Calvin Klein's Ricin?

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A Saudi Arabian student going through security at a Philly airport sprays himself and security workers with cologne to prove the bottle he is carrying is, in fact, cologne. All hell soon breaks loose. FBI, hazmat teams, quarantine—the whole package.

The mistake the guy made, of course, was assuming his spritzing would prove his bottle contained only cologne. Contained areas like airports and airplanes are great places to spread noxious agents. And in an age of suicide attacks, spraying oneself proves nothing.

But there has got to be a better way to handle such missteps besides the DEFCON 4 response. A table-side cologne test kit or something.

For record, the bottle contained Diesel Green. And if he'd spritzed me with it, I woulda Tasered his ass just on principle.

NEXT: Junkyard Warriors

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  1. Diesel Green? That doesn’t even SOUND good. sounds like something a truck driver or engine mechanic might smell like after a long, hard day.

  2. Hilarious “ass bomber” comment above!

    And re: the line about tasering the Diesel-scented Saudi out of general principle, that reminds me of Dennis Miller’s old terrible late night show. Every time he swore, someone squirted him with a super soaker filled with Brut. “Brut: It smells like a man.”

  3. Be careful when Tasering someone who just sprayed a flammable substance.

    Not the brightest thing to do.

  4. just imagine the ads:

    Diesel Green: “pick your own stud in the joint!”

    or:

    “Diesel Green: i’m my own prison bitch!”

    happy friday,
    drf

  5. Another example of fear driven government, fanned vigorously at every opportunity.

    Did it occur to anybody, regarding the panic driven deaths at the club in Chicago two days ago, that total chaos broke out when some rent-a-cops started spraying mace in an enclosed area? My guess is this would have been a routine mess in “normal” times.

  6. Hey Lefty,

    that’s right, and these rent-a-cops were particularly jumpy because this club was already operating under pseudo legal conditions.

    spraying some unidentified substance at an airport with similar rentacops doesn’t seem that smart.

    now if the ohio national guard were there…

    drf

  7. Rent-a-cops? I’m confused, I thought all airport security was handled by G-men now.

  8. Remember, every government solution solves a prior government solution.

    I await the final government security airline solution: Six Flags meets Depends?. Don your adult diaper, and get locked into your seat for the ride.

    I’m only glad the shoe bomber wasn’t an ass bomber. Imagine that security check?

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