Trainwreck Spotting

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USA Today has fired Ann Coulter from its convention coverage. If you're masochistic or curious, you can read the column that got her canned on the Human Events website, complete with what allegedly were USA Today's editorial comments. I leave it to the reader to decide which is more embarrassing, Coulter's tired jokes or the editor's inability to understand them. (Coulter calls the Democrats "the French Party." The editor interjects: "I don't get it." And the introduction from Human Events claims that Coulter is "witty" and "vivacious." So no one comes off very well.)

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  1. It’s interesting to see people dump on Ms. Coulter in these comments.

    I hesitate to defend a person who spoke out in favor of the New York Times as a terrorist bomb target, and who makes a lot of money calling Democratic politicians traitors.

    But… there seems to be a double-standard going on here, inasmuch as some Hit-and-Run commenters, and even posters, are willing to defend or even praise Michael Moore while castigating Ms. Coulter for similar offenses.

    In general, both Ms. Coulter and Mr. Moore are funnier and sharper when they turn down the shrillness dial. But in my opinion, Mr. Moore will always win the race to the bottom of the dirty propaganda barrel as long as he relies on lies and fabrications. Even the wildest satire should present truth as truth and fiction as fiction, and Mr. Moore is a serial violator of this code.

  2. Matthew,

    Granted, I haven’t read that much of Moore’s work (I’ve seen his films), but I can’t recall coming across a sentence quite like this:

    ‘My pretty-girl allies stick out like a sore thumb amongst the corn-fed, no make-up, natural fiber, no-bra needing, sandal-wearing, hirsute, somewhat fragrant hippie chick pie wagons they call “women” at the Democratic National Convention.’

  3. they’ll “get” moore’s humor because it appeals to the lowest common denominator… namely, a carbon blob. USAToday should’ve never hired coulter because the people who value that handjob of a news distribution would never be able to understand her quips.

  4. She`s tuff, I think she could eat a keg of 16 penny nails and spit out a barbed wire fence. maybe she`ll open up a can of whup-ass in front of Mike Moore.

  5. Perhaps its time to dust off McSweeney’s now slightly dated pros & cons of Kerry’s top 20 vp candidates…

    14. Ann Coulter, columnist

    Pro: Flattering position would silence her exposing of the true evil liberal agenda
    Con: Is composed entirely of spiders and deadly snakes writhing beneath a latex “skin”

    Seriously… what Coulter needs is to just go gonzo… could you imagine her ranting with a head full of mescaline or LSD? Now that would be entertaining…

  6. This article may not be her best work. But overall, I think she is a very talented writer and if you look past the humor, you will see that she often makes many valid points.

  7. Matthew:

    Michael Moore is a greasy, fat answer to Rush Limbaugh and, like Coulter, a shrill tool for his respective party. I don’t see many people here saying nice things about him.

  8. In my nightmares, Ann Coutler and Michael Moore breed.

  9. In my nightmares, Ann Coutler and Michael Moore breed.

    Hmmm, would their respective stupidities and absurdities multiply each other and produce a creature even more loathsome than the parents? Or would their opposing loyalties result in a cancelling-out effect producing a nice, maybe even Reasonable offspring? Any experts in political genetics out there??

  10. Clearly, there’s only one possible way to resolve the long-standing Coulter-Moore debate:

    http://www.mtv.com/onair/deathmatch/

  11. fyodor,

    What has the Carville-Matalin marraige created (aside from a really crappy movie)? 🙂

  12. “What do people see in this idiot?”

    After reading USA Today’s responses to the OK looking right-wing bomb thrower, I think that “these idiots” would be more appropriate.

  13. I’d like to see a column from that editor.

    WHAT, WHAT? I DON’T GET IT? WHERE AM I? KERRY WHO? WHAT’S A BLOG? WHAT’S A CONVENTION?

