L.A.’s Insane War on the Porn Industry

Requiring adult film stars to wear condoms is bad for business—and for pleasure.

OK boys, strap on your rubbers, it's raining nonsense.

The Los Angeles City Council voted 9-1 to require male porn actors to wrap their rascals and wear condoms when they're shooting. And when they're filming.

The move is being closely watched by other filth hamlets looking to "protect" their citizenry from disease, pregnancy, and profit, and will ultimately force this long-standing pillar of entertainment away from L.A.'s safe and welcoming bosom.

Pornography is not real life. It’s neither instructional nor realistic and neither end has ever been the purpose of good buggery videos. Porn is supposed to transport you to a naughty, secret garden where your privates are free to do as they wish in the confines of your own sinful clutches. You should be free from moral distraction when you've got a fistful of the one you love.

Seeing a bratwurst wrapped in red latex? It's fine for a public service announcement in the food-preparation industry, but it's a real mood killer when you've taken matters into your own hands. The last thing you want to think about (other than gangrenous dying kittens) is how Indiana Bones is safe from Ginger Lynn's diseased temple of poon. It kills the moment! Porn actors are generously endowed, ready at the drop of a kumquat, with pristine, chancre-free knobs and buttons. A condom screams disease. Worse still, it triggers the evolutionary mechanism for disgust, and I don't know if you've tried rolling in the hay while sniffing bad lunchmeat, but it blocks your business from further arousal.

Worse than the emotional scars and misfirings of your Speedo’s contents, the lucrative adult industry will find a home away from the hubris-and-hibiscus-scented streets of L.A., and maybe that's why the only dissenting vote came from San Fernando Valley councilman Michael Englander. Given that the valley is the epicenter of the industry, Englander probably has a few turns as a fluffer on his resume for all we know.

No judgments! The porn industry has treated the Valley and greater L.A. well for decades—lube sales alone have funded many an after-school program in Van Nuys. For a city with an ongoing budget deficit and a pension crisis that will make Deep Throat look like a Disney movie, I wouldn’t be in a rush to chase out of one of Los Angeles’ longest-lasting success stories.

If destroying fantasy, generating disgust, and killing jobs (and payroll taxes!) weren't reasons enough to rethink the ban, chew on this: Requiring condoms on male adult performers may well create a false sense of health and safety. Latter-day Long Dong Silvers will be perceived as having cleaner wieners and they'll then go out and ring the bells of whomever will have them when they're off duty (unless the city amends the ordinance requiring said studs to register their weapons whenever they're in use, on or off set). That will conceivably spread hepatitis A through Z; herpes simplex, complex, and multiplex; and worse to a number of falsely lulled receptacles.

The condom nonsense is an example of the hostile business environment that consumes the great state of California like a mega-dose of chlamydia. It is a worthless distraction that will never have the intended effect of sterilizing an industry that already has every reason to keep its participants’ naughty bits clean enough to eat off of. If actors do wear state-mandated prophylactics, porn sales will suffer, and jobs will be lost. And just what do you think idled porn stars, too broke to buy rubbers by the barrel full, are going to do to while away the dull, boring hours between collecting unemployment checks?

Kennedy is host of 98.7 FM’s Music in the Morning in Los Angeles and has an emotional allergy to latex.

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  • Apatheist||

    Generation of European youths not getting it:

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/worl.....n-young-eu

    A lot of wahhhhhh why won't the government pay for me to be an artist in there.

  • rts||

    I am afraid you are gazing at North America's probable future.

  • wareagle||

    that's the thing. ALL of the things we see happening in Europe of harbingers of what is coming here. But our political class is so much smarter than the Euros, its brand of statism is superior. Explains why we're 15T in debt and counting. And the only candidate even mentioning it is treated like a punch line.

  • Zeb||

    What really amazes me is that people in the US are still saying we should be more like Europe. After the last 3 or 4 years, that should have lost all credibility.

  • ||

    Doesn't that assume that the people saying we should be more like Europe are capable to rational thought? I know of no evidence of this.

  • Moogle||

    I love the ones who want "European type" health care.

    Um... which one? There's 50 countries and about 50 different systems, some of which have private sector segments.

  • Devil's Advocate||

    It doesn't matter which one. They are all indisputably better than ours - as long as you don't get sick.

  • ||

    What really amazes me is the sound-proofing on this echo chamber you've made for yourselves.

  • Surly Chef||

    Theres a glimmer of hope for them as one person gets it.

    Giorgos Dimas, 25, working as a chef: "But although it might take a few years for my generation to find work I actually think the crisis has been a good thing. Greece was all about jobs for civil servants and nothing else. It had to change."

