The Libertarian Holiday Gift Guide

Don't know what to get the libertarians on your holiday list? We've got you covered!

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The Libertarian Holiday Gift Guide

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Don't know what to get the libertarians on your holiday list? We've got you covered!

Hosted by Andrew Heaton
Written by Austin Bragg, Meredith Bragg, and Andrew Heaton
Produced by Austin and Meredith Bragg

Wish Background by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)
Source: http://incompetech.com/music/royalty-free/index.html?isrc=USUAN1100391
Artist: http://incompetech.com/

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Comments

[Mithrandir]

Too bad I don't have any fellow libertarians in my immediate family to give a libertarian present to.

[Riven]

Sounds like you've got some work to do changing minds and winning hearts and all that.

[Mithrandir]

Sounds like you've got some work to do changing minds and winning hearts and all that.

I work on it every time I go home to visit my dad. And every time I leave, he's still an evangelical conservative. I think I'm making progress on the Drug War though. Last time I visited I pointed out that there is nothing about drug prohibition that makes life even a tiny bit better for those who are already addicted to drugs and he actually conceded the point.

It's a war of attrition.

[DOOMco]

aw

[steedamike]

Get out of my head!

[bacon-magic]

Awesome!

[Chipper Morning Wood]

I spat coffee at Hungry, Hungry Venezuelans.

[bartzman86]

Seriously, who is this guy? And how can we give him a show?

[GILMORE?]

He's Bernie Maxsmith, the human resources director for Fox Business Channel.

[Roger the Shrubber]

Andrew Heaton

[Chipper Morning Wood]

How the fuck do I not know about this guy??

[Chipper Morning Wood]

Wow, his stand up is awesome.

[albo]

God I loved this.
Hungry Hungry Venzuelans. brilliant

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

"Citizen Keynes"

Oh YOU!

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

Wait, the unisex bathroom sign is controversial? I thought the non-unisex bathroom signs were the ones that were so controversial, they had to be addressed immediately by Federal guidance.

[mad.casual]

Look, Paul, the signs aren't controversial. It was just a simple misunderstanding where one side admitted they were wrong for accidentally forgetting people's right not to be labeled, to not label other people, and to not be discriminated against because of labels and the other side was wrong because they accidentally forgot that other people own property. So, just do the libertarian thing where we all acknowledge together that no wrong thinking laws at the state and higher level have been passed in South Carolina and blindly accept the obviously neutral and right-thinking solution of the bathroom signage that's been chosen for you.

[Pan Zagloba "The Stickler"]

Holy shit, can we get this on Kennedy somehow?

Yes, I know about other things you want on Kennedy...

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

It's what we want in Kennedy...

[Pan Zagloba "The Stickler"]

Is your New Year's Resolution "make Postrel quit"?

[Citizen X]

...again?

[Hyperion]

Sorry, I first read that as "make Postrel squirt", heh.

[Free Society]

Postrel squirts are a myth.

[Hyperion]

I think it's Sugarfree time...

[Chipper Morning Wood]

I think SugarFree is too chickenshit to do a story about Postrel. He is so scared that SIV is considering booking one of his gamecocks against him.

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

Ok after about 2:00 they get really funny.

[Grand Moff Serious Man]

Raw milk, an endangered species of bird to use in the illegal coal mine, orphans to toil away in said illegal coal mine, a coupon for your choice of 23 different brands of deodorant.

[Hyperion]

+1

[John Titor]

Is Andrew Heaton going to the John McAfee School of Libertarian Dress and Grooming now? He looks like the shipwrecked survivor of a private yacht. What happened in two years?

[Citizen X]

He looks like the drummer for a Hall and Oates cover band that plays down at the Harbor Club every Sunday afternoon.

[John]

There is such a thing as a "Hall and Oates cover band"? Really?

[???? ??????, Jr.]

Late period H&O - they're called "The Maneaters".

[Citizen X]

Macauley Culkin has a pizza-themed Velvet Underground tribute act. Is a Hall and Oates cover band really that odd of a concept?

