Tonight on The Independents: Red Meat Wednesday With P.J. O’Rourke, Judge Napolitano, Michael Ian Black, and Jim Norton!

What was that we were saying about Red Meat Wednesdays on The Independents? Tonight on Fox Business Network at 9 pm ET, 6 pm PT (with repeats three hours later), you can see the one & only P.J. O'Rourke talk about his new book, Baby Boom: How it Got That Way (and it Wasn't My Fault) (and I'll Never Do it Again). Speaking of funny people, here's last night's panelists Michael C. Moynihan and Gavin McInnes playing a game called Trump vs. Nugent:

Also on tonight's show, Fox News Senior Judicial Analyst and Reason.com columnist Andrew Napolitano will talk about news that National Security Agency Director Gen. Keith Alexander is looking to criminalize journalistic publication of national security leaks, and whether that means we should be rooting for a federal shield law. Funnymen Jim Norton and Michael Ian Black will speed through a number of contested topics—former IRS official Lois Lerner's non-testimony in front of Congress today, Diet Coke's "You're on Coke" advertising campaign, the Government Accountability Office's report that Michelle Obama's healthy school-lunch initiative is making kids gag, a would-be Alabama congressman's shameful-or-awesome past as a maker of toilet-cam political vids (you can view an example here), and the latest idiotic vaping ban in Los Angeles.

Other topics may include the Duke porn actress who came out today, China's increasing military budget, Chipotle's mixed messages on whether climate change will drive guacamole off the menu, and the 10-year-old kid suspend from school for making finger-guns.

Follow the @IndependentsFBN on Twitter, use the hashtag #indFBN, and go to the show website for previous-episode video and more.

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    You're going to have to spike the punch in the green room to achieve the level of giddy shenanigans of last night's affair.

  • ||

    They could have someone run around gently concussing the talent before the show instead.

  • Sevo||

    I know the ads are what pay for the site, but is anyone else a bit disturbed about the "shocking" cure for something if you eat what looks like a rat's ass?

  • GILMORE||

    I'm more disturbed by the Obamacare sign up ads.

    And the 'Frank & Oak'/JUST ADD BEARD!-school of fashion adverts (they must know I lived in Williamsburg)

    Asian Ladies Dating? The only thing disturbing about that is the Imperative Appeal in its poorly worded copy = 'FREE JOIN NOW!'. I'm almost suspicious that's intentional.

  • Sevo||

    "And the 'Frank & Oak'/JUST ADD BEARD!-school of fashion adverts (they must know I lived in Williamsburg)"

    I get local ads also, so the bot knows from whence I post.
    Hadn't noticed the copy on the dating service; this one has a chastely-dressed model compared to others.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    I've seen the "rat's ass" cure. I've also been getting a lot of HIGHLY EFFECTIVE Big Mac ads lately.

  • GILMORE||

    Fatty

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    That's an understatement.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Are you milking a medical retirement?

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    Old knee injury has reared its ugly head. Haven't been doing shit and have been packing it on.

    Skied today (in a new brace) for the fist time in 6 weeks. Hurt like hell. I think I've got a meniscus tear.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    The weather is also an acceptable excuse.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    There's an MRI machine just down the street from you, right?

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    Several, actually.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Montana (in the summer) is sounding better and better.

  • General Butt Naked||

    Everyone uses adbock. Why don't you?

  • Sevo||

    And give up my chance to gripe?

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    No Two minutes of Hate? I am sorely disappointed.

  • ||

    How am I supposed to burnish my totals?!? I blame GILMORE!

  • ||

    Let's be honest, you're disappointed it isn't a daily feature.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Wait. Are you not?

  • ||

    Of course I am. Are you implying I'm a communist or something‽

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    **narrows eyes** The KGB often used gay men to ensnare closeted American targets in honeypot operations.

    Strangely they have yet to show this on 'The Americans'. Not that I don't mind naked Keri Russell.

  • ||

    You...you mean not that you do mind, right?

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Shit. I guess I'm disqualified from the proofreading job.

  • ||

    Hilarious and tangentially related: Homosexuals in government a Congressional hearing.

    There is a restaurant downtown where you will find male prostitutes. They solicit business for other male customers. They are pimps and undesirable characters. You will find odd words in the vocabulary of the homosexual. There are many types such as the necrophalia, fettichism, pygmalionism, fellatios, cunnilinguist, sodomatic, pederasty, saphism, sadism, and masochist. Indeed, there are many methods of practices among the homosexuals. You will find those people using the words as, "He is a fish. He is a bull-dicker. He is mamma and he is papa, and punk, and pimp." Yes; in one of our prominent restaurants rug parties and sex orgies go on.

    I'm gonna have to bring back bull-dicker and sodomatic (sodomy on autopilot?).

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    There are many types such as the necrophalia, fettichism, pygmalionism, fellatios, cunnilinguist, sodomatic, pederasty, saphism, sadism, and masochist.

    Two of these things are not like the other.

  • ||

    Eh, oral was still considered sodomy under Virginia's law until a few weeks ago, no?

  • Bam!||

    It's the one consistently good feature of the show.

  • TheGreatCornholio||

    "Other topics may include the Duke porn actress who came out today"

    Would you like to know more?

    Yes!

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Matt has been in his dimly-lit basement all day doing 'research'.

  • GILMORE||

    Taking bets for the eve =

    - Kennedy again spastically blurts something out about oil

    - Kmele goes back to the stalwart grey (Donegal?) sport coat

    - Matt eschews pink entirely: wears white shirt and blue tie and looks normal and no one is much impressed

    - Much amusement is had over Hilary Clinton's Godwin-ing of the Ukraine situation.

