Fright Night

Colin Farrell is a master of darkness in this superior remake.

The new Fright Night is like a desperately needed meal. Sure, it’s just a burger and fries and a gallon of Coke, but it really hits the spot. The movie improves upon the original Fright Night, released in 1985, by an order of magnitude. It has smarter direction; a tighter, funnier script; and much better actors—chief among them Colin Farrell, who tucks into his lead role as if it were, well, a desperately needed meal.

Farrell plays Jerry, that most unwelcome of new acquaintances: the vampire who just moved in next door. Nobody takes much notice of Jerry’s blacked-out windows, or the growing number of students who’ve begun failing to turn up at the local high school since he arrived on the scene. Jerry’s a charmer, and with his wolfish good looks and tight jeans and body shirts, he’s a shining hunk in the eyes of lonely Jane Brewster (Toni Collette), his new single-mom neighbor. However, Jane’s son Charley (Anton Yelchin) gets an immediate weird vibe from Jerry, exacerbated by sudden screams in the night emanating from his house. Charley’s girlfriend Amy (Imogen Poots) thinks he’s being, you know, silly; but his dweeby pal Ed (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) is convinced he’s right: Jerry is in fact a vampire. And Ed, a fantasy role-playing nerd, knows just what to do. Pulling out his ready-to-go vampire kit—a duffle bag filled with crucifixes, wooden stakes and whatnot—he tells Charley it’s their job to put an end to this abomination. You knew this would have to happen, and you’re naturally happy it will.

Screenwriter Marti Noxon—a veteran of TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer series—has worked a clever change-up on the original film, relocating the action from an anonymous small town to a desert suburb of Las Vegas. This allowed her to adjust Peter Vincent, the story’s quasi Van Helsing character, from a TV horror-movie host (memorably played by Roddy McDowall in the first picture) to a big-room stage illusionist (played by David Tennant) at the Hard Rock casino-hotel. Slot-feeding rubes flock to his elaborate show, with its drifting banks of fog and levitating devil-ladies, but Vincent has no use for real-life supernatural nonsense. So when Charley—having lost Ed to an unfortunate encounter with the object of their investigation—comes looking for help, Vincent is instantly dismissive. “Jerry?” he says. “Jerry the vampire?”

Director Craig Gillespie—hereby pardoned for his complicity in Lars and the Real Girl—has constructed some slick horror scenes, starting with an opening smash-and-grab vampire attack and proceeding through a tense bloodsucker showdown in a swimming pool to a mad chase down a lonesome desert highway (which occasions a cameo appearance by Chris Sarandon, who played Jerry in the original movie). This Fright Night is also, inevitably, in 3D; but Gillespie knows just how to use that now-rampant technology. No subtle “depth effects” are bothered with; instead we get the full complement of delirious cheese—blood spurting off the screen, burning cinders floating out before our eyes, and all manner of alarming items hurtling into our face. Excellent.

Anton Yelchin admirably sidesteps the teen-hero clichés that littered the first movie, and deftly underplays his funniest lines. Imogen Poots is also just right, rising above her character’s trite teen-babe conception with a level-headed warmth and banishing all recollections of Amanda Bearse, the actress who massacred the part in the original. And David Tennant—an actor who looks as if he’s been tied in knots and tossed in a corner—is ideally cast as the twitchy, absinthe-swilling Vincent.

Toni Collette isn’t given a lot to do, and Mintz-Plasse’s nebbishy bluster may be getting a little too familiar. But the movie’s minor flaws are vaporized whenever Colin Farrell slinks onto the screen. The musty vampire tale may be shopworn, but Farrell charges it with a fresh comic enthusiasm, fighting back a fangy snarl while chatting up one of his intended victims and hissing in mild irritation at a stray shaft of sunlight as he carefully edges around it. The actor may be over-qualified for the part of Jerry, but he gives it his all. And when he looks down at Charley’s oddly hued new shoes and says, “It takes a real man to wear puce,” you know you’re in the presence of a too-often-underrated master. To the role of what might otherwise have been a rote demon, he brings real bite.    

