Assad's Big Sleep


Look who is asking for regime change in Syria.

PS-Evidently it's a hoax, just to be clear. It did make too much sense…

NEXT: New Way of Avoiding Jury Duty

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  1. Clinton has a blog? Holy crap.

  2. Anyone have anything on the authenticity of this site? I have my doubts. After looking through it they have grown. This doesn’t sound very presidential, even for Clinton.

    “Chelsea is visiting today. With curly. I hate curly. He is polite, but I can feel it’s fake politeness. He belongs to the East Coast establishment. I remember we were eating and my wife asked me for my opinion about a legal matter and this dickhead cut me off and gave his opinion. Can you believe that? He just came out of university. What kind of opinion can he have? Based on what? I’ve been in politics for 30 years. Same goes for Hillary. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had a fork in my hand. I swear I was about to poke his eye out. Chelsea probably saw my face and changed the subject. I don’t like these privileged punks. Wouldn’t surprise me if he snorts cocaine.”

  3. Uh, since Bill Clinton has said in the past that he would “grab a rifle, get in a trench, and fight and die” on behalf of Israel, how is this a surprise?

    And if you think I’m making that quote up, read the news account here:

  4. I dunno, this stuff is too good to make up:

    It?s a strange thing, being a politician. When I was running for office journalists asked me what my favorite song was. I couldn?t tell them the truth. My favorite song is ?Be my Baby? by the Ronettes. Obviously I couldn?t say that, because it?s too romantic. So I decided to say it was ?Don?t stop thinking about Tomorrow? by Fleetwood Mac.

    It was the right thing to do at the time. You?re a politician, you?re telling voters you are going to change politics as they know it, so what better theme song than ?Don?t stop thinking about Tomorrow?? It was perfect for the campaign.

    I do like Fleetwood Mac. Most baby boomers do. If I?m right their album ?Rumors? is still the best selling album in the United States. Their best song though, is, you will agree and you will know I?m being honest with you, their best song is ?Tell me Lies?. Am I right or not? I couldn?t use ?Tell me Lies? as my theme song during my presidential campaign.

    The problem with telling people you like something, without really liking that particular thing is the fact that you will be confronted with that thing for the rest of your life.

    I can?t tell you how many times I had to listen to some saxophone player play ?Don?t stop thinking about Tomorrow? when I was president. It wasn?t fifty or a hundred times, not just here in the US, but also overseas. I never liked the song, but after all the times I was forced to listen to it, I genuinely dislike the song, but that?s my own fault. I was the one, who told them I liked it.

  5. Uh, since Bill Clinton has said in the past that he would “grab a rifle, get in a trench, and fight and die” on behalf of Israel, how is this a surprise?

    Because he’s not running for anything now.

  6. “Because he’s not running for anything now.”

    He wasn’t running for anything when he made the “grab a rifle” comment either (July 2002).

  7. If this is real, shouldn’t it be headline news when Clinton says, “The Republicans are turning our country into a banana republic”?

    And this little exchange:
    “I woke up at three in the morning that night. The former president Bush was banging on the door, saying ?Bill are you awake?? No, George I was sound asleep. I got out of bed and opened the door. George told me he couldn?t sleep. My first instinct was to shut the door. I mean, he can?t sleep? What does he want me to do about that? George asked me to go to the bar with him and get a drink. He told me at home in Houston, he and Barbara never went to bed without drinking a glass of brandy.

    I didn?t want to go to the bar. I wanted to go back to bed, but I thought why not?

    I followed him downstairs to the bar. It was just an average hotel bar, with Thai pop music in the background and a few disco lights. We sat down and George ordered Chivas Regal. So did I. As soon as the waiter disappeared a young Thai lady, with long black hair and a lot of make up on came up to us. She got down on her knee in front of George and took his hand.

    ?Daddy? she said. George looked at me. ?I think you got the wrong guy” he said. ?Daddy?, she continued ?Take me with you to America?. Bush said ?I don?t think my wife will agree to that?. He tapped the ring on his finger. The girl got up and sat down on his lap, putting her head on his chest. She said ?Adopt me, daddy?.

    Oh my God, I had so much trouble trying not to laugh out loud. George replied ?I don?t think Barbara will like that either. You know we?re kind of happy all our kids are grown up and left the house?. She pouted. That was when the waiter came back with the drinks. He started shouting at the girl. She shouted back. Everybody looked at us. The girl left. George looked at me and raised his hands. ?What was that all about??”

