Let's Drink...to Getting Rid of the Office of the First Spouse...

I've got a piece up at Time.com discussing First Lady Michelle Obama's bold new intiative to encourage Americans to drink more...water.

Here's a snippet:

Screw “Let’s Move,” Mrs. Obama’s previous crusade, which was designed to make us exercise. Now it’s time for “Let’s Drink.” But only water. Even in this economy – and despite ubiquitous government surveillance, constant rumors of war, and the slim but real possibility that any of us might accidentally show up on her husband’s secret kill list....

Can we please make it stop? And by it, I don’t just mean Mrs. Obama’s seemingly non-stop nagging and noodging about our weight. (In 2010, she transformed the South Lawn into a fitness boot camp for the White House Easter Egg Roll.)...

No, I mean the entire Office of the First Lady, which consists of about two dozen people whose salaries are paid for by taxpayers. Isn’t there a budget crisis going on? Money is supposed to be so tight at the federal level that White House tours have been canceled and the president is down to employing just two (count ‘em) calligraphers. And yet we can afford a publicly subsidized entourage for the First Lady?

It’s not simply a question of money, of course. And it’s certainly not a question of gender, either. Who can imagine what fresh horrors await the American public if and when Sarah Palin or Hillary Clinton gain the Oval Office? Could official “Let’s Snowmobile!” or “Let’s Kegel!” crusades be far off if Todd Palin or Bill Clinton become First Dude?

Read the whole thing.

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  • ||

    Nick isn't too popular in the comments:

    edgarpaula1 Featured
    2 hours ago
    Gillespie, the First Lady is one of the precious few who understands the true, basic needs of the American people, including the need to overcome the hype of foods and drink that are turning this country into a nation of over-sugared, over-carbed and over-carbonated, chronically ill people. These same people are either going to die young of heart disease and cancer OR live into old age, stooped over, constipated, out-of-breath and obese. Read the articles in Time this year that attest to this pervasive American problem. Applaud Michelle Obama for being a proactive role model who leaves decorating the White House and purchasing tableware to those who are hired to perform such tasks.

    Mostly this: Nick must want children to die of heart disease and diabeetus.

  • ||

    "...one of the precious few who understands the true, basic needs of the American people,...."

    Right there, thats where I threw up.

  • ||

    Was it a sympathy puke for the for the vomit edgarpaula1 spewed?

  • ||

    That is one way to look at it.

  • ||

    I threw up a little too...

    ...in my pants.

  • Calidissident||

  • ||

  • Root Boy||

    As long as it was just vegetables and water, your golden with Moochelle.

  • Doctor Whom||

    one of the precious few who understands the true, basic needs of the American people

    The true believers have too much reverence for just one god to handle. They need a goddess, too.

    And then there's the "You are against fitness and healthy eating?" maroon. That's like asking during the Reagan administration, "You want children to do drugs?"

  • ||

    Most animists are polytheistic, so this makes sense.

  • ||

    Wouldn't animists be pantheists by definition?

  • ||

  • Hugh Akston||

    Not necessarily. Each object can be the vessel for it's own particular god, rather than each containing a share of the universal godhead. Pretty sure I got that one from Kjellberg.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Applaud Michelle Obama for being a proactive role model who leaves decorating the White House and purchasing tableware to those who are hired to perform such tasks.

    Why should I, when Michelle could cut her ladies-in-waiting from the budget and do the job herself, since she is such a boundless fount of energy and direction?

  • Ted S.||

    Applaud Michelle Obama for being a proactive role model

    As opposed to a propassive role model?

    And bullying Olympic gold medallists on national TV because you don't like their food choices is horrid behavior to role model.

  • sloopyinca||

    Applaud Michelle Obama for being a proactive role model who leaves decorating the White House and purchasing tableware to those who are hired to perform such tasks.

    Deficit? What deficit?

    Seriously, though, fuck idiotic people-worshippers like edgarpaula1 with a rusty jackhammer. They cause even more harm that the unqualified-to-give-nutritional-advice lady that happens to be married to the President.