    The vast majority of those respondents had no marketable skills.

  • Sudden||

    I got major LULZ outta this snippet on the section on Greece:

    The exodus has sparked a brain drain that could have a devastating effect on the country's future growth

    If the "brain drain" they are referring to is exporting arts majors, that so called brain drain might end up improving their lot considerably.

  • wareagle||

    actually, Greece is not full of arts majors. Students are studying what would seem to be worthwhile fields. But they have grown up in a culture where you stay in school until 30, retire at 50, and somehow those 20 years in between fund the ones outside of the range. The folly of that calculus is coming to light and some are slower to realize it than others.

  • Apatheist||

    Yeah that guy got it (judging just by that statement, maybe he thought the money should go to him instead) and so did those who said they were leaving the country to find jobs.

  • Paul||

    However, I consider myself to be privileged, as most of my university mates are working 12 hours a day

    This is Europe? I call bullshit. No one in Europe has seen a 12 hour day since before World War II.

  • Zeb||

    He probably includes school work. And I bet there are a few motivated, self-employed people in Europe still.

  • Paul||

    Did you see the list of occupations?

    Did you notice a lack of something?

    Yeah, like I didn't see:

    Ishmael Xestopolis: Brick layer.
    Mustafah Giancani: Software Engineer
    Bugnatti Bugnutti: Systems administrator.
    Alouishes Smetlova: Drywall installer
    Michaela Snedopovic: diesel mechanic
    Ibrahim Poorbacci: HVAC technician

    Nope, it was all artist, photographer, political scientist, biologist (the only one in a meat and potatoes field but working in a field entirely dependent on government funding), political science, DJ, radio journalist, Chef, Interior design, student, student, student, student, student, student.

    Yeah, when things get tough, sometimes you gotta go back to bricklaying, auto mechanics... stuff like that.

    You know, things where the cool hair, stylish sunglasses and hipster 2nd-hand chic don't do you any good.

  • Joe M||

    This is exactly what I was going to point out. There are no real job skills in evidence, or a desire to "lower" themselves to doing actual productive work.

  • derp||

    Yeah because Chef isn't a "meat and potatoes field" or hard work...

  • o3||

    or as top used to warn before 3 day passes - "u fuckin fuckheads better fucking wear condoms before fucking any fucking skanks...or ur fucking ass is mine!"

  • cynical||

    Not really the same thing at all.

  • o3||

    so no skanks in porn then?

  • annonymous commenter some guy||

    Did Top wear a condom when he claimed your skanked-up ass?

  • o3||

    no, and no lube either. Top practiced spartan-like leadership

  • Blappo||

    This is interesting, if it were a more conservative area, I'd blame fundies for trying to backdoor an outright ban on porn.

    Instead, it's statists thinking they're protecting people, and in the process, effectively banning the industry in the area.

  • Doctor Whom||

    I'd blame fundies for trying to backdoor an outright ban on porn.

    That could still enter into it. Porn is one of the areas in which the statist right and the statist left work together and don't bother to pretend otherwise.

  • Reformed Republican||

    Backdoor. Heh heh.

  • Blappo||

    Ty, it was on purpose.

  • ||

    So, You ADMIT your a backdoor backdoorer!!?!?

  • anon||

    I feel so othered.

  • Barack Obama||

    Stick around; you'll find TEAM BLUE and TEAM RED want the same things on -many- subjects, just for different reasons.

  • dope||

    The reasons being POWER on one hand and POWER on the other.

  • cynical||

    Your mistake is in assuming the impulse is substantially different. Both types want to save people from themselves.

  • Blappo||

    "Your mistake"

    Didn't make one, made an observation, but thanks.

  • ||

    OK, Kennedy, you've risen to the ocassion and made your point. Rouse the people with hard evidence and stick it to them.

  • ||

    I'll be in my bunk.

  • Urkus||

    No dental dams for the lezbos?

  • Lezbos||

    SEXIST!!

  • Old Mexican||

    If actors do wear state-mandated prophylactics, porn sales will suffer, and jobs will be lost.


    Or move to Nevada, just like many other jobs.

  • ||

    Those poor, big breasted, clean shaven, porn actresses, thrown out on the streets!

  • Pip||

    They're doing God's work on some of the toughest sets in America!

  • SFC B||

    Arizona's economy could probably use a pick-me-up. Hell, there has to be 10,000 homes in the West Valley that porn studios could buy for pennies on the dollar and use as sets.

  • Blowgina||

    Indeed, I've noticed a lot of porn clips lately coming from the valley of the sun already, and lord knows we have enough escorts who might want to start an acting career

  • Barely Suppressed Rage||

    What, no alt text?