    - Someone will again suggest Matt be replaced by Naomi Brockwell. Possibly me.

  • ||

    You really think Matt will give up on the pink? He seems pretty dedicated to it. I say he sticks with it.

  • Sevo||

    (fingers of right hand touching forehead, gazing into middle distance)
    I see....
    All people on the show wearing CLOTHES!

  • Bobarian||

    Kennedy won't be wearing underwear?

  • RannedPall||

    Gimme ten bitcoins on Kennedy blurting, and then press my bet again on another blurt if she does. Time to start paying off college.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    INDEPENDENTS ASSEMBLE!

  • Bam!||

    The dinner bell of The Independents.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

  • ||

    Yo.

    /zips pants.

  • Calidissident||

    Can we please keep Napolitano away from anything relating to the Civil War?

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    What, and not marginalize the movement by needlessly tying us to neoconfederates?

  • ||

    Whoa, only 20-something posts before the show? Did everyone tucker themselves out in Elizabeth Nolan Brown's threads today?

  • ||

    Some of us are doing other things, jesse, you lazy bum, like uninstalling SQL Server 2008 R2 from this laptop along with Visual Studio 2008.

  • Dave C||

    Do they uninstall any faster than it takes to install them? That's usually good for most of a day.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    She threw a lot of rocks at the beehive today.

  • Sevo||

    "Elizabeth Nolan Brown's threads"

    Who dat?

  • SIV||

    New content-generator editor

  • BigT||

    Poet Oatmeal Stout (New Holland) tonight. Very creamy, chocolaty. Yum!

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    I went to my spot, and they don't have Substitute anymore. I'm back to Little Sumpin'.

  • ||

    Little Sumpin' is better than Sucks anyway. That Bourbonic Plague was something else. Highly recommended if you don't mind paying $30/bottle.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    I'll look into it. I try to keep my beer under $15 a day.

  • SweatingGin||

    Bourbon on the rocks. Well, on one giant, 2" sphere of ice.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    Matt should be replaced by Naomi Brockwell.

  • JeremyR||

    Or Kurt Loder

  • ||

    DREAMCATCHER EARRINGS...all right.

  • SIV||

    COSMOTARIANS CONGREGATE!

  • ||

    How's that obsession working for you, Rain Man? You wanna drive the car in the driveway?

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    THAT ARE THOSE OMG!

  • Bam!||

    Kennedy's earrings can be used as fishing nets for when your child's goldfish dies.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    She shouldn't have hung that sweater on a wire hanger.

  • SweatingGin||

    Whoa, it's like she's wearing GWAR armor under it

  • Bobarian||

    That's her shoulders.

  • ||

    No, Kennedy, you're on notice!

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Dreamcatcher earrings.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    It's the pits?

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Hey, I'm wearing the same shirt as Matt.

  • ||

    God damn it it isn't pink!

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Elizabeth N. Brown ‏@enbrown 5h
    Just got called a female @daveweigel by Reason commenters. Whatever that means?
    Expand

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    daveweigel ‏@daveweigel 4h
    That you’re fantastic and people love you. RT
    Expand

  • SweatingGin||

    I'm putting another hash mark in the "Shrike is Weigel" column for that one.

  • BiMonSciFiCon||

    Do people actually think PB is Weigel? Because I can't imagine (1) Weigel has time for this and (2) would waste his time trolling, because there's no way he believes the crap PB posts.

  • General Butt Naked||

    So we have nuclear engineers that post here, but weigel is too busy?

    From his writings, I think he spends an hour, maybe two, a wee working on his "craft".

  • ||

    And I'm actually laughing.

  • SIV||

  • ||

    Wait, what's wrong with rough demeaning sex?

  • SIV||

    I didn't say anything was wrong with it. Just trying to figure the Bettie Brown/Dave Weigel connection.

  • GILMORE||

    Jesus, liz = how hard is it to *look shit up*?

    kids these days

  • SIV||

    Kids? She ain't a day under 37.5.

  • Derpetologist||

    Behold the transcendent glory of a poem titled "Trigger Warning"

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtUaTk8e-Rg

  • SweatingGin||

    I was hoping against hope it would be at a poetry slam... and it was!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    There was a camera and he wasn't able to bloviate? Fuck you, Issa.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Malcolm's mom really needs to come clean.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Is that a Detroit Red Wings lapel pin?

  • ||

    Is Kmele mixing grey and brown?

  • Byte Me||

    I'm not sure government officials should be allowed to 'plead the fifth' in their official capacity as government officials, and when being questioned by the body that created their positions.

  • Palin's Buttplug||

    Grant her immunity then. That is how stupid the GOP is.

    They don't want her anyway. They are fishing for big fish in the White House.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    They might risk going to prison in in their personal capacities if they confess under duress.

  • Byte Me||

    My thinking is in the line of having transparency. If public servants really were as they are named, then they would be expected to assume certain risks and responsibilities of their positions and consequences for failure to adhere to the letter of the law of the document they swear an oath to.

  • ||

    Michael Ian Black takes the fifth too.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Good contribution, Black.

  • Bam!||

    Campaign seems to be getting a lot of free air time. I doubt Coke is crying about Kennedy's snarking.

  • ||

    That's not the right kind of coke, Kennedy. You of all people should know better.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Actually, England would really go apeshite.

  • Byte Me||

    Enter: Nigel Farage

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    So what's the difference between this segment and the Topical Storm?

  • Bam!||

    I was going to post the same thing.

  • All-Seeing Monocle||

    These aren't numbered.

  • SweatingGin||

    graphics?

