Synfuel Company With $25 Million Green Loan Calls Emergency Conference

An East Bay synthetic petroleum company that received $25 million from the Department of Energy’s controversial loan-guarantee program may be headed for trouble after calling a special investor conference. 

Emeryville, California-based Amyris Inc., which describes itself as an "integrated renewable products company...providing sustainable alternatives" using "industrial synthetic biology," has a regularly scheduled earnings conference on February 27. But the company will hold "an investor update regarding its progress and near term goals" this Friday. 

It could be good news! The company's most recent report claims $31 million in product sales for the third quarter of 2011 — a 41 percent increase over the previous-year period. But Amyris, which is in the business of "commercializing" (greenspeak for "trying to sell") its No Compromise® line of synthetic petroleum products, has been clobbered in the stock market lately. Following the conference announcement, a Raymond James analyst downgraded the company

Then again, those analysts hate America. And what bureaucrat’s imagination wouldn’t be fired by a company that converts plant sugars into hydrocarbon molecules to produce a range of renewable ingredients with potential uses in products from diesel and jet fuel to cosmetics, flavors and fragrances?

But it does raise a few questions: If Solyndra was Bush’s fault and Ener1 was China’s fault and Beacon Power was Solyndra’s fault, will Amyris be the first official victim of the Natural Gas Genocide? Also, does natural gas have an official villain yet? The Emir of Qatar, maybe? And finally: Amyris? Will the cutesy names never stop? 

Enjoy [?] the soothing [?] harmonies of William Byrd’s "Though Amaryllis Dance in Green"... 

 

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  • ||

    Clearly, natural gas needs banning.

    I have a name for another one of these scam alt-energy companies. Foil. For fuck oil.

  • ||

    I have a name for another one of these scam alt-energy companies. Foil. For fuck oil.

    You need to spend more time with the Zen marketing trolls.

    It would be Phoile. The 'Ph' is green, the 'oil' is black and the 'e' is blue.

  • ||

    You're probably right. But I'd call it Föil. Or maybe Fucoil (pronounced foo-soil, to throw off our enemies).

    There's always Liokcûf.

  • ||

    Just fold them all into a company called Scams"R"Us.

  • ||

    Skaam.

  • ||

    Konn.

  • ||

    After the merger, Skamm-Konn.

  • ||

    Sounds Swedish, who are well known communist perverts.

  • ||

    I'm liking its simplicity and complex layers of meaning.

    The commercial, which will feature lots of video of nature and the president, even the president in nature, will show really cool energy technology vignettes (CGI, of course), with various people--scientists, hoi polloi, union leaders, hippies--each saying after a vignette, "Sounds like a Skaam to me."

  • mad libertarian guy||

    And also purveyors of some of the best metal there is.

  • ||

    Idiot Juice, for the idiot in all of you.

  • ||

    Coke™ already owns that name.

  • ||

    A diaeresis and a caret? What kind of communist scum are you?

  • ||

    I'm trying to think like a socialist scammer.

  • ||

    Or for a French flavor, Àdécouvert.

  • ||

    This was in response to Brett L. What's the deal with the threaded abomination machine lately, anyway?

  • Apatheist||

  • Brett L||

    NetLos, or maybe GrosLos

  • Colonel_Angus||

    SynFoil

    With the capitalization and maybe some bizarre punctuation to show that we're down with technology. Fucking pay me.

  • BigT||

    There will be lots of consolidation and bankruptcies in the alternate energy sector in the next few years. Too many people jumped on the bandwagon to get rich quick. Energy is a complex and very difficult business - just ask First Idiot (Sec of Energy) Chu.

  • Pip||

    I had the pleasure of working with DOE and Chu over the last two years.

    One person would tell me one thing and another would tell me the polar opposite. And of course, both would be wrong. They couldn't even put a meeting together without confusion.

    Dumbest. Fuckers. Ever.

  • Raston Bot||

    no way. everybody in govt is super qualified to earn six figure salaries and ivy league and stuff.

  • Brett L||

    Dear Squirrels:

    Your main page H&R continues to look completely fucked -- no text just random symbols -- for about 20 seconds after it finishes loading in IE8.

