Bad News for Big Dairy

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Study reveals: Ice cream production is closely correllated with the rate of forcible rape!

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  1. I know he puts in a disclaimer, but how much do you want to bet that some anti-fat activist will seize on this?

  2. Is there another kind of rape? Besides forcible I mean. 🙂

  3. Statutary.

  4. I knew it!

  5. Issac, good point.

    But I don’t count that because statutory rape isn’t real rape, it’s consensual and the trespass is considered to be against the state and not the individual.

    Still, a nice rejoinder.

  6. Ice cream is being marketed to children! We have to do something about this to protect our children! Ice cream pushers drive through neighborhoods, selling ice cream from the backs of trucks, indifferent to mounting evidence that they are turning our children into rapists. Have they no shame?

    Furthermore, I don’t have any evidence yet, but I would guess that most children who use illegal drugs started using ice cream before they started using drugs. This would mean that ice cream is a gateway to drugs!

    Are our legislators finally going to enact laws to protect our children from the ice cream menace, or are they in the pocket of big ice cream?

  7. Not my fault.

  8. Mine neither.

  9. It’s the weather. People eat more ice cream when it’s hot. People also go outside more when it’s hot, which puts them at greater risk for assault than when they are locked behind their doors at home in the winter months.

  10. Doug’d right – I got raped last night when I went out for ice cream.

  11. Douglas, you gave it away! Spoil-sport. Pay no attention to that post, folks. It’s absolutely true: Ice cream consumption does cause more rape. (Or is it the other way around?)

  12. Does the research make a distinction between Ice Cream, Frozen Yogurt, and the unnatural colloid they sell at Carvel?
    More importantly, do the rapists make a distinction?

  13. I make my own ice cream at home. I used to just do it because I like experimenting with flavors. Now I realize that I’m also striking a blow against Big Ice Cream and helping women take back the night.

    The only ice cream I routinely buy is frozen custard, a particular variant on ice cream that’s primarily found in certain parts of the midwest. But I only buy that when I’m in the midwest, which is once or twice a year.

  14. unnatural colloid they sell at Carvel

    Actually, ice cream is a combination of a colloid, an emulsion, and a foam. Trust me, I’m a physicist whose work involves a lot of colloids! 🙂

  15. Well, in that case, anyone in possession of a colloid, an emulsion, or foam should be detained and investigated. After all, they’re trafficking in the ingredients for the demon ice cream. They’re enablers and should be locked up in gitmo for the good of society.

  16. you infidel women go out half-naked in summer, tempting and inviting the men to do it, and then you cry rape!

    wait until sharia comes kaffirs, there won’t be many rapes in Allah’s Umma

    Islam = Peace

  17. For a moment, I thought maybe Issac Bartram was trying to say “Statuary Rape,” which is just wrong.

  18. I heard that the statuary was asking for it.

  19. Obviously some scholarship needs to be done regarding ice milk and frozen yogurt. I’d hate to find out that aggressive behavior increased with butterfat content. Intuitively, I’d expect it to be an inverse relationship. When you’ve got your mouth wrapped around a double-dip cone of frozen custard, almost nothing else matters.

    Kevin

  20. When you’ve got your mouth wrapped around a double-dip cone…

    No comment.

  21. Doesn’t Volokh have it backwards? Isn’t his data really showing that forcible rape causes ice cream production?

  22. Statuary? Isn’t that the concrete stuff in parks that’s trimmed to look like animals?

  23. correllation does not equal Causation. Any half educated college grad knows this

  24. thoreau, what’s your poison? Kopps, Leon’s, or even Culvers?

    I wonder if the good professor has a state-by-state breakdown. I would suspect WI, MN and VT of having high per capita rape-rates.

    Kevin
    (behind the Cheddar Curtain)

  25. Spurious, S-P-U-R-I-O-U-S, Spurious.

  26. Keep that push-pop AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!

  27. Clearly rape causes ice cream. Look at the bright side.

  28. What about the high correlation between satire and missing the point? Doesn’t that mean satire CAUSES missing the point?

  29. Suddenly I feel like watching “Trees Lounge” again.

  30. I heard that in Oregon you can get a prescription from some “shaman” quack for enough ice cream to fill two (not one, but two!) shopping carts. Then you can take it to the elementary school, and it’s enough to give those kids brain freeze for days on end.
    Where the hell is the drug czar on this one?

  31. kevrob-

    I like Kopps best. I’ve never tried Culver’s, believe it or not, but my aunt works there. Gillie’s and Leon’s are OK.

  32. Which is why Ashcroft covered up the statuary.

  33. thoreau, you have a dirty mind. Keep it in good working order.

    Prez GWB campaigned in WI on Wednesday, and made a stop at Leon’s. He got a one scoop vanilla cone.

    {Waiting for everyone to make up their own WASP joke.}

    I assume that if Kerry stops for some custard next time he’s in town, he’ll get the flavor of the day.

    Kevin

  34. Look to your health; and if you have it, praise God and value it next to conscience; for health is the second blessing that we mortals are capable of, a blessing money can’t buy.
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