Your Papers, Please

Radley Balko | April 7, 2008

Looking for a toy to get your kid acclimated to post-REAL ID America?

From the product description:

Pull over! The traffic police have blocked the road to all vehicles. Wearing realistic uniforms and printed emergency vests, they have set up a roadblock with 4 warning lights and 2 pylons. They are also equipped with a map, stop sign, and pistols.

What, no Breathalyzer?

Comments

|4.7.08 @ 10:22AM|#

What, no Breathalyzer?


Choking hazard.

ed|4.7.08 @ 10:23AM|#

Who needs a Breathalizer when you have what appears to be an Uzi strapped to your belt?

Taktix®|4.7.08 @ 10:24AM|#

To bad you can't melt real cops in a microwave.

|4.7.08 @ 10:27AM|#

No, no. It's just a construction detail in Massachusetts.

You can pretend it's a Sunday, the figures are Deputy Commissioners, and they're earing $160/hr.

Episiarch|4.7.08 @ 10:27AM|#

What, no Tazers? You have to have a way of (usually) non-lethally subduing anyone who doesn't respect the police's authoritah by expecting to have the rights listed in the Bill of Rights.

|4.7.08 @ 10:28AM|#

Why doesn't he have a mustache?

Abdul|4.7.08 @ 10:34AM|#

Kids can replicate the tazer action by sticking a lego man from another set in a light socket.

PC|4.7.08 @ 10:37AM|#

Have they come out with accessories yet? I hear the "compound" accessory looks a hell of a lot like a church.

Taktix®|4.7.08 @ 10:45AM|#

I suppose the next line will include a SWAT team, complete with a van, shotguns, dogs, drugs to plant and blood-thirsty officers...

Jennifer|4.7.08 @ 10:45AM|#

Where's the baggie of drugs to plant on people you want to arrest because you just don't like them? Where's the Grandma-clubbing nightstick? Where's the special cop sunglasses that make wallets look like guns?

Toys were a LOT more realistic when I was a kid.

|4.7.08 @ 10:46AM|#

What, no Breathalyzer?

Oh, it's there. You have to pull down the cop's pants.

|4.7.08 @ 10:49AM|#

and shouldn't they have guts or something?

ed|4.7.08 @ 10:53AM|#

At least they're smiling.

|4.7.08 @ 10:53AM|#

Wait 'til the action figures come along that actually shoot the family dog. Sure gives you a warm fuzzy.

|4.7.08 @ 10:54AM|#

and shouldn't they have guts or something?

Cops don't have guts.
Marines have guts.
Cops have paunches and fat asses.

|4.7.08 @ 10:54AM|#

I suppose the next line will include a SWAT team, complete with a van, shotguns, dogs, drugs to plant and blood-thirsty officers...

I'm looking for the press conference playset with platform, podium, american and state flags, and police chief figure. The box will come printed with realistic phrases like, "we are very concerned about this report and are investigating," "we cannot release details about this ongoing investigation" "the officers in question are all highly decorated and respected by the community" and of course "this was a tactical error, but it was an isolated incident."

Neu Mejican|4.7.08 @ 11:13AM|#

[yawns]...

Kids toys reflecting real things from real life.

Shocking.

Next they'll be giving them toy guns.

[yawns]

|4.7.08 @ 11:16AM|#

are they going to next come out with the accessory characters, such as a poor woman woman with a hole so the lego police can do a cavity search, or a scrawny shirtless guy handcuffed on the ground?

Jennifer|4.7.08 @ 11:24AM|#

Kids toys reflecting real things from real life. Shocking.

That toys reflect real life is not shocking. But the real life being reflected in these toys is.

Kolohe|4.7.08 @ 11:28AM|#

Did somebody say toy swat team?

Kolohe|4.7.08 @ 11:29AM|#

or what neu mej said

Neu Mejican|4.7.08 @ 11:30AM|#

That toys reflect real life is not shocking. But the real life being reflected in these toys is.

Yes, life is shocking.
People are mean, petty, and stupid.

Shocking.

Neu Mejican|4.7.08 @ 11:39AM|#

Toy police checkpoint.

Needs some toy protesters to express pretend outrage, perhaps.

Edward|4.7.08 @ 11:45AM|#

Radley should spend some time in a real police state where finding evidence of oppression wouldn't be such a stretch. Blogging about it would be risky, though.

Jennifer|4.7.08 @ 11:50AM|#

Such a police state would hardly be a utopia for trolls like you, Edward. The Stasi would eat your angry ass for lunch.

|4.7.08 @ 11:51AM|#

I 'm getting this just so my son can have something worthwhile to smash into smaller pieces. That, and teach him the finer skills of running a roadblock via Hot Wheels™.

Most likely tho', he'll just put Mr. Policeman and Ms. Policewoman into compromising positions to relieve the boredom of working speed traps.

Edward|4.7.08 @ 11:52AM|#

So you agree then, Jennifer?

Jennifer|4.7.08 @ 11:57AM|#

No, Edward, I don't agree. But I sincerely thank you for posting today; I've been feeling a little blue this week, and wiping your froth off the screen so I could read the rest of the posts here has given me a badly-needed sense of perspective: things may be looking down for me right now, but holy shit and thank Christ I'm not saddled with whatever the hell your problems are.

|4.7.08 @ 12:01PM|#

thank Christ I'm not saddled with whatever the hell [Edward's] problems are.

