Too Sexy for Milan

Via ArtsJournal comes news that the city of Milan has banned a billboard depicting a female Jesus and apostles at the Last Supper:

"We rejected a request to put up this huge billboard after getting a negative opinion from Italy's advertising self-regulating body," said Maurilio Sartor, the head of the publicity office at the Milan municipality.

"Had they given us the go-ahead, we would have put it up," he added.

Marithe et Francois Girbaud fashion house, makers of hideously ugly clothes, ran the parody of the Leonardo painting as "a tribute to women and their role in society." (I think that's the idea anyway: Since the girls are seated at what looks like an art-deco coffee bar, I wouldn't even have recognized it as a Last Supper knockoff if the article hadn't identified it as such.) As I've been under the impression that the only practicing Catholic left in Italy was the Pope, I'm also surprised that this was deemed offensive; but then I never would have expected the freewheeling Italians to have an advertising-decency censorship board either.

Scandal completists may notice that this dustup has some elements in common with the controversy over Renee Cox's Yo Mama's Last Supper, in which Jesus was not only female but buck naked and depicted in a style of photography you rarely see outside of foto-novelos in Spanish. But the real inspiration here seems to have come from that gift keeps on giving—Dan Brown's The DaVinci Code, with its argument that the evangelist John was actually a woman, or something like that.

The real Last Supper mystery remains: Why would 13 guys dine while sitting all on the same side of the table? What an awkward way to have dinner.

Comments

[Kevin]

They would sit on the same side of the table so they can see the TV, of course! Jeez!

[CodeMonkeySteve]

I'm pretty sure that Jesus must have been a woman; it's the only way the whole Immaculate Conception thing makes sense. If Jesus was a man, where did that Y chromosome come from??

[UFP]

Aren't males XY and females XX?

[Coarsetad]

So that is why the fundies are againist cloning.

[Peter K.]

Kevin -- The other possibility is that they were ON television. Ricky, Lucy, Fred and Ethel used to play cards this way.

CodeMonkeySteve -- Obviously, God is a dude. Mary could get the Y from Him and still maintain her virginity because He works in mysterious ways.

[NoStar]

Eating on one side of a narrow table makes it easy for the server. I believe it was Peter's turn that year. Actually, the table would have been L shaped. With Jesus, the seder leader, at the short side, and Peter at the end of the short side ready to fill the cups and serve food as needed.

John would have been first on the long side. This arrangement explains how Judas would not hear Jesus making aside comments about his betrayer dipping at the same time as Jesus.

[wellfellow]

The Immaculate Conception refers to Mary being born without original sin, it does not refer to virgin birth of Jesus. Just so you know...

[CodeMonkeySteve]

UFP:
Yup, which is what got me thinking. It doesn't take much magic to have a woman pregnant with her own clone (all the genes are already there).

Peter K.:
So then where did the Big Guy get his Midochondrial DNA? I thought those were X chromosome linked. Who's God's mother?

But no, I don't buy it. If God had used His genes, it would have left him open to a paternity suit and child-support. He's not stupid, you know.

Wellfellow:
"Bless me Father, for I have sinned: I slept with my neighbor's wife."

"Hmm, nope, heard it, I want an original sin."

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned: I poked a badger with a spoon."

(with appologies to Mr. Izzard)

[wellfellow]

CodeMonkey,

Nice! gotta love Mr. Izzard.

[kevrob]

When I was a kid, I was always struck by the similarity of the seating arrangements at The Last Supper, a copy of which hung in our dining room, and the Friars Club Roasts we saw on TV.

John the Baptist....NEVER got a dinner!

Kevin

[Stevo Darkly]

Oh yeah -- those old Dean Martin roasts on TV!

I can see it now -- one of the apostles doing his pseudo-drunken Foster Brooks thing as he described "the time that Jeeeeeeeee ... urp ... Jeeesus turned wa-wa ... urp ... waaaaterrr into winnnnne..."

Then another apostle famed for his impressions -- "the Apostle of a Thousand Voices" -- would do a schtick while imitating Jesus' thick Galilean accent.

And Jesus would laugh like he's about to piss himself.

"And I kid Jesus. But really, he's done a lot of great things. In the old days, he used to heal a lot of leprosy -- but lately, things have been falling off. (ba-dump-dump!) Thank you."

"People ask me, does Jesus really consort with prostitutes? Well, I gotta tell you -- this man has more hoes than a gardener in the vinyard! Thank you."

"You know, Jesus didn't say a word until he was almost five years old? Then he bit into some bread and said, 'This bread is an abomination before the LORD!' And his parents Mary and Joseph looked at him and said, 'Jesus, we didn't even know you could talk! Why didn't you say something before now?' And Jesus said, 'Up till now, the bread's been okay!' Thank you."

[Stevo Darkly]

The the apostle Jesus loved stood up and said:

As most of you know, Jesus' father Joseph split when the kid was a teenager. And Jesus was mad about this at first, but then -- you know Jesus! -- he forgave him. But he didn't see Joseph for years and years.

Until one day, just the other day, Jesus was walking around in the marketplace and he saw an old man who looked familar. He looked kinda like Joseph -- only older, of course. And Jesus said to himself, "Gosh, it's been ten years -- could that really be Joseph?" But he didn't want to embarass himself or the old man by just walking up to him and asking, "Hey, are you my dad?" So he decided to ask the old man a few questions first.

So Jesus goes up to the old guy and says, "Excuse me, sir, you look familiar. Are you from around here?"

And the old man says, "Well, I used to have a family and business here, many years ago. But I left them. But now I've finally come back."

And Jesus said, "You had a business here? What did you do?"

And the old man said, "I worked with wood, mostly."

And Jesus said, "Really. And you say you had a family? Did you have any kids?"

And Joseph said, "Yes, I had one boy. My only son. A very special boy."

Getting excited, Jesus asked, "And this boy of yours -- was there anything special about his birth? Maybe you would even say .... miraculous?"

And with realization dawning on the old man's face, he replied, "Yes! Yes! My son's birth was a miracle!"

And Jesus flung his arms wide and cried out to the old man: "Daddy!"

And the old man flung his own arms wide, and he cried out:

"Pinocchio!!!"

[Solitudinarian]

And just why is it you're not doing stand-up, Stevo? Your talents are wasted here.

[Jesus]

"The real Last Supper mystery remains: Why would 13 guys dine while sitting all on the same side of the table? What an awkward way to have dinner."

We were keeping the seats open for a bunch of chicks, but Pete the dumbshit told them we were going to a different restaurant. I made a joke about someone betraying me, and all of a sudden everyone freaks out! Then Jude walks without paying his check, that asshole. I tell you, that whole night sucked.

[Isaac Bartram]

... that whole night sucked.

Can't have been as bad as the next day. 🙂