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Holy Crap: Photographing Fake Blow Job From Jesus Could Land Teen In Jail

From the Department of Criminalize All The Things: An Everett, Pennsylvania, teenager faces charges for "desecrating a venerated object" after the boy posted Facebook photos of himself receiving simulated head from a Jesus statue. Police say the desecration took place at Love In the Name of Christ church. Apparently this isn't a proper way to express that Christ-love? 

Desecrating a venerated object—defined as "defacing, damaging, polluting, or otherwise physically mistreating in a way that the actor knows will outrage the sensibilities"—is a second-degree misdemeanor in Pennsylvania, with a possible punishment of up to two years jail time. According to the Altoona Mirror, the last time this 1972 law made Pennsylvania news was in 2010, when a Wilkes-Barre college student was charged for urinating on a Nativity scene. 

The Jesus photos came to law enforcement's attention after the teen posted to them to Facebook. This is the America we live in today, folks, where a 14-year-old boy acting like a 14-year-old boy is a criminal offense. 

In other penises-and-biblical-figure news, officials in Vancouver, British Columbia, are investigating "an unsanctioned nude devil statue sporting a full erection." 

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  • ||

    So the important takeaway kids: Photographs are EVIDENCE. Do NOT take pictures of things that will get you in trouble.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    While true, who would have thought this would be illegal?

    Good thing we don't have avatars here, or else some clever bastard would certainly be using the Jesus Fucking Christ handle and the pic that goes with it. ILLEGAL.

  • ||

    Doesn't change the point. I didn't specify legal trouble. You can get romantic trouble just as easily and more painfully.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Hell hath no fury like a savior scorned?

  • JewPenis||

    This kid OBVIOUSLY did not take this picture. Do you know how cameras work, stupid?

  • Robert||

    I'm sure the whole point of it was to get a picture and publicize it.

  • Citizen Nothing||

    an unsanctioned nude devil statue sporting a full erection.


    So is there an official in Vancouver whose job it is to sanction nude devil statues sporting full erections?

  • Idle Hands||

    Your in the wrong line sir, this is for fully clothed religious statues only. window 36 is for any nude hedonistic or otherwise suggestive models.

  • ||

    Yes, he has to judge if the erection is jaunty, with a charming, Maurice Chevalier-style savoir-faire (and thus OK) or angrily tumescent and potentially cervix-banging (and thus not OK)

  • Sandi||

    I had a friend who has interacted with every size and shape of penis once.

  • r3VOLutionarykind||

    Technically, he represents a committee tasked with the same.

  • Doctor Whom||

    If there isn't, there should be. We cannot allow that sort of thing to go unregulated. Won't someone please think about licensing revenues public orde?

  • GILMORE||

    " officials in Vancouver, British Columbia, are investigating "an unsanctioned nude devil statue sporting a full erection." "

    The implication is that if you're going to make statues of the devil, regulations require that he be sporting a semi at best.

  • JWatts||

    "be sporting a semi at best."

    So which direction is the best?

  • GILMORE||

    Satan Leans Left

  • John||

    Cant they just charge him with trespassing? I assume that statue is on private property. That PA law is blatantly unconstitutional. It is either vandalism or trespassing or both. Any "desecrating" whatever that is, is going to be protected under the first Amendment. If I break into your house and call you a ignorant heretic, they can charge me breaking and entering not for insulting you.

  • Aresen||

    If the property owners allow access to the general public, I don't think they can even get trespassing, unless this person was previously specifically forbidden to be on the property.

  • Overt||

    You can allow access to the general public under certain conditions though. For example, a business could be open to the public but not allow you without shoes or shirt. I don't see why you couldn't call that trespassing if you refuse to follow those rules.

    That said, the government ought not get involved in this. The trespass, such that it was, is over. Yeah someone might have photo evidence of it, but so what?

    The funny thing is if this had been a statue of Muhammad or a woman placed on a campus, this kid would be up on charges of hate crimes and harassment and probably get expelled from school. As it is, he will likely get public service (which is too much as well).

  • Auric Demonocles||

    I don't see why you couldn't call that trespassing if you refuse to follow those rules.

