Nick Gillespie | October 29, 2007
Ernest Hemingway once said that all true stories end in
death. In my experience, all tattoo stories end
with the slowly sobering-up recipient opining, "It
seemed like a good idea at the time."
The latest instance of this takes off from the recent revelation by Harry Potter creator J.K. Rowling that the esteemed headmaster of Hogwarts Academy, Albus Dumbledore, was in fact gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, especially for a guy who really knew how to use his wand. But it has complicated at least one man's life.
From the U.K. Sun:
PROUD Paul Croft got a tattoo of Harry Potter wizard Albus Dumbledore on his back - but is now being teased by pals after he was outed as GAY.
Proud Paul, 36, spent a YEAR having the Hogwarts headmaster etched into his skin as a surprise for his five kids.
But the factory worker has been the butt of jokes ever since Harry Potter author JK Rowling revealed last week that Dumbledore was in love with a fellow male sorcerer.
Paul, of Nottingham, moaned yesterday: "It's been terrible. I've always liked Dumbledore - just not in that way.
"I went into work and everyone was sniggering....
"There were wisecracks about ‘Watch your backs, lads.' Someone asked me if I was planning to get a tattoo of Graham Norton. I thought, ‘Why me?' "The huge £500 tattoo shows Dumbledore holding a scroll bearing the names of his Harry Potter mad children - Charlotte, Deanna, Brandon, Tamzin and Paris.
Paul said: "It seemed like a good idea at the time."
More here. Note to fans of the movie series, the tatt is of the Richard Harris rendition of Dumbledore, which Croft thinks is the "original and best." Oddly, the Sun's reporters didn't think to ask about the George Lazenby Bond tattoo on his scrotum. Go figure.
Hat Tip: Reader Jim Bob tipped me two weeks ago about the Rowling revelation. I can't remember how I stumbled across the tattoo story itself.
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Wait...so this guy has a life-sized Dumbledore tattooed on his back, but his friends didn't give him shit for it until after he was 'outed'?
My guess is that this isn't the first life-altering mistake this guy has made, and it won't be the last. Most likely the last one will be reported in the news with "A man was tragically killed today while..."
That tattoo is 200$ per kid. A bit more thought about the expense versus how much the children could actually use it would have made sense.
You're not allowed to use the drunk and/or "it seemed like a good idea at the time" excuses for tattoos that take a year to etch. But I'm sure his kids like it, which is kind of cool, I guess.
Did it seem like a good idea to get a full back tattoo of a
passing children's fad? If those are years of birth, his eldest is
14 and should be "Like no one's into Harry Potter" any day now.
This didn't occur to the guy?
HAH FAG!
Fine, I will take Nick's bait.
George Lazenby was, prior to the latest movie/Bond, the most
accurate portrayal of Bond as imagined by Ian Fleming in the
books.
As for Dumbledore being TEH GEY, I find it amusing that Rowling
seems to be sticking it a little more to the "Harry Potter is evil
and promotes witchcraft" crowd, who I assume aren't too thrilled
with man-on-man hide the salami.
As an aside, I was listening to Tom Arnold on the Dan Patrick
show last week, and Dan Patrick asked Tom if he still had any
Roseanne tattoos. Arnold said he's had them removed--he had one of
her face that covered the left side of his chest and went all the
way up to his shoulder. He said it took him more than a year to get
the whole thing removed, but that it was totally worth it.
...he then mentioned that Roseanne used to have a tattoo on her ass
that read, "Property of Tom Arnold", which at the time, he said,
made him the fourth largest property owner in the State of
California.
In the guy's defense, Richard Harris didn't play Dumbledore as
fey. Michael Gambon however, obviously has and continues to play
Dumbledore as a gay character. Harris was dead butch.
I noticed the difference before the revelation came out. I'm pretty
sure Gambon brought out part of the Dumbledore's character on
Rowling's instruction.
Sweet, you did get it. Excellent.
