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The Hillary Clinton School of Literary Criticism

The former first lady, senator, and secretary of state interprets the classics.

Hillary Clinton, TwitterHillary Clinton, TwitterThe most eye-catching aspect of Hillary Clinton's widely reviewed, reviled, and literally discounted campaign memoir, What Happened, is her take on George Orwell's 1984. Most readers interpret the novel as imploring us all to be skeptical of those in power. Clinton argues that authoritarianism is bad not because it tortures and kills people but, well, because it

sow[s] mistrust towards exactly the people we need to rely on: our leaders, the press, experts who seek to guide public policy.

In that vein, we're happy present to you some other, lesser-known interpretations of classic works by Secretary Clinton.

Slideshow

Photo Credit: Hillary Clinton, Twitter

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  • Diane Reynolds (Paul.)||

    Caught a few snippets from Hillary interviews as she makes the rounds. She actually may be the worst person on earth.

  • Quo Usque Tandem||

    The amazing thing is just how many support her, and believe in "the people we need to rely on: our leaders, the press, experts who seek to guide public policy." Clinton herself is just a power mongering hag, but those who buy into this [along with proscribing speech that just "isn't nice"] is what really concerns me.

  • Tony||

    So you don't think we need the press or experts?

  • Scarecrow Repair & Chippering||

    To have good leaders you have to have good followers -- able to recognize just authority, admire it, be grateful for it and emulate it.

    -- David Brooks

    That pretty much sums up everything that is wrong with coercive government.

  • Tony||

    "Everyone would be raping and murdering everyone with impunity until some strongman came around and started an even more coercive government." --Me

    The problem with the alternative.

  • Incomprehensible Bitching||

    Because a government big enough to stop murder and rape really should just go ahead and do everything else! QED!

  • Tony||

    The problem with government is that it is coercive. That's why it should limit itself to those tasks that involve killing and imprisoning people. Libertarianism!

  • Incomprehensible Bitching||

    The problem with Libertarians is that they limit government to those tasks that involve killing and imprisoning people. That's why democrats embrace a government when consists completely of harshly worded op-eds! Democrat Party!

  • TrickyVic (old school)||

    """Everyone would be raping and murdering everyone with impunity until some strongman came around and started an even more coercive government." --Me''

    Maybe you. But they would get shot if they tried that with me. Be your own strongman.

  • Tony||

    But I don't want to live in anarchy and nobody else does either. So how do you implement it without imposing on people?

  • ||

    But I don't want to live in anarchy and nobody else does either. So how do you implement it without imposing on people?

    Why don't you go to an anarchist site and ask them?

    How long have you been commenting here again?

  • Incomprehensible Bitching||

    Coercion and imposition are the same thing!

    When you fight back against the rapist: stop being a hypocrite!

  • Wizard4169||

    Well, if "nobody" does, then it's hardly an issue. You obviously think someone does. But, hey, sorry to impose on your desire to control me.

  • Diane Reynolds (Paul.)||

    Because people are incapable of morality without Hillary Clinton? Is this where we're going?

  • TrickyVic (old school)||

    I'm sure Hillary would agree.

  • Tony||

    I'm actually grateful I don't have to watch you people be hysterical about her for 8 years. Would be nice if you gave Trump some of the old Obama treatment occasionally, but what can you do, he's only the most insane and incompetent president the western world has ever known.

  • ||

    he's only the most insane and incompetent president the western world has ever known.

    I know! I mean, just the other day he was raping babies on the Capitol steps while launching random nuclear strikes against impoverished countries!

    Monster!

  • Don't look at me.||

    You forgot the drone strikes killing non combatants, and kill lists.
    Oh wait, that was Obama.

  • Tony||

    The thing is, that hyperbole is just not far enough away from reality for my comfort.

  • ||

    The thing is, that hyperbole is just not far enough away from reality for my comfort.

    It's certainly not at all far from your perception of "reality."

  • Wizard4169||

    Best I can tell, most people around here treat Trump exactly the same way they did Obama. When he does something that promises a net gain in freedom, they support it. The stupid shit he spends most of his time doing, they oppose.

  • Last of the Shitlords||

    His presidency is more organized and effective in 8 months than Obama;s was in 8 years. Considering that 2/3s of his rank and file appointments are being held up by your friends i the senate, that's actually pretty impressive.