Kurt Loder is a writer living in New York. His third book, a collection of film reviews called The Good, the Bad and the Godawful, will be out on November 8th from St. Martin’s Press. Follow him on Twitter at kurt_loder.


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  • Jingles||

    This movie might be worth seeing for Tennant as Peter Vincent alone, but it's nice to know that it's good anyway.

  • ||

    Vampires? Again? Fuck no.

  • Shmenge||

    better than zombies

  • ||

    I'll take zombies. At least zombies haven't been transformed into some teenie bopper heart throb genre yet.

  • ||

    I am still waiting for Dragons to surge.

    They have had some great moments like the movie Dragonslayer and the animated movie the Hobbit or more recently Reign of fire

    Still with Game of Thrones, and a new Hobbit Movie coming I am hoping they will get their due.

  • ||

    Reign of Fire was godawful and isn't going to help the upcoming dragon films. Matthew fuckin Mcconaughey slaying dragons? He needs to be slaying some 20 year old pussy, not dragons.

  • ||

    He needs to be banned from acting altogether.

  • ||

    I don't hate him as an actor, just the shitty roles he is caste to play. However, after Surfer, Dude...

  • ||

    No, he sucks.

  • Brandon||

    Come on now, no one else could've been as good a Wooderson. Other than that, yeah, he pretty much sucks.

  • Creepy Guy With Blonde Wig||

    Leave Matthew alone!!!!!

  • Pissiarch||

    Jeez, you boys takes movies seriously!

  • Chupacabra||

    Wait, is he supposed to be acting?

  • ||

  • Matt Damon||

  • ||

    Some more Texas-bashing from the Matt "The Anal Cyst" Damon! Because Mass-of-two-shits is so much better!

    The guy also narrated Howard Zinn's magnum opus (the audio version). -100000000000000000000

  • ||

    You guys have no taste.

  • cynical||

    Fuck, just try playing any major fucking fantasy game right now or coming soon. Dragon Age, Dragon Knight Saga, Guild Wars 2, Skyrim, probably more that I've forgotten.

  • ||

    Dragons will not be "in" until Battle Field 3 has a dragon survival mode!!!!

  • A girl||

    I predict dragons will be "in" as soon as Hollywood stumbles across the idea that Silver and Gold dragons can shapeshift--it will make a werewolf boyfriend seem so 2008 *barf*.

  • Tim||

    Have we won in Transylvania yet?

  • ||

    We've always been at war with Transylvania.

  • Tim||

    It would be over except that the ACLU sided with the vampires and forced the Pentagon to stop issuing crucifixes to our troops.

  • Ska||

    Wooden bullets Tim. C'mon.

  • Tim||

    Sorry, TSA banned them to protect aircraft.

  • ||

    maybe they'll be made illegal...

    http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/We.....70801.html

  • ||

    I hate shit like this because it makes a good case for censorship. Some people really are too easily influenced. The sad part is that it's someone I have to compete with at the ballot box.

  • ||

    I don't know. The original is fun but flawed; I bet this one is the same. Still, if it plays nearby I might go see it.

  • ||

    The original was good. You are right it was flawed. But still fun. I don't see why it needed a remake. Why not just come up with a new idea for a movie?

  • ||

    As annoying as it is, John, it makes financial sense to remake movies, or they wouldn't do it. Familiar titles motivate people to go see what the new version is like. Plus, it's cheaper in that the writing is easier (you already have the plot), and the advertising is easier.

    Hollywood makes money, and I can't fault them for that. Sometimes they also create good art in the process, but only sometimes.

  • ||

    It's still annoying. Occasional remakes are one thing, a constant deluge of them is another.

    I thought the original was okay, nothing great, but it did have Roddy, which makes it automatically superior to this one.

  • ||

    Well, the deluge isn't going to end until they're run out of movies to remake, and by that time, they might be able to remake the remakes.

    Look, this is Hollywood's business model now, and you'd better get used to it. They're not going to stop until it stops making easy money.

    Remember, if a studio remakes a film it already owns, it has to re-option nothing.

  • ||

    Bollywood laughs at your primitive culture.

  • Brandon||

    How many Hulks are we on now? 7?

