Democratic Convention 2020

What if Joe Biden Were a Libertarian? We Fixed His Acceptance Speech.

School choice, restrained executive power, no taxes, and less military fighting abroad!


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Presidential nominee Joe Biden gave his acceptance speech from the Democratic National Convention last night.

Since what he had to say wasn't particularly libertarian, we fixed it.

Photo by Gage Skidmore.
Produced by Paul Detrick.

NEXT: Kamala Harris' Dishonest Campaign To Destroy

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    1. Oof. How about ‘what if Joe Biden weren’t a sleazy authoritarian big govt dickhead with dementia ?’

      or shorter: ‘what if Joe Biden wasn’t Joe Biden ?’

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  1. It was specifically not libertarian on purpose. Because he doesn’t care if he gets your vote or not.

  2. That was weak. I was expecting a really good deepfake with an actual 10+ minute speech.

  3. The “libertarian case for Joe Biden” we deserve, but not the one we need right now.

  4. “School choice, restrained executive power, no taxes, and less military fighting abroad!”

    All these apply to Trump. As a libertarian who supports Reason (though the staff TDS is a problem) and has voted for the libertarian for president for decades, I’m voting for Trump.

    Don’t get confused about Trump talking about doing something outside the Constitutional limits of his office, versus actually doing it (that’s trolling your political opponents who don’t like those Constitutional limits when it comes to them, and who’ve already violated those limits themselves).

    1. Whether we pull out of Afghanistan completely at the end of April depends on whether Trump is reelected. Biden said he wanted to keep however many thousand American troops there for however long. Trump negotiated a deal with the Taliban that gets our completely at the end of April 2021.

      President Trump’s deferral of social security payroll taxes was coupled with a promise to push a bill through Congress to eliminate those payroll taxes rather than just defer them. I always thought seeing an incumbent president campaign on eliminating social security payroll taxes was a libertarian pipe dream.

      I oppose President Trump on international trade and immigration, but I’m voting for him anyway 1) because he’s head and shoulders above the Democrat alternative, which is the socialism of the Green New Deal and Medicare for All, and 2) he’s been the most libertarian president we’ve had since World War II.

      1. P.S. President Trump killed a $3.5 trillion stimulus plan.

      2. I won’t be voting for him (not that it matters in Maryland) preciously for his stand on trade (and spending). Any president who thinks they can reach into my pocket with an executive order doesn’t get my vote. And one who fights for Congress (and I won’t vote for them either) to getting rid of spending cuts (the sequester) also hasn’t earned my vote.

        Also didn’t Obama cut FICA taxes during the “Not So Great Recovery”? We still have them though and I don’t think Trump’s proposal is much different then what Obama did.

        But I get why you will vote for him and wish him the best come election day, I certainly don’t want Biden in office.

        1. I think you’re missing the point that by extending unemployment benefits, he killed a $3.5 trillion stimulus bill that the Senate probably would have capitulated to if it were the only means to get unemployment benefits extended through election day.

          I appreciate the principle involved, but it’s inaccurate to describe to his lowering the benefit from $600 extra to $200 extra–and thereby eliminating a $3.5 trillion stimulus bill–as him doing anything but cutting spending that would have happened if he hadn’t done what he did. 100 House Democrats from moderate districts sent a letter to Pelosi earlier this week demanding consideration for the Republican’s $500 billion skinny bill–now that the $3.5 trillion stimulus bill is effectively dead in the water.

          McConnel’s stance is that there aren’t enough Republicans in the Senate who will support even the $500 billion skinny bill, so he’s not bringing it up. What Trump did may have been unconstitutional and probably should be made illegal if it isn’t already. Regardless of whether it was unconstitutional, it eliminated at least $3 trillion in spending and maybe all $3.5 trillion in additional spending.

          The hard part of being consistent and principled on the Constitution is that we need to condemn things that are unconstitutional even if we like them. What president Trump did may have been unconstitutional, but that doesn’t mean it resulted in more spending than there would have been if he hadn’t done it.

          1. this is a great point Ken. And it’s great news too. I’m liking Trump more and more all the time, especially the last few months.

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  5. No taxes?

    Who assembled this . . . seven-year-olds?

    1. Taxation is robbery.

    2. If the idea that the government should be reduced to only doing things that people are willing to pay for is so entirely unthinkable for you, we might start speculating that you’re probably a government employee. It’s financing the government like a protection racket that should shock you–unless you fear losing your job in such a system and imagine that no one would willingly pay you to do whatever you’re doing. Surely you must think the government does something of value!

      Anyway, all the money I have was willingly given to me by people who valued my work more than their money. It’s really not hard to imagine government working the same way. It’s just hard to imagine the government doing so many useless and counterproductive things if they couldn’t throw people in prison for refusing to pay protection money. And it’s hard to imagine anybody wanting to hire so many unemployed ex-government bureaucrats at the same salaries they have now.