  • Mikey||

    A seriously missed opportunity.

  • ||

    I saw Kennedy on Bill Maher's show this weekend and she was damned good. She won big points for calling both parties "goddamn liars" and "douchebags" while some miserable GOP Congress-prick (Dana R) was on the panel with her.

    She appears to a genuine libertarian (not a pretend LPer who is really conservative).

  • romulus augustus||

    Dana Rohrabacher? I'll bet he's seen a few porn pictures in his day, and smoked more than a few joints. Isn't he the point man in the GOP (very small caucus!) for ending the WOD and
    having the feds recognize medical marijuana laws?

  • ||

    I just heard someone sighing about him not being the chair of the committee on science (or maybe the space subcommittee), due to him being pro-private space. I think. I could be mis-remembering.

  • Robert||

    Dana was one of the principal figures in the Radical Libertarian Alliance that formed out of YAF in 1970. He later found that by downplaying the radicalism, he could have a valuable career in Congress. He's not a Dr. No; he knows which battles to fight, and when to go along to get along. I wish more libertarian activists would do that.

  • like what? almost forgotten?||

  • jus' kiddin' Dana was cool||

  • ||

    Or a liberal hack pretending to be a libertarian, like you shrike?

  • ||

    I don't pretend to be a libertarian, asshole. I am a classic liberal. I don't go apoplectic over a few regulations. I never meet the LP purity tests and I know it.

    I vote for the most secular capitalist I can find.

  • anon||

    I don't pretend to be a libertarian, asshole. I am a classic liberal.

    ftfy.

  • o3||

    shrike - these guys wouldnt recognise a classic lub-rahl, esp if ur singing "brittania rules the waves!"

  • you can drop the sock||

    you accidentally forgot to log out of shrike a while ago when you posted as o3.

  • wareagle||

    I vote for the most secular capitalist I can find.
    -------------------------
    and yet you openly support Obama's re-election. Hard to think of a more anti-capitalist POTUS.

  • Newcular Titties||

    You think Obama's bad? Just wait.

  • ||

    The top capitalists support Obama for the most part. Buffett, Brin, Page, Soros, Ellison, Jobs (RIP) and others have more capitalist cred than any conservatives you can name.

    And the Koch boys inherited their fortune. I am talking people who earned fortunes.

  • ||

    and the 'top capitalists' you listed are also fully invested in a relationship with the government. It's called cronyism. And it's not defensible, even for an asshat such as yourself.

  • ||

    Everyone in the S&P 500 has a relationship with the government.

    You said nothing. Government is intertwined throughout all large businesses.

    Only a purist who owns nothing can escape government. Those I listed are all atheists - which makes you pretty much anti-conservative.

  • Pip||

    "Everyone in the S&P 500 has a relationship with the government."

    They have to. It's called "self-preservation".

  • Bling Boy||

    What one person benefited more from TARP and the GM bailout than Buffet ? He would have had his fat ass handed to him if Bush/Obama hadn't stepped in. Top capitalist my arse ! He is a beholden rump swab doing the bidding of the inequitable system that keeps frauds like him in business.

  • ||

    You are an idiot, Bling Boy.

    Look at the big stable of Berkshire companies.

    Wells Fargo was his only bank at the time (since TARP he has added Bank of America).

    Banks are 2% of his portfolio and autos or AIG is 0%.

    Go back to Limpdick. I have facts.

  • Rokk Krinn||

    Those guys are entwined with the government so that:

    a) they can stay in the position they are in now....ie "anti dog eat dog."

    b) and keeping others outside the club from being able to sit at the same table they are at....ie "I got mine and you can't have any."

    They would fit in very well in the old Soviet Union.

  • ||

    "Jobs (RIP) "

    My point is so stupid and wrong that I require dead people to support it.

  • ||

    TOP MEN.

  • Tony||

    Both Gates and Buffett have come out in favor of higher taxes on the rich.

    You're right, it's self-made billionaires who are liberals. The "libertarian" types seem to all be the offspring of the self-made. Bizarre, that.

  • ||

    My decoder ring crapped out, but I think by "secular capitalist" shrike means "lefty kleptocrat".

  • ||

    So to be a "true capitalist" one must be conservative?

    Do you know how fucking stupid that is?

    Any conservative billionaire leaned on Government more than a high-tech liberal billionaire or Buffett.

  • George Soros||

    So true. Unless you count the Nazis as "government". In which case... no comment.

  • ||

    How do porn laws work? Is is only legal to make porn where prostitution is legal, or is there a porn exception to prostitution laws or what?

