GM Hums Because It Doesn't Know the Words

Of all the bad arguments for bailing out General Motors, the one that always filled me with an Al Scaduto-worthy Urge 2 Kill was the nostalgic claim that Cadillac and a bunch other beloved American brand names would vanish if GM were left to die. You don't need to be the economist with the $20 bill to assume that any brand with sufficient value would outlive GM's epic misrule. And now there's evidence: Two buyers are apparently competing to buy the sorta popular, sorta too-big, sorta controversial Hummer brand. Details from Bloomberg:

Talks are continuing with two bidders for the sport-utility vehicle unit after GM didn't reach an accord over the weekend as it expected to do, said the person, who asked not to be identified because the discussions are private. The person wouldn't elaborate on the suitors.

I was hoping Hummer would be one of the brands that didn't survive, not because I object to the gas-guzzling but because I object to the deterioration of language the nearly two-decade brand represents. A boxy, militaristic all-terrain vehicle that drives like a truck and probably shouldn't be on civilian roads is called a HUMVEE. That's an iconic vehicle, developed by the truly great and lamented American Motors Corp. A HUMMER is a blowjob, and it still will be long after the last SUV has been replaced by dilithium-powered antigravity cars built by the Japanese.

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  • ||

    A HUMMER is a blowjob, and it still will be long after the last SUV has been replaced by dilithium-powered antigravity cars built by the Japanese.

    No way, man. Obama's 31-year-old Yale poli-sci grad in charge of the auto industry is going to make sure those cars are built in Ahmurrica!

    http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/107136/The-31-Year-Old-in-Charge-of-Dismantling-G.M.?mod=family-autos

  • Kyle Jordan||

    Excellent. My dream of owning a HUMVEE (I'm with ya' Cav!!!) is still entact.

  • zbillster||

    And of course, for those who actually realize that history goes back further than a couple of decades, most of these brands, like Cadillac, existed independently BEFORE General Motors.

    Now can someone please bring back the Gremlin?

  • ||

    A boxy, militaristic all-terrain vehicle that drives like a truck and probably shouldn't be on civilian roads is called a HUMVEE. That's an iconic vehicle, developed by the truly great and lamented American Motors Corp. A HUMMER is a blowjob, and it still will be long after the last SUV has been replaced by dilithium-powered antigravity cars built by the Japanese.

    You know that the Military Humvee and the garbage in that photo are not even close to the same vehicle right?

  • ||

    Heh. When H2s first came out I saw a HUMV with a bumper sticker that was a HUMV towing an H2.

  • Muttley||

    That photo convinced me that my next car will be a schoolbus.

  • Abdul||

    The difference between Hummers and Humvees is that under the right circumstances you can still get a Humvee after you marry.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    That schoolbus was backing up way too fast.

  • ||

    The difference between Hummers and Humvees is that under the right circumstances you can still get a Humvee after you marry.

    :::drum-cymbal sting:::

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  • phalkor||

    Isn't it funny that buying a Hummer makes your penis shrink while getting a hummer tends to do the opposite?

  • EJM||

    ...and it still will be long after the last SUV has been replaced by dilithium-powered antigravity cars built by the Japanese.

    No, the Koreans will be building those.

  • hmm||

    HMMWV is awesome. The housewife, small penis, retard model H series for the public is not so much. I want a fucking Stryker.

  • ||

    Always bet on yellow.

  • ||

    I can't remember where I saw it, but some company that wants the Hummer brand retrofitted it and got its gas efficiency up to something like 60 mpg...

  • hmm||

    It was a bio diesel turbine retro fit. Not exactly practical. It also had an insane 0-60.

  • hmm||

  • ||

    There are quite a few inaccuracies in this blog entry. The military HMMWV was developed by AM General(AMG), while AMG was a subsidiary of American Motors Corp. AMC sold off AMG in 1983. AMG is a descendent of the Willys-Overland Motors corp. Any taint of AMC will have worn off by now.
    AM General History

    I, along with the author of the Hit & Run entry and seemingly the bulk of the commenters did not know the relationship between AMG & GM. Based on the info provided in AMG's FAQ, that of any GM brand, Hummer will be the easiest brand to separate from GM and sell to someone else.


    AM General FAQ

    Frequently Asked Questions (from the link abouve)

    Can I buy stock in AM General?


    AM General is owned by a privately held investment company and does not have publicly traded stock. What is AM General's relationship with General Motors?
    General Motors does not own any part of AM General. In December 1999, AM General and General Motors Corporation finalized an agreement to jointly pursue product, marketing and distribution opportunities for HUMMER®. Under the final agreement, GM acquired the exclusive ownership of the HUMMER brand name worldwide and the original civilian HUMMER was renamed the HUMMER H1. Since 2002, AM General has produced the HUMMER H2 as a contract assembler for GM. GM has responsibility for marketing and distributing all HUMMERs.

    What does HMMWV (Humvee) stand for?

    HMMWV stands for High Mobility Multi-Purpose Wheeled Vehicle (HMMWV, pronounced Humvee®). The name HUMMER has been closely associated with Humvee since the HMMWV program began. HUMMER is not an acronym for any special words, but was coined by people first involved with the program. The name HUMMER later became the name of the commercial vehicle AM General began producing in 1992. The HUMMER name is now owned by General Motors and is now one of their brands, which currently emcompasses the HUMMER H1, HUMMER H2 and HUMMER H3.

    What's the difference between a HUMMER® and a Humvee®?

    The Humvee is the military vehicle. The HUMMER (H1) that used to be produced by AM General through June of 2006 was the civilian version based on the Humvee. It was much the same as a Humvee but "civilianized." Since it contained basically the same powertrain and other components found in the Humvee, the HUMMER remained in a category by itself. For further information, check out HUMMER and Humvee sections for detailed information about the vehicles. The current HUMMER H2, assembled by AM General, is designed to maintain much of the aggressive off-road nature of the original H1 but in a different package, which was designed by General Motors.

    Where are Humvees made?

    Humvees are manufactured in AM General's HMMWV/H1 Assembly Plant in Mishawaka, Indiana, just east of South Bend, Indiana.

    Where are HUMMERs made?

    The HUMMER H2 is assembled at the new state-of-the-art HUMMER H2 Assembly Plant just to the east of the HMMWV/H1 facility.

  • ||

    CNN is reporting Hummer is sold

    http://money.cnn.com/2009/06/02/news/companies/gm_hummer/index.htm?postversion=2009060207

  • HereAllWeek||

    "A boxy, militaristic all-terrain vehicle that drives like a truck and probably shouldn't be on civilian roads is called a HUMVEE"

    hey, leave my wife alone

  • JB||

    Hummers tend to hurt environMental vaginas (both kinds).

    So that's a big reason to like them.

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