  • ||

    Someone should tell Kennedy and Black that it's been twenty plus years since she was a VJ and he was on The State.

  • kibby||

    So I managed to get my parents to watch tonight, for PJ. I can't wait to hear how horrified they are at these early segments.

  • SweatingGin||

    invite them to thread.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Yeah, Welch, parenting sucks.

  • Bobarian||

    Parenting rocks; kids suck.

  • kibby||

    My brain hurts trying to work this out.

  • TheGreatCornholio||

    Gott in Himmel, those earrings, I can't stop staring.

  • Almanian!||

    I need TP.

  • TheGreatCornholio||

    Probably for your bunghole.

  • Soros' Wank-noose||

    Yeah, if they had small motors attached, they could probably supplant a Cuisinart mixer.

  • ||

    Ha, chilimac is still a comfort food for me. It was one of the first things I learned how to cook by myself.

  • ||

    Chili Mac sounds like the cold version of Country Mac.

  • Bam!||

    It sounds like an offshoot of Fannie Mae.

  • ||

    WTF is Country Mac?

  • ||

    You disappoint me, jesse.

  • ||

    You disappoint me, jesse.

    How is that different from any other day?

  • Bobarian||

    Chili Mac is an abortion of left-overs.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    Fleetwood Mac?

  • Almanian!||

    OK - I switched over from British Superbike reruns after Shaky Byrne crashed out of race...11 I think it was.

    ANYHOO - how come Welch is always in the "leg chair"?

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Shocked Welch doesn't relish the opportunity to send his daughter to school with a non-FDA approved lunch.

  • Byte Me||

    In regard to the Viking River Cruise ad: I wanna go on a river cruise with real Vikings.

  • Almanian!||

    THIS

    You been watching the History series? Pretty actional w/good kill ratio. #LIKE

  • Byte Me||

    I haven't, didn't know about it, but I'll check it out.

  • Almanian!||

    Second season just started. Better storytelling than most of the cable series, IMHO. Yeah, it's a soap opera, but a soap opera with VIKINGS AND LOTS OF KILLS. I like. Check it out!

  • Almanian!||

    Not a M I Black fan. I AM a Jim Norton fan.

  • Derpetologist||

    Fauxcahontas want-um heap high min wage. Ask-um why not $22?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwAQwItEjUo

  • All-Seeing Monocle||

    Oh, I bet ma and pa kibby are gonna love "turdy time".

  • kibby||

    Seriously. I'm really hoping they'll just dvr & watch in a couple of hours so I can tell them exactly when PJ is on. I'd like them to maintain some semblance of respect for my television viewing choices.

  • All-Seeing Monocle||

    I'd say you were taking a pretty big risk given that goal.

  • ||

    I can't imagine in what state of mind you thought this was a good idea. You do a lot of angel dust, don't you.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Maybe Daddy Kibby will find Kennedy appealing and Mama Kibby will fawn over Kmele.

    It's not like she's inviting them to read these comments. Right?

  • kibby||

    My Mom already doesn't like Kmele, despite agreeing with him on everything he said in the segment I showed her.

    It's infuriating.

  • ||

    How can she not like Kmele? That's absurd, unless she's a ra...oh.

  • kibby||

    Yeah. Uh.

  • ||

    I...I was only kidding.

  • kibby||

    She just has preconceived notions that he must be super progressive & refuses to listen, evidently.

  • ||

    Wow, your mom and Serious are going to get along poorly. I suggest you two elope.

  • kibby||

    This is actually the creepiest idea anyone here has ever suggested to me.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Yeahhhh.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Really? Kmele is the least objectionable person on that panel.

  • kibby||

    My parents are pretty avid FNC watchers & have both (somewhat recently) shifted to this idea that all morality should be legislated by Christians.

    I feel like it's Bizarro World sometimes.

  • ||

    Grand Moff Serious Man|2.25.14

    Kmele's here! **squeeeeeee**

    Least objectionable? That's not what you said the other night.

  • Almanian!||

    WHEN DO WE GET TO THE TWO MINUTES OF HATE????

  • ||

    According to the announcement, you don't.

  • Almanian!||

    I thought so :(

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    It's a fireside chat. (...when he has Indian food.)

  • Bobarian||

    The way they wear they pants!

  • SIV||

    These guests really suck.

  • Byte Me||

    They should get Andrew Levy (from Red Eye) on. He is at least good at sarcasm.

  • ||

    I also often philosophize while taking a dump. I usually focus on which one of One Direction is the dreamiest, though.

  • Almanian!||

    OMG - srsly? WHO CAN CHOOSE!

    *swoons*

  • Almanian!||

    Kennedy needs 10 mins in the [unregulated] tanning booth. Or is she going for the "Twilight" look?

  • BiMonSciFiCon||

    TIWVP...

  • Almanian!||

    This is why vampires...peel? Prate? Purloin?

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    GETTING HEAD IS ILLEGAL NOW???

  • Almanian!||

    wait...WHAT??1

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    So ya see fellas, it's not that women find you repulsive after all. You can blame the government for that dry spell.

  • ||

    Don't worry, nobody will enforce it...until they do.

  • Byte Me||

    Just shower-head...

  • ||

    There's a lot of focus on oral from Kennedy. First big snakes, now oral. I think Kennedy is trying to tell us something.

  • TheGreatCornholio||

    She said Cum Black. I HEARD IT!!!!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Candy cigarettes trained me not to smoke. Those things were disgusting.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Kennedy almost prevented Welch from making his gateway zinger, but he got it out.

  • Almanian!||

    cock blocker - she's the Linda Tripp of Independents

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Wow.

  • ||

    I'm impressed.