And I think tattoo guy has learned a very important lesson...and
ouch at how much that thing cost.
btw, who gets tattoos as surprises for their kids? Wouldn't a
Dumbledore action figure or something be a little less, um,
permanent?
Speaking of Dumbledore being gay, am I the only one who doesn't understand what the entire outrage of him being gay is about? So far the only semi-acceptable (albeit unbelievably stupid) argument I've heard was "How are the parents going to explain this to their children" one I've heard on CNNHN.
Not that I care a whole lot, but are there any gay references in the books, or did Rowling "out" the wiz gratuitously? Can an author do that to her characters after-the-fact, with no justification from the printed source? The whole episode is odd.
Jozef,
I'm of the opinion that she did solely to piss off the sort of
people who try to get her books banned from libraries.
Ed,
Interesting question. I suppose she can, because she's their
creator, but I doubt she's going to write Albus Dumbledore and
the Tower of Power anytime soon.
All tattoos are bad ideas. I am pretty strongly
anti-tattoo.
Even if you're young and it looks good now, you have to imagine
what it will look like on your 40 year old body and skin. Those
girls on LA Ink or whatever that show is called are going to look
like the bottom of a litter box as soon as they age a little.
Even if you're young and it looks good now, you have to imagine what it will look like on your 40 year old body and skin.
Well, I'm only 28, but I figure my tattoos will look just as good
at 40. 60-70, however, will be a different story...but I'm sure I
won't care at that point...
That said, anybody considering a tattoo should take the time to
think about whether or not they really want it. I've seen some
pretty dumb ones that I know people will regret in a few year.
Let me second the point made by Episiarch regarding Lazenby. It's also worth noting that in his pre-Bond years Lazenby was in the Australian special forces, where he was a martial arts instructor. In other words, among all of the actors to play the part, he was the closest to being a real-life Bond.
By the way, Ahab was totally gay. I'm shocked that no one picked
up on it.
Hello? He spent all his time chasing Moby Dick. Do I have to spell
everything out for you people?
I suppose she can, because she's their creator
I would argue that she cannot, unless she works it into a
manuscript. Doyle took the time to kill Holmes in an actual story
when he had tired of him (only to resurrect him later, of course)
rather than offhandedly mention publicly that Holmes was dead. I
don't believe an author can with any credibility do what Rowling
has done without some proof. Again, are there any HP "scholars"
here who can cite any evidence from the text?
Don't forget Lieutenant Sulu. Doubt too many people had full-back tats of HIM, though.
Somebody has to come up with an erasable tatoo.
Uhh, They've been in Cracker Jack boxes for years.
That buffoon has 5 kids? Shows you where serious procreation
takes place. Hope there is not too much regression in his genes.
For the sake of the kids!
Put him on Larry Springer and Geraldo. A three-buffoon brew-up.
Can't he sue Rowlings? I mean emotional distress, loss of pleasure and so on. Gold mine for the lawyers. Pockets almost as deep as BG.
In the first book, Rowling describes Dumbledore as wearing high-heeled, buckled boots. Possibly a hint?
Welcome to my life, tattoo
We've a long time together, me and you
I expect I'll regret you
But the skin graft man won't get you
You'll be there when I die
Tattoo
--Pete
Townsend, Tattoo
Writers will often construct a backstory for characters.
Sometimes that backstory is revealed and sometimes not. The reason
they do it is to provide a framework to determine the way a
character will respond to a situation or if revealed, to allow the
reader to comprehend how things got to be as described in the
currently set narrative.
For a series like the Harry Potter books it wouldn't surprise me if
Rowling had notebooks full of stuff on the characters, their
previous interactions, and the "world" of Potter, etc. Prolly,
Dumbledore was gay in her unpublished backstory, that fact informed
some of his behavior, but she never revealed it in the
narrative.
destijl
the best example of changing a back story is the two main players
of "the gulch" - they have changed their backstories several times.
