Is Fresh Breath a Crime?

I can't imagine why law enforcement officials have asked Hershey's to stop manufacturing these innocent Ice Breakers breath fresheners. Perhaps minty freshness on the lips of their suspects would distract them from their important duties? Yes, that must be it.

Or maybe:

Members of Philadelphia's police narcotics squad said the mints closely resemble tiny heat-sealed bags used to sell powdered street drugs. They charged that the consequences could be serious if, for example, a child familiar with the mints found a package of cocaine....

Ice Breakers Pacs, which first hit store shelves in November, are nickel-sized dissolvable pouches with a powdered sweetener inside. The pouches come in blue or orange and bear the Ice Breakers logo.

There's an epidemic of edgy breath fresheners! I tracked the trouble caused by the gateway gum, mojito mint, here. And don't forget Cocaine energy drinks.

Comments

Matt J | January 29, 2008, 4:12pm | #

Next on the agenda...rock salt.

zig zag man | January 29, 2008, 4:16pm | #

"I tracked the trouble caused by the gateway gum, mojito mint..."

...don't forget "Pixie Stix", 'cause you know they look like coke straws, and the stuff inside is powdery, and Pixies are known to carry teh gay.

Bearded Beavis | January 29, 2008, 4:19pm | #

Nickel-sized? Looks more like a sixteenth to me.

Jack | January 29, 2008, 4:19pm | #

Heroin comes in those bags, not coke

jackanapestarian | January 29, 2008, 4:20pm | #

Don't forget candy cigarettes. Those nefarious little sweeties got me hooked on the hard stuff: yes, those miniature wax bottles of delicious sweet nectar. A junkie at eight years old. The humanity!

Episiarch | January 29, 2008, 4:20pm | #

They charged that the consequences could be serious if, for example, a child familiar with the mints found a package of cocaine

I'm the first person to spit at the drug warriors but at least this is a barely valid reason, and is way better than "it will promote TEH DRUGZ!!!"

gaijin | January 29, 2008, 4:20pm | #

They charged that the consequences could be serious if, for example, a child familiar with the mints found a package of cocaine....

Or even Heroin! All frequently found lying about.

de stijl | January 29, 2008, 4:25pm | #

If Marsellus Wallace's wife could get confused, a little kid could too.

Reinmoose | January 29, 2008, 4:26pm | #

Wait, I don't really understand how you use...err.. i mean, eat? these Ice Breaker Pacs

gaijin | January 29, 2008, 4:26pm | #

Maybe if they came with warning labels?

gaijin | January 29, 2008, 4:26pm | #

Wait, I don't really understand how you use...err.. i mean, eat? these Ice Breaker Pacs

Under the tongue, like, uh, you know.

Bingo | January 29, 2008, 4:29pm | #

Mojito mint is seriously crack though, I chain-chew the stuff. Spit out the chewed piece, replace with new one, repeat every 20 minutes. God I need some even thinking about it.

sage | January 29, 2008, 4:30pm | #

I'll finish the sentence for them:

They charged that the consequences could be serious if, for example, a child familiar with the mints found a package of cocaine....

or the police saw a child with the breath fresheners and decided to kick their doors in, hog tie everyone while shooting the family dog, only to discover that they'll have to "throw down" as ususal.

Lamar | January 29, 2008, 4:33pm | #

I can understand the confusion that could be caused by the lookalike dope bags, but isn't poopy breath the real crime?

Shannon Love | January 29, 2008, 4:33pm | #

I would imagine the eventual lawsuit will kill the candy.

If a child does die for consuming cocaine, whether related to the mints or not, I am sure that an inner city jury will have no qualms about finding against the Hershey company for failing to heed the police's warnings.

Abdul | January 29, 2008, 4:36pm | #

I do have to wonder what Hershey's was thinking when they packaged a powdered white substance in little glassine envelopes. Did they think being regards as a family-friendly candy company was somehow hurting the brand?

Ska | January 29, 2008, 4:37pm | #

I doubt this will have any impact on anyone.

But thanks for the thoughts of a quick blast or two, it gave me a little jolt.

Legate Damar | January 29, 2008, 4:38pm | #

Does this mean that if we can get drug dealers to start sealing their shit in blister packs, we can finally be rid of that scourge to society (the blister packs, not the drugs)?

As an added bonus, crackheads + blister packs = teh funny.

Bobster | January 29, 2008, 4:42pm | #

A Tic Tac looks like a pill. What if some child familiar with Tic Tac's finds a bunch of pills laying around? Don't even get me started on Pez. I'm surprised that any child lives past eight years old with all the dangerous drug look alike candies out there. Maybe candy should be made to look like brussel sprouts or something. Won't somebody please think of the children!?

Russ 2000 | January 29, 2008, 4:45pm | #

They charged that the consequences could be serious if, for example, a child familiar with the mints found a package of cocaine....

