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Social Institutions

Why So Many Men Feel Lost

Jon Ronson discusses why old social structures are breaking down, the rise of online identity, and what happens when people lose a sense of meaning.

Nick Gillespie | 9.9.2026 11:00 AM

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Why So Many Men Feel Lost

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Today's guest is Jon Ronson, the bestselling author of The Psychopath Test and So You've Been Publicly Shamed, host of the podcast Things Fell Apart, and author of the new book The Castle: Adventures in a World of Unraveling Men.

Nick Gillespie talks with Ronson about what happens when the institutions and social structures that once gave people a sense of purpose begin to disappear. They discuss men who have dropped out of work and society, the strange incentives that push people to turn themselves into online brands, and how social media can reward outrage and extremism. They also discuss whether public shaming helped produce today's more disinhibited culture and why Ronson still believes there is an audience for curiosity, nuance, and genuinely open conversation.

 

0:00—Are men unraveling?

5:30—Chris Mark

14:49—Influencers, gatekeepers, and Greg Chism

22:24—Graham Linehan

32:50—Does public shaming no longer work?

37:55—The human need for meaning

44:19—Andrew Gold

50:22—Social media incentives

58:11—Things Fell Apart

NEXT: Why Public Schools Lost 1.4 Million Students

Nick Gillespie is an editor at large at Reason and host of The Reason Interview With Nick Gillespie.

Social InstitutionsCivil SocietyGenderSocial MediaCancel CultureCulture WarBill Clinton
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  1. Idaho-Bob   2 months ago

    Why So Many Men Feel Lost

    Because a woman can viciously murder her three kids, women will support her AND blame her husband, but a dude who looks a pair of mostly exposed tits is demonized.

    Let's not forget - dudes in dresses and make-up are more accepted in society than dudes in day-glow shirts and hard hats.

    1. SQRLSY   2 months ago

      So who gets paid and laid better on the cuntstruction sites... dudes in dresses and make-up or dudes in day-glow shirts and hard hats?

      Please show your work!

      (Which "society" are Ye PervFectly talking about, anyway? You might want to get out and about more often!)

    2. Zeb   2 months ago

      Let's not forget - dudes in dresses and make-up are more accepted in society than dudes in day-glow shirts and hard hats.
      Not sure I'd go that far. Depends on your reference for "society", I guess.

      1. Idaho-Bob   2 months ago

        Not sure I'd go that far. Depends on your reference for "society", I guess.

        How many trannies have brand deals vs how many blue collars have brand deals?

        Even Harley Davidson sponsored the alphabet mafia.

        1. Zeb   2 months ago

          Well, that's what I mean by my "depends". I'm not sure corporate virtue signaling is really the right metric for societal acceptance. And those trannies getting brand deals are performing an act. Blue collar workers are just working and being normal, which isn't how you get a brand deal.
          And maybe I'm being optimistic, but I think we're moving past the "everything has to be gay and/or trans" phase.

    3. JFree   2 months ago

      Poor victimized baby.

      1. TJJ2000   2 months ago

        And in other todays Reason news...
        ?Victimized? stay-at home moms living off their husbands demand paychecks too.

  2. Mickey Rat   2 months ago

    "They also discuss whether public shaming helped produce today's more disinhibited culture..."

    The boy cried "Wolf!" a few times too many.

    1. SQRLSY   2 months ago

      THIS is why we now have "Queen Spermy Daniels Spermy Hour" at the pubic library! WHEN swill Our Dear Orange Culture-War Savior save us from THAT, is twat I wanna know!!!

      (If He's too old to take that one on, maybe Ron DeSatan can save us?)

      1. SQRLSY   2 months ago

        If Our Dear Orange Culture-War Savior wasn't quite soooo busy taxing the shit out of us for wanting to buy affordable, quality products from Canada, then maybe He'd have more time to save us from "Queen Spermy Daniels Spermy Hour" at the pubic library!

        ...Just a thought...

  3. mad.casual   2 months ago

    We're not lost! We know *exactly* where we're going!

  4. Zeb   2 months ago

    I fell lost because everything is stupid and everyone is retarded.

    1. Quicktown Brix   2 months ago

      Yep.

    2. JFree   2 months ago

      I probably would too if I understood that sentence.

      1. Zeb   2 months ago

        You can probably figure out what the second word is supposed to be.

  5. Social Justice is neither   2 months ago

    Leftists, including Reason writers, demanded men stop being men and stop stepping up so we did in large numbers. Now that the consequences are showing the same leftists are blaming men for the consequences of their demands so men are doubling down on the FU, go live with the bear you strong independent woman you.

  6. Rick James   2 months ago

    Wow, Gillespie dippin' his toe into this discussion... and this late in the game. I'm not sure you got the chops for this one, Nick. You're competing with people who've been training on this circuit for over a decade.

  7. Rick James   2 months ago

    Nick to his young wife: Got another interview today, BRING ME THE HIPPIE JACKET!

  8. Rick James   2 months ago

    Wrong, Graham Linehan is NOT known for being a 'rabid, outspoken anti-trans activist'.