      Government employees can be punctual and meticulous, which would be valuable on the job market, but shell scripts are punctual and meticulous, too, and there are millions of government employees out there who could easily be replaced with a very short shell script. Shell scripts don’t unionize, and we wouldn’t have to go into debt to finance the outrageous pension benefits of a shell script either.

      1. Parasites can’t conceive of a world where they’re no longer afforded the opportunity to suck blood out of people’s backs. That lack of imagination is part of what turns people into parasites.

      2. I doubt he’s a government employee. He’s probably on welfare and knows that none of the welfare statists, for all their talk, are actually going to give him money willingly

        1. To a welfare recipient, the idea that what the government does is valuable on the open market is at least conceivable. Welfare recipients imagine that they’re important and valuable.

          Doesn’t it take the mind of a government employee to find the idea that what the government does should be of value to taxpayers completely inconceivable?

          Only a child would think that what the government does should be of value–to taxpayers?! That’s the view of a useless government employee–and not a firefighter or law enforcement officer either.

    3. I can understand why you’d feel intellectually challenged by seven year olds.

  6. Why would Biden try to appeal to libertarians who are going to default to vote for him regardless?

    1. For people with TDS, I suspect it’s important to imagine Biden as a libertarian.

      Earlier in threads, there was a post wondering why the Democrats didn’t go after President Trump at the convention for starting a trade war with China.

      They want the Democratic Party to be what it isn’t so badly, it makes them imagine a party and a candidate that doesn’t exist.

      They wanted Obama to be the anti-Bush, too, but Obama doubled down on TARP, raided medical marijuana facilities in California hundreds of times, violated the Fourth Amendment rights of hundreds of millions of Americans, and helped overthrow the government of Libya.

      I voted for Bush Jr. because he campaigned on replacing the welfare state with private charity. Boy was I disappointed! A president is like a box of chocolates, but Biden isn’t even campaigning on repudiating Trump’s policies. Biden’s criticism of Trump’s trade war is zip.

      1. The Democrats didn’t say anything about any of those things because they 100% agree with all of his policies. He’s just not the right person.

  7. What if the Donald Trump was a female former porn star?
    What if the Moon was really made of green cheese?
    What if the whole world was just a figment of my imagination?

    1. Imagine me taller dammit.

    2. What if antifa were real?
      What if the protests weren’t mostly peaceful?

      1. Judge Napolitano, is that you?

  8. Is this in preparation for The Libertarian Case for Joe Biden?

    1. “If scientific consensus said everyone should read Reason, by executive order I would require every American to read Reason, in particular the comment section.”

  9. “After review of my public service record, I am ashamed of my positions, my behavior, and myself. I am resigning from office immediately.”

  10. What if Joe Biden Were a Libertarian?

    Then… he not only wouldn’t be the DNC candidate for President, he wouldn’t even be a career politician.

  11. Harry Browne still had the best one:

    “On that first day in office, by executive order I would:

    Pardon everyone who had been convicted on a federal, non-violent drug charge, order their immediate release, reunite them with their families, and restore all their civil rights….
    Pardon everyone who had been convicted on any federal gun-control charge, tax-evasion charge, or any other victimless crime, order their immediate release, and restore all their civil rights….
    I would announce a policy to penalize, dismiss, or even prosecute any federal employee who violated the Bill of Rights by treating you as guilty until proven innocent, by searching or seizing your property without due process of law, by treating you as a servant, or in any other way violating your rights as a sovereign American citizen.
    I would immediately order that no federal asset forfeiture could occur unless the property’s owner had been convicted by full due process….
    As commander in chief of the Armed Forces, I would immediately remove all American troops from foreign soil…
    I would order everyone in the executive branch to stop harassing smokers, tobacco companies, successful computer companies, gun owners, gun manufacturers, alternative medicine suppliers, religious groups (whether respected or labeled as “cults”), investment companies, health-care providers, businessmen, or anyone else who’s conducting his affairs peaceably.
    I would end federal affirmative action, federal quotas, set-asides, preferential treatments, and other discriminatory practices of the federal government….
    I would call Office Depot and order a carload of pens — to use to veto congressional bills that violate the Constitution or that spend more money than necessary for the constitutional functions of government. “

  12. What if Reason were a libertarian web site?

  13. Nothing highlights just how terrible Jo Jorgensen is as a presidential candidate like Reason’s wishful thinking about Joe Biden being libertarian.

    With quite a few of Trump’s policies, you can at least make the case that he’s a libertarian-friendly politician. Biden, on the other hand, is the epitome of everything libertarians (and Libertarians) should despise.

    That Reason shows so much deference and lack of venom to Biden in their critiques shows just how compromised and irrelevant the Libertarians are…libertarians should abandon the LP and spend their vote on a candidate who can actually win and get at least some of what they want implemented. Jorgensen will never do any of that.

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