Bumpkin Support Act


A brace of farm state Senators—safely enscounced in a city with booze, running water, lap dances, and cable TV—want to send federal money back home to specifically underwrite rural life. Matching funds, tax credits, and other goodies would shower upon anyone willing to commit to life in some God-forsaken hell hole which by rights should dry up and blow away.

Most offensive is the line that supporters of the act spout that rural life some how is the "founding lifestyle." Wrong. American colonists took a different path by striving to be something more than a raw material source for the British empire. East Coast trading posts would've never evolved into actual cities otherwise.

Besides, if billions and billions in farm subsidies each year cannot support the "founding lifestyle" maybe folks should find a new lifestyle.