[chillaxing effect]

That's what living in Manhattan and having a semi-hipster girlfriend will do to you.

[Jerry on the sea]

Holiday season, eh?

[GILMORE?]

WHERECOME MAH LITTLE BAYBE JESUS GAWN

[DOOMco]

just give me gifts, damnit

[Domestic Dissident]

Where's Aleppo?

Gary Johnson's stupidity and general shittiness, the Christmas gift that just keeps on giving.

[John]

Pot, male hookers, pinatas or lawn services.

[Hyperion]

Blow to do off hookers arse.

[Roger the Shrubber]

More of this guy!

Does Remy take requests? I suggest a Twelve Days of Libertarian Christmas.

[???? ??????, Jr.]

On the first day of libertarian Christmas, my true love gave to me:

12 drummers playing Peart
11 pipers led by Almanian!
10 Lords-a-shit
9 ladies not existing
8 maids replaced by orphans
7 swans-a-shot for food
6 geese-a-fighting for SIV's amusement
5 golden showers
4 comic nerds
3 French surrenders
2 turtles named McConnell
and fried chicken

[Citizen X]

fuck yeah fried chicken

[Hyperion]

"5 golden showers"

Libertarians aren't German.

[???? ??????, Jr.]

It was a very rushed job. No references to Mexicans, ass-sex, and pot; the last line was supposed to read "also, fried chicken". Not one single Trump reference.

I have failed you all.

[Unicorn Abattoir]

and fried chicken and a jacket for Gillespie

[Citizen X]

I think you mean a new Gillespie for The Jacket. The current host is just about sucked dry.

[Unicorn Abattoir]

Perhaps a whole Libertarian Christmas album, with such classics as:

Baby, There's Cops Outside
Tulpa Got Run Over By a Reindeer
I saw Robby Kissing Lobster Girl

and many, many more!

[Animal]

"Tulpa Got Run Over By a Reindeer D9 Caterpillar"

Fixed.

[Hyperion]

Ok, that was good. But ... no orphans? What the fuck type of libertarian doesn't give another libertarian orphans for Christmas! Cheapskates!

[John]

the price of those things has gone through the roof. Trump getting elected and his plan to close the borders sent the orphan futures market through the roof. And that is if you can even find one for sale. Dark days indeed.

[Hyperion]

Trump's a deal maker. We just make a deal with him that some of our existing orphans go over to Trump tower.

[Pan Zagloba "The Stickler"]

Sorry, man, he's clear on "Buy American, Hire American."

Your best bet for opening the domestic orphan supply is to shut down Planned Parenthood.

[Hyperion]

I'm good with that. Also, no one needs to adopt 23 orphans. We could even present Trump with a 24K gold monocle to sweeten the deal. Once he sees himself in those selfies with the red hat and that monocle, why the deal is a deal!

[John Titor]

What is this, amateurs night? Everyone knows the best way to get orphans is to grow your own.

[Pan Zagloba "The Stickler"]

Sure thing, mr Roboto, take jobs from Americans and replace them with machinery. Not on Trump's watch!!!

[John Titor]

Hey, I use all American parts! The human traffickers assured me of that!

[Citizen X]

You realize that both of you are Canadian, right?

[John Titor]

I don't know what you're talking about, Citizen X, my real name is Joe Everymann, I'm from Montana and spend my days being measuring things in archaic measurements and spelling words wrong.

[Pan Zagloba "The Stickler"]

As Canadians, we are always aware of any cross-border trade hiccups. I know I'm reorienting my orphan trade domestically (stupid China and its stupid mercantillist policies).

[Gojira]

The answer is obviously dildos. Lots of them, of varying sizes and varying firmness, in a variety of colors.

Big floppy purple ones, small stiff glow-in-the-dark ones, ones that are shaped to look like cocks from fantasy literature (dragon cocks, ogre cocks, orc cocks, troll cocks, etc.), big black ones, small yellow ones, you name it. The whole gamut.