    Don’t even get me started on the one legged pigeon story. Eight years and he never used this anecdote before? And who in the hell is Bobbi? His replacement daughter? Why’s he always talking shit on Chelsea’s man, the weasel? I’m not buying it, but if some one can manage to sell it with something to authenticate, I’ll admit it is pretty f’in hilarious.

  8. If this really is Clinton, you have to be a little wistful upon seeing the guy’s eloquence, whether or not you agree with his views. Perhaps the ability to write a coherent paragraph or two on geopolitics should be considered natural if the writer-in-question was once the leader of the world’s most powerful nation-state, but when you consider that the Oval Office’s current occupant has trouble matching the rhetorical skills of Chief Wiggum, it helps put things into perspective.

  9. Okay, chthus, admit it, you write comedy for a living. Damn you’re good!

  10. That’s one of the freakiest websites I’ve seen in a while.

  11. Not to mention, I think Clinton could pony up the dough to get his own domain.

  12. I can’t believe this is really Clinton, given his concern for his image and legacy. Hell, he’s a politician, and an extraordinarly skilled one at that. (That was not intended as a compliment at all.) He’s probably retired from political life, but his wife isn’t. Even granted that he has a demonstrated reckless streak born of supreme self-confidence, I can’t imagine Clinton, or anyone in the public spotlight with half a brain, putting this stuff out in public.

    Also, that whole “he should have used ‘Tell Me Lies’ for his campaign theme song instead of ‘Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow'” bit comes straight out of the Rush Limbaugh/ joke collection.

  13. Of course the site is a joke. If Bill Clinton started blogging, he wouldn’t use a blogspot address; and I don’t think he’d make offhand comments about playing Internet poker either. He certainly wouldn’t write this:

    Kevin Spacey persuaded me to go club hopping with him. I must’ve danced with hundreds of ladies and gentleman [sic]….So there I was dancing in a gay bar. How do you dance without actually touching anybody? I mean, I can dance or shuffle around is a better word, when I have Hillary in my arms, but I don’t think that’s the way I want to dance with any man. So I did my John Travolta imitation. You know the dance with the pointing finger.

    I had a great time. I danced with Kevin, with Bobbi, with Kevin’s boyfriend (his long term boyfriend Dana Brunetti. This is a different one from the poker game toy boy). We danced to Frankie goes to Hollywood – Relax!, ABBA and “I feel mighty real” and a thousand other disco hits.

    When “This is my life” was played, Kevin declared the club officially dead and we went to a hetro hotspot.

    Big mistake. I had to dance with dozens of drunk English women in their twenties and thirties. That’s not bad. Until they try to forcibly kiss you by the dozens. That’s not bad. Until there was a massive catfight between large groups of women over who was going to dance with me next. They were pulling each other’s hair, biting, scratching, pulling each other’s dresses off and I swear I saw one of them threaten other girls with her lipstick. I have no idea why, but it worked. None of the women came anywhere near her. It was unbelievable.

    I also assume that Michael realizes that it’s a joke, and is linking to it on the grounds that it’s funny.

  14. Two fun links on a Weds? It looks like all the bitching over the actual Friday Fun Links has caused a resurgence. The free market works!!!

  15. I didn’t realize Syria had hoochie mamas.

  16. I wasn’t sure if it was a joke I was missing or if maybe some of the sillier posts hadn’t been viewed.

    Here’s the icing:

    “I woke up this morning. Looked to my right. Thank God Hillary?s in Washington. I really don?t have the stomach to be with her today. I?m in that mood where I just want to be left alone. I got up, scratched my lazy ass and went downstairs. Didn?t even bother with a bathrobe.”

  17. You know, until I delved into the site I thought you guys were making these quotes up, but man, this shit is fantastic!

    “Roger has broken out of the detox clinic in Arizona and fueled by booze and drugs he is running amok in LA?s seedy clubs and strip joints. Oh God, sometimes I really hate my family. Why can?t they leave me alone for one damn moment? I had such a good time in Asia. Why can?t I be happy?”

    Whoever is writing this stuff is better than Robert Smigel and Jon Stewart combined!

  18. Yeah I’ve been following this blog for a few weeks now. Whoever writes it is a genius. It’ll sound almost legitimate for a few posts, then he hits you with something like grinding with Kevin Spacey or rescuing his brother from a coke binge.

