My Name Is Rob Schneider, And I'm A Rageaholic

I thought I was doing pretty well the other day when a writer whose book I had reviewed positively still thought I wasn't positive enough, and called me a "preening twerp" at this very site. But for really superstar vituperation, apparently you have to run afoul of Rob Schneider. Defamer captures the comedy stylings of a man unhinged:

My name is Rob Schneider and I am responding to your January 26th front page cover story in the LA Times, where you used my upcoming sequel to 'Deuce Bigalow' as an example of why Hollywood Studios are lagging behind the Independents in Academy nominations…

I decided to do some research to find what awards you have won.
I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind, Disappointed, I went to the Pulitzer Prize database of past winners and nominees…

Frankly, I am surprised the LA Times would hire someone like you with so few or, actually, no accolades to work on their front page…

Patrick, I can honestly say that if I sat with your colleagues at a luncheon, afterwards, they'd say "You know, that Rob Schneider is a pretty intelligent guy, I hope we can do that again." Whereas, if you sat with my colleagues, after lunch, you would just be beaten beyond recognition.

I have no strong opinion on the work of Rob Schneider, though he made me laugh in the underrated Kelsey Grammer vehicle Down Periscope. But what kind of major league fucking dickhead would a) use "you can't do lunch like I can do lunch" as a putdown; b) not realize it looks slightly low-class for a Hollywood bigshot to mock a reporter for being less famous than himself, and c) take out a fullpage ad to do it? K-Lo notes this one, apparently with pleasure (I can never tell what K-Lo's point of view actually is), and provides a handy pdf of the full ad.

Now I'm off to shout "Do you know who the fuck I am?" at the shoeshine guy down the street.