  • Almanian!||

    BAM!

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    "anti-scientific act of progressive populism"

    Um, is there any other kind?

  • Almanian!||

    Mrs. Almanian "OMG, it has a little mustache at the end of it! HAHAHAHAHA!"

    THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

  • BigT||

    Keep your laws off my body - I wanna sell a kidney.

  • ||

    Holy shit, did Kennedy just kiss the ass of one of the people she chronically interrupts? Maybe she's trying to make amends.

  • Bam!||

    How'd these poor African kids get those necklaces?

  • Almanian!||

    Sam Kinison's cameraman handed 'em out right after the ham sammiches

  • All-Seeing Monocle||

    YOU LIVE IN A FUCKIN' DESERT!!!!!!!!

  • Almanian!||

    +1 wonderful recollection - thank you, Rodney Dangerfield for revealing that man to the world on your show!

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    Don't send them food, send them luggage.

    GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE DESERT!

  • Almanian!||

    Send a fleer of u-hauls, we'll move 'em all at once!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Your donations.

  • Almanian!||

    Jorge Lopez? Really? Fuck him. At least Danny Trejo's on...

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    I'm a Mexican-American and I don't watch George Lopez because it furthers the stereotype that George Lopez is funny.

  • Almanian!||

    Aaaaaaaay yi yi!

  • Almanian!||

    EDWARD SNOWDEN HAS DONE MOAR DAMAGE TO THIS COUNTRY THAN HITLER! LITERALLY!

  • ||

    DON'T MENTION THE WAR!

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    "You know, Kennedy, Lincoln censored many newspapers and even put editors in prison!"

  • Almanian!||

    Judge Nap be lookin' FI-HINE! Someone's gotta gym membership and USIN' it.

    Plus - Grecian Formula.

  • GILMORE||

    Independents Attire Review, March 5 2014

    - Kennedy = Discovers that specific shades of Emerald/Teal cause the blood to completely drain from her body. Luckily her evening Ritalin-enema will keep her chatty until dawn, when she returns to hanging from the studio rafters by her feet.

    - Matt = Was no-tie Tuesday not informal enough for y'all? Don't worry, Matt intends to progressively reveal his utter contempt for TV viewers by eventually showing up in nothing but a tank-top and sweatpants. To the confusion of many his hair will remain perfectly combed.

    - Kmele = While remaining by default at the top of the Independents Fashion Pyramid, even the perfect formula dies from excessive repetition. The love affair grows stale, and even the maroon tie and hanky fails to inspire us in yet another otherwise flawless ensemble. We remain hopeful that a spring palette may be forthcoming, and that the experimental NSA-lapel-pin surveillance-devices may be scrapped entirely.

    Notes on Guests =

    - Johnny Blue Jeans 1) Gay? Didn't know. 2) Ageless? possible ring of mordor in pocket?

    Thank you

  • SweatingGin||

    "tank-top"

    The term you're looking for is "wife-beater".

    You're doing the lord's work with your fashion review, by the way.

  • kibby||

    That is an offensive term to women, you sexist pig.

  • The Bearded Hobbit||

    Fuck ties.

    16 years into my vow to never put one of those hangman's nooses around my neck for the rest of my life.

    ... Hobbit

  • GILMORE||

    That's very nice for you. Your story will soon be considered for a compelling sequel to 12 Years a Slave

  • seguin||

    Working title: 16 Years a Clip-On

  • GILMORE||

    in case anyone fails to understand my surprise re: JBJ, please review the following classic =

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLW2i2ZBVNw

  • GILMORE||

    Shit, I was going to bet The Judge goes 'less red' with his coiffe.

  • ||

    The judge looks like he's about to start trying to sell everyone concrete shoes.

  • Almanian!||

    You gotta prollen wi' dat, goomba?

  • GILMORE||

    Needs moar pinky ring

  • SweatingGin||

    Oh come on, Judge. They don't need to change the 1st amendment to ban publishing leaks, just like they don't need to change it to ban political speech.

  • Almanian!||

    "pierce the shield"

    I know what you're sayin', Napster. Word.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Lincoln never bothered with grand juries, he just ordered people locked up without trial!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Don't pierce the shield!

    Just the tip!

  • Almanian!||

    Just this once. Just to see what it feels like...

  • Almanian!||

    "I don't like any federal legislation" - THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU, JUDGE N!

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    You'rE in favor of enhancing human freedom, Judge?

    DIDN'T THE CIVIL WAR ENHANCE HUMAN FREEDOM BY ABOLISHING SLAVERY?!

  • ||

    DON'T MENTION THE WAR!

  • Derpetologist||

    Abolish the N word- coming to a Boondocks episode soon?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TSEteId5-c

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    If you have a blog then you have a virtual press. First Amendment!

  • Bam!||

    Crestor ornage fleece guy kind of looks like Chris Christie.

  • BigT||

    Are H&R comments protected by a shield?

  • Almanian!||

    In Russia, comments shield YOU!

    Wait, no they don't....

  • Bobarian||

    They're protected by the fact that only 30 people post here.

  • Almanian!||

    And 20 of those are Tulip and puppets

  • SweatingGin||

    ask Warty? and all the others named in that that shall not be mentioned?

  • Almanian!||

    That Gretsch in the Crestor ad looks like mine! Except mine's sunburst, not Hipster Orange. Cool guitar, though

  • ||

    So Matt knows people in the adult industry? It must be his mom.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    What boys are on her case about being in porn? Idiots.

  • TheGreatCornholio||

    http://www.pornhub.com/video/s.....belle+knox

    Here's a start on some of her videos.