    Also, people here constantly criticize Trump's activities. where the fuck have you been? Or is your reading comprehension just that poor? I mean, you are pretty stupid after all.

  • Wizard4169||

    Ye gods, but your life must be miserable. Society works because most people, most of the time, want it to. If most people really wanted to spend most of their time raping and murdering, we'd never have enough cops to stop them, and civilization would never have arisen in the first place.

  • Cy||

    "If most people really wanted to spend most of their time raping and murdering, we'd never have enough cops to stop them, and civilization would never have arisen in the first place."

    Exactly! Go live in the country for a while. Everyone is armed and for the most part, there aren't any police. You know what? It's a pretty nice place to live. Sometimes a bit boring if outdoors aren't your thing, but still pretty nice.

    "If everyone has guns there's going to be an epidemic of violence!"
    Newsflash! Everyone already does have guns and there is no epidemic of violence!

    "If there aren't any police and gubbermint around to save us, everyone will be murderin and rapin!"
    Newsflash! There really aren't a lot of cops per capita it gets even more astronomical when we start talking per square mile AND there isn't a bunch of rapin and murdin (except by the cops ironically!)

  • John C. Randolph||

    "David Brooks sounds like a boot-licking twat." -- jcr

  • Wizard4169||

    Need them? Maybe. But blindly rely on them? Bad idea. Our "leaders, the press and experts" should always be regarded with a certain healthy skepticism. Please note that I'm advocating skepticism, not cynicism. A cynic makes up his mind and ignores any evidence to the contrary, while a skeptic is prepared to change his mind based on the evidence. But skeptics demand evidence, they don't offer up blind faith.

  • Last of the Shitlords||

    Beyond cynicism, we have the unpleasant subject known as Tony............

  • MarkLastname||

    Good press or experts don't need to be followed. They make persuasive, honest arguments and present information straightforwardly.

    And they are no more or less special or worthy of admiration than good engineers, electricians, or butchers.

  • Diane Reynolds (Paul.)||

    The "firemen" in Bradbury's uplifting tale aren't just admirable, selfless public servants. They are damn good at incinerating inconvenient books, documents, and other printed materials, leaving absolutely no trace behind.

    Let me edit this for brevity:

    They are damn good at incinerating Fake News.

  • Half-Virtue, Half-Vice||

    +1 Internship

  • ||

    Richard II: A Tragedy in One Act meditating on the socio-political chaos that inevitably results when subjects fail to fully appreciate the Divine Right of Kings.

  • Quo Usque Tandem||

    "the people we need to rely on: our leaders, the press, experts who seek to guide public policy."

    In other words, total and complete anathema to any concept of freedom and individuality.

  • ||

    Hillary Clinton is an idiot.

    A corrupted miscreant who takes us all for illiterates.

    Go away loser.

  • Tony||

    So you want to get rid of "our leaders, the press, experts who seek to guide public policy" and substitute them all with what? Yeah that's right, Libertarian Big Brother.

    "No no I swear everyone will just leave everyone alone because unicorn farts!"

  • Scarecrow Repair & Chippering||

    Are you so constrained by your tiny little brain that you cannot conceive of anything less than Total Government totes in control of everything?

  • Tony||

    I don't think I'm the one with the conceptual problems here.

  • Scarecrow Repair & Chippering||

    Translation: I can't conceive of me having conceptual problems.

  • MarkLastname||

    But you clearly are.

    If you think the big take away of 1984 how sad it is when people lose faith in the authorities, you're just a fucking retard.

  • Last of the Shitlords||

    Tony, it isn't us, it's you. Maybe your IQ is just too low for you to figure that out. Being much more intelligent than yourself, it is very frustrating watching you bleat and gibber almost incomprehensibly here almost every day. But then, you're too fucking stupid to possibly understand that.

  • Incomprehensible Bitching||

    I, for one, embrace Donald Trump as leader of the free world, because better than unicorn farts!

  • Tony||

    Nobody said democracy works great even if everyone is a moron.

  • Incomprehensible Bitching||

    Democracy always works best when it agrees with me! And it's only tyranny when someone else says it!

  • Tony||

    Democracy is perfectly capable of putting in power extremely horrible leaders, as we have seen. What is your alternative again?

  • Incomprehensible Bitching||

    There is no alternative to the Trump administration! That's the beauty of top-down government!

  • Nwallins||

    Government is just the name for things we do together. Like protests and marches. Berkeley and Charlottesville.

