Who Is Bin Laden Rooting For in the World Series?

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As the Red Sox close in on their first title since Babe Ruth could see his own feet without the help of a mirror and a B girl, this post's titular question is the only thing keeping me awake. Indeed, Scott Stapp's seventh-inning-stretch rendition of "God Bless America" made me wish Al Qaeda had dropped a Kate Smith effigy on the former Creed frontman.

I'm just amazed that either Sean Hannity and/or Al Franken and/or all the drips at sea haven't somehow implied that Bin Laden is rooting their opponent's team to win.

The closest I've seen was an invocation of the American League Championship Series by James "Wooly" Wolcott, the author of Attack Poodles and other Media Mutants who never misses an opportunity to invoke a gal's physical shortcomings despite his own blobular resemblance to that great specimen of homo superior, Fred J. Dukes.

Waxed Wooly on those brave men in grey and black, the nearly nameless and faceless umpires who keep us all honest:

Twice, the umpires set aside their professional egos, practiced true collegiality, erased a mistake, and did the right thing, risking the wrath of Yankee fans. Think how rare that's been in the Bush-Cheney years, admitting error and correcting it–taking the right stand after making the wrong stand. Last night the umps reminded me of a better America I'd almost forgotten we'd had, one where reason every once in a while prevails.

By yoking baseball to a banal political point that surely induces cringes even among friends, Wooly joins the ranks of Peggy Noonan, the certifiably insane Reagan-Bush Cyrano who mistook the last Subway Series for a morality play between good and evil and, even less credibly, between supposedly Republican Mets and Democratic Yankees. And, of course, Wooly walks a rhetorical basepath blazed by Ethel and Julius Rosenberg who, even while awaiting death, famously found time to natter on about the oh-so-proletarian Dodgers.

Here's looking forward to football, a game that has never been mistaken for anything other than the celebration of lunk-headed violence it is. Except, of course, all the time by people like Michael Novak, whose reaction to the last Super Bowl halftime show was nothing short of an Onion parody.

NEXT: Decisions of the Undecided: Part XXIII

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  1. They won.

    Congratulations to all Boston fans.

    It’s been a long time for you.

    Now shut up.

  2. “Indeed, Scott Stapp’s seventh-inning-stretch rendition of “God Bless America” made me wish Al Qaeda had dropped a Kate Smith effigy on the former Creed frontman.”

    “Here’s looking forward to football, a game that has never been mistaken for anything other than the celebration of lunk-headed violence it is.”

    Admit it, you like being denounced, don’t you?

  3. NEVER!!! 2005 HERE WE COME!!!

  4. Aw rats…I missed Stapp singing that goddamn song. The seventh-inning stretch musta been during South Park.

  5. According to Dick Cheney, bin Laden was rooting for the Red Sox since both of the previous times they played and won World Series during election years (1912 & 1916) the Democratic candidate won.

  6. If the Cardinals lose in an election year, the Republicans win (1928, 1968). If the Cardinals win in an election year, the Democrats win (1944, 1964).

  7. Those who think football can’t be yoked to thickheadedness has never met a Notre Dame fan. Jesus, if he ever existed, doesn’t care who is NCAA champion, but you’ll never convince a Domer of that. Claims by the Cowboys of Dallas to be “America’s Team” always grated, too.

    Mets v. Yankees isn’t about politics, it’s about tribe. I am a Mets fan, as my father was a Brooklyn Dodgers fan before me, and during the 1958-1961 interregnum when New York was devoid of National League baseball my siblings and I were not encouraged to take up the upstart Highlanders as “the home team.” Yes, we watched the Yanks on Channel 11, but except for one of my older brothers we didn’t bond with them. The announcement of Bill Shea’s extrication of a franchise from the NL was cause for joy, made bittersweet only by the knowledge that our Robins, our Bridegrooms, our Superbas would remain in exile in California, probably forever.

    I expect NY Giant fans felt something similar.

    I have a pack of cousins from Queens who were raised by my uncle (my father’s brother-in-law) to be Yankee fans. Their expectation of easy victory rankled, and when the AL franchise slid into mediocrity and worse, our schadenfreude was palpable. My cousin Dennis earned a pass. For some unknown reason, he took to the Baltimore Orioles. No matter, as that was the team the Metropolitans bested in the 1969 World Series, to his astonishment, and that of many others.

    I’m actually of two minds about the migration of the Milwaukee Brewers to the NL. On the one hand, the Mets come to town each year, and I can go to Miller Park and root for them. On the other hand, when the Brew Crew were an AL side, I could go to County Stadium and boo the Yanks! 🙂

    Congratulations to the Red Sox, anyway. I would rather have seen the Cardinals uphold the pride of the NL, but only the Evil Empire have won more World Championships, and their last came at the Brewers’ expense, so I guess we can let New Englanders celebrate. Even joe.

    Peggy Noonan was wrong about Bush being a Met, BTW. I’m sure old Prescott and the rest of the clan were Connecticut Yankees. “Like rooting for General Motors” and all that.

    Kevin

  8. Bin Laden would have rooted for the Evil Empire of the AL (Yankees) or the Evil Empire of the NL (Cubs).

  9. Oh, come now. The Cubbies are an empire, true, but I see them more like Austria-Hungary than an actual Evil Empire.

    Kevin

  10. Since, as reported first on my Web site, the Red Sox have captured Osama, I can say without a shred of doubt that Bin Laden is a Cardinals fan.

    http://wordmunger.com/index.php?p=109

  11. “Scott Stapp’s seventh-inning-stretch rendition of “God Bless America” made me wish Al Qaeda had dropped a Kate Smith effigy on the former Creed frontman.”

    Ditto.

    If you think there’s nothing to football than violence, you don’t know football. Far more strategery than you’ll find in any other major league sport.

  12. Except for pro wrestling. They don’t call him Bobby “The Brain” Heenan for nothing.

    http://www.bobbythebrain.com/

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