This Barber Is Modern Man!


If you want to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, read John Allen Muhammad's opening statement. The cookie jar incident alone throws the state's entire case into question.

[I should have noted when I posted this that since his peroration JAM has decided not to continue representing himself.]

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  1. what the hell was that???

  2. gandu – I’m with you on this one. If that opening statement was any indication, this trial should be good for some pretty hysterical laughs.

  3. Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar? Muhammad stole the cookie from the cookie jar.

  4. Sounds to me like he’s going to try and pin it on Taliba.

  5. Laying down the basis for an insanity plea, perhaps?

  6. prolonging his life, one word at a time.

  7. Why nobody had killed this motor-mouth in the past is the greater mystery.


  8. I laughed out loud when 5-10 screens down I finally ran into the prosecutor’s comment

    “If your honor please, at this point I hate to interrupt. The purpose of an opening statement is to tell the jury what he thinks the facts will be. He has not done that up to this point.”

    It made me wonder what he really wanted to say about the ramble he just heard…

  9. H&R is a little behind — Muhammad is no longer representing himself.

    I’m of two minds, both of them pretty pissed off. I was in the Home Depot in Seven Corners, Fairfax, VA, about a hour before he got there, and I even parked about where the FBI analyst was shot. If I had gotten new glasses that day as I planned — Lenscrafters! Glasses in about an hour! — well, either I or my girlfriend might not be here. Plus my mother teaches school in Montgomery County, MD.

    So, naturally, I have a personal interest in wanting to see the man fry like an egg. If that makes me bloodthirsty, I’ll live.

    On the other hand, at least he won’t be questioning his own victims.

    He claims complete innocence, yet I can’t help but marvel at the amazing coincidence of how the shootings STOPPED once he was ARRESTED.

  10. H&R is a little behind — Muhammad is no longer representing himself.

    I should have mentioned that, but the post is shorter this way.

  11. “H&R is a little behind — Muhammad is no longer representing himself.”

    Someone must have shown him the transcript of his opening statement.

  12. Maybe it was going to be a mind-control/stop-me-beore-I-kill-again defense.

  13. I think he’ll lose the trial but he probably has a good chance for the Democrtic nomination

  14. StMack – yeah, he might have a shot at the Democratic nomination. What are his views on nationalized health care?

  15. The only “shot” he has at the nomination is if they give him back his rifle.

  16. A mere 5 hours later, the Washington Post agrees w/ me to the letter. Maybe they read this site.

  17. It may have been the tooth that finally made him come around:

    “‘Your honor, last night I bit down on something, and I have an abscess in my tooth,’ Muhammad said, according to the court transcript. ‘I talked to my lawyers about it. They said the only way that you would allow them to speak for me. …’

    The rest of the sentence was evidently inaudible to the court reporter, but Muhammad defense attorney Peter Greenspun finished it for him.”

    Probably had something to do with all the damn cookies he and his family were always eating.

  18. From “Duck Soup’:

    GROUCHO: Gentlemen of the jury, Chicolini may look like an idiot, he may sound like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you — he really *is* an idiot! I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentary. I say we give him ten years in Levenworth or eleven years in Twelveworth!

    CHICO: I tell’a you what, I’ll take five and ten at Woolworth!

  19. You all think it’s easy? You try coming up with an opening statement for a psychotic killer…

  20. Anyone else see the irony of a sniper who shot people from hundreds of yards away feeling the urge to defend himself?

  21. Anyone else see the irony of a sniper who shot people from hundreds of yards away feeling the urge to defend himself?

    Maybe he really didn’t do it…

    hehehehheh heheheh heheheh heh heheheheh hehehehh

    Yeah right. I hope they televise the execution.

  22. I’m not so sure. If we assume that his objective is to avoid the death penalty, his opening statement might be more effective that these posts presume. It is of siginificant value for him to have an opportunity to talk directly to the jury [for quite some time] WITHOUT being subject to cross examination by the state. In my experience, criminal defendants always want to testify – they want a chance to say “I didn’t do it – I’m innocent – that is the real truth” or whatever. But intelligent criminal defense atty’s convince them not to testify b/c the prosecutor will shread the Def. on cross. JAM had an extensive opportunity to humanize himself, claim innocence, mention his children by name, etc etc – and he avoided cross. That rambling speech may prove valuable when it comes to sentencing. The jury might have more trouble executing someone they “know.” Of course, it would have been better if he’d concluded his self-representation experiment right after his opening statement – and before the prosecution began its evidence. Having JAM cross one of his own victims was not smart.

  23. EMAIL:
    URL: http://www.TRY-PENIS-PILLS.NET

    DATE: 12/10/2003 10:13:43
    Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

  24. EMAIL:
    DATE: 01/10/2004 12:42:13
    With love comes strange currencies.

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