  • Nephilium||

    I think they deluge of remakes is going to come to an end soon... if for no other reason then they're running out of movies to remake. All of the major horror franchises have either been remade, or have a remake in the works.

  • ||

    Remakes, reboots, sequels, prequels, interquels, plus adaptations of comic books, amusement park rides, stage theater, internet memes, and cereal box artwork will provide plenty of material for Hollywood to work with for ages to come.

    Good news is it's easier to access indie films (and they're better in relative visual quality) than ever before. Of course most of them are crap too, but at least they're trying.

  • ||

    Oh, how could I forget, flerking auto insurance commercials, that other font of creativity off of which MPAA can leech.

  • Pope Jimbo||

    The deluge will be officially over when they remake Gymkata.

  • ||

    True. But I think remakes have a ceiling. They are easy money but they are not big money. I wish Hollywood took more chances.

  • Auric Demonocles||

    MARKET FAILURE!

  • ||

    Ceilings are unimportant. If remakes tend to make a profit--to reliably make a profit, they're much more valuable to a producer than a risk. Risks can make you huge (think of the guy who greenlit LOTR for New Line), but if they fail they get you canned and your reputation goes in the shitter. Steady profits don't usually get you fired.

  • Jim||

    I desperately want to give Larry Cohen & Roger Corman $200 million with the condition that they fully collaborate, and see what they come up with.

  • ||

    LOTR was a remake too.

  • ||

    Your desire to be contrary is making you a 'tard, Commodore. You can't "remake" something that has its original source material as a book unless you specifically say "I'm remaking the movie, not doing my own interpretation of the book on film". Especially not if the "original" was half a Frank Bakshi rotoscope and half a Rankin and Bass animation.

  • ||

    That's kind of a strange definition. It wouldn't include that remake par excellence, the Christopher Nolan Batman series (currently fucking majorly with my life and everyone else who needs to be anywhere near downtown PGH).

  • ||

    I wish Hollywood took more chances.

    Movies have been killed by cable, Playstation, Netflix, and the internet.

    All the risks are on TV now. To be honest I welcome it. 2-3 hours is not long enough to tell a story that you must leave the house and spend 10$ to see anyway.

  • ||

    I actually think the slow trend towards making miniseries of books is the future of good movies (at least, the subset of good movies that are based on books).

  • ||

    No, that's the future of HBO and Showtime, and to a lesser extent the cable channels that have commercials.

    Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead; those are two going on right now that are both from books/comics and are very good. There will be others.

  • ||

    It'll happen off the premium channels. In fact, it has--Dune, for instance--just not as well. Oddly, as bad as TV as a whole has gotten, the top shows are maybe as good or better than they've ever been before.

    I also think the poor quality of film has created an opportunity for TV. That, and the fact that the writer market is less diluted, with all of the reality nonsense.

  • ||

    I'm perfectly happy with TV getting light years better while movies get light years worse. I get much more TV than movies, at a better price, in my home, streamed over the internet or over cable, can record it on my TiVo; how can movies compete with that?

  • Brandon||

    "The Odyssey" was a solid miniseries, but that was about 12 years ago.

  • Ska||

    No love for Breaking Bad? Mad Men?

  • ||

    I was talking specifically about books and comics made into miniseries, in the light of how HBO can give GOT 10 hours, whereas for a studio to do that, they'd need to go full LOTR and do three 3-hour movies; HBO's way is much better. That way you get the full book over 10 weeks, one each year, instead of one book every few years, and one book gets 10 hours, not three.

    Breaking Bad is OK; lost interest after season 1. I don't watch Mad Men. I know people rave about it, but it's one of those things that for some weird reason, I cannot find enough interest within myself to bother with it.

  • ||

    you forgot the original: True Blood

    Which is based on a series of books.

  • ||

    I don't know about Netflix hurting movies any more than Blockbuster did back in the day.

    One indirect cause of Hollywood's troubles has been internet porn's pilfering of the skin flick market. No one below the age of 50 is going to put up with 90 minutes of boring crap in the hopes of seeing 30 seconds of bare boobs.