  • robc||

    Prostitution isnt legal in LA. So that answers that part of the question.

    Apparently they arent having sex for money, they are being paid for making a movie, and that just requires them to have sex.

    See the difference?

  • The Ghost of Potter Stewart||

    I know it when I see it.

  • ||

    Oh, that must be why the movies bother with a "plot." So they can pretend they are paying "actors" for "making a movie." I get it now.

  • ||

    It's even more ridiculous than that. If you hire a prostitute to give you a BJ, you've broken the law. But if you videotape it and post it on your website, you transform from a regular John to a producer, and can't be prosecuted.

  • IceTrey||

    Not if you paid for it. It's not illegal in the porn industry because the money goes through a third party.

  • dope||

    So you need to give the money to a pimp to make it legal?

  • anon||

    I had a very similar idea recently. It'd be a make-your-own-porno shop where I rent out "studio's" with "actresses" for you to produce your own porn in. You get to keep the tape and rights.

  • ||

    Good luck getting licensed.

  • anon||

    For what, a film production company? It can happen.

  • DD Driver||

    I'm pretty sure everyone had had that idea at some point.

    Here's another one. In Las Vegas prostitution is illegal and gambling is legal. What would happen if you "bet" someone $200 that they would not have sex with you?

  • sarcasmic||

    You'd make a quick two hundred bucks.

  • Bingo||

    lmao

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    In Las Vegas prostitution is illegal and gambling is legal. What would happen if you "bet" someone $200 that they would not have sex with you?

    Easy. Such a paradox would cause a rip in the space-time fabric of the Universe.

  • H man||

    The first admendment is the porn exception to prostitution. Besides the male actors are getting paid in addition to the female actors. Just not as much, gee I wonder why. So the person paying the actors is not the one screwing. At least offically.

  • ||

    The First Amendment ought to also be the trump card that porn performers and producers can play against this riduculous law as well. Unprotected sex is not a crime. If you have a Constitutional right under the first amendment to explicitly depict sex, why wouldn't one have the same right to depict it unprotected, regardless of what the City of Los Angeles would dictate?

  • ||

    Erotic films (I hate the disparaging word 'porn') skirt prostitution laws by claiming the performers are receiving money as compensation for allowing someone to record them having sex with others--which they're doing for free. Just another example of the futility and idiocy of attempting to legislate morality.

  • ||

    And if they outlawed professional erotica then married porn would take off.

    Which begs an interesting question - would amateur porn be affected by this lousy law?

  • ||

    I hate the disparaging word 'porn'...

    Reminds me of this:

    THE DUDE: How's the smut business, Jackie?

    TREEHORN: I wouldn't know, Dude. I deal in publishing, entertainment, political advocacy, and--

    THE DUDE: Which one was Logjammin'?

  • Korduroy Kristen||

    So now even the word "porn" has been nixed by the PC Police. Oy vey.

  • WWNGD?||

    I had heard that shooting a porn in Florida is legal, editing that porn is not. (I have no idea if this is true)

  • DD Driver||

    Porn (like rock and roll) is just a passing fad. It won't last.

  • fish||

    They just outsource the editing to southeast asia and add a snappy Bollywood soundtrack!

  • Sparky||

    WWNGD: not as far as I can tell from looking at the Florida statutes.

  • T||

    Friend of mine used to work in gay porn (cameraman, video editing etc. - kept his pants on). They used to shoot primarily in Florida until the city shut them down for health regulations. They moved the whole operation to Chicago. They still shot some stuff in Florida but in hotel rooms and so on, rather than in a property they owned, then edited it back in Illinois.

    Dunno if that was down to legal reasons but he got a fair few frequent flyer miles going down to Florida to shoot porno.

  • Old Mexican||

    Eurozone unemployment is at a record. According to Eurostat, the EU's statistical office, 16.3 million people are out of work in the 17 countries that joined the euro. The story of a lost generation is becoming the scandal of a continent. In Spain, 51.4% of those aged 16-24 are jobless.


    How much do you want to bet that the Spanish youths blame this on "greedy corporashions" instead of blaming the real culprit?

    Spain is one of the most protectionist states the world has ever seen, besides the autarkic African states and North Korea. It has also one of the most ponderous regulatory system in the world, rivalring those of Latin American countries. Iberians do not want to know just how socialist and interventionist the Franco years were, instead making a false equivalency between Franquist economics and "free markets," to justify running away from them. They have their heads up their asses so far up that they eat their own shit.

    Oh, yeah, I hate their asses, but not because of the Conquista but because of all those pro-Republican Spanish refugees we imported during the 30s. Imagine being invaded by hundreds of thousands of Elizabeth Warrens at the same time, and you will realize the nightmare that it was for us.

