? Bill Clinton had better hope the Secret Service does a better job protecting him than they do protecting the building housing the Office of Foreign Assets Control. Despite 24-hour patrols by the Secret Service, a burglar walked off with several items, including a television, from a second-floor office in the building.

? The Los Angeles Times asked several studio executives how the November victories by Republicans would affect the movie industry. TriStar Pictures President Marc Platt replied, "Filmmakers will be dealing with stories about illegal immigration or the way society is dividing up into 'haves' and 'have nots'…." TriStar and its sister company Columbia rank near the bottom of box office share among the major studios.

? A teacher and a guidance counselor have been suspended at Memphis, Tennessee's Winchester Elementary School. The two got into a fight at a school dance held as a reward for students with good behavior.

? In Norfolk, Virginia, Virginia Hudgins has been charged with animal neglect. Authorities have decided that her pet pig is too fat. No word yet on whether they've charged any chihuahua owners for having undersized pets.

? French authorities have shut down an art show at the Georges Pompidou Center. The artist had put spiders, snakes, and scorpions in cages with various animals that they normally prey upon and was going to let nature take its course. But the city's veterinary service decided that the display constituted cruelty to animals and closed the exhibit.

? City employees owe New York City over $5.6 million in unpaid parking tickets. Over 7,000 workers have been identified who each owe at least $185. One parking meter attendant owes $14,608. Hey, what's the point of being a government bureaucrat if you can't flout the law?

? Missouri Attorney General Jay Nixon has compiled a Top 10 list of the most frivolous lawsuits filed by state prisoners. Highlights include the prisoner who charged that the limit on Kool-Aid refills was cruel and unusual, and another who claimed that the cost of junk food in the prison commissary was too high. But at the top of Nixon's list was the prisoner who complained about the lack of salad bars on weekends.

? A Montreal man pulled a 65-year-old woman from a wheelchair and sexually assaulted her. He was convicted, but now the Supreme Court of Canada has ordered that he be given a new trial. Why? The court ruled that the man's claim that he was too drunk to know what he was doing was a valid defense and he should be allowed the chance to prove his claim.

? When California voters approved Proposition 187 in November, they voted to cut off state services to illegal aliens. It seems they may have cut off pizza as well. Three days after the initiative passed, three teenagers in Stockton, California—two Latinos and an Indian—claimed that a cashier asked them for naturalization papers when they tried to order a pizza. When they couldn't produce proof that they were not illegal aliens, they say, they were refused service.

? Eight men have filed claims against Jenny Craig Inc., charging that female co-workers sexually harassed them. One man says that co-workers complimented him on his impressive biceps, nice eyes, and "tight buns." He further complained that most of the workers were female and that female-style talk filled the workplace: "It was, 'Who to marry? Who is pregnant? How to get pregnant? I have my period.'—girl talk."

? Over 80,000 drug and alcohol addicts get Supplemental Security Income, and according to a new federal study, about the only ways they'll ever get off the dole is to die or go to jail. Only 1 percent of these people ever get a job or recover, the study says.

? Keith Bradford of Waterford, Michigan, has been charged with stealing a condom machine from a bar. Said police spokesman John Grimm, "All we can figure is, he was anticipating a big weekend."