  • ||

    You just answered your own question. They're remaking it because they don't have any new ideas.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    I have an idea to remake Pearl Harbor, but the twist in my script is that it stars Justin Bieber as Ben Affleck, and the Americans win. Tell me those aren't new ideas.

  • fish||

    ...but the twist in my script is that it stars Justin Bieber as Ben Affleck, and the Americans win.

    I think the survivors might envy the dead.

  • ||

    Yeah, but how many dance sequences are in it?

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    All of them.

  • ||

    Pearl Harbor: The Musical?

  • ||

    No.
    Highschool Musical: Pearl Harbor!

  • Brad Warbiany||

    A new idea?!?!

    What are you, some commie indie-film fan?

  • Ted S.||

  • ||

    This.

    My work is done.

  • Pip||

    How come H&R never reviews romantic comedies like Bride Wars?

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0901476/

  • ||

  • Pip||

    MTV News /= H&R

  • ||

    Just providing you with a link, buddy.

  • PantsFan||

    I was hoping for a review of "One Day"

  • Tim||

    Like Washington, Hollywood has no new ideas.

  • ||

    Has there been an effort to recreate "The Day Of The Commenters" yet?

    Maybe the squirrels are taking a nap.

  • ||

    It won't work. It's buttoned up like a nun. Not one of those whorish nuns, either.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    At first I thought you two idiots were talking about making a movie about DOTC. I was going to agree with ProLib that it wouldn't work.

  • ||

    I said this last week, but I'll say it again: Mark my words, there will be a movie about blog commenters. Soon. After all, we live in a society that accepts board games as the basis for feature films.

    It won't be about obscure libertarian commenters, of course.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    You know, a Day of the Commenters, Part I: The Rape of Tags might actually work if it's shot in 3D. Only masochists can watch that 3D shit, anyway.

    But make no mistake, the so-called freedom fighters would be shown for the terrorists that they were.

  • Old Mexican||

    Re: Fist of Etiquette,

    But make no mistake, the so-called freedom fighters would be shown for the terrorists that they were.


    You're such the eternal optimist, FOE.

  • Butts Wagner||

    Ext - Dome of the US Capital Building

    The Jacket crouches, staring at the government workers and lobbyists scurrying about below, and speaks in a deep growl

    The Jacket: The city is a dying whore.

  • Tanstaafl||

    Who comments on the commentators?

  • ||

    "you two idiots"

    Says the man that not only wants to let Justin Bieber live, he wants to star him in a movie.

  • ||

    What? Really? Huh.

  • ||

    That was for FoE, not you.

  • ||

    No, I understood you. I was surprised at his Bieber Fever. I have to endure some of that in my own household, because I have a four year-old daughter.

  • ||

    I have a 13 y/o girl and an 11 y/o boy. They both think he's a faggot, and his girlfriend, Selena Gomez looks like a walking candy apple because her head is about two times it's proper size.

  • Almanian||

    "walking candy apple" for the win

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Don't anyone steal my idea.

  • ||

    A remake of Weekend at Bernie's might work?

  • ||

    Rewatched the original 'Fright Night' the other evening for the first time since 1985. And other than Roddy McDowell's appearance (and freaking out at seeing 'Married With Children's' Marci as the female lead), it pretty much blew. The remake HAS to be better.

  • Tim||

    My rejected treatment of the remake called for casting Sarah Palin as the Vampire Lord and Barrack Obama as the Geeky President who must destroy her.

  • Tim||

    with Joe Biden as "Evil Ed"

  • T||

    I think you mean "Special Ed".

  • Tim||

    We should partner on the next draft T.

  • ||

    The original was one of my favorites from my teen years, so I'm happy to see this come along - and even happier that it looks pretty decent. Rotten Tomatoes has as 71% "fresh."

    I'll see it this weekend.

  • ||

    Oh wow, that really looks like its gonna be good. Nice!

    www.total-anon.at.tc

  • Trespassers W||

    Yeah right, anonymity bot. You haven't even learned to love yet.

  • PantsFan||

    Off Topic:
    Hockey Jerseys as Soccer Uniforms
    http://majupra.imgur.com/futbol_hockey_kit

  • Jim||

    I'll do a screen-hop and get a free showing of Conan after I finish Fright Night. I figure two possibly very bad but just maybe not movies is worth $7.