  • JW||

    I picture edgarpaula1 as a more grotesque version of Bruce Vilanch.

  • Swiss Servator, Spare a Franc?||

    Lets drink to ....hey, wait there is no alt-text!

  • ||

    Why is there a wookie stealing milk from the whitehouse?

  • ||

    That's not milk...

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    It's a space station!

  • ||

    It's too wet to be a space station.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    I didn't say it was a fully operational space station. BUT IT IS!

  • ||

    She's not that big of a Wookie, FoE.

  • ||

    Alt-text: The First Lady carrying water for Big Aqua.

  • Swiss Servator, Spare a Franc?||

    Thank you!

  • Ted S.||

    Big Aqua Buddha?

  • R C Dean||

    Now it’s time for “Let’s Drink.”

    [Hoists glass in approval]

  • ||

    My two favorite comments:

    DarwinAkbar 6 minutes ago
    You mentioned Royal Families... At this point, is it still valid that a Republic like ours is superior than Monarchies? Last I checked, the Scandinavia countries were on top of the world in every relevant socioeconomic statistic, whether it was health, education, low corruption, press freedom, etc. The British are not doing badly either - if you were to be the poorest citizen of either country, you are certainly better off being British than American.
    brathjen 48 minutes ago
    This an appalling article which disgraces the institutions to which mr. gillespie associates with. Those of you who support this tripe should imagine the author standing in your living room talking about you, after you have donated your time and talents for a cause you believe in. Seriously, you know you'd want t shove a fist down the author's throat. So man-up and defend those doing something positive in this country. Or better yet, get out do and do something positive for society, FOR FREE. Don't feel like it? Then shut up and go play in traffic yourself.

    FlagShare

    To say nothing of the many comments assuming that Nick is against healthy eating.

  • ||

    The second one is projection gold. Do something positive for society, like shoving a fist down the throat of people who don't agree with you. That's, like, super-positive!

  • ||

    I liked the unintelligibility of "which to which with" and "get out do and do" in that one.

  • Live Free or Diet||

    Somebody out there doesn't realize punctuation saves lives.
    "Let's eat Grandma!"
    versus
    "Let's eat, Grandma!"

  • ThatsOutrageous||

    They also overlooked the role of punctuation in clarifying their ideas.

    "I helped my uncle jack off the horse"
    Versus
    "I helped my uncle, Jack, off the horse"

  • Doctor Whom||

    Yes, the Scandinavian countries are so good about freedom of expression.

  • JW||

    Now we know who, or rather what, still reads Time.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Last I checked, the Scandinavia countries were on top of the world in every relevant socioeconomic statistic, whether it was health, education, low corruption, press freedom, etc.


    I noticed personal liberty by its conspicuous, and perhaps purposeful, absence from that list.

    Better a slave with a full belly than a hungry free-man?

    So man-up and defend those doing something positive in this country..

    Oh, so only men are capable of taking actions that are positive for America? Women are all leeches and jezebels and should be put back in the kitchen?

    Brathjen is an evil sexist!

    *Lights the Jezzie-signal*

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    I am in love with this comment:

    Are you and idiot or just and Idiot

  • ||

    Isn't whisky Gaelic for "water of life" or something? I'm just gonna drink that. Does that count?

  • From the Tundra||

    It counts. Mark Twain said it best:

    “Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.”

  • ||

  • Pro Libertate||

    I didn't vote for her, nor did she get nominated and confirmed by the Senate. So why the fuck is she involved in policy in any sense?

  • ||

    The Lady of the Lake,

    *angels sing*

    her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Extofubur from the bosom of the water, signifying by Divine Providence that I, Michelle, was to nag you forever.

    *singing stops*

    That is why I am your first lady!

  • ||

    Come see the unattractiveness inherent in the system! Help! Help! I'm bein' disgusted!

  • ||

    NONE SHALL HAVE FUN

  • JW||

    "Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life -- filing, copying, writing letters, shaving the wookie...."