  14. Mr. Moore will always win the race to the bottom of the dirty propaganda barrel as long as he relies on lies and fabrications.

    lmao!

    i love hearing people defend shrill, hollow antagonists of agitprop like coulter while missing their historical significance.

    and what is that significance? to remove for the masses any remorse from the use of force against the evil enemy party. people like her always show up to propagandize and pander to the lowest common denominator in demotic times. she (among others, on either side) gives violent voice to an extremist viewpoint which gains audience among those frustrated with the interminable impasse of societal decadence — and that audience gives her views momentum and currency with the mainstream mob, until they eventually become accepted doctrine to be acted upon.

    the vitriolic 1860 election. marius and sulla. nicias and alcibiades. the precedents are there.

  15. ooo — and one of my favorites: cleon and pericles!

  16. ‘Maybe they just want to remind Americans who got us into this Middle East mess in the first place’

    I was really stunned that Coulter would slip up and suggest that America itself had anything to do with the present mid-east debacle. I suppose that it’s un-american to blame the good reverend president for creating terrorists, but Carter’s fair game.

  17. Okay, what’s lmao?

  18. lmao = “laughing my ass off”

    I’d say Moore is better than Coulter because he has more humor mixed with his vitriol.

    If Moore and Coulter were to become an item, as per Shannon’s nightmare, between the two of them they’d weigh as much as 2 regular people.

  19. gaius marcus = vdh? They read as strikingly similar.

  20. oops — “laughing my ass off”. even i cannot resist the decline of both language and civility. 🙂

  21. I wonder what sort of David Brock-style “transformation” Coulter could undergo. The level of vitriol that she pours into her work would make a simple recantation somewhat difficult.

    Maybe she could claim that popping amphetamines kept her anorexic and impaired her mental capacity at the same time, driving her to write such crazy stuff. Perhaps even blame Bill Maher somehow. (The 2 are friends, she could always claim that he was controlling her.)

    Well, I guess we’ll find out in a few years.

  22. I’d say Moore is better than Coulter because he has more humor mixed with his vitriol.

    Heh. I know people who think Coulter is better because *she* has more humor mixed in with her vitriol. Personally, I think they’re both about as funny as testicular cancer.

    What do they see in her? She’s the same thing for the Right as Michael Moore is for the left

    Well, they hired Michael Moore, too. My guess is that what they’re thinking is that they’ll get a lot of readers if they hire popular writers who appeal to the base instincts of their readership.

  23. “Personally, I think they’re both about as funny as testicular cancer.”

    That probably wouldn’t have been my first choice for comparison, but I agree with the sentiment 100%. I saw Coulter last spring here at the fairly liberal university where I’m a grad student. Her jokes weren’t the least bit funny; they were clearly designed just to get a rise out of as many audience members as possible, but in just about the most unoriginal and hackneyed way you could imagine. She was just dishonest, mean, and fairly hot (which is where the comparison with Michael Moore ends).

  24. Actually, I take that back a little bit – I think Moore can be fairly funny on occasion. Unfortunately that humor is too often swamped out by his misrepresentations and/or unjustified contempt.

  25. “In my nightmares, Ann Coutler and Michael Moore breed.”

    Never happen of course; Moore would roll over and that would be the end of Coulter…

  26. I didn’t get the “French party” joke either so I googled for it. And for a hackeneyed joke I didn’t get any relevant hits until I searched for
    “the French Party”, ‘Democrats”, US.

    History of foreign U.S. policy And according to this the Republicans are the original “French party”.

    I never did run across a joke about the Democrats either.

  27. Zhuang

    The Republicans referred to as the “French party” are the party of Jefferson which is commonly considered the precursor of the Democratic Party. Until Andrew Jackson “democracy” was considered a dangerous thing (mob rule)* so hardly anyone used the term.

    However they were sometimes referred to as the Republican-Democrats as early as the 1790’s.

    *Some of us here still feel this way 🙂

  28. I don’t think Ann Coulter is at all well.

    I have nothing to really back this up, but I wouldn’t leave my daughter alone with any male in her family if you put a gun to my head.

    Damaged.

