Adventures in Security


Latest threat to go nuts, grab some tweezers, and hijack a plane to Cuba? Why none other than White House spin-czar Ari Fleischer, one of the best known faces on the planet. Flying commercial landed Fleischer in the aptly named "random" search queue.

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  1. grumbling monday all!

    does anybody know what the limits of power the bag-violators — errr — security personnel have? what is the list of “banned” items?

    we hear all of these horror stories (this one with ari f. doesn’t count — he was simply searched like the rest of us — hopefully they used a probe on that jerk) of mothers having to drink their own breast milk or stuff like that — is it the case that there are actually more incidents like those, or are we simply hypersensitive to them?

    does anybody believe that these micky mice games really help security?

    and finally, when are we gonna get those security booths like in the movie airplane?

    suffering with the mondays,

  2. Just more proof of the lengths the Godless Clinton Administration will go to to regain power. I know for a FACT that Fleischer was going to hijack the plane and crash it into the White House and stage a coup d’etat.


    with Fascist nutcase regards,


  3. mothers having to drink their own breast milk

    Haven’t heard that one before! I don’t know if it helps security or not, but it sounds like fun 😀 Makes me want to become a baggage-handler myself, so I can make people take dumps and eat their own crap and stuff 😀 Have to take one for the ream, cuz I have America’s protection to consider. What a noble profession, and I would get to wear homeland security jerseys and get union wages! Absolute power means having an absolutely great time! Just look at Saddam Hussein’s pad, man 😀

  4. Wow. Now I’m convinced that everyone is doing their part for the Homeland.

    I’m sorry for calling you an elitist prick, Ari. Now I now you’re just an average Joe.

  5. hey Steve!

    (oh, great free-market comment on the other thread)

    anyhow, the only thing is that HRC makes Ari dress up in tweed jackets with leather elbow patches — you know, from the “how to dress like a liberal store” in new york. The same place where flag burning attorney Knuttsen got his stuff… confounding fashionistas…

    still mondayingly,

  6. hi Anon — (“if that is your name”, as group captain mandrake would say)

    here’s a link to the story. (among other places)


  7. ONCE UPON A TIME . . .
    Delta Airlines: Good Investment.
    Continental Airlines: Profitable.
    American Airlines: Very Profitable!

    NOWADAYS . . .
    Delta Airlines: Going Bust.
    Continental Airlines: Layoffs.
    American Airlines: Teetering.
    New gubmint bureaucracies: Very Profitable!!

  8. to save you from scrolling to rock bottom:

    When Ari Fleischer was in a long line for the Delta Shuttle to head to New York for NBC correspondent David Bloom’s funeral, an airline employee offered to escort the president’s press secretary directly onto the plane. Fleischer declined, saying he would wait like everyone else. A moment later, another worker pulled him out of line and subjected him to a random search. No such indignities on Air Force One.

  9. I think the author means “queue” (lineup), not “cue” (pool ball nemesis). I don’t usually correct grammar on the Internet, but this is a serious magazine afterall…

  10. “queue” can also mean a brain that chicks affected when inthralled to their commish impoolels. hiyah.

  11. When? When someone’s nearby with a video camera, and puts it all over the news that night. Then maybe people will finally get fed up. Then again, I’m not sure their guns are actually loaded.

  12. Joe, (or is it Alice) it must be Wonderland to be working behind, belatedly, closed doors inside the horseless barn, right?

  13. I flown a few times since airport security was federalized, and things are a lot better. The unionized, federally employed want wavers are a thousand times more effective and professional than the Beavis and Buttheads that the hallowed private sector used to entrust with our lives.

    But some of the security procedures are pretty pointless. Like the battle-ready troopers raoming around inside. When, exactly, would it be a good idea for a National Guardsman to fire an m-16 in an airport terminal?

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