  • Virginia||

    Are they both 3D? Anything greater than 3 hours supposedly induces headaches.

  • Jim||

    Good question. I refuse to attend 3D offerings unless there is literally no screen showing it in 2D (with the exception of Avatar), so I'll have to check that out before I go.

  • ||

    Conan got bad reviews as well.

  • ||

    I'm okay conceptually with the old Robert E. Howard stories getting made into TV or film, but it's going to be pretty hard to match up to the 80s film. Which was pretty danged good, surprisingly.

  • ||

    I never actually read any of the books. I was wondering how closely the movies both 80's and this one matched up. It also brings up the question of whether some books just don't translate well to the big screen.

  • ||

    As I recall, the movie mixed scenes taken from several different stories from the books.

  • Virginia||

    Did they write out Jerry's undead assistant? I hope so. That role was rubbish.

    Also, didn't Roddy take a stake through the head in the first one?

  • ||

    I just read that they're currently filming a remake of 'Total Recall', also starring Colin Farrell.

  • ||

    Karate Kid
    Footloose
    Fright Night
    Nightmare on Elm Street
    High Noon
    Texas Chainsaw Massacre
    Walking Tall
    The Stepford Wives
    The Longest Yard
    and...
    Planet of The Fucking Apes (with Marky Mark)

    Thats just for starters.

    Fuck you, Hollywood!

  • ||

    If you're going to go back to the trough, I'd prefer just reusing plot lines and maybe some characters. For instance, I'm not offended by Outland, which I actually like. It's a remake of sorts of High Noon, but it's not the same film; it just has a number of parallel plot elements.

  • ||

    It also has the benefit of being directed by Peter Hyams, who is at least a competent director, and starring Sean Connery.

    Most of the remakes they do now are directed by talentless nobodies, often fresh from directing advertisements.

  • ||

    Alien 3 (sequel, not a remake of course)--I seem to remember it being directed by some music video director with no previous film experience.

  • ||

    Sure, and Ridley Scott directed television commercials prior to The Duellists and Alien. Not all video and commercial directors are going to suck, but many of them will.

  • ||

    I didn't mean it couldn't work, just that it didn't in that case. Kind of a weird "first movie" opportunity, anyway, with such a successful franchise.

  • A Serious Man||

    Alien 3 was David Fincher's first movie. He's atoned by directing movies like Seven, Fight Club, Zodiac, and The Social Network.

  • ||

    What do you mean "atoned"? Alien 3 was an excellent addition to the series, and continued their practice of hiring talented new directors to do each one. Panic Room is, I would say, Fincher's worst movie, and by "worst" I mean the least interesting. I haven't seen Benjamin Button, though, partly because I fear it sucks.

  • Jim||

    If you think Alien 3 is an "excellent addition to the series", I have a couple of Michael Bay and Ben Afleck collaboration scripts to sell you.

  • ||

    I like you, Jim, so I'm going to assume you're thinking of Alien 4 and aren't just a tasteless boob. Plus, I will kill you last.

  • Jim||

    There was a fucking fourth one!?

    I keed, I keed.

  • Jim||

    And I hope you're not lying about killing me last, because I really like my sports car which repairs itself after rolling.

  • A Serious Man||

    Fincher himself is embarassed by it because the studio brought him on short notice and made multiple changes without his consent.

  • A Serious Man||

    And Benjamin Button is easily his weakest film, so spare yourself two plus hours of unnecessary melodrama. The Oscar nominations were the Academy's way of apologizing for snubbing "Zodiac".

  • ||

    Aliens 3, although the weakest of the first 3, was certainly better than Aliens 4, which was pure liquid diarrhea. Weaver must have needed to catch up on some boat payments of some such to agree to work that script.

  • ||

    The really retarded part about Alien 4 is that it was written by Joss Whedon. I mean, what? I've never seen Whedon suck like that.

  • ||

    you are forgetting Social Network...which despite reason's hatred of it is a fine film.

    Plus the Game...which is a good film but i think people misinterpret the ending...he dies in the end and goes to heaven.