(where you can bet that none of the info contained in said back
stories is remotely true)
ed,
What de stijl said. Writers, filmmakers, actors, all create back
stories of their characters. Whether they choose to reveal them to
the audience or not, in the creators' minds there is always more to
the characters than what is explicit. Whether you know it or not,
the host of The Price is Right is a skirt-chasing,
soccer-photographing libertarian, which does subtly inform his
comments about the combination camping lantern/AM FM radio.
Somebody has to come up with an erasable tatoo.
Widely available these days. They look remarkably real and wash off
in a week or so. Great for looking cool at parties.
Albus Dumbledore....gay? I would never have guessed. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I can't believe I was the first to add the required Seinfeld rejoinder to the news someone is gay.
Gives a whole new meaning whenever "Wizard's Sleeve" is mentioned in the books.
highnumber,
If you're not too sick to hang out at H&R you're not sick
enough to stay home! Get your behind to work!
Well, I'm only 28, but I figure my tattoos will look just as
good at 40.
If you have good skin, and the guy that originally did the work was
careful, and if you stay out of the sun, it's a definite
maybe.
I'm thinking I should get mine fixed. But you're right, I don't
really care very much.
Anecdote: Know a hot little honey with a cute little mouse tattooed
on her shapely back side. At 36 she still looks great. The mouse
doesn't. In fact, it hasn't looked good for years.
Somebody has to come up with an erasable tatoo
Can't find the actual article online, but there's this
abstract.
the host of The Price is Right is a skirt-chasing,
soccer-photographing libertarian, which does subtly inform his
comments about the combination camping lantern/AM FM
radio.
Me & Mrs TWC are ambling across the lobby at the Rio after
seeing Penn & Teller (best show I've ever seen, hands
down--makes the TV show look like it was done by elementary school
kids by comparison) and the Mrs sez, Look, there's Drew
Carey! I can't see him because THREE OF THE MOST GORGEOUS
WOMEN I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE are hanging all over him as they
escort him through the casino.
You think that guy's embarrassed? Its been 13 years since the '94 California Senate race, but only last week did the laser surgeon finish removing my Michael Huffington tattoo.
I still fondly remember my delight when I discovered the cute butterfly tatto on the cheek of my girlfriend. She was 19 then. I wonder not if, but by how much that butterly has grown in a generation. I do hope both the wearer and the butterfly are well and happy.
"Sulu was gay?"
The actor that played him was gay. Imagine that, a gay guy in
hollywood. Who knew?
I've always contended that IQ and tattoo quantity generally have an inverse relationship. There are exceptions, but 90% of the time they seem to be used by the verbally inarticulate to make some kind of (generally banal) statement.
If his gayness isn't already canonical, it will be
eventually.
The three most important facts about Rowling relative to the
ability of her work to evolve are: 1) She's alive. and 2) She's
still pretty young. 3) Her fans will not relent until they have
squeezed every last possible bit of information out of her.
I know that a lot of lit types are determined to limit analysis to
the texts alone, but I think this is a function of the fact that
most of the authors who actually get analyzed are dead. The texts
are the texts now, and cannot increase. That's not where Rowling
is. She's where Lucas is and where Spielberg is: she can change
whatever she wants and no one can stop her. She might not actually
change the existing texts the way that Lucas made Greedo shoot
first, but all she has to do is let her publishers put out "The
Harry Potter Encyclopedia" or whatever and her every whim about the
books is official.
Her ability to do this is also open-ended as long as she is alive,
so people hoping to do doctoral theses on the Potterverse have to
reckon with the fact that she will be able to fuck them at any
moment for the next 40 years or so.
hay bus driver.
check out our Sulu/Wayne Friday feature at URKOBOLD.
Highnumber - 1) feel better! 2) are you thinking that Fluffy =
JKR?
wow!
