Corporate Scandals

Meet the Jurors

A handy guide to Martha's peers

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This is Elizabeth Koch's description of the jurors in the Martha Stewart trial.

Jury analysis, from left to right:

1). White woman, mid-forties. Very serious, no-nonsense expression. Seems intelligent. Short feathered hair, dirty blond—a no fuss cut. Glasses. Very nondescript simple clothing, usually a blazer or turtleneck (inexpensive). Looks tense—often grips gum and flexes her jaw muscles. Altogether pretty masculine.

2). Black woman, mid-thirties. Petite and plump. Pleasant look on her face, arched brows. Usually wears her hair in a headband. Lots of scarves, gold and burgundy, feminine fabrics. Thoughtfully chosen outfits. Seems generous and forgiving.

3) Short white guy, late-thirties. Seems academic, like a philosophy TA. Trimmed beard, glasses. Always looks deeply focused and alert. Cheap, rumpled, but clean clothes. Simple—usually a long-sleeve t-shirt. Seems to advertise, "I'm not superficial enough to worry about fashion." Intellectually arrogant. Probably liberal.

4) White man, late-fifties. Shocking white hair and beard. Jack Nicholson eyebrows make him appear insanely concentrated. Probably middle class—his clothes are rumpled, but nice. Often wears navy sweaters over plaid button-down shirts. Possibly Polo. Looks intelligent and thoughtful.

5) White woman, early fifties. VERY prissy and feminine and skinny—purses her lips like a librarian. She probably is a librarian, or a secretary. Has a slight crane's neck. Seems judgmental and antisocial. Wears a beaded glasses chain, frumpy sweatshirts from the '80s and long skirts. Looks set in her ways; type to always get the same hair cut, keep the same job, eat the same tuna salad sandwich day after day. Seems stubborn and unforgiving.

6) White woman, sixties. Lovely-face—probably once very attractive. Classy hair-style, expensive coloring job. Usually wears blazers and cashmere turtlenecks—business attire if she worked in book publishing, or an intelligent woman's magazine (do those exist)? Looks kind and thoughtful, but often tired. Hunched shoulders.

Row Two:

7). White woman, mid-twenties. Tall, thin, pretty and vain. Could be in the fashion industry, or retail—long, sexy mane, blown out then tousled, great highlights. Perfect make-up. Clothes probably J-Crew. Often tosses her hair around, then seems to remember where she is. Becomes self-conscious, as if everyone were staring at her—furrows her brows and frowns to appear serious. Maybe an actress.

8). Black man, mid-thirties. Heavy-set. Snappy dresser, sometimes wears bold colors like aqua and violet. Looks like a clubber. Big silver cross around his neck. Trendy goatee. Can't tell how carefully he's listening. Seems a little aloof.

9). White man, mid-late thirties. Very tall and thin, a little hunched, like he's embarrassed about his height. Probably Italian. Wearing jeans and an ironed button-down. Kind of dorky, like a computer guy. Seems very nice; smiles a lot when he's focused. Tires easily, rubs his eyes frequently.

10). Black woman, early forties. Overweight. Often looks bored. Stares at random spots in the air a lot. Inexpensive clothing, probably discount store. Very short hair. Doesn't seem to care about appearance. Often mawing on gum. Either she or #4 is the Ugandi woman (who apparently is not proficient in the English language).

11). Black woman, mid-thirties. Overweight. Nice looking face. Usually starts off alert but quickly seems bored, confused, sometimes agitated. Baggy discount store clothes.

12). Pakistani woman, mid-fifties. Very petite. Smiles constantly. Wears turtlenecks under cheap 80s sweatshirts in bright colors. Seems very kind and generous, but shy. Seems like a mom.

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