    Also looking at IMdB it looks like he is finishing up a remake of "The Girl with the Dragon tattoo"

  • ||

    And SHOTGUNS IN SPACE.

  • ||

  • ||

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Someone should remake King Kong.

  • PantsFan||

    A remake of Godzilla would be boss.

  • Jim||

    Legendary Pictures has heard our cries, and an American Godzilla reboot is slated for 2012. The concept art shows they are sticking with Godzilla Godzilla, not shitty late 90s fake Godzilla.

  • Gilbert Martin||

    Don't forget to add in the making movies based on old TV series to the list.

    Bevery Hilbillies, Wild Wild West, etc.

  • Pudgeboy||

    I hope they don't attempt a remake of Red Dawn; it'd be too much to handle.

  • ||

    I don't get the love for that crappy movie.

  • Pudgeboy||

    I'm not sure I can explain it, either. I haven't seen it in years, but I remember it being the best movie I'd ever watched at the time. One of the great memories I have from that time in my life...

  • ||

    It's a big deal if you watched it as a teenage boy; preferably in the 12-15 y.o. range. Because then, it was the greatest thing ever in the universe.

    I thought you were joking above, but if you don't know; they absolutely are remaking it. Right now.

  • Pudgeboy||

    I didn't know they were remaking it... I'll probably end up watching it... yea, I was a kid, which explains a lot.

  • ||

    They're replacing the Russians with Norks? Seriously? That has to be a joke.

    I know they can't get away with Russians or Chinese, but at least they could have chosen a more believable invader, like Mozambique or something.

  • ||

    The funny thing about this is how the PRC govt screamed up a storm about the fact that the movie was originally written with the Chinese as the villains.

    How many movies have been made where the US govt/military has been raping peace-loving native cultures? Grow the fuck up, PRC.

  • ||

    Dude, I am going to the USA vs Russia game at the rugby world cup this year with a fucking WOLVERINES(!) banner.

    Wash your mouth out.

  • Pudgeboy||

    I tried rugby for a semester in college, just a club team. It was basically just an excuse for drinking and hitting people. For some reason, we played the Naval Academy's scrubs (although that's not a fair way to describe them)... I was never beaten so badly in my life. I remember wanting to cry, at one point. I've loved the sport ever since.

  • ||

    I don't get the love for that crappy movie.

    this guy:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Milius

    http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0587518/

  • ||

    Obligatory Murray Rothbard review of Red Dawn.

    http://www.lewrockwell.com/rot.....ard64.html

  • ||

    Great review, but I fail to see why he referred to the hawt Lea Thompson and (big-nosed) Jennifer Gray as "androgynous."

  • ||

    Rothbard is, um, a bit out there (IMO).

  • Old Mexican||

    Re: Sloopyinca,

    Lea Thompson and (big-nosed) Jennifer Gray as "androgynous."


    Because they looked like boys (which they did)?

  • ||

    sloopy, if you want to reveal that you're gay, just come right out and say it. None of this beating around the bush by dropping little hints.

  • Pudgeboy||

    The best original TV series I've seen is Cracker (the British version with Robbie Coltrane). They tried a remake here with Robert Pastorelli; it was unbearable.... not that anyone cares what I think.

  • Ska||

    What's up with Misfits? Worth finding some place to watch it?

  • Pudgeboy||

    I haven't seen it; the best British shows I've seen recently are a new, modern version of Sherlock Holmes, called Sherlock, and a crime drama called Luther, both are good if you like the British style... excellent dialogue, a bit dark.

  • Fatty Bolger||

    I liked the new Sherlock. Luther is also on Netflix, I'll have to give it a try.

  • ||

    What's up with Misfits? Worth finding some place to watch it?

    I like it

    It is free on hulu:

    http://www.hulu.com/misfits

  • Almanian||

    Remember seeing the orig in Butler, PA when we were visiting my friend who lived there.

    I like it - it's a fun movie. Sounds like the new one will be "better" - I'll see it. Thanks for the continued reviews, Reason.

    PS Fuck you Amanda Bearse haters - she was STEAMIN' hot in the movie. STEAMIN' hot. Acting? Wha..huh? STEAMIN' hot...