  • Pip||

    "They have their heads up their asses so far up that they eat their own shit."

    Hate to split hairs, OM, but one needn't even shove one's head up one's own ass in order to eat one's own shit.

    Your metaphoric visuals need work.

  • Jeff P||

    Can porn stars get condom sponsorship deals? Like basketball players with sneakers?

  • Sparky||

    It sure would make for a lot more slow motion close-ups to catch the logo down the side of the condom.

  • ||

    Camouflage condoms. Rambone Rubbers. She won't see you coming.

  • Sudden||

    Something tells me that the cadre of individuals who watch porn frequently enough to recognize which actors are sponsored by which brands aren't the same cadre of individuals who are regular consumers of prophylactics.

  • Abdul||

    Finally! Semen-safe porn.

    Reality TV? Not so much: http://www.tmz.com/2012/01/26/.....stunt-nbc/

    Seriously, how can fleeting expletives be illegal, but watching people drink animal secretions is OK for prime time?

  • The Dairy Industry||

    people drink animal secretions

    You say that like it's a bad thing.

  • ryan||

    I haven't been the same since seeing that Oak Farms commercial...

  • Barely Suppressed Rage||

    Oh yeah, American TV is so great. What a marvelous contribution to history they're making.

    What a fucking waste of such a fantastic technology, that could be used for the betterment of all mankind.

    Instead we have ridiculous shit like this.

    I think I'm going to hurl.

    And what kind of no-self-respecting loser would drink a glass of donkey semen just in the hope they might win some stupid TV show contest? I'd dump it on the host's head and tell him to go fuck himself if he thinks I'm going to debase myself like that. Of course, I would never debase myself even far enough to be considered as a contestant for that show in the first place.

  • yonemoto||

    some of those challenges look fun. There was one where they inverted a glass cylinder in water, and you had to swim up above the pool level to get to a key. It looks easy, but apparently there's a pressure gradient across the water column that makes it really difficult.

  • Jumbie||

    The market has spoken!

    TV gives what the viewers want. As much as I hate crap like Jersey Shore et al, I gotta admit it is what the people what.

    *Also, I enjoy Fear Factor and will probably get a kick out of the semen swallowing.

  • ||

    On the contrary, networks don't seem to give the viewers what they want, they seem to give the viewer what the network wants them to want. Unfortunately, for the viewing public, reality tv is much cheaper to produce and the networks reap more of the revenue from those shows. Fictionalized shows are more expensive, more time consuming to produce and after 5 years give the networks much less revenue return.
    Networks are much quicker to cancel dramas & sitcoms after short runs than they are to cancel reality shows, so if you want to watch tv, and all that's on are reality shows, that's what a lot of people will settle for watching. The market isn't that free when it comes to network television.

  • Fear Factor Intern||

    This is like the worst job ever.

  • Pip||

    I am surprized the Latino community isn't more upset by this. Especially the Mexicans.

  • Major Johnson||

    And just what do you think idled porn stars, too broke to buy rubbers by the barrel full, are going to do to while away the dull, boring hours between collecting unemployment checks?

    Run for elective office?

  • dope||

    Use drugs?

  • anon||

    I like the false premise that somehow making a law against condomless porn will somehow prevent porn from being shot without condoms.

    Seriously, what the fuck goes through these guys' heads when they come up with these hairbrained ideas?

  • anon||

    I have an idea! Lets just make being unemployed illegal! That'll fix our problems!

  • Major Johnson||

    Make being unhealthy illegal too and I'm on board!

  • ||

    Make crime illegal!!!

  • Barry Obamer||

    I'll incorporate that in my 2012 platform. Our unemployment rate will undoubtedly drop to 0. Its fucking fool proof.

  • WWNGD?||

    It is about how the liberals want to control all of the money, and in this case the money shot.

  • Barack Obama||

    What money? They pull this move there won't be any income left to tax from the porn stars.

  • anon||

    And next time I'll even remember to change my name back.

  • Condom||

    Let me be clear.

  • ||

    FREE WILLY!!!

  • ||

    What if you have a latex allergy???
    What if your partner has a latex allergy?
    What if you don't want to f*cking want to wear a condom? What if you don't want to wear while f*cking a condom???

  • LA City Council||

    what if, what if. What if you lived in a free state. Jeez, you act like you have liberties for conducting your life or something. Welcome to California.

  • ||

    There are latex-free condoms out there.

  • Barely Suppressed Rage||

    Are the old-fashioned "organic" "natural" ones still available?