    The author deletes all comments suggesting it’s a fake, but I’m amazed how many people are taken in.

  19. Readers of the blog dedicated to my Burning Man book were hepped to this much-preferable version of Pres. Clinton last August. He used to have an Amazon associates link to my book, but took it down–in fact, temporarily took the whole site down–shortly after I linked to it. Strange. Glad he’s going again.

  20. I agree with Brian, the Clinton that comes across here is about as funny, thoughtful and likeable a guy as you could hope for. If somebody’s trying to make him look bad, they’re sure doing a terrible job of it. In fact, I half suspect, Clinton is paying some dude to write this stuff.

  21. It looks like fan fiction to me. A fan of a tv show writing his own stuff about his favorite character.

  22. I find that I fall for satire when my partisan opinions get so ahead of my rational brain that all critical faculties flee, and I fall for anything that validates what I wish to hear.

  23. The link to This Is Burning Man makes me suspect a Burner involved, or maybe a Cacophony Society member. Elaborate and inspired prank. And yeah, a Clinton critic wouldn’t even make the association.

  24. Okay, I can’t resist. Here’s another one:

    I used to play football myself in high school. I was pretty good too. I was a really big kid. I was towering over everybody in my class and everybody was always teasing me about it.

    I remember we had this very important game against a high school from Prescott, Arkansas. I had broken through their defenses and I was home free, except for one scrawny little kid. Instead of moving to the side, he tried to block me. With my size I knocked him over. He fell to the ground and screamed like a baby. I kept running, but I thought, with my size, maybe I broke his neck. I stopped and went back to him. I crouched down next to him. I said ?Are you Ok?? The little weasel grabbed the ball, passed it on to his team mate and they scored a touch down.

    We lost the game and instead of playing against other teams during the summer our team couldn?t do much else, but lick our wounds and practice for the next season. It wasn?t just my fault we lost. We lost really heavily. We just weren?t that good a team, you know? But this didn?t keep the team, the high school and the whole town from blaming me for the loss.

    So every time we had to practice, and one of my team mates fell down, he would say ?Oooh help, call sister Bill?. In high school they were calling me ?nurse Clinton?. It?s no fun if a whole town hates your guts and you?re just twelve years old. It was then that it became clear to me that I had to get out of Hope.

    Well anyway, I stopped going to practice and not long after that I quit the team. The result of this decision was my heart by-pass operation a few months ago. If I had kept up my condition as it was when I was in the team, I would?ve been healthy right now.

    This is the reason I get mad at parents, who don?t force their kids to participate in sport. They say ?Well, little Timmy doesn?t like to sweat?. Well maybe little Timmy likes a heart attack when he?s in his late fifties and spend the rest of his life scared to death not surviving another one.

    It?s important for kids to exercise. It will strengthen their lungs, it will grow their heart and it will keep them healthy. If you don?t work out as a kid, you will never be able to do so as an adult. I tried, oh so many times to get back into shape, but it was impossible. If you don?t build it up from childhood, forget it. So my arteries clogged up and I almost died.

    All because of a jerk from Prescott, Arkansas. Aaron Johnson, is his name. I bet he still lives there. The little town hero. I still have a score to settle with you, Aaron.

  25. Yeah, I found the whole business of the ads to be sort of strange.

  26. He wasn’t running for anything when he made the “grab a rifle” comment either (July 2002).

    I knew I should’ve checked that link before I tried being funny. 😉

  27. So Michael Young fell for THIS?

    Somebody tell this guy:

  28. If Bill moved to Hot Springs, Arkansas before high school, he would not have been playing Prescott. My HS played Prescott, Hope (where he was born), and Malvern (BB Thornton’s home town). Hot Springs had much larger schools, so were not in the same league, or district, or whatever. All those towns were and still are pretty small, 10K or so population then, 10-20K now. Hot Springs was probably 50-100K then.

    I’m the same age as Bill. If he was in Hope, and playing, I would have played against him. I think he did his HS in Hot Springs, though.

  29. “So Michael Young fell for THIS?”

    That’s not surprising given Michael’s blind obsession with regime change in Syria (and other middle eastern countries on the neo-cons list).

  30. It’s a fake. Here’s a dossier of info I’ve dug up on the blogger behind the Bill Clinton Dairy hoax.

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