  29. and — this perhaps has little to do with anything material — people have got to stop calling coulter “hot”. she’s thin. thin

  30. joe,

    After we say her talk, my friends and I were trying to decide if Coulter was just putting on (or at least playing up) a hateful delusional psycho act, or if she really was a hateful delusional psycho. She took great pleasure in implying someone in the audience was gay because they asked a question about reps and homosexuals; in verbally abusing another questioner – who had started out saying how much he admired her – because he plaintively asked if the reps should adopt a more “big tent” policy (I don’t know why the fuck he admired her if he thinks this, but she set him straight); and in revising history to trash the entire religion of Islam from its beginnings when a Muslim asked her if she saw any value in his religion. (Well, that’s not completely true – she did say she liked the strong anti-gay policy she thought was typical of Islam; there was sort of a gay theme). I don’t know if her antisocial delusions are an act, but if they are they’re a really good act.

    So I’m with you. I have no real evidence beyond the fact that she gives me the willies, but I think she’s gone all goofy in the thinkin’ box.

  31. Am I the only one, or does anyone else wonder where a 43 year old unmarried woman gets off giving lectures about “family values”?

    Shades of Phyllis Schafly 🙂

    At my age just about any woman under 50 qualifies as a “hot young babe” but I find Coulter singularly unattractive and unfunny.

  32. This will probably only further reinforce the damaged goods angle, but apparently she is really good friends with Bill Maher. On the final episode of “Politically Incorrect” Maher invited his 4 favorite guests, and she was one of them. (Arianna Huffington was another one, and I don’t remember the other 2.)

    I have to wonder how sincere her hatred of liberals is if she hangs out with Maher. Yes, yes, he’s by no means a party-line Democrat on each and every issue (he even calls himself a libertarian at times, to the consternation of many), but his stances would seem to be totally unacceptable to her. So I suspect that a lot of it is just an act.

  33. “I wonder what sort of David Brock-style “transformation” Coulter could undergo”

    Maybe she could stop tucking her weenie?

  34. Or would their opposing loyalties result in a cancelling-out effect producing a nice, maybe even Reasonable offspring?

    More likely their genes would either refuse to mix with one another outright, or would produce a monster straight out of the book of Revelations. That, or Coultier’s inability to tell the truth would mix with Moore’s and create a child too hopelessly confused to ever master speech.

  35. That wasn’t her best column, but I think she’s one of the best columnists out there. She definitely doesn’t pull any punches, and she’s very funny. To each his own, I guess…

  36. What do people see in this idiot?

  37. It’s nice to see that the fine art of political journalism continues to flourish.

  38. She might be a nazi and make no sense, but she sure is cute!

  39. If horse skeletons turn you on…

  40. Man, reading all of that “humor” sure makes me want to dust off my PJ O’Rourke.

  41. What do they see in her? She’s the same thing for the Right as Michael Moore is for the left: a self-aggrandizing propagandist who isn’t afraid of blurring the lines between truth and lies with hefty innuendo and name-calling. Even USA Today recognizes the similarity of the two by casting each as the commentator for the other side’s political convention.

  42. She’s a Jenny One-Note, and that note’s a clanger.

  43. Ann is much too intellectual for USA Today. I can see why they dropped her. When their editors can’t understand her, you can readily imagine how much trouble their readers would have. In fact, Michael Moore will have to talk down to this crowd. (I thought “eye-rolling” was her best remark, in a piece admittedly below her standard.)

  44. It’s too bad they dropped her – Michael Moore is slated to cover the Rebublican Convention for them. Somehow I think they’ll get his humor, even if it is just as sophomoric as Coulter’s.

  45. Horse skeletons with fist-sized adam’s apples…

  46. “Vivacious”? Reminds me of a National Lampoon piece that translated into English the adjectives used by friends or family to describe your blind date.

    Vivacious=on an amphetamine jag.

  47. I think she’s just throwing out extreme right-wing bullshit just for shock value. When people stop paying attention to her, she’ll pull a David Brock and be a hero for the other side. Pathetic.

  48. she’s got nothing a blunt of sour diesel and a bucket of liquid latex couldn’t fix.

  49. Gawd! ‘Gaius Marius’ is female? Who knew? And who knew “columnists” were people who had great powers of analysis??? Who???

  50. She’s much funnier than many people who are paid to be funny, e.g., Dave Barry, Andy Rooney, David Cross, Margaret Cho, Janeane Garofalo, and Jim Davis (Garfield.) I laughed at the “pie-wagon” sentence. Just don’t take her seriously, and you’ll survive.

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