    Her profile http://www.matrixmodels.com/profile.php?id=830 says only 94 lbs at 5'4". Just the right size.

  • Bam!||

    Just look at that cold lifeless expression. Who wouldn't want to bang that?

  • TheGreatCornholio||

    I'm not particularly picky. But different strokes for different folks!

  • Byte Me||

    I'll be in my bunk...

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    God can't see though sunroofs.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Hopefully they have hardwood floors.

  • Almanian!||

    Lower risk. Yeah - I'd still want my babies born where my dogs won't wanna lick 'em off.

  • Almanian!||

    "won't be able to"....anyway

  • ||

    Hey, the dogs are cheaper than a nurse, and do just as good of a job.

  • Almanian!||

    They ARE extremely thorough. And they like shit like afterbirth.

  • SweatingGin||

    If you let the dogs get it, you won't be able to do placenta crafts. And sell them on etsy.

  • GILMORE||

    "Kmele's Blessed Pocket Squares"

    I approve

  • kibby||

    No drugs? There is literally not a planet on which you could pay me to give birth without drugs. So. Many. Drugs.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    My mom did it the natural way 6 times.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    The later births come quickly. It's the first one that's a doozy.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    My brother was like 13 pounds and got stuck at one point, so that one was hardest for her according to my dad.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Your poor dad.

  • From the Tundra||

    Ouch. Mine, only 5.

  • kibby||

    You also couldn't pay me to do it six times. Or once, even.

    Your mother is a better woman than I.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Your damn right she is. She worked an 83 hour week during Stormageddon last week and keeps our house spotless.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    You should pitch in more.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    $200 a month in rent plus maintaining the yards and taking care of the family dog.

    She has 3 daughters at home that can pitch in.

  • kibby||

    Seriously, kid. I hope you appreciate the hell out of that woman.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    I really can't express how much I admire and look up to her. So yeah, I do.

  • kibby||

    D'awwwwwwwww that's the cutest thing ever.

  • ||

    What does giving birth have to do with that sentiment? That's my attitude every day, and as far as I know, I can't give birth. Unless it's an ass-baby. Speaking of which, I haven't watched Bad Milo yet and it's on Netflix Play Instant now.

  • kibby||

    This is why you're a broken husk of a man.

  • ||

    (sobs)

  • GILMORE||

    I was discovered under a cabbage leaf

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    I was born in a vajayjay.

  • Almanian!||

    Avocados. Don't. Care.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    No you didn't.

  • BigT||

    Not the Tesla again!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    How do you make a point about Global Warming without artificial consequences?

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Canada is going to steal our avocado trees.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    So won't we able to grow avocados in Oregon?

  • Almanian!||

    Can't wait for teh global warmings so we can start our orange, avocado and pineapples groves in mid-Michigan. Daddy gots ta have his citrus and guac.

  • SIV||

    It's $1.80 for a little dollop of Chipotle guac.

  • GILMORE||

    Its green mayonnaise

    Shrike LOVES it

  • Bobarian||

    Fuck Chipotle!

  • SIV||

    The McBurrito isn't bad.

  • Derpetologist||

    Here is the top video on youtube for explaining "hate speech":

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTdCa6vbvTk

    And here is what the same guy says about Christianity:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTdCa6vbvTk

    These people are beyond parody.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    They're both the same link, you [bleep].

  • Derpetologist||

    Keen eyes, sir. Keen eyes.

    Here it is:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uDHFAsY6rSA

  • Byte Me||

    Is that the complete list of what is "hate" speech? I contend that "hate" is a relative term and these panzies (not the word I really want to use to describe them) need to grow pair and/or some fucking skin and get it through their thick skulls that people will inevitably say things they don't like. Stop being a little bitch about it and learn to let it roll off your shoulders.

    That's my rant for the night. I yield the floor.

  • From the Tundra||

    Yeah, I'm completely cool with using the hospital. My daughter showed up after an emergency C-section. I'm really good with tools, but that might be a little beyond my DIY comfort level.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    The "tools" you likely have around the house aren't really the right kind. Especially the "spreader".

  • From the Tundra||

    So, a gear puller wouldn't have worked?

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Only one way to find out.

  • Almanian!||

    All three of ours were C. My wife begged for it after 24 hours in labor with the first, who wasn't going ANYwhere...the other two were scheduled. A relative dream :)

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Lincoln caused global warm...OK, I'll stop.

  • ||

    Look, if avocados are at risk I'm jumping ship and joining team AGW... I'm sorry.

  • SweatingGin||

    Think of the killing you can make after cornering the market on plains-state avocados!

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    My friend gave me a bag of avocados from her tree two weeks ago. Today they were finally ripe enough to be used to top our tacos. Very good.

  • Almanian!||

    Why is PJ not doing bong hits?

  • ||

    I've been bogarting the bong.

  • Almanian!||

    figures

  • SweatingGin||

    How to Drive Fast on Drugs

    While Getting Your

    Wing-Wang Squeezed

    and

    Not Spill Your Drink

    *almost* HST level there.

  • Almanian!||

    For a second there, I thought you were going to link us to that "Nickleback" song....

    *stares at SG*

  • SweatingGin||

    There's a nickleback song related to that?

    And if there is, you know this? 'Cause I didn't.

  • Almanian!||

    Uh...a...FRIEND....told me...

    *turns and walks away swiftly*

  • SweatingGin||

    "Gumming cialis"

    Wow. Going for a thread winner there, Kennedy.

  • Bam!||

    P.J. O'Rourke is funny and insightful but I dislike his delivery. The nervous laughter is annoying. "You know. *chuckle* You know."

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Which is why his writing is funny.