  • TrickyVic (old school)||

    ""Democracy is perfectly capable of putting in power extremely horrible leaders, as we have seen."'

    Sure, even a Constitutional Republic can put horrible leaders in power.

    The alternative is one where actions of the leaders are constrained by a Constitution.

  • Don't look at me.||

    Hey , we should try that.

  • Last of the Shitlords||

    We know Tony. we just finished eight years of Obama.

  • Diane Reynolds (Paul.)||

    So trust our leaders when it works, don't trust our leaders when it doesn't work.

    Just a... sec... I'm writing notes as fast as I can...

  • ||

    Hilary: I'm gonna make up my version of the facts and that will include novels. What's this book?
    Aide: 1984.
    Hillary: 1984, eh? What's it about?
    Aide: About?
    Hillary: Yeh, don't be daft. Hit me with the Coles Notes.
    Aide: Well, it's about, I guess, a world where everything is ruled by a government where human sovereignty is non-existent?
    Hillary: Is that it?
    Aide: Well, I'm under pressure here but sorta. I guess, and I really shouldn't say this, but it's basically what society would be like under socialist rule. The human spirit would be stolen from...
    Hillary: Yeh, yeh. I got it. Hey Bill, how about I spin the book about how government is actually freedom for people? Sorta like how the niglet said his health plan freed people.
    Bill (blowing bubbles): Sounds good, honey.
    Aide: Surely you can't be serious?

  • ||

    Hillary: Why not?
    Aide: Because it's not factual? It's purposely lying about a great piece of literature.
    Hillary: Oh don't be so dramatic. You're always so dramatic. The Russian narrative is rolling along nicely, no?
    Aide: I'm....not sure Ma'am.
    Hillary (slaps aide): Listen you piece of shit. When I told you if you accepted the job you basically gave up your existence to me do you think I was joking? If I tell you to lick my twat, well god dammit you're gonna spit, drool and slurp all over it, got it?
    Aide: Bill, surely you must intervene!
    Bill: No, she knows what she's doing. It's HER. TURN.
    Aide: I can't be part of this no more. My apology madame but I must tender my resignation.
    Hillary (turns back and quietly mutters): Sure. Just make sure you tell your wife and kids you love them.

  • Tony||

    Orwell was a card-carrying socialist. You idiots need to stop pretending like he was one of you.

  • Scarecrow Repair & Chippering||

    You need to stop pretending. Period. Your brain is incapable of any but prescribed thought. Independent thought, independent action, independent ideas, all forbidden, all impossible in Tony's world.

  • ||

    There was no real difference between Nazism, fascism, Marxism, socialism and communism. They basically all love murder porn.

  • ||

    True but he was honest enough to do us all a service about what socialism had morphed into in his own time.

  • Tony||

    He really wasn't critiquing an economic system, and like all intelligent people would never endorse the Scientology of economic systems.

  • ||

    Who is talking about 'economic systems'?

    We just know it's about how humanity would look like under full state control.

    Hello.

  • Tony||

    Yeah. Which is not the equivalent of a universal health insurance program.

  • Don't look at me.||

    Pretty close.

  • SKR||

    A universal health insurance program isn't socialism. It seems more akin to a feudal relationship than anything horizontal.

  • Cy||

    You get to pick who dies and who lives. That seems pretty damn close to me.

  • Lord_at_War||

    Tell me more about the Phoenix VA...

  • Last of the Shitlords||

    Tony, I've counseled you to drink Drano many times now. so get to it. It will iAd the collective. Under your master's Complete Lives System, you have no value. So go drink your Drano.

  • Juice||

    He really wasn't critiquing an economic system

    He absolutely was in Animal Farm.

  • MarkLastname||

    Are you calling capitalism the scientology of economic systems?

    Did I tell you what an idiot you are recently?

  • Last of the Shitlords||

    This really will be a far better country when Tony and his comrades have been removed from it.

  • Scarecrow Repair & Chippering||

    Seriously, Tony, you know lots of words, lots of things, but your world view is so constrained by the need to have other people rule your life that you are blind to any concept that other people have other thoughts and desires. Other people don't necessarily believe that everything that every socialist does is wrong or evil. Even Hitler liked dogs and was a vegetarian. Even Stalin had a fantastic mustache. Even you know a few things, like Orwell being a socialist at one point in his life.