    I see you haven't met robc.

  • Robert||

    It's like the Pussy Riot case, only he wasn't disrupting services. The trespasser committed a minor offense which the state wants to prosecute as a major one.

  • Mark22||

    Well, they can ask him to leave and if he refuses, then they can charge him with trespassing. But simply deciding that they don't like what he was doing doesn't make what he did trespassing.

  • Chumby||

    Or if it had been Bill Clinton it would have been dismissed as, "At least it wasn't an intern this time."

    And would have been spun somehow to garner support from anti-Christian gays to send $ to Hillary.

  • Warren's Strapon||

    Or like flag burning. Is burning the American flag a crime? Well, whose flag was it?

  • Bramblyspam||

    My thoughts immediately went to flag burning as well. The flag surely qualifies as a "venerated object" as well, but the supremes have ruled that "desecration" is free speech.

    I imagine the kid will be alright as long as he has lawyers raising the free speech issue. Of course, he still has a few hells to traverse before he gets to that point.

  • Citizen Nothing||

    And is the statue or the investigators sporting said erection?

  • Swiss Servator, Bern baby Bern||

    Both.

  • Idle Hands||

    rule 34 in action.

  • John||

    Son I am giving you thirty days suspended for trespassing and fifteen days not suspended for being a complete and utter moron.

  • SugarFree||

    Jesus uses too much teeth and always orphans the balls.

  • Idle Hands||

    pederaste, Dude.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

    Mind the stepchildren.

  • ||

    That's why nobody fucks with the Jesus.

  • Plàya Manhattan.||

  • Eric Bana||

    People's sensibilities must be protected at all costs.

  • Doctor Whom||

    It's right there in the First Amendment's "freedom not to be offended" clause.

  • Sevo||

    That one seems to be hand-entered in the margin on my copy.

  • Chumby||

    If the Founding Fathers knew what folks today would be doing...

  • From the Tundra||

    Yeah, so you might find this even more offensive. Or super-funny.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhEUWobdXqY

    NSFW

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Desecrating a venerated object...

    Seems like idolatry to me. And this is coming from a former altar boy.

  • John||

    It is a bullshit law. And it is unneeded. You know what another word for desecrating is? Vandalizing. Last I looked that was a no shit crime.

  • Idle Hands||

    John if you wanna throw the book at those pesky kids you have to compound the laws silly.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Unless he actually gave the Messiah a pearl necklace, this doesn't even look like vandalism. Trespass, maybe?

  • John||

    It is trespass. He didn't vandalize anything. But he certainly trespassed and should be prosecuted for that. I understand where the church is a bit pissed off about this. That is their land and trespass is a crime.

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    Doesn't the state own so much property on either side of a road? Looks like they put Jesus in the right of way.

  • RealCrankyYankee||

    There is typically a 10 ft utility easement on public roads but that doesn't mean they own it - only have a right to enter the property for certain activities, meaning the church still owns the land.

  • Invisible Finger||

    If another photo exists of someone kissing Jesus or shaking Jesus' hand, that is also evidence of a trespass.

    In any event, forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

    Seems to me the church is being utterly hypocritical here.

  • John||

    Sure it is. But the land owner is fee to pick and choose which trespassers he calls the cops on. And they are not being hypocritical. He fucked with their statue. Too bad for him.

  • Overt||

    If another photo exists of someone kissing Jesus or shaking Jesus' hand, that is also evidence of a trespass.

    Not really. Common law or even custom can fill in here just fine. Part of being allowed on someone else's property is showing that property respect. Just as a business reserves the right to ask someone loud or dressed inappropriately to leave, anyone can reasonably expect a person not to engage in felatio with their innanimate objects.

    In any event, forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

    Cute.

  • adifferentken||

    "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth..."
    :)

  • JewPenis||

    He didn't engage in fellatio and the cops were not called for trespassing, dumbass. They were called to investigate a Facebook picture. Are so fucking stupid that you don't get that?

  • blackjack||

    It';s not trespassing, you have to be aware of your undesired presence. There's no sign saying "don't pretend our statue is blowing you."

