This homemade mask requires a few minutes of sewing, which is admittedly more work than most congressmen put into reading the last stimulus bill.
Written, directed, shot, edited, and produced by Meredith and Austin Bragg
Music: "Wholesome" by Kevin MacLeod used under an Attribution 3.0 Unported (CC BY 3.0) license
First they said don't buy a mask, now they say wear a mask.
So here's A Quick Guide to Making Your Own Mask at Home Because The Government Clearly Doesn't Have a Clue and It's All on Us Now.
Thanks to the Baltimore aerial surveillance program for these overhead shots. That's some seriously dystopian shit.
Cut your fabric into two 10" by 6" rectangles. When you measure, imagine you're redrawing your own congressional district: give yourself some extra room for any stupid mistakes.
Needles are sharp, so be careful when you sew—we've got enough tiny pricks screwing things up right now.
Thread the needle like a Clinton on gay rights, fold like Republicans on free trade, and hem right down the line like way too many votes in the Senate. Republicans, I know you guys love closing borders, so this part should really tickle your nuts.
Use string, fabric, or elastic to make ties for your head. Politicians will need a little extra to get around that thick empty skull.
So there you have it: the Joe Biden of facemasks. I don't want it, It might touch your face in a strange way, I doubt it can even do the job, but the only alternative seems dangerous and irresponsible. Yet if I even consider a third option somehow that makes me the asshole.