  • Sevo||

    Saw him live once. He's a writer and writers get to edit stuff. Speakers, well, once it's out there..

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Commie-Nazis!

  • Almanian!||

    I'm allergic to suicide vests, too, PJ

  • Almanian!||

    "We're baby boomers?" "Uh, yeah - 1962." "Did not know that..."

    My wife - I think I'll keep her.

  • Bobarian||

    Bell bottoms and Yuppies did not make the world better.

    Fuck Boomers.

  • Almanian!||

    Yeah, but my '71 Camaro Rally Sport was cool as hell, so....I forgive some.

  • Bobarian||

    That was designed by someone from the 'greatest generation'. Boomers designed the Aztec.

  • Almanian!||

    You are incorrect. Program lead was - I believe - a "Greatest" (Mitchell). Designers were boomers.

    PWND

  • Bobarian||

    In 66-69, roughly when the 71 would have been designed, the oldest boomers would just be graduating from college.

  • GILMORE||

    I first read PJ O'Roarke in Rolling Stone in the 1980s, and said to myself, "this cat knows whats up". He was the first example for me of a guy who could be 'counter-cultural' while wearing a tie.

  • Almanian!||

    His reviews in Car and Driver are my faves. The Buick GN from the 80's and a recent review of the Rolls Royce...no, Bentley Azure are exquisite treasures for the ages.

  • SweatingGin||

    I'll have to look those up...

    But a motorcycle review by the Master:

    Song of the Sausage Creature

    You want to cripple the bastard? Send him a 130-mph cafe-racer. And include some license plates, he'll think it's a streetbike. He's queer for anything fast.
  • Almanian!||

    I like that Brenda Butner was working for the magazine when he penned this. They reprinted it a few years ago (I subscribe).

    Srsly? I'll take PJ's reviews, which are actually cool. That shit Buffalo Roam wrote? Weird - "why don't you go kill yourself?" And he did...

  • SIV||

    PJ's car writing and early/mid 70s NatLamp work was his best.

  • Almanian!||

    I agree

  • The Bearded Hobbit||

    He also did some articles for Playboy.

    ... Hobbit

  • ||

    Generational collective guilting is...tiresome. I had hoped for more from PJ.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    I enjoy it at Thanksgiving.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    You don't plug another guy's book, PJ.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Those Boomers are all in it together.

  • Almanian!||

    COLLECTIVISTS IN THE END - ALL OF 'EM. TOGETHER

  • kibby||

    Well that was...not up to my expectations.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    O'Rourke requires more time than The Independents is willing to provide.

  • kibby||

    I think he just comes across much better in writing.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    People with ADHD think the Independents segments aren't long enough.

  • All-Seeing Monocle||

    Would have been better off having them tune in last night for Gavin McInnes.

  • kibby||

    My father would probably appreciate Gavin almost as much as me.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    That Mr. Burns joke was the joke of the decade.

  • GILMORE||

    Wait, WTF? Pre-filmed? My attire review is *shattered*

  • GILMORE||

    That was like a bad dream-sequence

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    She looked good in that dress. Or was it a tank top-y top?

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    They pre-record all of the year's shows in the first two weeks of January.

  • Sevo||

    So you're telling me the little commie NEVER gets slammed?!

  • ||

    I disagree with this man's contention that his bald head is beautiful.

  • Almanian!||

    Hard to tell with his pants on, I agree

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    The avocado. California's sole positive contribution to the world.

  • From the Tundra||

    Well, I always kind of liked the Descendants...

  • ||

    That's hurtful, FdA.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    :( I'm sorry.

  • ||

    It's cool. I'll pretend you didn't mean it and we can still be friends!

  • SIV||

    Fiberglass surfboards, hot rods, personal computers...

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Uh, The Beach Boys?

    Come on, this state is awesome.

  • ||

    You're seriously going with the Beach Boys? You're scaring me. I didn't think you were a serial killer, not even after you skinned that girl and wore her face like a mask.

  • SIV||

    Raymond Chandler, Phillip K. Dick, Hollywood...

  • From the Tundra||

    Raymond Chandler was from Chicago.

  • SIV||

    All his books are set in California

    Chicago has Nelson Algren

  • From the Tundra||

    Never read Algren. Which do you like best (as a Chandler fan)?

  • SIV||

    Which Algren? The Man With the Golden Arm, his short story collection The Neon Wilderness. A Walk on the Wild Side and Someone in Boots in that order.

  • From the Tundra||

    I'm on it. Thanks!

  • SIV||

    The Runaways...

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    I rest my case.

  • Bobarian||

    Fake Boobies on skinny little blondes...

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    We cannot allow a defense spending gap!

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    China doesn't need to police the rest of the world.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    You're gonna get letters.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Uh-oh. Welch is about to badmouth Reagan to Kennedy.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    We cannot allow an avocado gap!

  • ||

    Matt gets very animated when talking about Japan's military. I'm suspecting a hentai tentacle fetish in his closet.

  • kibby||

    Well thank you for that image in my head. *urks*

  • ||

    You may enjoy the anthology Coming Together: Arm in Arm in Arm...

    Roommate read it on a lark and thought it was a bit tame, but if you want to catch up to Matt you'll have to start somewhere.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    My guess would be that the ChiComs are more willing that the U.S. to sacrifice lots of soldiers. I mean, they're willing to sacrifice soldiers at American Civil War levels...oops, I promised to stop.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    And the Taiping Rebellion was contemporary with the American Civil War and was *much* bloodier.

    Stop it! Stop it!

  • Bobarian||

    That is how we got our asses kicked back out of NK during the Korean War.