Oh, let us count the ways:

1) John Edwards won't be POTUS, or likely VP.
2) His dad only said "I love you" once, and he was making fun of the way Edward said it to him.
3) His mom's basement is cold.
4) Expired ravioli gives him the trots.

What else?

|4.7.08 @ 12:02PM|#

Well, when I play with my son with toys like this I always make it a point to talk shit about the police and other authorities. We usually have the police camped out at Dunkin Donuts ( my FIL actually introduced this to him, so I feel much better about it) and they are too out of shape to chase down suspects. The games usually end with the cops being beaten up and pistol whipped.

|4.7.08 @ 12:13PM|#

Here in flyover country 911 gets you the local doughnut shop. The teenage girl that answers the phone always asks if the emergency requires the locals, the sheriff's dept or the highway patrol, since they are all sitting together, waiting to be dispatched. Saves time and money

|4.7.08 @ 12:36PM|#

Radley, do you think they are trying to condition our kids to accept a police state?

We can tell the force is strong in you, but do the dark lord cosmotarians on staff accuse you of being a "conspiracy nut"? after all this sounds like what Alex Jones has been saying for years.

Yes.|4.7.08 @ 12:44PM|#

Children playing with toy police and police gear is an entirely new phenomenon. What's happened to this country???

Russ 2000|4.7.08 @ 12:47PM|#

It's really not any more fucked up than G.I. Joe. Too bad G.I. Joe never came with a chemistry set and a napalm recipe.

JLE|4.7.08 @ 12:54PM|#

Market answer: don't buy the toys. Whatever happened to buying kids books?

Click \'n\' Learn|4.7.08 @ 1:03PM|#

Another special Balko post. Now, let's do some math:

REALID was a reaction to and could not have succeeded without IllegalImmigration. In fact, if there were much less IllegalImmigration, it would not have gained much support.

+

"Libertarians" support IllegalImmigration.

+

The vast majority of Americans oppose IllegalImmigration and always will

=

By supporting IllegalImmigration, "libertarians" played a role in allowing REALID to be passed.

In fact, the only way to ensure that REALID and similar bills aren't passed is to support our laws, something that "libertarians" advocate against. Of course, maybe some of those who call themselves "libertarians" are something else.

|4.7.08 @ 1:04PM|#

Drink!

GG|4.7.08 @ 1:07PM|#

But if there were no lego stop signs, what would the kids use to make lego guitars?

I like the Safe Cracker set better. I suppose that can only mean Playmobile is preparing The Children™ for a life of crime.

|4.7.08 @ 1:07PM|#

Such a police state would hardly be a utopia for trolls like you, Edward. The Stasi would eat your angry ass for lunch.

Nah, the Stasi would recruit him as an informant/provocateur to infiltrate the libertarian movement.

Jennifer|4.7.08 @ 1:15PM|#

Of course, maybe some of those who call themselves "libertarians" are something else.

In light of the fact that a one-note attention whore like you still hasn't been banned, I think "libertarians" should be renamed "the most uncannily patient sons of bitches on the earth."

No, sorry, make that UncannilyPatient SonsOfBitches. Gotta pump up them blog stats, right, Wackmobile?

Brandybuck|4.7.08 @ 1:35PM|#

...after all this sounds like what Alex Jones has been saying for years

Actually, what Alex Jones has been saying for years was "OMG! Human sacrifices at Bohemian Grove!"

What you conspiroids continually fail to understand, is that you don't need a super secret shadow government conspiracy before evil can exist in the world. Really, you don't! People are perfectly capable of being evil as individuals without having to join Skull and Bones or the Moose Lodge.

|4.7.08 @ 2:03PM|#

In light of the fact that a one-note attention whore like you still hasn't been banned, I think "libertarians" should be renamed "the most uncannily patient sons of bitches on the earth."

No, sorry, make that UncannilyPatient SonsOfBitches. Gotta pump up them blog stats, right, Wackmobile?

C'mon, Jennifer, tell us how you REALLY feel ... ;)

Ashley|4.7.08 @ 3:09PM|#

They have an Anarchist + Cop package too. Both quite smiley.

|4.7.08 @ 3:46PM|#

This set needs to come with a protesting motorist who is holding a camcorder with kung-fu grip.

|4.7.08 @ 5:14PM|#

Did somebody say toy swat team?

Does it come with a plastic dog that lies on its side in a plastic puddle of blood?

|4.7.08 @ 5:20PM|#

Hey, they also make an airport security check-in/X-ray station!

As much fun as the real thing! Now kids can pretend to have passengers arrive at the airport at least two hours before they pretend to take off!

LarryA|4.7.08 @ 5:33PM|#

Kids toys reflecting real things from real life. Shocking. Next they'll be giving them toy guns.

Let me know when Barbie comes out with a concealed handgun license.

|4.7.08 @ 5:48PM|#

Brandybuck,
I don't know why you think I think that you have to join Bohemian Grove to be evil. 99% of conspiracy buffs will tell you that 99% of Bohemian grove is just guys vacationing in the woods. That doesn't mean Henry Kissinger and Micahel Chertoff are angels who care deeply about you and I.

Now the people who lie and say bohemian grove doesn't exist, that is what I don't understand.

Your strawman characterization is nutty. I'm perfectly willing to admit that just promoting Fabian Socialism throughout a lifetime of effort David Rockefeller has done plenty of evil...didn't take any secret clubs.

Jason|4.8.08 @ 2:45AM|#

I love that the tags in the amazon posting include fascism, police state, paranoia, gestapo, fear, and new world order.