Give Your Teen Some Freedom on Their Summer Vacation
Most parents say they wouldn’t let their teen wander alone on vacation. But a study shows that declining independence in children could be feeding anxiety and depression.

Would you let your teenager stay in the hotel room while you went downstairs to eat breakfast in the restaurant on vacation? The majority of American parents would not, according to a new survey from the University of Michigan/C.S. Mott Children's Hospital. Only 31 percent say they would let their teenager walk a short distance alone to a café.
The survey also found that fewer than one in four parents were likely to let their teen go to another part of an amusement park without them, or even to a different exhibit at a museum. This was true even though more than half of parents said they track their kids' location by phone.
A family vacation is a great time to make memories and spend time together without being interrupted by soccer practice or homework. Yet I've met so many adults who remember with great fondness the time when they—either with their parents' blessing or otherwise—separated from their families on vacation, many even before they were teens.
Historian Fernande Raine still recalls visiting New York City as a kid and desperately wanting to explore on her own. "I distinctly remember standing with my toes hanging over the pier at the South Street Seaport," Raine told me. "I had tried a million times to get close to that edge, and my parents had always called me back for fear I would fall into the toxic sludge of the East River. Standing there alone with my toes just over the concrete, peering down at the water gave me a sense of power, freedom, and elation all in one as I realized that I could manage my own risk and very consciously choose to not fall into the water." She was only 5 years old at the time.
Needless to say, her mom did not feel that same elation. A cop soon found Raine and returned her to her folks. But Raine credits that experience with helping to ignite a love of world travel and adventure that she feels to this day.
Michelle Berney, a New York nonprofit administrator and mom of three, took a vacation to London last year with her husband and their youngest child, Sam, then age 12. While they were eating dinner, wondering whether they'd have enough time to get tickets to the show they wanted to see, Sam volunteered to go get them.
When Berney and her husband said OK, Sam proceeded to navigate the Underground, get the tickets, and Uber back, triumphant. For him, says Berney, that errand "was the high point of the trip. He felt so independent."
Independence isn't just fun; it's crucial to child development. It's a rite of passage that we've been steadily denying our kids for a generation or two now—with disastrous mental health results.
A 2023 study in The Journal of Pediatrics found that as kids' independence has been going down over the decades, their anxiety and depression have been going up.
"If you always err on the side of restricting their autonomy, not only are they miserable and depressed and rebellious, they're also not prepared to live on their own," says Barbara Sarnecka, a professor of cognitive sciences at the University of California, Irvine. Naturally, being unprepared makes kids anxious. They don't know if they'll be able to handle whatever's ahead.
A family vacation could be the perfect time for kids to explore on their own. They're somewhere new, so they can't run on autopilot, and usually they're someplace exciting enough to get them off the couch—maybe even off their phones. Giving your kids some unsupervised time on this summer's vacation can show them (and you) who they are and how much they're ready to handle on their own.
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Encourage them to get a work ethic.
Look at Mr. White supremacy patriarchy over here.
If having a work ethic makes me a white supremacist, I never realized how white I am.
The whole story is so foreign the question "Would you let your teenager stay in the hotel room while you went downstairs to eat breakfast in the restaurant on vacation?" is like asking "Would you help your teenager face East to pray to Mecca or let them figure it out on their own?"
To which teenager are you referring? If it's the older teenagers, where are their girlfriends? Where will any given teenager's siblings be while they're in the hotel room? Does each teen have a key or is it the standard hotel two key system and if Mrs. Casual and I take one key that leaves one of the teens with the ability to lock his siblings out? If I have to wait for any given teen to wake up and leave the room to go to breakfast I won't get to eat before about 1:30 (Go without me, I'm on vacation).
While they were eating dinner, wondering whether they'd have enough time to get tickets to the show they wanted to see, Sam volunteered to go get them.
Broodling No. 1 would refuse to go to the show because unless "show" refers to an actual movie, shows are dumb. Broodling No. 2 would find cheaper tickets to something less pretentious and retarded than "dinner and a show in London". Broodling No. 3 would volunteer and go get the tickets, but would only do so to spite his older brothers and endear himself to his mother potentially buttering her up for ice cream or a trip to the candy shop or whatever afterwards.
I kinda respect the responses of all 3 broodlings.
For me it depends on the overall situation. The teen has a license and car, so there's only so much restriction on freedom of movement. On vacation I encourage her towards a bit of independent exploration of the area. Part of that is because she is really lazy and will literally do nothing all day otherwise. It's also because I want at least a little alone time with the wife.
Our youngest is only 6, but I give her about as much independence as possible. She's more aware and cautious by nature than her older sister, so there generally is no need to hover anyway. If anything, I'm trying to build her confidence to explore more and take more calculated risks.
I get that there are more threats on vacation since the area and people are unfamiliar, but that just means you figure out the balance of safety/freedom for the situation. There's parts of our hometown that are to be avoided at certain times or altogether. While my kids are under my umbrella of protection there will be limits on their range and freedoms. This doesn't mean that those limits need to be suffocating.
What can you do with such loosely and unscientifically stated contentions.
More teens suffer from not enough restraint that are harmed by not enough freedom
A 2020 study found that children who received consistent care and support from extended family members had lower levels of anxiety and depression compared to those who did not (Van IJzendoorn et al. 2020). This suggests that the presence of multiple, supportive caregivers can provide children with a sense of security and emotional resilience, which may help protect against the development of anxiety disorders.
Independence is crucial but who denies that ????? As a teacher of 10 years , I say it is the opposite of what this articles seems to claim. DOn't make strict boundaries and give things that can be done and not done during summer and you get vandalism, crime, drug use and just wasted time.
Shorter summary: As a teacher of 10 years ,
Take your SEL bullshit elsewhere.
I know morality is anathema to REASON and several omni-posters on here but the main reason you have parents is precisely because you don't know what needs to be done and not done all the time.
The Bible says twice (and that is a rarity) that
MANY ARE THE WAYS THAT SEEM RIGHT THAT LEAD ONLY TO DEATH.
That verse is about spiritual death and sin. Not so sure it's quite so relevant to the subject.