I'm sure Rowling will one day get around to publishing the Harry Potter Silmarillion to answer all questions
Writers, filmmakers, actors, all create back stories of
their characters
No kidding. My point being that this backstory is not revealed in
the narrative, so outing Dumbledore after the fact seems
gratuitous, and her motives are suspect. Rowling's revelation is,
in an odd way, fiction, as it never happened in the story.
She has, in effect, revised the story outside the story,
not within the realm of the narrative where it belongs.
highnumber, hope you get to feeling better. In a 'misery loves
company' vein, I'm home with a sinus infection myself, which ruined
an entire gorgeous weekend. I mean, what's the point of feeling
rotten if you can't miss work for it?
On the actual subject: I feel for this guy's kids if spending $600
on a tatoo is his idea of fun for them.
Oops, that should have been $1,000 on a tattoo.
My sons would much prefer I spent that money on three or four more
video game platforms. THEY have priorities.
Creech- Eddie Willers. Also, how many straight guys do you know named Francisco? And Ellis Wyatt- think about it, man! His message to the world was in the form of a big, phallic, flaming oil rig!
Note to Mr. Croft and his tatoo artist: Blackletter capitals should never be used to spell out entire words, because it's hard to read and looks stupid to anyone who knows anything about typography. Not that you're likely to run into many, but still....
By the way, Ahab was totally gay. I'm shocked that no one
picked up on it.
Hello? He spent all his time chasing Moby Dick. Do I have to spell
everything out for you people?
By law, we have to take you out back and shoot you now.
We're practicing Christians - Baptists of a kind, as a matter of
fact - and my 6 year old is aware that sometimes men marry men and
women marry women, and she learned this inadvertently when I one
day was listing all the people she knew who would not ever get
divorced - mommy and daddy, Nana and Gramps, Aunt X and Uncle Z,
Aunt B and Uncle C, Aunt D and Aunt E -
wait a minute mommy! Aunt D and Aunt E aren't married, they're both
ladies! Well, sometimes men marry men and ladies marry ladies, and
Aunt E and Aunt D are married. Hunh. Really? Okay.
And that was that. She doesn't know about sex, so sex was not an
issue, just the fact that sometimes men go with men and ladies go
with ladies, and now that's just the way it is. All the other stuff
we can discuss later, when she's older and has questions, but it
probably won't be a huge deal. And she goes to a parochial school,
so I don't worry about some moron trying to demonstrate condom
techniques on her or suggesting that she needs to go on the pill.
And she knows that I read Harry Potter, and she knows that witches
and wizards aren't real but can make for great stories, and our
church library has all the Potter books. So no big.
I'm not sure who irritates me more. The "Harry Potter is evil cos
it turns kids into Satanists!" and "Ooh! Homos! Hide the kids"
idiots or the "Yoo hoo! Intolerant Christians - Dumbledore is
gaaaaaay" and "aren't all those Christians stupid - let's poke em
with a stick!" idiots.
Point is - they're all smug, self-righteous, sanctimonius
twits.
Franklin Harris said:
> So who were the gay characters in ATLAS SHRUGGED?
Ragnar Danneskjöld.
Why, because he was the only male character who didn't bang
Dagney?
The "Harry Potter is evil cos it turns kids into
Satanists!"
That would be my fruitcake sister who has never allowed her son to
read the books or see the movies or own the toys.
I'm sure she's now feeling especially smugly self-righteous to
learn that Dumbledore is a fag boy, thus proving her judgment was
spot on.
I'd like to tell her to wipe the smirk off her face but we don't
talk much anymore.
@creech: Dunno about gay characters in Atlas Shrugged (James Taggart, maybe?), but clearly Dagny and Henry were into some pretty twisted dominant/submissive stuff.
Martin:
That buffoon has 5 kids? Shows you where serious procreation
takes place. Hope there is not too much regression in his genes.
For the sake of the kids!
Put him on Larry Springer and Geraldo. A three-buffoon
brew-up.