  • 35N4P2BYY||

    "IE8"

    Well you see there's your problem right there.

  • Brett L||

    At work. No choice.

  • ||

    You can't download/install ANYTHING? Or request Firefox at least? Hell, my hypersensitive place of employment will automagically keep Firefox up to date for me if I choose to have it around.

  • ||

    Acquire a tablet.

  • Brett L||

    Thanks for all the suggestions, but I'm starting a new job Monday where I will work from home and use my own computer and network, so I think I'll just wait it out. Although I'm not at all impressed by the way FF acts at home, but that could be my anti-virus software.

  • rather||

    onetime I flew on a airplane and my ear hurt real bad but when I got home a doctor found a peanut in my ear.

  • Pip||

    You can afford an in-house doctor?

  • ||

    That wasnt a peanut.

  • Trespassers W||

    These vignettes are delightful.

  • ||

    We should just adapt to Tibanna gas instead.

  • 35N4P2BYY||

    Also, does natural gas have an official villain yet?

    My vote is for Sinestro.

  • ||

  • ||

  • 35N4P2BYY||

    Yeah, I can back that. Thor has always been one of my geek blind spots.

  • Raston Bot||

    Ego, however, slowly reforms from a few surviving particles and repairs the propulsion unit. Ego then digested a number of Dire Wraiths to replenish its energy reserves, and battles the Spaceknight Rom.

    ...and then Adam Sandler falls in love w/ Ego.

    Somebody at Marvel called that one in.

  • Bitter American||

    Thank god I've still got my bible and guns.

  • Paul||

    Department of Energy’s controversial loan-guarantee program

    Media bias!

  • Pip||

    Always remember, the first word in controversial is "con".

  • ||

    All these green scam companies going broke....and they all will eventually.....is not a bad thing for the obamites. They took the loan money, sprinkled some on the company and squirreled the rest away for themselves personally. Ooops! The company failed.

    The whole stimulus was just a way for captain zero to loot the treasury and pay his friends.

  • Paul||

    And finally: Amyris? Will the cutesy names never stop?

    As a guy who's corporate experience largely mimics Matt Welch's experience with the Digital Entertainment Network, or DEN, no they will never stop because guys...guys who make way more than you or I make are paid to come up with this shit.

  • ||

    Enphail.

  • Dilbert||

  • Old Mexican||

    Synfuel Company With $25 Million Green Loan Calls Emergency Conference


    (During the emergency conference):

    "Members of the board, dear and esteemed stockholders, ladies and gentlemen...

    ... It's every man for himself!!!!"

  • Paul||

    I'm guessing about now is when employees will start hearing the phrases, "spend more time with family" and "persue other opportunities".

    Which, by the way are my two favorite corporate phrases.

    Got us a mandatory-attendence meeting here at 1:15 pst where several of us are fully expecting to hear that from the director's mouth. I've got chills.

  • Paul||

    *pursue*

    I will use the preview button.
    I will use the preview button.
    I will use the preview button.

  • ||

    What sort of company do you work for?

    My brother was chief design engineer for a company that made all of the Wal-mart roofs. They were going full guns but within six months of the start of the recession that company was fucked.

  • Paul||

    I work in healthcare IT.

  • Priestess||

    no you won't...don't fool yourself

  • Brett L||

    "Due to unforseen events in our economic sector..." is my favorite warmup to a layoff.

  • Paul||

    That's the phrase you hear when they're going to lay off regular employees. The "spend more time with family" is what you hear when the execs start going.

  • Paul||

    So yeah, we just had our meeting and it began with "Due to unforseen events in our economic sector..."

    So they just laid off some regular folk.

  • ||

    If Solyndra was Bush’s fault and Ener1 was China’s fault and Beacon Power was Solyndra’s fault

    Then clearly Bush was Solyndra's fault, all wrapped up nice and tidy.

  • ||

    imagine a roll of film with a succession of 5 frames (Bush, BeaconPwr, China, Ener1, Solyndra) repeated endlessly, attached to a reel with a circumference equal to the length of 4frames. If the overlapping frames of successive layers represent a forward, one-to-one, blameationship, then after a sufficient number of layers, blame will be shared equally between all 5 entities. And not a progressive be staind' in the round.

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