    Accepting trespass in this case is accepting the attitude that anyone you don't like is subject to arrest.

    They can now bar him from the premises, and NEXT time call it trespassing.

  • ||

    It';s not trespassing, you have to be aware of your undesired presence. There's no sign saying "don't pretend our statue is blowing you."

    Bullshit. This is how libertarianism goes wrong. As Overt points out it falls to common law. If the pastor jumped out without warning and blasted him off the statue with a shotgun, you might have a case.

    Otherwise, saying the law doesn't apply because there isn't a "don't pretend our statue is blowing you." sign only invites Jesus rimjobs, ass-rapings, and three-ways; not to mention flaming (or not) bags of shit (from any vertebrate source or combination of sources) on the porch.

    You're on the property doing something you're not supposed to be doing, just because I didn't post a sign doesn't mean I'm entirely without recourse.

  • blackjack||

    If you call the cops because someone is disturbing your peace, they come out and inform the perp that he is barred from the premises. Thereafter, he is trespassing, if he returns.

    You can't say he's trespassing, because you would have revoked permission to be there, had you known how offended you might have been had you known he would do what he eventually did. There's no retroactive banning from the premises. That would allow, basically anyone to be subject to arrest.

    That's where THIS libertarian "goes wrong," in requiring notice of 86'ing someone before siccing the state on them to forcibly and violently punish them for something.

    As opposed to tweaking the meaning of a sensible law, in order to punish speech you find offensive.

    Anyone advocating police action against this kid (based on this story) is an authoritarian slaver. Inform him that he is 86'd and leave it alone.

  • ||

    Anyone advocating police action against this kid (based on this story) is an authoritarian slaver. Inform him that he is 86'd and leave it alone.

    Depends on the action. Society today (internet/Facebook) police may've had to get involved to notify the kid of his 86'ing.

    The church already has signs venerating Jesus posted and they do their best to get the message out already and rather than coming onto the kid's property and defacing it with crosses, they notified the police. The police/state are doing stupid shit, but IDK that I'd blame the church for that. Perpetuating a cycle maybe.

  • ||

    If you call the cops because someone is disturbing your peace, they come out and inform the perp that he is barred from the premises. Thereafter, he is trespassing, if he returns.

    BTW- Were you kicked out of the chess club or something? This is the worst description of 86'ing I've ever heard and I've never known the police to be involved without someone (not the property owner) taking a ride.

  • Pinky||

    Not supposed to be doing? Explain that to me?

  • ||

    Not supposed to be doing? Explain that to me?

    That's easy enough, as a libertarian it begins with the word "my" and ends with "property" and nothing else in the middle that *I* don't put there.

  • Mark22||

    It's not trespass unless they post signs that the public shouldn't enter.

  • ||

    Just like your mom's bedroom?

  • Mock-star||

    Hi, Im from this area. The Love Church isnt pressing charges and is actually on the teen's side. Bedford County DA is the one seeking the charges, That is why there are no trespass charges against the teenager. The same DA was in trouble a few years ago for banging a mistress in the courthouse, she later pressed charges.

    http://www.post-gazette.com/lo.....808270239.

    Interesting sidenote: Everett is one township away from Sandra Fluke's hometown of Saxton.

  • Mock-star||

    Further thoughts on this: Im getting alot of mileage using this to troll my proglodyte friends. I remind them that government is simply the things that we choose to do together. And I also point out that the kid was caught because the locals saw the pics on facebook, but we dont have to worry about the NSA going through all of our social communications, no siree!

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    1A...fuck off...law's unconstitutional...trespassing is the best you can do.

  • GroundTruth||

    Succinctly correct.

  • blackjack||

    It is not correct, because it's not trespassing.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    I suppose one could argue it's not trespassing until asked not to do that.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    Where is Eddie?

  • Certified Public Asskicker||

    In Pennsylvania apparently.

  • Sevo||

    Over there with Waldo.

  • The Late P Brooks||

    That's funny. (the photo, not the response)

  • Doctor Whom||

    Landover Baptist Church is on it.

    http://www.landoverbaptist.net.....p?t=101486

  • TheZeitgeist||

    Mocking Jesus is easy. Where's the Muhammed muckrakers?