  • Marshall Gill||

    Do NOT leave me to face the danger, it is too dangerous!

  • Marshall Gill||

    Peril, not danger! DOH!

  • Pro Libertate||

    And now. . .the moral hex.

  • Tim||

    If you want a vision of the future, imagine a birkenstock stamping on a human face - forever.

  • Pro Libertate||

    See, I might respect it if some watery bint had handed her a sword.

  • ||

    I didn't vote for her, nor did she get nominated and confirmed by the Senate. So why the fuck is she involved in policy in any sense?

    But, we all voted for her gentleman lover.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Actually, a fairly small minority of the country voted for him. Think about that as this one guy is unilaterally usurping power.

  • Hugh Akston||

    Uncle Joe?

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Actually, it would be "Let's Snow Machine!" doncha know?

  • Anders||

    Notwithstanding the fact that it looks like William Perry in drag, the office is justified.

    The Wookie-American community deserves to be heard.

  • R C Dean||

    Why, indeed, are taxpayers funding any staff or other expenditures for the spouse of the President?

    I got no beef with her living in the White House and travelling with her husband on AF1, that's all buried in the overhead. But I can't see why we spend one nickel of public money on First Lady projects/hobbies/obsessions.

  • Anders||

    " got no beef with her living in the White House and travelling with her husband on AF1,"

    Really? Their $100m jaunt to random Africa countries dressed up as some kind of fact finding mission seems a little much.

    They behave like the Duck Dynasty family. The singular difference is that the DD family actually make money, these two just spend yours.

  • R C Dean||

    The jaunt to Africa would have cost just as much (or nearly so) if the family hadn't tagged along.

    The problem wasn't Michelle hoovering up all the snacks on AF1, it was the jaunt to Africa itself.

  • Pro Libertate||

    Frankly, it's got to be illegal in any real sense. Not saying everyone doesn't do it, anyway.

  • Tim||

    Alt Text:
    First lady runs with bouncing jugs.

  • Tim||

    better: "Nice jugs!"

    Gillespie you wuss.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    Click to see Michelle Obama's New Jugs.

  • Jerry on the boat||

    Clear and lucid jugs -- most transparent administration evah.

  • ||

    I didn't know you could train a wookie to fetch your drinks.

  • Rich||

    And think of the potential disasters inherent in a non-professional entertaining foreign dignitaries. If we *must* be spending taxpayer dollars on such niceties, use the "First Lady" money to train and maintain a White House Geisha Corps.

  • The Late P Brooks||

    This an appalling article which disgraces the institutions to which mr. gillespie associates with.

    DRINK!

  • ||

    For a magazine called Time...

  • R C Dean||

    Well, the commenter has a point.

    Its our job to disgrace Reason, dammit!

  • ||

    Could official “Let’s Snowmobile!” or “Let’s Kegel!” crusades be far off if Todd Palin or Bill Clinton become First Dude?

    The leisure pursuits of a purported First Dude are actually much more likely to meet with my social approval, certainly for the individuals cited. I would suggest you'd be much more likely to have:

    "Let's sit on the couch, get some wings, and hoist a few!"
    "Let's creep on some intern chicks!"
    "Let's do some shootin'"
    "Let's make fun of Pelosi's daughter's ass again".

    etc. etc.

  • Winston||

    Nick is a white man criticising a black woman. Racist!

    And when did the notion of the "First Lady" being a official position start? Can we blame Eleanor Roosevelt or the Second Mrs. Woodrow Wilson?

  • Heroic Mulatto||

  • ||

    What about Lucy Hayes and her crusade against the Demon Liquor?

    As First Lady, Hayes brought her zeal to the White House and supported her husband's ban of alcoholic beverages at state functions, excepting only the reception for Grand Duke Alexei Alexandrovich of Russia in 1877, at which wine was served. The Women's Christian Temperance Union hailed her policy and in gratitude commissioned a full-length portrait of her, which now hangs in the White House. She also instituted the custom of conducting an Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. A devout Methodist, she joined the president in saying prayers after breakfast and conducting group hymn sings with the cabinet and congressmen on Sunday evenings.
    The social highlight of the Hayes' years was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary celebration, at which the President and the First Lady repeated their vows at a White House ceremony before many of the same guests who had attended the original nuptials in Cincinnati.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Yes, but Harrison was the first to have tax-payers fund her entourage.

