Tanned, Rested, and Ready

|

Anthony Gregory suggests a new approach in the Middle East:

We need a solution that will take care of Iraq, Iran, and their embarrassing new affinity to each other. We need a way to continue the war on terror against Iran without stretching the military too thin or exhausting our capabilities for potential intervention elsewhere. We need to keep the new Iraqi Sharia state in check….I modestly suggest, then, that the United States government pull most of its troops from Iraq, deploy them into Iran, overthrow the Iranian government, and install a new one with a leader friendly to the U.S.: I humbly propose we replace the current Iranian regime with Saddam Hussein….

All we have to do is free Saddam from his military prison, fortify 100,000 U.S. troops along the Iraq-Iran border, invade, starting with special forces, take out the major military and government installations with bunker busters, tactical nukes and other precision ordnance—we can call the operation "Strike and Stun"—and install Saddam as the new supreme leader and president of the Iranian government. The U.S. has picked favorites to run that country before, so it shouldn't be too hard to do again. In fact, it will be a cakewalk. The Iranians, oppressed as they are, will be overjoyed at the sight of American troops and will welcome their liberators with flowers and candy. The invasion and rebuilding can be financed completely from Iranian oil revenues. And the Iranian nuclear weapons program will be neutralized, put under the authority of Saddam, who, as we now know, can be trusted to tell the truth about such matters.

NEXT: First You Need to Persuade the President

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. how ingenious, never before has one written sarcastically about this issue, this guy is way ahead of his time. The whole thing about us loving Sadaam, it’s like such a new take.

  2. You forgot the second part…after talking about restoring democracy to Iran for three bloody years, we finally give power to a council controlled by religious fanatics, who then impose an Islamic constitution requiring execution for anyone even thinking heresy. The schools US tax dollars rebuild can become radical Islamic madrassas teaching “Explosives 101”, and the bridges and infrastructure we build can be sold to the brother in law of the Grand Ayatollah for pennies.

  3. Are you being, like, sarcastic, dude?

  4. Hey, it’s hard work!

  5. Don’t give them any ideas.

  6. Hey, it worked once!

    …and you can’t argue with success. ; )

  7. Comedy Pyramid, Comedy Pyramid.

  8. Oh man! That’s funny.

  9. Yes! I finally got to laugh at sublime sarcasm here.

  10. It’s like the editorial staff here is farting into a plastic bag. I’m sure y’all love your own smell, but doesn’t it get boring after two or three years?

    If I wanted to hear the lefty opinion repeated ad nauseum, I already have a surplus of choice. Maybe it would be wise to join Mona among the ranks of former subscribers…

  11. Dynamist,

    I imagine you’ll see a dropoff in the gallows humor when they finally demolish the gallows.

    For now, grim laughter is the best way to keep myself from screaming.

  12. joe: It will be a relief, in more significant ways than H&R content, when Iraqistan becomes Utopia. But even then, lefties, as a class, will be wingeing about something. Such a joyless bunch that can find only gallows humor in this big beautiful world.

    SR: I’m disappointed with reason’s balance. It’s got nothin’ to do with Gregory.

  13. Dynamist,
    What would a balanced opinion look like?
    “This is going exactly as planned”?

    We’re just pointing out why we supported Hussein in Iraq in the first place.

  14. The comedy gold is in the headline; imagining us installing (well, first resurrecting, then installing) Nixon in charge of Iraq, or Iran, brings a certain sadistic grin.

    Then reality hits- they don’t deserve that, they’ve suffered enough.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.