, sell, or give an imitation controlled substance. Any person who violates this subsection is guilty of a felony of the third degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084.

    Considering that the girls did not manufacture, distribute, sell, or give the stuff to anyone, there’s no crime here. Hopefully the girls can collect from the sheriff’s false arrest insurance policy.

    Oops.

  23. If they think parsley looks like grass, maybe they need some drug education.

    These “look-alike substance” laws make no sense from any angle. If the goal is to get people to quit buying drugs, then letting them get ripped off by cons is a great start. I might reconsider wasting my money on beer if half the time I got home and found out I paid 8 bucks for a 6-pack of tap water.

  24. My now departed ex high school buddy Ed Allerton used to sell oregano joints to the Freshmen. Often as not they got high. 50 cents a joint.

  25. “The girls were also suspended from school and ordered to attend drug awareness classes.”

    I think they are already aware of drugs. They should be required to attend stupid law awareness classes.

  26. Note to self: Do Not film the sequel to Half Baked in Florida. The marijuana props might get us shut down and tossed into a real prison.

  27. How is this not a clear first amendment violation?

    Well, it is, but if the clear fourth ammendment violations are OK…

  28. What’s next for these girls?

    Although suspending them from government “education” seems more like a reward than a penalty.

  29. How is this not a clear first amendment violation?

    Quite clear. And when I read about these outrages, I wannna press charges against officeholders.

  30. In their defense, what else were they supposed to do with parsley? Eat it?

  31. The cops and school dweebs should arrest themselves for pretending that they’re not total assholes.

  32. If stupidity was a snowflake, they would be f’n blizzards.

  33. “Shit, I’m confused. I need a drink.”

    Did Warren get booted and is now posting under the pseudonym “Yogi?” 😉

  34. Rick Barton said, “Quite clear. And when I read about these outrages, I wannna press charges against officeholders.”

    I’m with you Rick.

  35. bigbigslacker: These “look-alike substance” laws make no sense from any angle.

    As opposed to the rest of the anti-(some)drug laws? Or what else happens in school?

    Actually, this started out as a POC offense. The cops would go to all the trouble to set up an undercover buy, then when they nailed the dealer he’d walk because he sold them oregano. So they added a law making that illegal as well.

    It wasn’t supposed to ruin the school records of ten-year-olds.

  36. Larry A,

    Yeah, but the law doesn’t just forbid selling oregano as marijuana, it forbids even claiming that oregano is marijuana.

  37. Couldn’t They Just Pretend to Arrest Them?

    Kudos. That’s good.

  38. Ha! This happened to me in 8th grade (1994 I think). My classmate said he had pot and handed me a maple leaf he tore off the tree outside. The administrators called the cops to scare us. Then I spent three days suspended.

    Thanks Five Forks Middle school. You taught me to mistrust authority. A lesson I have never forgotten.

  39. Not to harp on my poor middle school, but after a brief google search, I found this opinion journal zero tollerance watch from 2001. Makes me proud.

    “Amanda Williams, an eighth-grader at Five Forks Middle School in Lawrenceville, Ga., is serving a nine-day suspension for drinking . . . grape juice! She got the juice at the school cafeteria and then joked that she was drinking wine. The Atlanta Journal-Consitition reports she was suspended under a county policy that prohibits a student from possessing drugs, alcohol or “any substance under the pretense that it is in fact a prohibited substance.” Makes us wonder what the administrators at Five Forks have been drinking.”

  40. What. They don’t get tried by a jury of their peers in adult court ? (Oh.Right.Silly. No Adults here)

  41. I think I’d prefer jail rather than attend drug awareness classes.

    Not me…you don’t get anally raped in drug awareness class…

    …do you?

  42. What would happen if every kid in the system decided to copy this crime? Sounds like a plan to me.

  43. What’s the difference between pussy and parsley?

    Nobody eats parsley

  44. Nobody eats parsley

    I used to eat parsely when I was a kid.

    The chlorophyl in parsely also freshens your brath. So if you’re on a date, you can sneakily pop the parsely on your plate into your mouth and munch on it, to act as an emergency natural breath-freshener, if you don’t mind having green specks all over your teeth.

  45. I can’t spell this morning.

    parsley … breath

  46. Those poor damn kids. Fortunately I live in the land of the (only slightly) freer (Australia):

    “Hey, looky what I got here! It’s a big bag of what looks and smells like parsley, but is actually pot! And you can’t have any!”

    Whoops. Stupid extradition treaty.

  47. There is big differences from PARSLEY its the leaves the leave or parsley and majiauna are very diferent

  48. Fake pot is the gateway to fake hard drugs
    e.g. pretending sugar is cocaine

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