Boulder Cops Smash Naked Pumpkin Run

For ten years, Boulder residents have staged a spontaneous "naked pumpkin run" on Halloween, in which dozens of runners (150 last year) don only shoes and a pumpkin on their head, then jog a four-block route through the city.

This year, however, Boulder police put an end to the revelry, stationing 40 cops and two SWAT teams along the route, which police chief Mark Beckner promising that anyone showing their, er, treats would land on the state's sex offender list.

Looks like it worked. Just a few people did the run this year, and with sufficient clothing to ward off an arrest.

(Thanks to Sean McMahon for the tip.)

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  • ||

    Chief Beckner should get a Medal of Freedom for this.

  • ||

    Yes...for restricting people's freedom.

  • John Tagliaferro||

    What has happened to Radley? This story was sort of funny.

  • Kyle Jordan||

    I've noticed the he occasionally leads off a Monday morning with a story that doesn't make me with death upon mankind. At least it keeps us on our toes.

  • Kyle Jordan||

    What my above post should say is...

    "I've noticed that he occasionally leads off a Monday morning with a story that doesn't make me wish death upon mankind."

  • John Tagliaferro||

    It's psychological warfare.

  • Kyle Jordan||

    Balko's a practitioner of the Lars Ulrich school of journalism. It can't be heavy all the time or it loses its impact. If you put something heavy next to something that's not, the heavy one seems heavier.

    As dumb and absurd as this story is, I do think it's a bit funny.

    Which makes me afraid of what atrocities Radley has waiting in the wings to post about later...

  • John Tagliaferro||

    Then I am expecting something turned up to 11 today.

  • slavic syntax roofpreader||

    Better: expected.

  • ||

    Isn't this bad enough - that you get branded as a sex offender with all the accompanying sanctions for streaking. I think this is a perfect example of how fucked up this country is. What makes me most sad is that this took place in CO.

  • @||

    What has happened to Radley?

    "Isolated incidents" are indeed isolated?

  • hmm||

    He'll report 2 participants were shot, 1 dog beaten, and one guy tazed in the genitalia in an update. Just give it time.

  • Lester Hunt||

    Thank God -- I'll sleep better tonight.

  • ||

    "We must purge this scourge from our fair city"!!

  • Rich||

    The Naked Pumpkin Run is not for everyone. It's hot and smelly and goopy inside ....

    I'll bet even Chief Beckner enjoys that kind of environment occasionally.

  • Kyle Jordan||

    Perhaps when he's mouthlocked on a gloryhole at the truckstop.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    NUDITY = SEXUAL PERVERSION

    I know all of you are sinners hidden underneath that clothing.

  • hmm||

    Who's hiding? I prefer to work naked. Except for the slippers and cowboy hat.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Also, Beckner, way to water down the impact of the Colorado sex offender list.

  • Atanarjuat||

    police chief Mark Beckner promising that anyone showing their, er, treats would land on the state's sex offender list

    Can he guarantee that or just charge them and hope it sticks? Who would have thought sex offender lists would be abused.

  • Balloon Maker||

    So the SWAT team didn't shoot a dog, or let one of their tanks roll down a hill into a children's hospital?

  • Brian Combs||

    How is something that's been going on for a decade "spontaneous"?

  • John Tagliaferro||

    The same way 1960's anti-war protests funded, organized and sponsored by the Soviets were "grass roots."

  • ||

    If you don't want to be treated like a sex offender, don't wear a pumpkin hat.

  • freta||

    Seattlites figured a way around the no nudity ordinances during their Freemont nude cyclists parade. They paint most of their bodies, so technically they're not nude. Coloradorans, paint your testicles blue and unite!

  • ||

    SWAT teams. In case they had shotguns stashed in their pumpkins?

  • Kevin||

    You never know where someone might be hiding a Molotov cocktail...

  • ||

    The local government thought this would be the tipping point towards revolution. Of course, we know the real deal is going to start at Friday night's tailgater just after the big game.

  • ||

    Of course a swat team... I've seen 9mm pistol rounds richochet off a pumpkin...

  • ||

    Was it a fake pumpkin molded out of concrete?

  • ||

    No, it was a fake pumpkin made out of car windshields.

  • ||

    Well, again a topic, where Europeans can only laugh about Americans (I think even the Canadians snicker). How did the US become the world's idiot on domestic social policy and police terrorism from 1960 to today so fast...
    And this without a shed tear or uproar at the so-called "liberal" media?

    Yeah, Americans always have been more puritan than most Europeans, but still, this is getting a bit ridiculous...

  • John Tagliaferro||

    "How did the US become the world's idiot on domestic social policy and police terrorism from 1960 to today so fast..."

    Europeans saying this is what's really funny.

  • Mikael Jacobson||

    Depends on what europeans, the brits should probably just keep quiet on most related subjects but there are plenty of other European nations that are free to laugh all they want.
    (I'm assuming you pulled the regular US "Britain = Europe" thing a lot of people from the US do and trust me, the brits are barely part of europe in the eyes of most other european nations)

  • T||

    the brits are barely part of europe in the eyes of most other european nations

    More importantly, in the Brits own eyes. The wogs begin at Calais, right?