    Why is your world so black and white? You haven't the slightest concept of mitigation, moderation, compromise, anything less than absolutely what your leaders say and what they don't say. It's a very boring world, Tony. Lighten up, embiggen your mind, you might just relax a little and enjoy life.

  • Tony||

    You keep accusing me of favoring a Total State and I'm the one with the inability to see gray areas?

    All I'm in favor of is a modern democratic government with a mixed economy modeled on what we've learned from what works best in the world (i.e., evidence). You have chosen to endorse a political and economic philosophy of extremes, and on the political side I don't think you even have any coherent beliefs. Do we not have a head of state or a congress or parliament? What about judges? Do you even know?

  • ||

    No, you don't. You endorse a 50+1 version of 'mixed' where the state gets the edge over the people.

  • Scarecrow Repair & Chippering||

    I accuse you of not comprehending any region between All-Encompassing Government and chaos. Even the word "anarchy" it outside your ken.

    Even this comment is outside your ken, because it discusses that impossible area between Chaos and Totalitarianism.

  • Tony||

    You keep saying that I'm a black and white thinker, yet I just described my by-definition middle-ground beliefs, while you hang on to absolutist bullshit.

  • Scarecrow Repair & Chippering||

    There you go. You think your Hillary-winner-ruler outcome is middle of the road, and everybody else is a Trumpist. You absolutely cannot conceive of anything between Hillary-takes-all and Trump, which is chaos.

  • Tony||

    A presidential election is in fact a binary thing.

  • ||

    A presidential election is in fact a binary thing.

    And this is part of the fabric of the universe, or is there a reason we only get two "choices" every four years?

    Why am I asking you? Of course you think that's part of the fabric of the universe.

  • ||

    When like fifteen people a day for 8-10 years straight point out to you that you're a black-and-white thinker, you might want to pause and take some stock. Just sayin'.

  • Last of the Shitlords||

    Tony, you're projecting again. And you are in no way 'middle ground'.

  • ||

    You keep accusing me of favoring a Total State and I'm the one with the inability to see gray areas?

    When have you ever argued for less government control of something?

    When have you ever failed to argue for more government control of something?

    When you ever failed to accuse us of being anarchist racists for criticizing any government program whatsoever?

    Lack of self-awareness, thy name is Tony.

    You have chosen to endorse a political and economic philosophy of extremes, and on the political side I don't think you even have any coherent beliefs.

    How so? Are you still pretending we're anarchists?

  • Tony||

    When have you ever argued for less government control of something?

    I'm for reforming the entire criminal justice system in a way that essentially gives government way, way less actual, physical power. But we come from different perspectives. You think there's such a thing that can exist under the jurisdiction of a government that is nevertheless free from its control. I think it's true that even if a blade of grass lays untouched by government in every way, there's still a government policy on that blade of grass. The policy is to do nothing, which is what you want it to do with the economy for the most part. I don't see that as a benign choice, but a very active one with vast consequences.

    How so? Are you still pretending we're anarchists?

    I try to reserve that accusation for when I point out how libertarians are perfectly fine with government force as long as force is all government does. Then someone inevitably chimes in with "I can defend mah propertah with mah Smith and Wesson!"

  • ||

    I'm for reforming the entire criminal justice system in a way that essentially gives government way, way less actual, physical power

    How so? Please be specific. And - is that your only example?

    You think there's such a thing that can exist under the jurisdiction of a government that is nevertheless free from its control.

    You have no idea what I think. You have no idea what anyone thinks.

    I think it's true that even if a blade of grass lays untouched by government in every way, there's still a government policy on that blade of grass.

    Yet you don't understand people who suggest that you can't conceive of anything being outside the realm of government when you define "being outside the realm of government" as "outside the realm of government by government fiat."

    The policy is to do nothing, which is what you want it to do with the economy for the most part.

    So - if "do nothing" is in fact a government policy, then why you are always on our case about being anti-government? We have a government policy for everything, just like you do.

  • ||

    I point out how libertarians are perfectly fine with government force as long as force is all government does

    And this is you being a dishonest prick, because you're a dishonest prick.

    You pretend that because, like you, we expect the government to protect property rights and protect citizens from violence, we only support these functions because of the violence. Despite it having been explained to you so many times over so many years that we, like you, see these government functions as ultimately limiting violence.

    But you keep pretending that we support these functions of government because they're violent because you're a dishonest piece of shit with no actual ideas about anything.

