The Volokh Conspiracy
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"To Say That the Court Finds the Motion Puzzling Is to Do a Disservice to Puzzles Everywhere"
Plus a special appearance by The Princess Bride and Weekend at Bernie's.
From Judge Joshua Wolson (E.D. Pa.) in Neebe v. Ravin Crossbows, LLC:
Plaintiff's counsel wants the Court to place under seal a full-page newspaper advertisement paying tribute to a recently-deceased partner, which Plaintiff's counsel purchased.
To say that the Court finds the Motion puzzling is to do a disservice to puzzles everywhere. The Third Circuit has held that Courts should only place public records under seal if an interest in secrecy outweighs the presumption of public access to those records. That requires a movant to show that the material is the kind of information that courts will protect and that disclosure will work a clearly defined and serious injury to the party seeking closure. Plaintiff's Motion fails on both counts.
First, there is nothing private about the advertisement. The advertisement is a touching tribute to a deceased partner and friend, designed for public consumption. Plaintiff's use of the word "privacy" to justify placing it under seal brings to mind The Princess Bride: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
Second, the Court cannot fathom what injury could arise from the public disclosure of something that Plaintiff's counsel paid a newspaper to make public. Indeed, other than to allow some sort of Weekend At Bernie's style caper, the Court cannot envision a reason to keep the tribute private.
Because there is nothing private or confidential about a paid advertisement in a newspaper—especially one as well-intentioned as the tribute here[—]the Court will deny Plaintiff's motion to file Exhibit B to her Response to the Court's Order to Show Cause under seal….
The ad was apparently introduced in support of the firm's request that the court consider an untimely response; the untimeliness, the firm argued, should be excused because it stemmed from the partner's unexpected death.
Thanks to Benjamin R. Picker for the pointer.
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Any Opinion that quotes the Princess Bride is a winner. 🙂
Inconceivable!
To the pain!
And will there be a rule 11 motion in the offing?
Or a Section 12 (involuntary psych commitment) which seems more appropriate. I say that only half in jest --- with all due respect for the Goldwater Rule, you kinda gotta wonder about this attorney.
Someone should write a book, "Comedy in Judicial Opinions."
Sure to be a side-splitter. Or a sleep-inducer.
Might be a great text for a law class entitled "Things to avoid in court 101".
My Legal Writing professor had us read Bradshaw v. Unity Marine Corp., Inc. for our first class.
IANAL. I had never heard of that. It is only four pages, well worth investing a little time. But I'd sure like to know a little more. Were crayons and mustard really involved, or was the judge just adding his own nonsense to what he apparently got from the lawyers? Is this judge famous for such a way with words?
That judge is famous for several things. He had a few other colorful opinions like that one.
He also was charged with sexual abuse, convicted of obstruction of justice, impeached (and then resigned before conviction), and went to jail.
Speaking of puzzles, there is a good one that I could share in an open thread, if Eugene and readers have no objections.
Counsel needed a few more billable hours to make ends meet seems like a plausible explanation...
Well, I am puzzled. What was plaintiff trying to accomplish?
Amusing post, Gene. Here's something else that's good for a laugh:
In the sweep of world history, peaceful but unhappy transfers of power have been very difficult to arrange, but somehow the British and we and then most of the rest of the West have gotten the hang of them.
That's bigger than one man, whatever his personality might be. And indeed, that the system works with the sore losers is ultimately a greater testament to it than its working with the gracious ones. True, it's not Jan. 20 yet. But my prediction is that (setting aside the surface matters related to the epidemic) it will be a Jan. 20 of an inauguration year much like any other.
As far as I know, you've never commented on your "error". How do you expect people to take you seriously when you engage in such banal sophistry?
I mean, strictly speaking it wasn't even an error. January 20 went smoothly. It was January 6 that didn't.