  • ||

    sex offenders? I think the naked pumpkin runners should be punished for hate crimes as well. There is no reasons to needlessly mock those of us with heads that are actually shaped like pumpkins.

  • Charlie Brown||

    Word.

  • OO====D||

    Come and get me, copper!!!

  • Nipplemancer||

    the threat of jail is no longer a useful tool in our war against deviant behavior. we must now put you on a list that implys you are a pedophile or rapist, because your deviant behavior is just as bad.

  • ||

    They should have all showed up in Penis Gourds. Well, the men at least.

  • John Tagliaferro||

    There is plenty of evidence on the intertubz that women can get into wearing those too.

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    I'm gonna start manufacturing designer penis gourds, and then show up on Hit & Run as a spammer linking to my site selling designer penis gourds.

  • Johnny Longtorso||

    Are you offering Steve Smith an endorsement deal?

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    Absolutely. There's so much potential for captioning in the ad campaign.

  • ||

    Backwards or forwards?

  • Rich||

    I agree. Kotekas are *way* cooler than zucchini codpieces.

  • Colonel_Angus||

    We need to start a movement to invalidate the utility of the sex offender registry. Something along the lines of "I am Spartacus"...

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    I could see that backfiring...

  • ||

    "Looks like we're gonna need a bigger list, Chief."

  • Syd Henderson||

    Things are getting better. Two SWAT teams and nobody got shot?

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    +1. Must be that "new professionalism" Scalia was talking about. :p

  • ||

    Somebody needs to file a FOIA request on what the cost of rolling out two SWAT teams and 40 cops was.

  • ||

    Once they figure that out, they will want to send the runners the tab.

  • Robert||

    The BBC headline missed the boat by writing "quash" instead of "squash".

  • Zeb||

    This really bothers me. For one thing, more people should be encouraged to run around naked in public. And another thing, which I always feel a need to point out when this sort of thing comes up is that nudity is not equal to sex. Does this piece of shit police chief really think that people deserve to have their lives ruined forever for briefly running around naked?

  • The Gobbler||

    This really bothers me. For one thing, more people should be encouraged to run around naked in public.

    Have you seen the general public??? Eeeeewww

  • Zeb||

    Yeah, but most of them aren't about to go on a naked pumpkin run.

  • T||

    I wear the same t-shirt to the RenFest every year. It says "Please Cover Your Fat". It's never inappropriate.

  • Tango Mike||

    I'm assuming you'll wear a hat.

  • ||

    Even if nude running was ok, would it still be inappropriate or worse to have an erection? I mean, it happens to the best of us.

  • JB||

    The next time anyone is a victim of a violent crime in Boulder they should gut that fucker of a police chief.

  • ||

    These are exactly the kind of sexual offenders I am paranoid about and want to keep them away from my daughter! They're clearly the ones who will hurt children down the line!

  • T||

    Is your daughter a pumpkin?

  • ||

    I was being sarcastic. The number of "sexual offenders" on offender lists is kind of silly.

  • Country <i>and</i> Western||

    She said, "Hello country bumpkin,
    Put your corn cob in my pumpkin."

  • Xeones||

    For one thing, more people should be encouraged to run around naked in public.

    Well, SOME people should. Others, not so much.

  • BakedPenguin||

    I've often thought how wrong it is that if say, Adriana Lima (no nudity, but possibly NSFW) was walking around topless in public, that would be considered "indecent exposure", yet my 320 lb. fat guy neighbor with tons of back hair can mow his lawn without a shirt, and it's not a crime.

  • Short, fat bastard||

    You should be willing to defend to the death, my right to show my manboobs in public.

  • Zorks||

    Actually, in Boulder Adriana Lima would be able to do the same as your 320 lb fat guy neighbor. Toplessness is gender-equal in Boulder!

  • BakedPenguin||

    SWAT teams. In case they had shotguns stashed in their pumpkins?

    No, in case all of the runners brought dogs.

  • Art-P.O.G.||

    FTW.

  • NeonCat||

    NAKED dogs, at that.

  • GripeBoy||

    I hate cops and this is one of the many reasons why.

  • ||

    Well, you've come to the right place for unreasonable cop hatred. It's a delicacy around here.

  • ||

    FUCKIN' COPS!!!

    Seriously, though, more evidence to support my theory that Boulder, much less than the supposed "hippy utopia", is actually just an enclave for upper-middle-class, conformist white liberals.

    Not that I'm biased, living in Denver and all...

  • Me||

    It is time to strike at the heart of the matter. Why does nudity (or even sexuality, although that was not here) strike such fear into some people that they are willing to use violence to destroy another person's life -- instead of simply turning their eyes to look another way?

  • Howard W Tate||

    A similar thing happened in St. Louis a number of years back. The chief of police decided that he didn't like an activity so he shut it down. It gives new meaning to the term "police state."

    There is no freedom in the US anymore.

  • Howard W Tate||

    And as for being a registered sex-offender, in some states you can earn a place on that registry by breast feeding in public.

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