  • Heroic Mulatto||

  • Pip||

    Heroic Mulatto is Sugarfree?

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Goddammit.

  • anon||

    OT: Newtacular Titties running an ad (Think you know Mitt?) in NC. I think it could be vastly improved by changing the tagline to "Think you know Mitt? You don't know shit."

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    This article makes me believe that Kennedy is a learned member of the White Tigress Tradition.

    This article alone validates all my Kennedy-fueled pubescent fantasies, which I used to spend the time while waiting for Yo! MTV Raps with Dr. Dre and Ed Lover.

    Jus' sayin'

  • ||

    Tivo is destroying kids imaginations.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Tivo is destroying kids imaginations.

    Indeed.

  • Zeb||

    Kennedy, really? She never did anything for me.

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Cats-eye frame glasses, dude. Back in the day, her and Lisa Loeb.

    Imprinting.

  • ||

    Word. Nothing hottens up a girl like glasses.

  • ||

    As long as that's all she's wearing, aside from maybe a nice pair of laeater boots, I agree.

  • ||

    And clip-on nipple vibrators.

  • Zeb||

    Well, the glasses don't do it for me, I guess. I got no problem with glasses, but it adds nothing for me. Kennedy always seemed like someone who was trying to appear unattractive.

  • Mainer||

    Kennedy and S.E. Cupp for the three way

  • Byron||

    Two girls, one Cupp?

  • Zeb||

    Now, SE Cupp, she does do it for me.

  • Anacreon||

    I thought I was the only one who thought glasses hottened up a girl. My wife, who always had perfect vision, now wears readers and it's like having a new, better looking gal in the house.

  • yonemoto||

    didn't you say this about Kurt Loder a few months ago?

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    It's not my fault that Loder busted in every program with that giant MTV News typewriter ball every 10 minutes.

    I guess it caused a few neurons to get cross-wired.

  • ||

    Make condoms mandatory, institute compliance checks, use that excuse to harass the productions out of LA.

    It's not about condoms, they are just the excuse.

  • o3||

    and ur point is?...eff local control?

  • sarcasmic||

    I wonder what kind of training the regulators have to go through before being let loose on the mean streets of LA to enforce the new law.

    Must be very hard, er, I mean difficult.

  • ||

    Before the measure can take effect, however, the council has called for the creation of a committee of police officials, the city attorney, state health officials and others to determine how it might be enforced.

    They don't even have an enforcement mechanism yet. I bet it results in a lot of well-paid phony baloney jobs.

  • sarcasmic||

    That or cops bashing down doors, guns drawn "Alright! Cocks in the air! I wanna make sure each one is properly wrapped! I said in the air NOW! FUCKER!"

  • ||

    "Wave your cocks in the air
    like you just don't care!"

  • ||

    God Seth Rogan is a shitty actor.

  • Trespassers W||

    Seth Rogan, like the great majority of actors, plays himself. You just don't like Seth Rogan.

  • ||

    You just don't like Seth Rogan.

    I can get behind this.

  • ||

    That simplifies matters immensely. With good actors, you can often dislike them improperly due to them playing bad people so effectively.

    Now, with more "playing myself" actors, your dislike can be more accurate and consistent.

  • ||

    Other than John Holmes and I am sure a few others who got HIV during the first stages of the epidemic, has there ever been a case of anyone getting HIV from being in a porno?

  • anon||

    I remember reading statistics on this; it's very very rare. I think like one person in the past 10 years has actually contracted HIV. It's much safer than picking up a girl in a bar.

  • ||

    That is what I am thinking. In the last 20 years a lot of porn stars have become mainstream celebrities. And I can't think of a single one who turned up with HIV, meaning this is a solution in search of a problem.

  • sarcasmic||

    It's an excuse to barge in on shoots and boss people around.

  • Zeb||

    And it's one of those goddamn "sending the wrong message" things. You know, because people think porn is a recommendation on how you should live your life. Or something.

  • ||

    Naked people.

  • Paul||

    I'm sure by the sheer mathematics of chance, there probably have been. Does it exceed the rate of infection with the rest of the population?

    Doubtful.

  • ||

    It's herpes that's the big problem. They all have herpes.

  • ||

    Egads.

  • ||

    It has to do with how few male performers there are. In the LA porn industry, women sometimes out-number men 40-to-1. Once all the men have it, they keep the renewing crop of women infected.

  • Zeb||

    Doesn't like half of everyone have some kind of herpes simplex infection?

  • ||

    57%, if you look at HSV-1 and HSV-2 combined. HSV-2 (genital herpes) rates are only about 16%.

