John McCain

Stinky Bud

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Proving that dumb sportswriting is not just for the sports pages anymore, Slate's Nicholas Thompson gives three cheers to Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, of all the awful people in the world, arguing that the Human Comb-Over "deserves credit for restoring fiscal sanity to baseball," and for his "admirable handling of baseball's steroids crisis."

No mention that "restoring fiscal sanity" involved soaking taxpayers for several billion dollars (especially the poor bastards in Selig's Milwaukee), while falsely pleading poverty (to Congress, no less). And what, exactly, is "sane" about franchise valuations that are grossly inflated by government subsidies? As for playing National Scold John McCain like a fiddle in order to bring down the zillion-pound shithammer of the federal government on the side of Management against the Player's Union—a publicity stunt that means your kids are likely to be drug-tested by order of Washington, D.C.—if this is "admirable" I'd hate to see what "contemptible" looks like.

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  1. Matt, didn’t you know? It’s all for the children. You don’t really hate the children, do you?

  2. Nice post, Matt. You knocked one out of the park.

  3. I think Matt hates America, Stretch. If we don’t subject our children to random piss tests, the terrorists will have won.

  4. I read that on Slate this morning and thought, “Christ, this is going to give Matt Welch and anuerysm.” Thompson gives Selig credit for fixing a financial crisis that he invented in the first place! Sweet!

  5. Steroids are a tool of the homosexual agenda. If our kids allow steroid injections, what *else* will they let into their bodies? You know how those musclebound types swing.

  6. What’s amazing to me is that Selig has been almost universally condemned by the sportswriting community, until now. Even those commentators that were against congressional involvement have now seemed to embrace Selig’s new role as Piss Czar/Congressional Lapdog.

    Sadly, I fear that this episode has been seen by the general public as a beneficial use of Federal power

  7. “dumb sportswriting”

    Redundant.

  8. Thompson even gives Selig “credit” for shady crap like this:

    “According to many insiders, he put a thumb on the scale so that the ownership team of John Henry, Larry Lucchino, and Tom Werner could buy the Red Sox in 2001 over local bidders?a shady backroom maneuver that helped put smart managers at the helm of one of baseball’s most storied franchises and that helped create last season’s beloved winners.”

    Unbelievable.

  9. Stretch – that’s because people are totally misinformed about steroids. And people love sports so much, they’re willing to get fleeced, both financially and intellectually, to see them continue.

    As much as I hate the bilking of taxpayers by pro sports, the steroid hubub is what really pisses me off most. I mean, we’ve already got the drug war, which already has steroids pegged as bad, bad, bad, but now they want to expand it by bringing steroids front and centre. Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re feeling a slight change in public opinion about drug prohibition and want a new villian they can point to and say, “drugs are bad, mkay?” Actually, that’s probably why a different drug becomes “the worst” every so often. Like they were all over meth for a while, and then people started losing interest. So I guess we better trot out how bad steroids are, and how they’re ruining sports, and won’t someone please think of the children!?!?!?!?!

    Absolute insanity. I need a line, a toke, and a drink…

  10. “dumb sportswriting”

    Redundant.
    ————————————————-

    Actually, Ed, sportswriting has a long and interesting history featuring some of the finest writers to ever put ink to paper. Granted, they’ve almost been totally eradicated now by the Mass AV Sportsmedia, but if you’re insinuation is that writing about sports is in itself “dumb”, I’ll have to disagree.

  11. “Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re feeling a slight change in public opinion about drug prohibition and want a new villian they can point to and say, “drugs are bad, mkay?” Actually, that’s probably why a different drug becomes “the worst” every so often. Like they were all over meth for a while, and then people started losing interest. So I guess we better trot out how bad steroids are, and how they’re ruining sports, and won’t someone please think of the children!?!?!?!?!”

    It’s amusing that they’ve been trying for years to denounce the hero-worship of drugged up rockstars and getting nowhere with it. But combine athletes and steroids and the crowd goes wild. Maybe Congress can finally get it’s wish to have mandatory piss-testing in recording studios now.

  12. I was kind of hoping this thread was about Skunk Weed marijuana, as the title suggested. Pity it’s about sports.

  13. You know how those musclebound types swing.

    Not much, after the genital shrinkage sets in.

    Or at least that’s what I read somewhere. Honest, I read it in, a, a, a magazine article. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

  14. threatening to shrink the league, look pretty good in retrospect

    Yeah, those Twins never did figure out how to compete in the majors.

  15. Go Matt Go! I think I’ll name my new band ‘zillion pound shithammer’, unless you claim intellectual prop rights.

  16. Bud Selig’s stock was bound to rise. You have to admit he looks like a fucking genius when you stack him up against the morons who run the NHL..

  17. Speaking as a huge hockey fan, I can only say “true enough, Brett”.

    So I got season tix for the Roadrunners here in Phx instead.

  18. Not to mention that Selig’s revenue-sharing scheme has turned a number of small-market franchises – his own being among the most prominent – into lethargic welfare queens capable of turning large profits regardless of the quality of the product that they deliver to their fans. Whatever flaws Gary Bettman has in terms of stupidity and pig-headedness, Selig makes up for with his combination of greed, hypocrisy, and sheer malevolence.

  19. Matt — I just replaced “m” with “z” … the phrase belongs to Hunter Thompson.

  20. You can all stop running Bud down as a bad owner. He sold the team over the winter, to a group headed by L.A. entertainment exec Mark Attanasio, brother to screenwriter Paul. Mark A’s wife is from Wisconsin, and the Brewers have a 30-year lease on The Stein, but some M’waukee fans are worried that their isn’t enough local money in the ownership group. It has also come out that Attanasio & Co. assumed the debt of the old ownership, so The Brew Crew doesn’t exactly have deeper pockets!

    The Brewers won their 7th straight today, and actually are above .500 for the first time since tanking after last year’s All-Star break. A bad time for my Mets to come to town to face them, I’d say.

    Kevin

  21. Selig ain’t so bad. Who else could have orchestrated the beautiful confluence of having Roger Clemens belted around for 7 runs in the All Star Game result in the Boston Red Sox getting home field advantage in the playoffs? Bowie Kuhn? Judge LAndis? WHo?

  22. Good post, Matt – I enjoy your stuff over at Baseball Analysts!

    The disingenuous sleaziness in which Selig is seizing upon the moronic steroids hysteria to further the owners’ agenda prior to the next CBA negotiations is part and parcel of his operating style. The praise heaped on Seligula by the Slate author for his patently corrupt handling of the Red Sox sale, coupled as it was by the rape of the Expos and screwing-over of the city of Montreal, disgusts me as much as it does you.

    Unfortunately, the brain-dead tone of the Slate piece is part-and-parcel of the generally hideous quality of both print and TV sports coverage spewed out at us these days. Thank God for your website, as well as Baseball Think Factory and the late Doug Pappas’ excellent work – I enjoy watching the mediocrities currently working in sports “journalism” squirm every time someone quotes a website or blog.

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