  • seguin||

    In a ditch, covered in petrol, on fire.

    /izzard

    Also, since he's getting arrested for taking a naughty photo, I guess it isn't that easy (in Pennsylvania at least).

  • Cdr Lytton||

    Desecration? He's just trying to raise awareness about a little scandal at Penn State.

  • Brandon||

    Desecrating a venerated object

    This is stupid. While it's a dick move to screw around with things that people hold sacred, the government has no business, or legal basis, for getting involved in it.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    But I do have to say, kids are fucking stupid with their pics and social media. I would have never believed I'd get in trouble with the law over something like this, but my old man would have beat my ass for it.

    This idiot puts it on FB? I guess things have changed.

  • John||

    He trespassed and was a disrespectful, obnoxious little shit. In the old days, the church would have called his parents and his old man would have beat his ass and told him to knock it off and that would have been it.

    In our current more enlightened age, any father that did that would go to prison. So instead we will charge the kid with a crime, put him on probation or in a cage with other serious criminals and generally screw up his entire life.

    Isn't modern America civilized and advanced?

  • ||

    But John, if his dad beats some sense into his ass, it could harm his self esteem.

  • LibertarianX||

    Good. By the looks of this he has too much self esteem, and too little self restraint and respect for others.

  • Mark22||

    This is on the side of a public road with no signs or fences; it's not trespassing.

    Was it disrespectful? You bet. Nothing wrong with disrespecting churches, and people did that "in the old days" too.

  • The Late P Brooks||

    An afternoon of mowing and edging in the cemetery should more be more than adequate "restitution" for this crime.

  • Rod Flash||

    Since this is a 14 y.o. kid, this should be enough to land Jesus on the sex offender's list. For the children.

  • Invisible Finger||

    I'm mostly shocked that this law is from 1972 rather than 1792.

  • Invisible Finger||

    Everyone knows that if Jesus were alive today he'd fellate the state.

  • Rich||

    Boys will be boys.

    Especially in prison.

  • toolkien||

    Most blatant example of statue-tory rape I've ever seen...

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    Groooooaaaaaannnn!

    Are you proud of that

  • toolkien||

    Yep.

  • Francisco d'Anconia||

    I'm mad that I didn't think of it.

  • PACW||

    Wow. So obvious once it was said - yet unexpectedly clever.

  • Invisible Finger||

    Making an assumption from the pixelization of the photograph that the kid whipped it out in plain view of the public.

    THAT may be an actual crime.

  • Roger the Shrubber||

    The pixelation was done as a joke. The photo on the Reason Homepage article scroll is not pixelated.

  • Invisible Finger||

    According to the newspaper, "an act that drew violent threats online."

    I wonder if the police are investigating these threats? If not why not? Don't they WANT their monopoly power?

  • Homple||

    Suppose he had simulated whacking off to a Koran. It would have been a hate crime and the kid would have been lucky to have his head and body still connected.

    The Obama administration would have blamed him for ISIS's atrocities.

  • The Late P Brooks||

    That photo needs some MRAPs and SWATters.

  • The Late P Brooks||

    Making an assumption from the pixelization of the photograph

    They're trying to protect Jesus' privacy.

  • guru||

    Personally, I kind of feel like we should just look the other way and let this kid get his ass kicked hard. Kind of like how I wouldn't mind if those assholes in the Westboro baptist church ran afoul of a bunch of gay dudes with axe handles. He is that kind of dickhead.

    Sometimes you have to learn the "don't be a dick" rules the hard way. But then christian men are generally feckless groveling pussies these days.

  • FuriousFatMan||

    i'd love to stand between you and the people you think need an ass kicking.

    bet you'd lose that gusto if you werent hiding behind your keyboard, pussy.

    be a real man, and stop crying like a fucking woman, demanding someone else do your dirty work.

    pussy.

    -FFM

  • guru||

    LOL.

  • Paul.||

    WHERE WAS THE TRIGGER WARNING, REASON?!