Anything less is not pure libertarian.

[Gojira]

Also Marvel superhero themed dildos, and ones that look like light sabers.

[Riven]

Well, now I'm going to be very disappointed if I don't receive an ovipositor in my stocking

[Hugh Akston]

These euphemisms are getting less abstract all the time.

[SugarFree]

All the dildos of the rainbow!

[Hyperion]

Seriously, the funniest thing about that is naked fat dancing libertarian bobble head, lol. If you cannot laugh at yourself, you're doomed. Sorry, progs, you're fucking doomed.

[Roger Wilco]

The real joke here is that Libertarians don't have any friends or family that would give them gifts

[Hyperion]

Well, it's not our fault that everyone else is stupid and we have to tell them that.

[BestUsedCarSales]

Libertarians know that the greatest gift of all is the gift to oneself.

[XM]

Ayn Rand action figure?

[Riven]

Drugs. I have a pretty decent amount of family that I can just get drugs for as Christmas presents.

The rest of y'all are slackers. Get on my level.

[John Titor]

Some of our families aren't as cool as yours is Riven, GOD.

...Though I did have my mom as me to get her some pot a couple months ago. According to her it was for someone in her church with joint pains. Surrrrre.

[DOOMco]

this was great.

[DOOMco]

suggestions for my 13 year old brother?

[Riven]

If he's a cool brother--Steam gift card

If he's not--the latest and greatest release on whatever game system he foolishly uses instead of his PC.

[kbolino]

I bought a couple games for console recently. I discovered that load time still exists and it still sucks. I am going back to PC gaming.

[DOOMco]

250gb solid states are on sale for 99 bucks right now

[kbolino]

That's probably worth it but I feel like it defeats the purpose of having a console.

[DOOMco]

the only reason I'd get a console is for some game that only comes on that platform.

[DOOMco]

hes a pc master. i have a gpu to send him. its my old 970.
steam is a good call. thanks. we play TF2 together a few times a month.

[Microaggressor]

Still playing TF2? Maybe you both should upgrade to Overwatch.

[DOOMco]

not a bad call. idk. i usually play bf1.

[John Titor]

Hmmm what was I up to at age 13...

*Suddenly remembers the bullshit I did*

Nevermind, I'm a bad influence.

[DOOMco]

yeah. i was up to all sorts of stuff. I try to give both sides of advice. "i did it like this, mom knew the whole time."

[Eratosthenes]

I laughed and laughed and laughed. Thank you so much!

[Kevin Sorbos Manful Locks]

Hungry Hungry Venezuelans.

[mimexah]

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[mimexah]

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[andytaylor545hghh]

I'm using it now and it's awesome! I've signed up for my account and have been bringing in fat paychecks. For real, my first week I made $305 and the second week I doubled it and then it kinda snowballed to $122 a day.M$2......

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[pehevisobu]

happy christmas

Peyton . you think Connie `s blog is cool, I just purchased BMW M3 from having made $4287 this-last/5 weeks an would you believe ten-k last month . it's by-far my favourite-work I've ever had . I began this 8-months ago and straight away startad earning more than $72, per-hr . visit the website

==============================> http://www.homejobs7.com

[fasagilis]

my friend's sister makes $79 /hour on the laptop . She has been out of a job for 10 months but last month her payment was $19847 just working on the laptop for a few hours...

+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+ http://www.homejobs7.com

[yerisisode]

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????????> http://www.homejobs7.com

[vexiwicoh]

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[dumakuces]

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[vilevase]

HAPPY NEW YEARS

I can see what your saying... Raymond `s article is surprising, last week I bought a top of the range Acura from making $4608 this-past/month and-a little over, $10,000 this past month . with-out any question its the easiest work I've ever had . I began this five months/ago and almost straight away startad bringin in minimum $82 per-hr

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[valokited]

HAPPY NEW YEARS

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[tuyegav]

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[wanoyaci]

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[gejocoji]

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