  • ||

    I'm glad that Kmele--someone--is pointing out that the military is just a huge fucking bureaucracy. Because that's exactly what it is.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Whichever country won the biathlon will rule the world.

  • From the Tundra||

    How far could Matt kick China?

  • Bam!||

    We could cut our military budget in half and not lose a single defense system. Just stop wasting money on incompletely run programs. The Future Imagining Architecture was a $15 billion bust. F-22 is a mess. Etc.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    God created man.

    Samuel Colt made them equal.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    Praise Jeebus! And pass teh aminishun.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    New York - nowhere to go but up!

  • SweatingGin||

    I've been streaming it from my cable/ISP rather than face mother-in-law for the last few days. So, weirdly, the only commercials I get are for spanish soap operas, George Lopez Show, and Rick from Pawn Stars selling razors, The rest of the time it's just a black screen with a logo.

    Haven't missed the NY ones. I imagine there they're playing MI ones.

  • Derpetologist||

    Melissa Harris Sufferin' Succotash Sylvester Perry & guests discuss Rape Culture.

    Oh Boy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA3jbEPetE8

  • Almanian!||

    Oh no. No way I'm clickin' that. Nope. Uh uh.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    I could screencapture the Twitter debate I had last night with a feminist who had written on her profile "My heart belongs to Marx."

    She called me a #ChampionMansplainer. It was awesome!

  • Almanian!||

    Wow! Wow. Wow

    Just...wow! Oh what a night...

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    There was a trending topic called #LiesToldByWomen

    This girl gets her panties in a wad at how many women were participating and perpetuating harmful stereotypes.

    I told her she must think humor a tool of the Patriarchy and it escalated to me laying done some 'Mansplaining.

  • kibby||

    I hope you wiped the floor with her.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Arguing with people that deranged is like trying to play chess with a pigeon. They inevitably shit all over the board and fly way to sqwaking about how they totally won.

    But this exchange happened. Her:

    Sarah B ‏@sariweather 18h
    @LiberalBHound Yep. And ~ [my name] is a certified expert on women's lived experience.

    Me:

    @sariweather i once saw a feminist drop her purse. I picked it up for her and she yelled "Stop oppressing me!" #ChampionMansplainer

    Some other douchebag that chimed in:

    Liberal Basset Hound ‏@Laffybug 18h
    @sariweather he appears to fall into the "it's never been a problem for me so it's not a problem for you" crowd. #tool

    Me:
    @LiberalBHound @sariweather feminist converse: "it's a problem for me, so I'm going to make it a problem for you because I know better."

    Her:

    Sarah B ‏@sariweather 18h
    @yeshuatrujillo You can fuck the fuck off & stay out of my mentions.

    So I guess I won.

  • ||

    But you had a redaction fail.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Shoot. Oh well, I've exposed my name here before already so what difference, at this point, does it make?

  • SweatingGin||

    I'd follow you, but it would expose my name.

  • ||

    Your name ISN'T SweatingGin?

    Next you'll tell me your children aren't the Ginlettes.

  • SweatingGin||

    Next you'll tell me your children aren't the Ginlettes.

    They don't know they're in a band yet. But Welch said something during the oscars about every five year old in the country knowing the frozen song by heart, and well, the Ginlettes can sing it just fine.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    I actually don't Tweet much, I mostly just follow. Although Matt Welch and Lucy Steigerwald follow me, so there's that.

  • Libertymike||

    The phrase "so there's that" is a verbal clutch often employed by Stephen Breyer.

    So there's that.

  • kibby||

    I can stalk you now!

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    You mean you weren't before? I'm offended.

  • ||

    ...but me suggesting you elope was creepy?

  • kibby||

    I only stalk when invited to do so. So I'm not like CREEPY creepy. He's a kid, after all.

  • Grand Moff Serious Man||

    Stalk away, I don't mind. My Twitter isn't much to see though.

    And as for eloping, I don't think it would work because I actually want to father children in the future. So kibby would have to be okay with going Old Testament and letting me knock up her handmaid.

  • ||

    I don't think it would work because I actually want to father children in the future.

    You can father them just fine, they just might not be legitimate in the eyes of your family patriarch.

  • ||

    Oooh, nevermind. I read kibby as only being against giving birth without pharmaceutical assistance. I didn't realize she was against being a baby factory at all.

  • Derpetologist||

    Twitter will not only be the death of English, but perhaps even thought itself.

    Why don't you ask her what she thinks about Marx impregnating and then abandoning his servant girl Elanor?

    Or how never bathed and let his family suffer in grinding poverty?

  • Byte Me||

    ...discuss Rape Culture.

    Is this where they say that all men are closet rapist, and even making the slightest sexual innuendo or advance in the means of hitting on a woman qualifies as some form of rape?

  • seguin||

    Pretty much. They also use an obnoxious acronym (PIV) to denote heterosexual vaginal sex, which is considered rape, because penises are evil or something like that.

  • Almanian!||

    Derka durrrrrrrr! Hurr durr! I give to Wounded Warrior, but I fucking hate listening to Trace of Intelligence Adkins

  • TheGreatCornholio||

    Kids with finger guns. I blame Microsoft....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0VOM7e5Hug

  • ||

    The Runaways as the bumper? OK, I can deal with that.

  • From the Tundra||

    I can't. Just awful.

    Sleater Kinney, otoh.

  • SIV||

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    That's awesome.

    Can't think of anything cooler than being an EX-star.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    "I'll pretend not to come to school during my suspension."

  • SweatingGin||

    Kennedy: "You're a good person"

    No, Kennedy. No, I'm not.