Apparently, you've never seen the movie "Idiocracy". The first 30
minutes of that movie addresses this in a fashion approaching
genius.
I have to admit that I think saying that Dumbledore is gay outside of the text is a pretty stupid way to go of it unless your only purpose is to poke your detractors in the eye. If that's it, then you are just being childish. Personally, I don't give a shit because I never found the first book interesting enough to complete, but "hooray" for her that she's making billions of dollars off a better franchise than, say, "Mighty Morphing Power Rangers".
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,2196020,00.html
After reading briefly from her mega-selling book, Harry Potter and
the Deathly Hallows, on Friday night, Rowling took questions from
an audience of 1,600 students. A 19-year-old from Colorado asked
about the avuncular headmaster of Hogwarts School: 'Did Dumbledore,
who believed in the prevailing power of love, ever fall in love
himself?'
The author replied: 'My truthful answer to you...I always thought
of Dumbledore as gay.' The audience reportedly fell silent - then
erupted into prolonged applause.
==
Never ask a question if you don't want to know the answer ;-)
And honestly - he's a British public school headmaster. Doesn't he have to be gay?
That would be my fruitcake sister who has never allowed her
son to read the books or see the movies or own the toys.
I've only banned one book at story time and that was a book (I
can't remember the title any longer) about "sharing" that used a
fish as the main character that had sparkling scales and liked to
show them off. That wasn't fair to the other fish. In the end the
other fish convinced it to redistribute it's scales to them,
leaving it with one scale, just like everyone else.
The whole thing just smacked of a marxist fairy tale. Hell, the
wise old octopus in the story even looked like Stalin.
And honestly - he's a British public school headmaster.
Doesn't he have to be gay?
Or a submissive. Or both.
Franklin Harris said:
> So who were the gay characters in ATLAS SHRUGGED?
Ragnar Danneskjöld.
Why, because he was the only male character who didn't bang Dagney?
That and because he was a pirate.
JW, we had that book too. I think it was called "The New Soviet
Fish", or something. I 'lost' that book, along with "The Giving
Tree."
Good riddance to both!
I read all the Harry Potter's on a beach vacation where it rained...the gf had brought them. While he never expressly said "I like your pants tight like that Harry", there are definitely points that bring his sexuality in question in the later books where he and others talk about his past, especially prior to the funeral. Since I've only read through once, I can't quote or remember the book exactly. However, there is one point where some other witch or some such is discussing him and mentions "I don't understand why he didn't settle down and marry a good witch" and another where there is talk about his relationship with another student when he was attending Hogwart's when young (the school) and how close they were. The two together gave me a moment of reflection on his sexuality, but since it didn't really matter in the context of the book, I ignored it. To me, it just seemed well edited.
Don't forget Lieutenant Sulu. Doubt too many people had
full-back tats of HIM, though.
Close, but not quite.
I've only banned one book at story time and that was a book
(I can't remember the title any longer) about "sharing" that used a
fish as the main character that had sparkling scales and liked to
show them off. That wasn't fair to the other fish. In the end the
other fish convinced it to redistribute it's scales to them,
leaving it with one scale, just like everyone else.
You should've kept that book, what a brilliant plot. I mean, a fish
needs more than one scale to survive and not be eaten alive by
parasites, but here it's persuaded by an octopus - an animal which
has no scales and wouldn't need them anyway - to give all but one
away on the basis that they're "too shiny." Inevitably, the
formerly-shiny fish is now a dead fish and the wise old octopus is
dining on it. Particularly appropriate since an octopus is a
voracious hunter of fish and everything else it can catch, and is
well-known for using cleverness to eat its slower-witted prey.
Really just need to tack the logical end onto the story and it
becomes something wholly different than its authors intended it to
be.
And honestly - he's a British public school headmaster.
Doesn't he have to be gay?
Heh heh, gay, heh heh, headmaster, heh heh...