  • ||

    You have just officially been booted from the "has good taste in women" club. Sorry, dude, but this is just too egregious of a violation. I mean, wow. Even dbcooper's troubling Kristin Scott Thomas violation is nothing compared to Amanda Bearse.

  • Jim||

    I wouldn't fuck Amanda Bearse with Bea Arthur's dick.

  • ||

    Considering she's a lesbian, what you just said is...confusing. Regardless, have fun with Bea Arthur's dick.

  • Jim||

    It's supposed to be confusing...sexually confusing.

    The money quote, from that 80s classic, The Gate:

    "Who needs chicks when we got demons?"

  • Almanian||

    Yeah, well, I like Kristin Scott Thomas, too.

    Me an db will just hang - you can keep Rectal, Epi.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    I find it interesting that you chose to besmirch Butler's good name in your revelation about your difficult puberty manifesting itself in an attraction to Ms. Bearse.

  • Almanian||

    PUBERTY! I'll have you know I was 24 when this came out, and had just gotten married.

    So - whatever that implies. Do your worst!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    That poor, poor woman.

  • Old Mexican||

    PS Fuck you Amanda Bearse haters - she was STEAMIN' hot in the movie. STEAMIN' hot. Acting? Wha..huh? STEAMIN' hot...


    "Hey, Marcie! You got a call from El Pollo Loco!"

  • ||

  • A Serious Man||

    I was hoping Kurt would review Conan the Barbarian. It looks like crap, but who knows?

  • ||

    It looks like crap, but who knows?

    It's crap?

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Zorro...................John Byner
    Robot Zorro.............Shawn Wayans
    Mrs. Zorro..............Rita Rudner
    Scarlet Pimpernell......Curtis "Booger" Armstrong
    King Arthur.............Cheech Marin
    Man in the Iron Mask....Gina Gershon
    Wise Nun................Posh Spice
    Stupid Nun..............Meryl Streep
    Time Traveler #1........Stone Cold Steve Austin
    Orangutan at dance......"Puddles"
    Gay-seeming Prince......Spalding Gray
    Man Beating Mule........Eric Roberts
    Mule beating Man........"Gus"
    Hiccupping Narrator.....Pele
    President Van Buren.....Robert Evans
    Corky...................Anthony Hopkins
    Voice of Magic Taco....James Earl Jones

    The Producers would like to thank:
    Film board of Canada
    The Philadelphia Flyers
    The makers of Whip Balm
    Mr. Robert Guccione
    The Teamsters Pension Found
    AAA Best Bail Bonds
    Mr. and Mrs. Curtis "Booger" Armstrong

  • ||

    What is this, FoE? The Kentucky Fried Thread?

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    Hey Sloop! Football is coming soon. Patience... patience...

  • EDG reppin' LBC||

    I spit my martini onto my keyboard! I don't know what the fuck that was FoE, but it was funny. Thanks, and good night!

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Maybe this will help:

    [On screen]
    Musketeer: [run through] Sacre bleu! The deadly poke of Zorro! [all three collapse]
    [the Man in the Iron Mask attacks Zorro. Zorro slices a "Z" in the man's shirt]
    Man: [looking down at his chest] What? "N?" What does "N" stand for?
    Zorro: No, no. It's a "Z." I am Zorro. "Z" for Zorro! I have come to return King Arthur to the throne.
    [In audience]
    Bart: It's a history lesson come to life!
    Lisa: No, it isn't. It's totally inaccurate.
    Bart: Quiet! Here come the ninjas. [fighting noises are heard from the screen]

  • ||

    Gold dude. Gold. :)

  • ||

    Although I am disappointed that I only misread Shaun Ryder's name in there.

  • Almanian||

    Mr. and Mrs. Curtis "Booger" Armstrong

    and lol

  • Kolohe||

    Loder's gonna lose his Critic Street Cred if he keeps on writing all these positive reviews.

  • The 1980s||

    Hey, New Millennium Hollywood:

    Stop ripping off all my ideas & come up with your own.

    Thanks.

