Bloomy May Destroy Business for Selling Gun-Shaped Lighters (Nanny of the Month 5-'13)


As hoops star Tim Duncan enters yet another NBA finals, he aims to do what New York City Michael Bloomberg has just done: Earn the ultimate recognition in his field one more time before the end of a storied career.

Bloomberg has cemented his legendary status by securing yet another Nanny of the Month award, making him the only three-time "winner" in history. (The mayor also took home a Nanny of the Year award in 2009.)

Recently, the mayor has made headlines after revelations surfaced that he had been sent letters laced with ricin. Here's hoping the authorities arrest those responsible for the horrible act, but these developments are no reason to ignore Bloomberg's latest and perhaps "greatest" act of busybodyism.

Bloomy's men busted Fred Shayes after inspectors discovered he was selling a dozen novelty lighters shaped like guns in his tourist shop. The lighters are just three inches in length, but the city's Department of Consumer Affairs says they could be mistaken for real firearms.

Shayes' bronze, silver, and black doodads don't cut it in Bloomberg's New York, where toy guns may be sold only if they are bright green, red, blue or a neon color. Shayes says he had no idea the lighters were illegal, and removed them from his shelves once he learned they were. But the city is still socking him with $60,000 in fines, enough to put the store owner out of business, says Shayes.

About a minute and a half long.

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"Nanny of the Month" is written and produced by Ted Balaker. Research by Matt Edwards. Opening animation by Meredith Bragg.

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  1. You'd think the mayor of the world's largest city would have more important things to worry about.

    1. Don't you mean the galaxy's largest city, Hugh?

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    2. Not the world's largest city. We covered this already.

      1. Used to be Mexico City, but I imagine it's Shanghai or some other Asian city.

        1. Jacksonville, FL is the largest US city by land area. Yeah, I know. Nobody cares.

          1. Yes, I know that one. I always mention it to the family when we drive through there. Duval and Jacksonville are One.


            Sorry, Alaska is going to win pretty much any contest involving "largest land area".

            1. What, Jacksonville has been lying to me? Well, this means war. I almost got killed in Jacksonville at a UF-UGA game years ago, so maybe it's even justified.

            2. Ahh but Alaska is not a city.

    3. When you live in the shit hole that is NYC, everything is up for grabs.

  2. They already banned all novelty lighters where I live like five years ago.

    Not just ones shaped like guns.

    1. But it was for the children.

      1. Everything is.

      2. When I hear or read "for the Children" I always want to ask, "Did they actually ask?"

    2. God, I thought Maine was relatively cool on this stuff. That's beyond ridiculous.

      1. They did legalize fireworks last year. We're celebrating the stepkid's birthday this weekend. I'm going to set off some mortars and roman candles. Any excuse.

  3. So is this dump on Bloomy day?

    Cause if so hells yeah.

    Here's my favorite Bloomberg moment-

    1. I am torn between loving "dump on Bloomy" day and wanting to shout "Enough already" and ignore every story about him from here until he goes away.

      What is that a picture of? Please tell me that's Bloomy's SUV. The only thing that could make that better would be if you could see him sitting in it sipping a Big Gulp.

    2. What the hell is that?!?

      I that an air conditioner?!?

      1. Yes indeed, it is a regular AC unit. Attached to a van.

        Carbon footprint my ass.

    3. Stop using tinyurl!

    4. Here's my favorite Bloomberg moment

      Don't forget this.

    5. Too bad it's not Bloomy Takes a Dump Day. I've come to the conclusion that this man must be horribly, painfully constipated. His anal retentive attitude about not just the fun things in life, but the particularly trivial fun things in life -- large large sodas -- is probably the product of many years of nearly fruitless daily straining on the john. The daily pain in the ass he deals with makes him a pain in the ass to the millions of New Yorkers he presides over. I used to detest him for his priggish attitude, but that's largely been replaced by pity.

  4. Why don't we just proclaim him Nanny of the century and get it over with.

    1. You could do that, but Mary Poppins will be pissed.

      1. Mary Poppins would be summarily arrested and executed for possession of a high capacity assault bag.

        No one NEEDS a bag that can hold a lamp. I mean, you could hide a nuke or something in there.

        1. And she's constantly flying around without filing the proper paperwork with the FAA and local authorities. Who does she think she is?!

          1. Not to mention that she is constantly advocating for "a spoonful of sugar". For children, no less. This monster needs to be stopped.

        2. And she force-feeds children spoonfuls of narcotics and high-fructose corn syrup.

          1. AHHH THE CHILDREN! Wait, the children will feel better if we just...give them some milk of the poppy.

    2. Agreed. Clearly some kind of Life Achievement Award is called for.

  5. Mary Poppins will be pissed.

    Different century.

  6. We cannot allow our overstretched and outgunned police officers to be sidetracked by reports of guns which turn out to be lighters. There are teenaged dope smokers who desperately need killing!

    1. And minorities! Don't forget the innocent minorities that we need to shoot. Oh and those damned white kids. God I hate those white kids.

  7. The sick animals that reside in NYC and elect this trash are lower than islamic feces: You people are beyond hope.

    And no, I don't care one whit if you get attacked again. They can have your sorry asses.

  8. I can't believe the people of New York keep electing this ass-hat. What an ass-hat. I mean, that city must be full of the worst kind of libtards to keep electing this ass-hat. Did I mention I think Bloomberg is an ass-hat?

    1. I concur. Damn that ASSHAT.

  9. Any politician (neigh, human being) that puts another person out of business for such reasons is an immoral piece of shit.

    Mayor Bloomberg is a jerk for ruining a life.

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  13. The problem with legislating for the greater good is, what happens if some cocky sod spray paints their real gun a neon color? There isn't a cop in the city that would see that coming before it's too late. Also, Government hates small business and would be happy if they all went away.

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