Particularly appropriate since an octopus is a voracious
hunter of fish and everything else it can catch, and is well-known
for using cleverness to eat its slower-witted prey.
hale,
There is an ongoing debate in the marine biology community about
the
intelligence of cephalopods. It seems that they engage in play,
long considered a sign of intelligence in vertabrates. I may be the
only person here who finds it interesting, but what the heck, I
thought I'd bring it up.
J sub D,
I've long been interested in the intelligence of octopuses,
particularly since it appears to be an example of very inhuman
intelligence - that is, it appears to be geared toward
problem-solving and geographic memory, and to almost entirely lack
the massive mammalian apparatus of social processing from which the
human linguistic brain eventually sprouted (insert joke about how
that's a libertarian wet dream blah blah blah). Makes me wonder how
modularized "intelligent" cognition actually winds up being in
us.
Screw all those other seaborne animals. The only thing you need
to know from marine bio is this:
1: Dolphins are the only other creature besides humans that have
sex for fun...
2: Dolphins will eventually take over the earth (assuming it hasn't
been rezoned)...
That buffoon has 5 kids? Shows you where serious procreation takes place.
Sounds like a character from Idiocracy
LibertyPlease,
And the last kid was named Paris.
I'm de stijl, brought to you by Carl's Jr.
The ocean-going pediatric Communist Manifesto is "The Rainbow
Fish".
I've always considered tattoos self-abasing body mutulation, not
that there's anything wrong with that for adults. My daughters are
on notice-not under my roof. As to the tattooed baffoon, looks like
a few alterations to the hat and he could claim it's Santa Claus -
at his new job anyway.
Dolphins are the only other creature besides humans that
have sex for fun...
Bonobos?
Tattoos were de rigeur in my former line of work. You can't see mine unless I take off my shirt. It's about the size of a half dollar. When I got it, I knew I'd never regret one small shamrock on my shoulder. Other sailors were not so forward looking. Oh well.
Did it seem like a good idea to get a full back tattoo of a
passing children's fad?
As the years go by, I've come to regret getting that Barney tattoo.
Especially since I ended up never having kids.
Also, I'm pretty sure Barney is gay, too.
Seriously, you guys want to get rich? Look into promising new
tattoo-removal technologies and invest in them. Demand for such is
bound to explode in the coming decades.
Personally, I'm pretty neutral on tattoos (unless they are really
expansive; then I tend to think they get in the way of being able
to appreciate a person's actual looks). But tastes change, and
"alternative" 20-year-olds might get tired of their tats
eventually.
Heck, I'm sure plenty of 40-year-olds would like to get rid of the
Styx emblem right now.
Thanks to all for pointing me to idiocracy. The movie that is,
have no trouble finding the real thing.
Not being much of a movie fan, I had indeed never heard of it. I
shall ask the wife to put it on the top of the Netflix list.
apparently there is a "hogwarts A history" coming out at some point..that's just what i've heard..so maybe it will say in there about dumbledore...
Tbone--Thanks; I had sent it down the memory hole. Did I mention I hate that fucking book?
Yeah, I felt pretty dumb about my Paul Lynde tattoo after I found out he was gay, so I can relate.
I had assumed the story was a hoax when I first read it.
However, I now understand why Harry spent all that time in
Dumbledore's office.
lucky i havent read any harry potter books ...
even if i did ... i wouldnt have tatoo'd it ...
hehe ...
tough luck i guess ....
@J sub D
There is an ongoing debate in the marine biology community
about the intelligence of cephalopods. It seems that they engage in
play, long considered a sign of intelligence in vertabrates. I may
be the only person here who finds it interesting, but what the
heck, I thought I'd bring it up.
Heh. I remember an old story by Arthur C. Clarke, "The Shining
Ones", about intelligent octopuses (octopi?)that communicated by
flashing lights on their bodies. You may want to look it up if
you're interested in that sort of thing...
My tattoo of a shirtless aryan with the words Per Potentum Greyskull in gothic script is still among my greatest life choices...
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