  • yonemoto||

    I don't know if it's terrifying that you know those numbers. Maybe it would be more terrifying if Epi knew them, or if STEVE SMITH spouted them.

  • Mensan||

    Seroprevalence of human herpes viruses in the United States:

    HHV-1 (orofacial herpes, herpes gladiatorum, herpes whitlow): ~ 60% currently; ~ 90% by age 50.
    HHV-2 (genital herpes): ~ 17%
    HHV-3 (chickenpox, shingles): 95%
    HHV-4 (infectious mononucleosis, Hodgkin’s lymphoma): 95%
    HHV-5 (cytomegalovirus, usually asymptomatic except if immunocompromised (e.g. HIV/AIDS)): 75%
    HHV-6 (roseola in infants; infectious mononucleosis if reactivated in adults) : >90%
    HHV-7 (roseola): >85%
    HHV-8 (Kaposi’s sarcoma, asymptomatic except if immunocompromised): ~ 3.5%

  • Apatheist||

    I don't know about herpes simplex but for just general "herpes" just look up the number of people how have gotten chicken pox (pre vaccine). Probably a lot higher than 50%.

  • Zeb||

    Yeah, I doubt that there is anyone without some sort of herpes virus in them.

  • ||

    You'd think that with the prevalence of ATM, it would be cholera that would destroy the porn industry. And the infection vector ATM presents is in no way lessened by condom use.

  • ||

    You'd think that with the prevalence of ATM . . .

    Does ATM stand for Ass-To-Mouth?

  • Zeb||

    Either that or Automated Teller Machine. And I've never gotten cholera (or E. coli) from a bank machine.

  • Butts Wagner||

    Well, the Oregon Trail has just been ruined for me.

  • ||

    I won't show you the half of me with herpes.

  • sarcasmic||

    Every year or so there's a story about someone getting it and the studio being shut down while everyone else is tested.

  • sarcasmic||

    Maybe I'm thinking hepatitis.

    I dunno.

    Try this cool website, it might help you out:

    http://www.google.com

  • ||

    Buttman, aka John Stagliano is HIV positive.

    (friend of Reason too)

  • veemee sashimi||

    Lots, though understandably it was far more common in Gay porn (rare in b/g porn but still has happened a few times). They do a lot independent testing now, but nothing is infallible.

    However that doesn't answer the question as to whether acting in Gay porn significantly increases your chances of getting HIV. The first can be true without the second being so.

  • Paul||

    If we could get California politicians to wear condoms, then you'd have something.

  • Barely Suppressed Rage||

    If we could get California politicians to wear full-body condoms, then you'd have something.

    Y'know, like a giant hefty bag. Airtight. Leaves them neatly bagged for disposal.

  • Mensan||

    Really they just need to wear plastic bags over their heads.

  • ||

    That was one of the funniest and most accurate articles written in a LONG time! I'm in stiches..."lube sales alone have funded many an after-school program in Van Nuys."
    LOVE it Kennedy!!!!!
    Congrats Reason, I have a feeling your readership will jump today :)
    Cheers!!!!!!

  • Lieutenant Hardon||

    What is sure is that the industry cannot be expected to police itself. That is why I am, today, commissioning the creation of a new team, the Prophylactic Edict Non-compliance Interdiction Strike-force Patrol, which will be tasked with monitoring, and where possible, intervening, with excessive force, to ensure that the usages outlined in this new ordinance are strictly observed by those to whom they are intended to apply.

  • ||

  • ||

    What, like you don't need a little DVDA to loosen you up before you sing. Give the poor filthskank a break.

  • ||

    I only ejaculate blood because fuck you.

  • sarcasmic||

    I thought it was because you just passed a monster kidney stone.

  • ||

    Yes, but then I do that a few times day.

  • ||

    "I was a hero to broken robots 'cause I was one of them, but how can I sing about being damaged if I'm not? That's like Christina Aguilera singing in Spanish. Ooh, wait! That's it! I'll fake it!"

  • sarcasmic||

    Celine Dion gives fans an eyeful.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvs.....dress.html

  • Heroic Mulatto||

    Geez, what song was she singing? Ave Satani?

  • Barely Suppressed Rage||

    It supposedly was spray-on tan.

  • Zombie Rick James||

    Dry it out, I'll snort it. Menstration is a Helluva drug!

  • Caption Contest||

    Reason intern Megan instructs the water delivery man on where to leave his load.

  • Mainer||

    What is it about Elizabeth Banks' mouth ? That's a slight overbite, correct ? Anyway, I like it.

  • Tony||

    Is this a typical evidence-averse libertarian bullshit, or a bad joke?

