For Legal Massaging Purposes Only

If state Rep. Ralph Davenport has his way, South Carolina will join Alabama, Georgia, Mississippi, and Texas in banning the sale of sex toys. According to A.P., the Spartanburg County Republican's bill "would make it a felony to sell devices used primarily for sexual stimulation." Cucumbers, presumably, would still be legal, while the Rascal Video Eddie Stone Cock would be right out. But what about those dual-use "personal massagers"? Micah Daigle at DARE Generation proposes an Office of National Dildo Control Policy to help sort such matters out.