Sen. McCain, What About the Streetlight on Main and Broad?


H&R regular Ari Spanier directs us to future Prez McCain's latest initiative:

Senator John McCain, the Arizona Republican, unveiled the much-anticipated proposal for a Clean Sports Act on Tuesday, the culmination of a series of hearings full of discontent with steroid testing in professional sports. The legislation aims to require standardized testing procedures and stiffer punishments for athletes who test positive for banned substances.

Much anticipated? By who, Mrs. McCain? Whole thing here.

I look forward to McCain proposals on the allowable curvature of hockey sticks in the NHL, the length of NBA shorts, and the type of shoelaces in the NFL. Finally, a man who knows what's important and gets things done!

Reading about McCain's and his inability to restrain himself from butting into matters far beneath and/or beyond the scope of his job as a tool of Arizona's special interests (whatever they might be) reminded me of this tale of a very different senator. The following is from a Reason story by Contributing Editor Glenn Garvin (now TV critic at the Miami Herald):

Some years ago, a newspaper sent me to interview S.I. Hayakawa, by then a retired senator from California. Hayakawa was legendarily combative: Asked once during a campaign stop what he thought about a local referendum on legalizing greyhound tracks, he snapped: "I'm running for the U.S. Senate. I don't give a good goddamn about dog racing."

Whole thing here.

Reason profiled McCain here.

The much-missed (well, at least by its writers) Suck mocked him here. And here.

NEXT: "A Gentle Ribbing Via Gawker"

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  1. We need some “WWJMCD” t-shirts and bumper stickers made up. Cuz, after all, if we just did what McCain wanted us to do, then there’d be no need for his crusade to save us all from ourselves.

    So, next time you’re wiping your ass, ask yourself, how many times would John McCain flush? Next time you’re shifting from 3rd gear to 4th, ask yourself, at what RPM’s would John McCain shift?

    Somebody buy this guy a chew-toy or something to keep his mind occupied. “hey, everbody, LOOKITMEEEE! I’m a senator, an’ I’ma save the WERL!” I’m no psychologist, but I’m thinking there’s got to be a name for disorder, sticking your nose in everyone else’s business, trying to save them and help them, even if they don’t want any help. Any clinical psychologists out there want to diagnose the good senator?

  2. And to think I was more worried about Hillary.

  3. The senator spoke at U of A’s commencement last weekend. In an uplifting and moving speech, he admonished the fresh-faced graduates to do everything they could to stop genocide in the world. He seemed especially concerned about the Sudan.

    How this “much anticipated” legislation fits into fighting genocide in Africa, I’m not quite sure.

  4. McCain is only doing what the North Vietnamese programed him to do.

  5. I am somewhat embarassed to admit that I campaigned for the guy in 2000. You have to understand that, at the time, supporting somebody other than a Democrat, especially active support, was a big step for me.

    Hence I still have a soft spot in my heart for the guy: He got me started on my journey away from the left.

  6. I’m tellin’ ya, the best thing we can do with this sphincter is put him in the White House, where he’ll be pulled in so many directions, he’ll never get anything done.

    On top of that, he’ll be climbing the walls with frustration. His hair will be gray within six months- wait a minute, never mind…

  7. “McCain is only doing what the North Vietnamese programed him to do.”

    Angela Lansbury walked in and showed him a specimen cup?

  8. “Is this Senator McCain? Hello, John. How about a nice game of solitaire? Remember what to do when you see the Queen of Diamonds….”

  9. What is disturbing is how all the sports monkeys (such as WEEI in Boston) are all for this.

  10. Much anticipated? By who, Mrs. McCain?

    My impression is many people want this. Libertarians may have a good case for why they shouldn’t, but let’s not confuse a good case with popular support.

  11. Our faithful Guvernator is still in on the steroid action. This time around in a small education budget item:

    “High School Coach Training” $500,000 to implement a program that requires coaches involved in athletics to attend training on the identification, risks, and effects of performance enhancing substances.”