    As I suspected, Nick you're WAY out of your depth on this. The pro-woman, gender critical space he occupies is the only space he can exist in now because the 'gatekeepers' that you supposedly despise fired him from all of his established career entertainment options.

    His agency dropped him. His production pipeline was immediately shut down, his entire career was memory holed and he was threatened with arrest from the British Government-- all for merely saying something in passing about the right of women to have their own space, free of men. The vicious indignation that he suffered from 'polite society' was so swift and complete in its action, that he is now pigeon-holed into the 'gender critical space'. So this is the first major swing and miss in this interview.

    1. Mickey Rat   2 months ago

      This is the social liberal libertarian playbook. They can decry cancel culture against the heretics and apostates, but tsk tsk that what those people like Linehan say is really beyond the pale and they kind of deserve to be suppressed if we trans allies believed in that sort of thing.

  9. TJJ2000   2 months ago

    Because of the overwhelming political success of !!Female Empowerment!! over men?
    There was never any case to be made about equality.
    It has always been a case of empowerment over the 'icky' people.
    And they'll use any [WE] Identify-as metric they can find.

    ...because it's required to identify who gets robbed in order to identify who gets entitled.
    It's a guaranteed consequence of entitlements.

  10. Rick James   2 months ago

    Also, this entire podcast is a bit suspect... if we can't define what a woman is, then conversely, we can't define what a 'man' is... so who exactly is floundering here, men or people who present as men? Are people who were assigned-at-birth men floundering vs people who identified later in life as men?

    Can Ronson define a man? Does he have a working definition of that? Or is he just vibecoding a book here?

    1. Mike Parsons   2 months ago

      " if we can't define what a woman is, then conversely, we can't define what a 'man' is... so who exactly is floundering here, men or people who present as men? "

      Pretty sure I saw a podcast where Elliot (lol) Page was talking about the things the make a man masculine. That's where this path has lead us

      1. Zeb   2 months ago

        That's one of the most annoying things about the whole trans thing to me. It doesn't matter if you feel like you are/should be the opposite sex (whatever that means), you still have no idea what it actually is like to be the opposite sex, no matter how convinced you are that you do.

        1. damikesc   2 months ago

          Hell, I've asked my wife and she says she has no clue what it means to "feel like a woman".

    2. mad.casual   2 months ago

      The whole "Men are lost" is, once again, a divisive, reactionary framing. Between rates of anti-depressant/psychotic consumption, rates of counseling, rates of attempted suicide, hormonal birth control availability, IVF... women aren't faring any better despite consistently being handed benefits that were unimaginable 1-2 decades prior.

      It's akin to, but inverse of, the standard tropes about life expectancy, fertility rates, and abortion; they're disproportionate to old people. That is, between ~1960 and 1980 the abortion rate (of women of child bearing years) doubled and has since fallen back to (pre-)1960 levels. Meanwhile, male suicide rates have gone up steadily ~25% while women's have *also* steadily increase 50% (of a lower absolute number).

      Saying "men are lost" or "men are in trouble" has a hefty dose of blame shifting. If men are lost, women are following a GPS that gets reset to the factory default every few years because everything the previous software version said was wrong and, despite this, has been telling them to "turn up and you will arrive at your destination" for 50 yrs.

      1. damikesc   2 months ago

        Also, no chance that white males (in particular) have been blocked from virtually every major corporation for over a decade now might be a problem?

        Being blamed for, literally, every problem on Earth might have been a problem, perhaps?

        There was a reason why every society, even though they had zero connection with one another, kept women lower for eons. Giving them total equality has not done well for men and, based on all studies, women either. They seem quite miserable.

  11. Mike Parsons   2 months ago

    Men are having trouble because we have created a world of social media, MSM, Hollywood, and society at large that caters to women in every way, but at the same time has profoundly broken them (emphasis on social media).

    So we have to deal with a world (and gender) that is at the same time 'deserving of special treatment' and completely unhinged and detached from reality.

    Letting the patriarchy fall was the start.

    1. damikesc   2 months ago

      Yup. For any faults patriarchy may have had, women were dramatically happier in the 50's than they are now.

    2. Mickey Rat   2 months ago

      The Sexual Revolution and Feminism have created a dramatically unhappy and dysfunctional culture for everyone.

      1. mtrueman   2 months ago

        Given the choice, I'd take unhappy and dysfunctional over the feeling of being lost. If you've got a map and compass and an awareness of the lay of the land, you can work your way out of unhappiness and dysfunction. No map, no compass, no feeling for the land, lost is what you are, lost is how you'll stay. And blaming women for their plight is just the sort of blame game a desperate, confused lost man is fated to play.

        1. damikesc   2 months ago

          When you have been systematically oppressed by the system for years and years and then blamed REGARDLESS for your situation, well, young men can become ornery and, well, they are the ones we rely on to keep the peace.

          They decide to not keep the peace and, instead, redeem themselves and it will not be pretty.

          1. mtrueman   2 months ago

            "They decide to not keep the peace and, instead, redeem themselves and it will not be pretty."

            You mean they're going to start killing and brutalizing women? That won't solve their feelings of being lost. Glomming onto some daddy figure leader with vague promises to return them to the greatness that is their birthright isn't going to do the trick either.

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