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    The Time readers are well ahead of you:

    And the First lady's office was only seen as wasteful after an african american became First lady. Just because you want to pretend like this isn't pure racism and keep your head in the sand, (because you probably feel the same way), does not mean that the majority of americans who love and voted for Mrs.O to be in the White House has to buy it.

  • Doctor Whom||

    Right, since the people who today would use that argument never ever ever said anything imperfectly adulatory of Nancy Reagan, ever.

  • Winston||

  • ||

    It looks like she's carrying water for the plastic bottle industry.

  • setTHEline||

    Was anyone else aware that water was good for you? This is news to me. Thank goodness for Michelle Obama. I'm looking forward to her next campaign though: "What to Breath". Hope she hurries up, I breath a steady flow of chlorine gas and I'm running low. Anxious to find out if I should be breathing something else!

  • Hopfiend||

    This is a personal fave.

    "Dewey Sayenoff - Rants based on racism and partisan politics is an ugly thing when mixed under a pseudo-logical argument that lacks both proof and merit. The number of logical fallacies involved here boggle the mind - from the straw man to the appeals to arguments (Tradition, authority, etc), begging questions...
    Did this guy ever take logic and critical thinking? (That was a rhetorical question. It's patently obvious he did not.)
    Perhaps his opinions should be aired in a venue where everyone will agree with him - like O'Reilly or as a guest commentator on FOX - late at night when the ultra-radical rightists are drunk and just want to watch something so they can feel more hate.
    People like him are the "enemy" IMHO. The single greatest threat to the United States. And based on the reactions of those who have posted here, his views are not only his own, but aren't shared by the vast majority of Americans. In a democracy, he had better get used to constant disappointment at the polls. Because we have a word for acting against the will of the people in an unlawful manner: Treason."

  • Doctor Whom||

    Those boots aren't going to lick themselves.

  • Hopfiend||

    And our friend there describes himself as a militant independent.

  • Outlaw||

    DeweySayenoff Featured
    27 minutes ago
    @MiltonSpears @DeweySayenoff

    We live in a country that allows slime to have that kind of opinion and express it. They run a fine line between first amendment rights and sedition, but this one didn't cross it.

    I was laughing too hard at the fallacious arguments.

    I tend to not laugh and forward those that do cross the line to the DHS.

  • Hopfiend||

    "See something, say something"

    but apparently our friend takes that to ludicrous extremes.

    It was entertaining reading for about 30 seconds.

    And there is at least one commenter who was outraged by the dialogue on reason and assumed this comment thread was libertarian thinking writ large.

  • AlmightyJB||

    "feel more hate"

    who's feeling the hate?

  • R C Dean||

    we have a word for acting against the will of the people in an unlawful manner: Treason Civil Disobedience. OK, that's two words, but whatev.

  • l0b0t||

    Did anyone else notice that Mary Stack Kizone Kaprow is one the first few commenters on the Time article? Mary sure has Time to gambol.

  • AlmightyJB||

    Meh, whatever. This doesn't make my top one thousand list of things to be pissed about. If her little housewife hobbies were being legislated that would be different. But if she wants to go around saying everyone should drink more water or eat more vegetables then whatever. I don't listen to her and her ramblings had no impact on me enjoying my medium rare NY Strip for dinner tonight. Do I want to pay for it, no, but I'd rather pay for lame suggestions and stupid pep talks than fascist laws. Keep the first lady crap and get rid of the President and Congress crap.

  • ||

    The first lady doesn't even inspire a watery shit from me. Any politician in that cesspool known as DC inspires nothing from me.I don't respect the office. Sorry my aunt who keep posting stupid messages about deleting people from facebook because they let her down.

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