  • Almanian!||

    PEW PEW PEW PEW! research says...

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    God and Guns! Two great tastes that taste great together!

  • Almanian!||

    MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE LOCKED UP, MATT!!

  • kibby||

    Matt, I demand you find this & publish it.

  • Almanian!||

    Go Kmele! #gangsta #sideways

  • ||

    That was racist, Kmele.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    COSMOTARIANS! The men on the panel hate guns. I can TELL.

  • SweatingGin||

    "What'd you say about my mom?"

    Kmele is talking to *you*, Epi.

  • Bobarian||

    Epi is Kmele's mom.

  • Almanian!||

    Shit - when Epi's not getting his posts posted, Kmele's just straight up TALKIN' to him.

    Shit. I am not worthy

  • ||

    The only mom I've badmouthed on this thread is Matt's, but I suppose I could talk about Kmele's too. Let me pull back the covers and ask her if it's ok.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    AH! Lou Dobbs.

  • ||

    AIGGHHH LOU

  • Almanian!||

    LOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

  • GILMORE||

    Matt says you can take his air guns when you pry them from his invisible holsters where he keeps them next to his invisible drum kit.

  • SweatingGin||

    I'm kind of looking forward to the guns episode

  • SIV||

    Worst Independents Ever

  • Bobarian||

    Until the next one.

  • Almanian!||

    You know, for a show called Independents...

  • GILMORE||

    DOBBS WITH A TAN!!

  • Byte Me||

    THE GUN SHOW!!! Now, I won't be able to sleep or work for the next two days.

    Though, I really despise Geraldo. I don't know how he is on other topics, but he is an absolute and willfully uniformed douchebag when it come to guns.

  • Almanian!||

    So pretty much the same for other topics in my experience. Douchebags gonna douche.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    I have a gun show for Kennedy in my living room. I'll also show her which way the beach is.

  • SweatingGin||

  • Archduke von Pantsfan||

  • ||

    Sorry threadjack:

    The most amazing amicus brief ever, by Cato and PJ O'Rourke.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Cattiest Supreme Court brief ever. From footnote 15:

    " Driehaus voted for Obamacare, which the Susan B. Anthony List said was the equivalent of voting for taxpayer-funded abortion. Amici are unsure how true the allegation is given that the healthcare law seems to change daily, but it certainly isn’t as truthy as calling a mandate a tax."

  • Sevo||

    II.
    TRUTHINESS, INSINUATIONS, AND
    ALLEGATIONS ARE PROTECTED BY
    THE FIRST AMENDMENT ................................ 8

    I don't know why anyone would question this, and I certainly hope Obo's admin isn't opposing it.
    "You can keep..."

  • Stormy Dragon||

    I'm reminded of why I don't like John Bolton. As ridiculous as the UN, the job of an ambassador is to advance the interests of our nation, and sometimes that means biting your tongue in the face of the ridiculous. Likewise the job an amicus brief is supposed to be to win your side of the case.

    Being snarky feels good, but in the wrong situation it can often end up hurting your cause. I'm kind of annoyed by people who end up sabotaging their own goals because they seem more interested in living out their fantasies of being a standup comedian than they are doing their actual job.

  • ||

    Dobbs just said epicenter, doesn't that bother someone here?

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    It would if I were watching.

  • Notorious G.K.C.||

    Oops, I get it, never mind.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    He's busy in his dungeon.

  • SweatingGin||

  • Derpetologist||

    MSLSD's substitute for Special Ed weighs in on institutional racism.
    With Africana professor as the guest.

    Oh Boy.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nWT0hCyk9tA

  • Derpetologist||

    "The Definition of Privelege" by a slam poetry festival participant.

    Featuring laughable Ebonics from a white twink.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-BodYLppLk

  • Derpetologist||

    Egad, these privilege complainers are hysterical:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-l7q71AimrA

  • Archduke von Pantsfan||

  • Archduke von Pantsfan||

  • Sevo||

    Linky no worky

  • Archduke von Pantsfan||

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    Okay, just watched Gravity.

    What the fuck? Yeah, yeah... Nice visuals... Good acting... Stupid fucking story...

    SPOILER ALERT:

    What the fuck? There are no more suits on the destroyed shuttle? No way to replenish O2? No more fuel for Clooney's jet pack? Didn't even address it. Why, exactly, did Clooney kill himself? They were tethered to the ISS. The velocity vector was arrested. Grab the line and pull yourselves in. Dumber than dirt.

  • Archduke von Pantsfan||

    Clooney finished his bucket list.
    He died so Sandra could live.

  • Snark Plissken||

    Why weren't they wearing adult diapers under their spacesuits?!?!

  • Snark Plissken||

    That's one I spotted immediately. The director pointed it out himself in an interview, saying no one spotted the most obvious unrealism, but I DID!!!

  • Archduke von Pantsfan||

  • JeremyR||

    It's funny how much of Gravity was basically taken from the 2000 movie, Mission to Mars.

    In that, the spaceship blows up right when they reach Mars, so they have to space walk over to a supply ship also in orbit that has a lander for some reason.

    Only you have Tim Robbins in the George Clooney role.

  • Archduke von Pantsfan||

    Tim Olyphant Tim Curry Tim Roth Tim Conway Tim Horton Tim McVeigh Tim Robbins

  • Archduke von Pantsfan||

    and no greater than sign. put one between all of them.

  • Snark Plissken||

    All a ripoff of Dark Star, except Sandra Bullock doesn't use a surfboard.

  • Archduke von Pantsfan||

    every movie made after 2001 owes everything to Ski School 2.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    A cinematic tour de force.

  • ||

    Is that the pee in public guy?

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