The kid would probably say to himself "If I saw an open soda can on the sidewalk and it had a few ounces of fluid in it, I wouldn't drink it. So why do grownups think I'm so stupid when it comes to breath mints?"

sage | January 29, 2008, 4:47pm | #

why do grownups think I'm so stupid when it comes to breath mints?"

Cops, Russ. Not grownups.

Alice Bowie | January 29, 2008, 4:49pm | #

Keep Dope Alive !!!

JW | January 29, 2008, 5:00pm | #

They charged that the consequences could be serious if, for example, a child familiar with the mints found a package of cocaine....

OK, sustaining the level of stupidity needed to come to this conclusion actually violates a few laws of physics.

Sean | January 29, 2008, 5:01pm | #

Holy shit I've been getting ripped off this whole time.

/that explains the headache.

Yahoo Answerer | January 29, 2008, 5:07pm | #

What it is a crime to have fresh breath only the criminals will have fresh breath.

Juanita | January 29, 2008, 5:20pm | #

There is no difference between something that looks like a drug and the drug itself, unless it is alcohol, which is safe because it is legal. As adults it is our responsibility to protect children from themselves.

Windypundit | January 29, 2008, 5:21pm | #

I think Legate Damar wins the thread.

Timothy | January 29, 2008, 5:25pm | #

You're boring Juanita. Get a new schtick.

forgetful coke head | January 29, 2008, 5:28pm | #

Honey, did you see my coke?

It is in little glassine envelopes.

Yeah, just like those "Ice Breaker" packs.

David | January 29, 2008, 5:29pm | #

Actually, I think the public should be more nervous about the likelihood that police will mistake breathmints for packets of cocaine than children doing so.

Tacos mmm... | January 29, 2008, 5:40pm | #

Well, that does it. I'm buying some.

Disgruntled | January 29, 2008, 5:41pm | #

I am sure that an inner city jury...
Why not say what you mean? An ignorant jury full of poor black people (who we all know are stupid) will...

chthus | January 29, 2008, 5:47pm | #

The most likely death I see stemming from this product is when some kid thinks he can score a few bucks selling these to some junkie and gets caught. Not sure there's a lawsuit against Hershey in there, but I wouldn't be too surprised.

"Hershey's product design made my boy try to scam a junkie and they should have realized that junkies don't always take kindly to that before they put this on the market."

HLovejoy | January 29, 2008, 6:03pm | #

Won't someone please think of the children ??

Oh yeah, they thought of the children and realized that they're morons and their parents are cokeheads.

Paul | January 29, 2008, 6:18pm | #

for example, a child familiar with the mints found a package of cocaine....

Or perhaps, drug addicts, familiar with the packs of cocaine found some of these mints! Oh, the hilarity that would ensue!

crimethink | January 29, 2008, 6:22pm | #

They charged that the consequences could be serious if, for example, a child familiar with the mints found a package of cocaine...

Seriously, how often does this happen? Are there areas where the streets are littered with tiny cocaine packets? I'd think a kid is much more likely to find broken glass laying around than single-serving cocaine.

Paul | January 29, 2008, 6:32pm | #

What were the kids who find the small packets of cocaine doing before?

Ska | January 29, 2008, 7:04pm | #

Freebasing gobstoppers.

The Bearded Hobbit | January 29, 2008, 7:14pm | #

There is no difference between something that looks like a drug and the drug itself, unless it is alcohol, which is safe because it is legal.

.. uh, yeah .. gotta get rid of all that sugar in the kitchen .. you know, for the children..

.. jeez, Juanita, even you have to admit that was pretty lame .. come, come, now girl .. we expect better of you ..

.. Hobbit

duster | January 29, 2008, 7:29pm | #

I bought a few of these as soon as they hit the shelves, since I knew drug war fools would make a stink about it and they would be highly collectable.

anon | January 29, 2008, 7:55pm | #

Where are people buying heat sealed packages of drugs? I've seen my share of street drugs and I've never seen anything heat sealed.

Bob Mologna | January 29, 2008, 8:32pm | #

I only ever see heat sealed buds of top grade weed. Heroin usually comes in tied up balls wrapped with balloon from under the dealer's tongue. Yuk, but worth it on occasion.

Jennifer | January 30, 2008, 12:07am | #

Are there areas where the streets are littered with tiny cocaine packets? I'd think a kid is much more likely to find broken glass laying around than single-serving cocaine.

Last year in New Haven, a little boy found a baggie of crack while walking to his second-grade class. He didn't know what he found was bad, of course, so he felt no need to hide it from his teacher.

Yes, he was charged with possession of narcotics. At age eight.

Colonel_Angus | January 30, 2008, 12:54am | #

"Last year in New Haven, a little boy found a baggie of crack while walking to his second-grade class. He didn't know what he found was bad, of course, so he felt no need to hide it from his teacher.

Yes, he was charged with possession of narcotics. At age eight."

That reminds me of one of the failings of that dare shit. It was all about drugs=bad, liquor=bad, tobacco=bad,peircings=bad (!), but the stupid coloring book never actually explained what drugs were.