  • Last of the Shitlords||

    Square. this kind of thinking from Tony is almost universal amongst his progtarded brethren. It's also a good example of why they are not compatible with American citizens. To be free, and reform the government, Tony and his friends must be.........removed from the picture.

  • Incomprehensible Bitching||

    Not having a policy is just as much of a policy as a policy! Oooooooh! Deep!

  • Bra Ket||

    ...libertarians are perfectly fine with government force as long as force is all government does.

    Yeah let's break down what govt does:

    1. It writes law.
    2. It ENFORCES that law.

    I for one am not so much of a fan of the force part myself, while I am totally cool with govt making laws it doesn't enforce though. Which laws are those now? The ones about sodomy and such?

  • Perseus||

    Tony's comments show that he believes there are no inalienable or natural rights. All rights come from government. This is in complete opposition to the founding ideas of our American system. The only thing truly unique about America at its founding was the limits placed on the government. This brought about the greatest leap forward in individual prosperity and individual freedom the world has ever seen. Tony is willfully ignorant of this, and the only cure for those like him would be to send them to North Korea.

  • Last of the Shitlords||

    Send all of his progtarded kind to NK, Venezuela, Antarctica, wherever. They should be removed and never allowed to return.

  • Brian||

    Stop being so hard on Hillary.

    If you lost an election to Donald Trump, you'd write a book about it, too.

  • ||

    Her next book should be titled, 'IT WAS MY TURN! in all caps.

    Or.

    'I Persisted All The Way To The Popular Vote'.

  • Unicorn Abattoir||

    Unless her next book is a suicide note, I'm not going to read it either.

  • Last of the Shitlords||

    Mmmmmmmm............that sounds awesome. I like your thinking. although I would still prefer to see her rotting away in a Supermax facility in isolation 23 hours a day for the rest of her unholy life.

    Progressives belong in cages.

  • Half-Virtue, Half-Vice||

    If you lost an election to Donald Trump, you'd write a book about it, too.

    "Election 2016:
    Fuck Me Forever,
    God, I Suck"

    By: S. Knight Miller

  • Diane Reynolds (Paul.)||

    I dunno, I kind of agree with Jimmy Dore's take: If I bragged about being a great track star, and I lost a race to a one-legged man, I'd probably shut up.

  • BestUsedCarSales||

    Rochester lives a perfectly decent life when everything is overturned by an unruly servant on his private estate. Guess what I'm trying to say is: Beware of private servers when it comes to the estate department.

    I'm narrowing my gaze as hard as I can Gillespie.

  • Uncle Jay||

    RE: The Hillary Clinton School of Literary Criticism
    The former first lady, senator, and secretary of state interprets the classics.

    Oh, thank God Hillary took the time and trouble to do all this.
    Now I don't have to waste my time in college letting experts on literature who devoted their lives to interpreting great writings to me.
    What a relief!

  • Mongo||

    IT'S A CROOKBOOK!

  • Empress Trudy||

    Everyone be gets Brave New World wrong. He wasn't writing a dark dystopian cautionary tale he was writing an instruction manual. Huxley thoroughly approved of the world he depicted

  • Empress Trudy||

    Everyone be gets Brave New World wrong. He wasn't writing a dark dystopian cautionary tale he was writing an instruction manual. Huxley thoroughly approved of the world he depicted

  • sgreffenius||

    Good satire and good literary picks!

  • Paloma||

    sow[s] mistrust towards exactly the people we need to rely on: our leaders, the press, experts who seek to guide public policy.

    Oh my GOD I'm glad she lost!

  • Marcus Aurelius||

    You know who else the people needed to rely on?

  • Last of the Shitlords||

  • Sanjuro Tsubaki||

    Hey wait I thought Trump was the power-mad authoritarian wacko.

  • Juice||

    No no. He's "our leader" so we should trust him.

  • Priscilla King||

    Life's too short for slideshows, videos...if you have to show me pictures, please stick to straight rows of simple JPGs that load all at once (within three seconds, max, when you use a 1999 laptop running Opera). I will stop opening e-mails from people that continue to spam me with graphics I don't have the time or software to look at. If you want me to take the time to read your thoughts, you need to take the time to put your thoughts into words.

  • Priscilla King||

    At least make sure that e-mails from Reason clearly identify the graphics/video content so I can ignore those links!

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