  • cavalier973||

    The act is breathtaking in its audacity, but is really no worse than any other sort of blasphemy.

    The church that owns the property should just ignore it; they could tell the young fellow that he's no longer welcome on the property, of course. Or, they could reach out to him, and show him the forgiveness of Christ.

  • jmomls||

    *This is the America we live in today, folks, where a 14-year-old boy acting like a 14-year-old boy is a criminal offense. *

    Actually, no, this is the America we live in today, an America where a 14 year-old boy thinks this is a good idea.

    I'm an agnostic, but I really think Christians should start reacting towards little POS's like this the way Islamic fundies would react. People might learn some f*cking manners.

  • Agile Cyborg||

    Christ, you're an idiot.

  • burserker||

    you got a problem with Jesus Christ? you saying Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?

  • FuriousFatMan||

    well, this just cannot be.

    according to my conservatarded friends, there hasnt been a blue law on the books since 1826.

    also, it sounds like a cunt wrote this. fucking women and their childish "sensibilities".

    -FFM

  • LibertarianX||

    Well, when you do things that are rude and insulting to people, do not be suprised if they respond harshly to you. Behave like an asshole, get treated like an asshole.

  • craiginmass||

    In Saudi Arabia, they'd have hung him or castrated him. Here they will only put him in a cage to get beat up, stabbed and gang raped.

    We are civilized here.

  • Chumby||

    In Mass they would have put him in DCF and he would have been lost to the system. Probably ended up as a sex slave to one of Duvall Patrick's top liberal pedophile donors.

  • blackjack||

    Well apparently many of you skipped the whole early teens experience. I remember a whole group of kids who would take that picture all day long. In fact, I remember them doing much worse.

    A 14 y/o kid pulls a tasteless prank. Obviously this requires intervention by the police, harsh condemnation and the lamenting of the breakdown of society as a whole. To those of you engaging in this, I say: GROW UP! Kids pull pranks, get over it. No one's hurt, no damage is done, the kid likely feels stupid about it.

    If he was my kid, I'd take him to the priest's office and make him apologize and delete the picture in front of him. Anyone who tried to arrest him would earn my wrath and should expect a massive legal battle (and a massive dose of moral condemnation) from me.

  • JewPenis||

    If it was my kid, I'd laugh my ass off.

  • burserker||

    the real crime here is his outfit, no shirt, plaid shorts, and basketball shoes. his face is blurred, but we know this guy has a shitty haircut too

  • craiginmass||

    In 5 years, this kid will certainly be boots on the ground in some foreign land "defending" our way of life.

  • Chumby||

    His older brother is probably gearing up to so that right now under the direction of Obama an former Mass senator now SOS Kerry.

  • SQRLSY One||

    If the kid and his parents want to keep him from getting seriously fucked up by 2 years in jail, courtesy of the Government Almighty (that Loves Us More Than we will Ever Know, Blessed Be It’s Holy Name), then they need to claim religious freedoms! He was acting out of his “sincerely held” beliefs that Jesus was gay, and loved to give BJs to the youngsters that He loved so much. Last time I checked, the USA Constitution protects religious freedom, period! There is NOT even any such clause as to say, “And in order to exercise your religious freedom, you must have the bureaucrats guide you in filling out form BR-549, Certification of Sincerely Heldedness of Your Beliefs”; such freedoms being held in suspension till 50,000 over-paid fat-cat bureaucrats get off of their over-paid asses so as to “certify” your beliefs. And HOW in the HELL do the courts scan your soul, so as to judge whether your beliefs are “sincerely held”, anyway? WHERE did “innocent till proven guilty” go, anyway? Where is that statue of Government Almighty, anyway? I wanna take a picture of “The Holy Government Almighty” statue sucking on MY privates, since I have a “Sincerely Held” belief that Guv-Mint Almighty Loves me, in a Gay way, and every WAY!

  • SQRLSY One||

    Scienfoology Song… GAWD = Government Almighty’s Wrath Delivers

    Government loves me, This I know,
    For the Government tells me so,
    Little ones to GAWD belong,
    We are weak, but GAWD is strong!
    Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
    Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
    Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
    My Nannies tell me so!

