Onanists for Nader


Masturbate for Peace has endorsed Ralph Nader.

As Peter Bagge noted here, the group's main fundraising stratagem has already been used with success by candidates across the political spectrum.

[A clammy hand of thanks extended to reader Mark C. Coleman for the link]

NEXT: F*ck Face vs. Femme Boy

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  1. Ever finished masturbating and thought, “Now I wanna kick someone’s ass?” No?

    Well there you go.

  2. “Onanists”!? Where do you learn words like that Nick? You been hanging out with the fundies?

  3. Nader your nabob for peace!

  4. Warren, try the ancient Greeks.

  5. Nader’s 2004 campaign for President seems like political masturbation, so it is appropriate that this would be the first group to endorse him.

  6. Yes, but think of all the dead kittens. Please.

  7. Is this anything like “Pissers for McGovern”?

    And are they actually supposed to *visualize* Nader while they’re wanking? (shudder)

  8. Ever finished masturbating and thought, “Now I wanna regulate something?” No?

    Well there you go.

  9. Thank you, Jeff A. Taylor, for the best laugh I’ve had so far this year.

  10. Would this Onanist group give another idea a shake?
    Instead of “fuck foreigners,” which we sometimes see even here on Hit and Run, how about “Fuck a foreigner.”?
    What could be more motivational for peace?
    Naturally I’m suggesting Americans should not be paying travel expenses to Thailand to put my idea into action. If anything, we should be paying travel expenses for Thais to come here.
    Did I say come here?

  11. How fitting, seeing as Nader is suck a d***.

  12. Such, that is. Was that a Freudian slip, or what?

  13. Ridicule is so cruel a tool to be beating Nader with.
    Reminds me:
    Oh how full of hate the democrats are!
    They hate Bush, hate Nader, hate rich people, too.

    I shouldn’t say that, being registered as one,
    for democrats are full of love, as they say,
    for they love to make fun of Nader, of Bush, and tax breaks.

  14. One might add that posting to this
    thread is a form of masturbation.

  15. Ralph Nader received 2,882,955 votes in the 2000 election. If each of those people threw one masturbation house party and invited 16 friends, convincing them to vote for Nader through the power of masturbation, Nader could easily win the presidency, ushering in a new era of peace and self-love. So start planning your own ‘Nads for Nader house party today!

    Damn, that actually makes sense! 😉

  16. Fred,
    Just for the sake of Hit and Run bonding, when I heard those words, I had already traipsed along the Ho Chi Minh Trail as a USMC officer. In fact I had a particularly perilous day there the day of Nixon’s inauguration in 1969.

    What I’m saying is, that, as a jarhead, I still don’t know what nabob means, you long-haired hippie freak.

  17. William Safire was the one who put the words, “nattering nabobs of negativism” into the mouth (so to speak) of Spiro Agnew.
    If Amurika had only known then what it meant–rather than having been mesmerized by its alliteration–Bill and Spiro would have been tarred and feathered, eh!

  18. Ruthless,

    I knew what it meant back then and I wondered how anyone could be as foolish as Agnew and Safire to utter such words. Wouldn’t the nabobs who supported him be insulted? No, because they were just ignorant fools who happened to be wealthy businessmen. I wanted to bring this to their attention, but what could a long-haired, hippy freak do?

  19. 280 million total US Population in 2000
    -70 million under 18
    210 million possible voters
    -5 million illegals
    205 million possible voters
    -4 million felons
    201 million possible voters
    -104 million actually voted for president in 2000
    …….about half of the people voted

    Surveys indicate 1 in 5 of these voters
    have significant factual understanding
    of a variety of issues and candidates.

    That means that only 1 of 10
    of the people eligible to vote
    know enough to vote intelligently, and do,
    and I say 2 of the 5 voted for Gore
    and I say 2 of the 5 voted for Bush
    and I say 1 in 5 of them (2 million)
    voted for Nader in 2000.

    Looking at it that way,
    Nader did OK with those in the know.

    The two majors sucked off about a million each
    of the so-called realists.
    (Take it any way you want.)
    If hand dipped ice cream taste best
    and hand washed car washes look best,
    then the hand-job-vote might bring Nader off,
    but who wants to pull the lever behind them?
    Stop picking on Nader!

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