    No word on whether training will include advice on how to use the Whizzinator.

    Maybe Schwarzenegger can design the curriculum for the training.

  12. John McCain surely has something on his mind other than sports. Here is an interesting quote from the Senator from Arizona. Commenting on the meaning of “extraordinary circumstances” and “good faith” in the recent Senate agreement he said:

    “It’s like child pornography, my friend. You know it when you see it.”

    Now I’ve heard a similar statement many times over the years and I believe it originally came from one of the Supremes in the 60’s in a decision. It
    was about just plain old porn.

    I’ve never heard it about “child pornography”. I wonder what McCain has on his mind that this would pop out?

    What a sleazy bastard he is.

  13. Two observations

    1)The real sport or entertainment or whatever you want to call it that has a “problem” with steriods is the WWE. If the government feels they can butt into any little thing to “help kids” then why not start here…

    2)After thinking long and hard about this measure I think that it will actually result in more players being able to slip under the radar with respect to steriods. If the government is goign to conduct these tests there will be more instances of bribes not to mention that they surely will not be able to keep up with the new types of performance enhancing drugs.

    So sure our tax dollars will be wasted, maybe not if the testing funds come directly from sports (I doubt it though), but I think there will be an increase in steriod use.

  14. By the way this may be of interest. Currently those of us in the military that have to piss at least twice a year don’t get tested for roids. Why you might ask? Testing for roids is currently pretty pricy around a $100 a pop. Surely the price will go down now that it seems like everybody from Little League on up is getting tested, but who knows since Uncle Sam will be footing the bill.

    More on my rational for why I think use will go up:
    In my days a few years back as college athlete the NCAA randomly tested a few of us for roids(plus other illegal drugs) a couple of times a year. I know that there were at least several football players using steriods but I do not recall anyone ever getting in trouble for steriod use. Although a couple of times weed got some folks in trouble. Because there was a policy everyone assumed it was working.

  15. I guess if we’re going to have clean sports, mud wrestling is out now. Damn, I was hoping that would get popular again.

    I wonder how the great and powerful McCain feels about dwarf bowling. Would it be legal for the dwarfs to take human growth hormones?

  16. O.K. We are going about this the wrong way. What is up with the kick against performance enhancing drugs? Yea, yea, yea, I know about the health issues involved with anabolic steroids. I?m, though, not speaking of us average Joe Schmoes out in the world. I am speaking of professional sports participants. Baseball, football, basketball, hockey (if it exists) and the likes. These are people who make enormous amounts of money (especially compared to me) for playing a game. I say they should be required to take performance drugs so their play will be more entertaining. You get paid that much to play a friggin?game, you should have to take some risk. If your winkie shrinks, you still have millions of dollars and are still sure to get laid, even if you have to go the Charlie Sheen route. And so they may die a bit younger, it?s about quality over quantity any how, right? So I say, let them take drugs, make it mandatory, this is our entertainment we are talking about. That?s what is really important. Let?s not loose sight of that?

  17. McCain is a huge threat to liberty because he is the standard bearer of the Mushy Middle. It’s great when these assholes rip at each other, but when they start holding hands I can feel the dark eye of Sauron gazing over the land, unblinking.

    Speaking of eyes.. this guy has some crazy eyes. They’re too round and wide. Seriously, he suffered greatly during the war, but do we want this guy in the Oval office? I can see him totally flipping out for no reason.

  18. Wow. I just think it’s cool that a libertarian writer is holding down a job like Miami Herald critic.

  19. Dan,

    I certainly agree that the entertainment of the fan is the highest good. But I take exception to this: “I say they should be required to take performance drugs so their play will be more entertaining.”

    Their play doesn’t become more entertaining. Look at the yawn-fest that is men’s tennis, compared to the skill- and finesse-dominated women’s game. The only interesting men’s matches are on clay, where the surface saps the players’ power game.

  20. To say nothing of those cute non-steroid tennis outfits the women wear.

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