    I saw Kennedy on Bill Maher too, but thought she was an idiot. Look, I know libertarians like to pretend that the world is full of fully autonomous free agents, but might it be the case that allowing porn actors the guarantee of protection might enhance their freedom rather than diminish it? It's not like STDs including HIV aren't a problem in this business.

  • fish||

    Tony you aren't allowed to post here anymore!

    (I know it probably won't work but with somebody as passionately in love with government and rules for every fucking aspect of daily life it might push a button)

  • Zeb||

    What is so hard to understand about freedom? Do you think that people in prison are more free because they are guaranteed the security of having 3 meals a day and a bed to sleep in too? Porn actors are free now to refuse to appear in porn unless condoms are used. There is porn with condoms. It's not impossible.

    This is consenting adults, Tony. Telling them that they have to do things in a certain way is the opposite of more freedom.

  • NotSure||

    Evidence-averse ? The worlds oldest industry will never go away no matter how much zealots like you try, I present you all of world history as evidence.

    You think that LA is the only place that makes porn ? The only thing your religious crusade on all things unsafe will do is make the porn industry exercise their freedom to leave and find freer pastures. In the real world when freedom is diminished, it is not enhanced, only rambling loons could see it the other way around.

  • Anonymous Coward||

    the guarantee of protection

    PAUSE.

    The law, as is this one, offers no protection, merely retribution.

  • ||

    Tony's definition of 'allowing' - Forcing.

  • ||

    Tony - "Removing choices enhances freedom."

  • Coeus||

    but might it be the case that allowing porn actors the guarantee of protection might enhance their freedom rather than diminish it? It's not like STDs including HIV aren't a problem in this business.

    Except that's total bullshit. It's long been known that use of condoms in the current generation of porn stars can often cause more harm than good. The widespread use of viagra and the rising levels of physical fitness make pornos today vastly different from the those made in the past. They can spend all day setting up different angles, and the latex can cause much greater amounts of vaginal and rectal tearing, which in turn actually increases the possibility of infection. It's not about the actor's safety, it's "for the children", so the precious little dears don't try to imitate the condomless fucking they see on screen.

  • oncogenesis||

    allowing

    FAIL

  • ||

    I know libertarians like to pretend that the world is full of fully autonomous free agents,

    So, Tony, if you don't think that competent adults are autonomous free agents, what do you think they are?

  • Spoofey||

    They're objects for me to feel superior to...just like mom always said I was!

  • Lucretio||

    Dumb rule or not (California never seems content to drive just one industry out of state per week these days), the impetus for this is obvious: a 1% doctrine on the fears of prostitution creeping into the adult industry. Many of the people working in adult films also escort on the side, and are therefore at high risk for STDs, which quickly spread if their judgment and honesty are not impeccable. The vote's good intention is to avoid further epidemics (just take a look at porn stars who died in the '80s and '90s because of AIDS, it's kind of depressing), but yeah, condom porn is as sub-par as condom sex.

  • Coeus||

    The vote's good intention is to avoid further epidemics

    Yet, had they even spoken to one of those they're pretending to protect, they'd find that it's a wash (or actively detrimental, depending on which doctor you ask).

  • ||

    "......a naughty, secret garden where your privates are free to do as they wish in the confines of your own sinful clutches. You should be free from moral distraction when you've got a fistful of the one you love."

    Kennedy, that is just one nugget in a pot of gold. You must have had a blast writing this article.

  • ||

    All this law will do is drive the porn industry to Las Vegas, where it will be welcomed with open arms. LAs Mayor Tony and the Council are dopes.

  • Anomalous||

    Jimmy hat porn, and I don't care.

  • Unrepentant fan of females||

    guys, if you watch porn with ladies in it in order to watch some other guy's wang, you're either doing it wrong, or you're watching the wrong kind of porn.

    I always thought it was hilarious that anyone EVER thought that a hetero male would be interested in watching another male screw some chick.

    First thing I do is go right for the solo-chicks section. If I bothered to fantasize, I'd be imagining they're thinking of me. But inasmuch as I know better and can't really seem to toss that aside, at least when watching them, I'm not looking at some dude -- just females.

    Of course, if watching dudes is your thing, well, enjoy. Just saying... condoms are irrelevant to me as a hetero lover of the ladies because I wouldn't intentionally choose to see some other guy's dick.

  • ||

    Libertarians showing their true colours again by showing how they're opposed to workplace health & safety? Pornography is real in that there is actual sexual contact and the very real risk of disease transmission. I guess it goes back to the Libertarian WH&S credo: "you take the job, you take the risk of the job".

  • porno||

    Use condoms in yours movies.

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