    GAWD does love me, yes indeed,
    Keeps me safe, and gives me feed,
    Shelters me from bad drugs and weed,
    And gives me all that I might need!
    Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
    Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
    Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
    My Nannies tell me so!

    DEA, CIA, KGB,
    Our protectors, they will be,
    FBI, TSA, and FDA,
    With us, astride us, in every way!
    Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
    Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
    Yes, Guv-Mint loves me!
    My Nannies tell me so!

  • craiginmass||

    There are a LOT of thumpers in PA. Trust me, they'd just as soon hang this kid as shoot him.....

    You know what they say - PA is Philly and PITT with Alabama in between.

  • SQRLSY One||

    Pssst!!! Hey Man… Please donna be a tellin’ ANYONE… Butt, Ah haz been known to scratch mah BUTT, and / or pick mah NOSE, durin’ that them thar SACRED National Anthem, at the beginnin’ o’ that them thar Sacred Sportin’ Events… Ah ams a-hopin’ that them thar sinful an’ disrespectin’ actions o’ mine are NOT a gonna be construed as me bein’ “Desacratin’ a Venerated or Venereal Object”, whatever them thar thang is called… Ken the Guv-Mint Almighty PWEASE FERGIVE ME, sinful, pathetic bahstahd that am obliviously ams?!?! Just a WEEE tad o’MERCY, pwease?!?!? That’s all that ah’s ams askin’ fer, humbly…

  • craiginmass||

  • craiginmass||

    Reason probably lifted this from the Huffington Post:
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/.....ps=gravity

    It's interesting to see that the comments on that "lefty liberal" web site full of progs are MORE libertarian and reasonable than those here!

    I think that says a LOT. C'mon down, Reasoneers......we're waiting for you on the good side!

  • Chumby||

    No. Liberals HATE Christians (see Chick Fil-A and Hobby Lobby stories for reference) and love blowjob stories (see Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky and Obama/Chris Matthews). Hence the appearance of "reason." Had it been that statue of Obama it would have been touted as a hate crime by the same folk.

  • Eric T||

    "Love In the Name of Christ"? Oh, that is just too good in its own right. No wonder he couldn't resist the temptation!

  • D. M. Michell||

    The "state" upholding a specific religion? Wouldn't that be a violation of the "establishment" clause of the First Amendment? Ah well, we have American Sharia laws in other areas of human behavior that do not violate the rights of others, why not this, too? Inalienable rights? That's a myth.

  • JewPenis||

    The First Amendment?

    Are you seriously suggesting that this situation would be better if the federal government got involved, stupid?

    Keep ALL government out of religion and vice versa.

  • dpbisme||

    I duh-know... I mean how to you deal with the sick crap going on in our country.... I mean maybe we should not toss him jail but we need to do something. Not everything is OK. Burn the American Flag in my presence and I will beat the shit out of you.... I take it as a personal insult to my Honor and my Countries Honor. I was an Infantry Officer for 20 years, I earned the right to go out in public and spend a peaceful day. YA... to wimps this is no big deal but I don't see why I or other people need to be subjected to jerks without so sort of recourse... I mean really,,, if you were an employer won't you want to know that the guy was trouble, maybe not the right fit for your copmpany?

  • JewPenis||

    Maybe you should just take more responsibility in your own personal life and not hang out with people who do thing that offend you. If people burn flags in front of you and know it offend you it is due to your weaknesses of character. It's sad that a pathetic pussy like you could serve our country for 20 years. How pathetic are you that you have to get your panties in a fucking uproar over a 14 year old standing on a statue. How is that sick, dumbs?

  • laylacrimessun||

    my friend's sister makes $83 an hour on the laptop . She has been fired for ten months but last month her payment was $12435 just working on the laptop for a few hours
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  • JewPenis||

    Why is it this kid's fault that some people are so fucking retarded they can't take a joke?

  • Suellington||

    Thank god that they pixelated. jesus' face in the pic.

  • Chumby||

    Keep in mind that the church still finds it acceptable for priests to do this to teenage boys.

  • SomebodySmart||

    Maybe they can get him for "statutory rape".

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