  • NotSure||

    One remake I would really like to see is the "Escape from New York" or "Escape from LA" movies, they could even pick a new city to escape from.

  • ||

    I had this conversation with a buddy the other day. I'd probably set it on either a small island in Hawai'i and use an accelerated ice melt as a plot device, or set it in Detroit and save money by not having to build post-apocalyptic sets.

  • ||

    Ooh, or set it in Vegas. That could be pretty trippy now that I think about it.

    Def, "Escape From Las Vegas" could work. Only thing is, you're gonna be hard-pressed to make "saving a president's live" a realistic plot device.

  • ||

    Vegas is in the middle of the desert. It's not exactly hard to get away. On second thought, Nicolas Cage had to drink his way out. Dumb ass.

  • Kolohe||

    "or set it in Detroit and save money by not having to build post-apocalyptic sets."

    This movie was called 'Robocop'. And yes they are apparently re-making it.

  • ||

    I never understood the attraction of that franchise. I hated the first one, and refused to watch any of the others. I did not care if that trigger happy robot got wasted or not, and I had never heard the term "libertarian" at the time.

  • ||

  • ||

    Dude, it got him past the farmer's question without any embarrassing video clips being produced. That's all that matters.

  • ||

    http://www.deadline.com/2011/0.....de-runner/

    They are letting Ridley Scott take another crack at Blade Runner. Now that is interesting.

  • ||

    I hope he doesn't screw it up.

  • ||

  • Maxxx||

    Jesus Fucking Christ,

    The warmists are getting desperate and coming unhinged.

    Co2 will trigger and alien invasion, after they destroy Mars and Venus.

  • ||

    Why would aliens capable of interstellar travel give a rats ass about an "expansionist" species?

    They can fucking travel in space!!! With that level of technology it is not as if they have to worry much about scarce resources.

  • ||

    That's what the Native Americans probably thought.

  • ||

    American Indians were an expansionist species that aliens killed off to protect the universe?

    What?

  • Eduard van Haalen||

    "With that level of technology it is not as if they have to worry much about scarce resources."

    What about the scenario where "our planet is running out of rare metals/air/etc. and Earth is the only other planet with a reliable supply, so it's either us or you!" I've seen that scenario once or twice.

  • ||

    So the aliens are advanced enough to not only detect relatively slow changes in atmospheric composition from light years away, but also to untangle the causal relationship showing that this change in composition is due to human activity rather than natural processes.... but they're also too dumb to be able to figure out we're carbon-based and have two arms and two legs unless we tell them.

  • Fatty Bolger||

    To an alien, wouldn't humans be just another "natural process?"

  • yelly||

    All the risks are on TV now. To be honest I welcome it. 2-3 hours is not long enough to tell a story that you must leave the house and spend 10$ to see anyway.
    Nike Total 90 Laser III Elite TF Soccer Cleats -Black/Red
    Nike Total90 Laser III AG Mens Football Soccer-Black/Red

  • ||

  • Scruffy Nerfherder||

    So, acknowledging the likelihood of failure in a general election is tantamount to treason against the ideal?

    Mr. Rockwell needs to go back to his pop music career.

  • ||

    http://reason.com/archives/201.....nt_2472880

    Lmao.

    In any case, I think there should be an early remake of 'Falling Skies', one that, you know, doesn't slant towards mainstream fantasies of how shit would happen and doesn't suck half the time.

  • To Sum Up||

    Nobody commented on Loder's review. Many lamented that movies today "suck" and that remakes, sequels and adaptations demonstrate Hollywood's lack of imagination. Pizza may have been mentioned. Also breasts.

  • Nigger on steroids||

    SHUT THE FUCK UP

    GET THE FUCK OUT

    I WILL FUCK YO CRACKA ASS UP, HOMEBOY

  • Mean Girl||

    It's Encourage A Troll Friday!®
    Pass it on!

  • Fatty Bolger||

    Pizza may have been mentioned. Also breasts.

    "Stuff Reason Commenters Like"

  • Portland Trail Blazers||

    not bad

  • قبلة الوداع||

    THANK U

  • Samuel L. Bronkowitz||

    Absinthe? It's Midori.

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