Brickbat: Knives Out

The British government has proposed giving police the power to seize knives from individuals if they suspect the knives could be used in crime. The proposal would also ban machetes unless they are used for agricultural purposes. It would also increase the number of "zombie knives" that are banned. Zombie knives are ornate knives inspired by zombie movies and TV shows. The law currently bans knives that have words or markings that indicate they might be used for violence. The new proposal would allow such knives to be banned even if they don't have martial markings or writing.

Comments

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[Jerryskids]

If you find a sword in a stone these days in England, just leave it there, do not attempt to draw the sword from out the stone. Immediately report to the police any watery tart lying about in ponds attempting to hand you a sword as well.

[Earth-based Human Skeptic]

What about a plea for help tied to an arrow fired from a castle in a swamp?

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[kevrob]

Train a European swallow to carry a full load. Drop a coconut on anyone who menaces you.

[GroundTruth]

What have you got against African swallows?

[B G]

Don't try it in the U.S. either.

The media and Biden Administration will consider it an attempt to overthrow the existing government, and you'll be charged with Sedition.

[TheReEncogitationer]

What about bleeding on attackers or biting their kneecaps off? Or pouring chamber pots on them?

🙂

[Fist of Etiquette]

They're going to run out of new things to seize.

[mad.casual]

If you're caught with a knife they suspect could be used in a crime do they give you a "five pence ride" or is it just called "a ride in a car" over there?

[Will Nonya]

Common sense knife control...

Wait for the language banning assault knives with scary, military looking features.

[mad.casual]

That's what the "zombie knives" are. An 8" carving knife is just a knife, but a rusty, 4" paring knife with an electrical-tape handle and a 'Zed' scratched into the blade is effectively an "assault knife".

[Earth-based Human Skeptic]

Zombie Lives Matter!

[mad.casual]

Trans-dead rights are human rights.

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[Ajsloss]

Such as lightweight knives that have higher slashing capacity? Or knives with the fold-down shoulder thingy?

[Del Varner 2]

I think in the Daily Mail I've seen the "assault knife" language. It was referring to a K-Bar knife that is issued to the US Marines. This is what happens when you have an "unwritten constitution" that depends on custom and precedent. I'm thankful that we have a written constitution that make this kind of stuff so much harder to do.

[Miss Ann Thrope]

"I’m thankful that we have a written constitution that make this kind of stuff so much harder to do."

Hate to say I think you're living in the past.

[perlmonger]

I'll take that bet.

[MatthewSlyfield]

Don’t know if I could find it again, but I recall seeing a picture of “knives” confiscated by police in London. The picture included several carving/serving forks, serving spoons, at least one spatula and a couple of letter openers.

[Davedave]

Of course you couldn't 'find it again', you just made that up.

[markm23]

Here it is:
https://twitter.com/MPSRegentsPark/status/1128259712984735744

[Adans smith]

They need to institute a permit system , mandatory knife training and registration just to be sure.

[Ed]

I am shocked, shocked, I say, that taking away all the guns has not stopped the violence and the killings! How could that be?

It's so hard to keep ahead of the weapons. Now knives are killing people, first the pointy, stabby, kind that we are banning now, and soon the slicy kind, no doubt. After that? Heavy sticks? Pointy sticks? Forks with tines longer than an inch? We will only know when one of those types of things start to kill people.

People will continue to kill other people regardless of the weapon at hand, it seems. The "guns don't kill people, people kill people" crowd was right.

[perlmonger]

Rocks.

England needs to ban rocks.

And then export every single one out of the country. And if, after they ship the top layer of rocks off, they find more rocks underneath that, they'll need to keep digging 'em out and shipping 'em off.

All the way down to sea level, before this horrible Global Warming started, 12,000 years ago.

Only then will England be truly safe.

[Quo Usque Tandem]

Well since [according to the FBI UCR, more people are killed by hitting, kicking, and various blunt objects than by all types of "long guns," I'm thinking some mandatory amputations might be in order.

"I see you have two arms and two legs; NOBODY needs all of those appendages. It's just common sense! And about that prominent forehead you have there..."

To its logical conclusion.

[Ed]

Only "goldilocks rocks" are a threat... the ones that are not too small, and not too big. Until, of course, pebbles or boulders begin to kill people.

[Its_Not_Inevitable]

I'll take Stonehenge. Would look great in my backyard.

[Jerry B.]

Pointed sticks?

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?&q=monty+python+pointed+stick&&mid=56FBD78EE9A55279F9AB56FBD78EE9A55279F9AB&&FORM=VRDGAR

At about 0:40.

[defaultdotxbe]

Ah but how to you make the stick pointed without a knife to sharpen it? Checkmate, bladesexuals.

[TheReEncogitationer]

You sharpen them with the rocks the Brits want to ban also. Touché!

[TheReEncogitationer]

And fresh fruit. 🙂

[Sometimes a Great Notion]

Next they need to ban the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you.

[Jefferson's Ghost]

+++

[TheReEncogitationer]

Is this from Looney Tunes? 🙂

[Wizard4169]

Simpsons

[Ronbback]

I've heard of a man who once killed a thousand men with the jaw bone of an ass. when will they outlaw Jawbones of asses

[Ride 'Em]

Aren't they doing that with Megan?

[TheReEncogitationer]

It would be a Rump Parliament if they did that. 🙂

[Quicktown Brix]

So now I have to walk all the way to the kitchen first if I want to stab Nigel? Bloody ell!

[Quo Usque Tandem]

https://www.gov.uk/buying-carrying-knives

[mad.casual]

Banned knives and weapons
...
Kusari or ‘manrikigusari' - A hard weight or hand grip fastened to each end of a piece of rope, cord, chain or wire.

This would seem to include jump ropes.

[Davedave]

Seem to you, since you're a complete idiot.

[Quo Usque Tandem]

Another cautionary tale from Garbage Island. I believe they are after all pointy objects, with the point of transforming the entire country into one big preschool.

And I also believe this applies to common tools, such as hammers and screwdrivers, for which you need "a good reason" to have on or about you.

It will be telling where this ends up, if they ever manage to run out of things to ban, for your own good.

[Davedave]

What utter nonsense. You can carry any tools you like in a toolbox, on your way to use them. If you have a pointy screwdriver in your pocket, or a hammer in your sock, while socialising, and are black, you'd better have a good explanation when you are inevitably searched by the police.

Anything can be considered an offensive weapon if it has potential to be used as such. A half-brick, for example. The test is situational, not solely based on what the object is.

[Rossami]

Yeah, because trusting to the situational judgement of a policeman has never had any negative consequences...

For someone accusing others of "utter nonsense", you're sure spouting a lot of it yourself.

[Tyval Dayall]

What is the penalty if you have a "You can take my knife away when you pry it from my cold, dead hand" bumper sticker on your car?

[Longtobefree]

If you are rich enough to own a car, you are rich enough to hire a lawyer and get away with anything.

[Dillinger]

I've slept better the last week knowing not just Dick Cheney can shoot someone in the face in America and skate

[Earth-based Human Skeptic]

Only the King's Men shall have knives.

And only the King can wear purple.

[Ronbback]

the martial arts was an outcome of banning all weapons. everyone needs to be kung fu fighting

[Its_Not_Inevitable]

Those cats were fast as lightning.

[Miss Ann Thrope]

A little bit frightening.

[Dillinger]

once in awhile things are too stupid to mock.

>>ban machetes unless they are used for agricultural purposes

Peter Tosh would still be alive if common sense machete control was exercised in Jamaica

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

Lobban was ultimately found guilty by a jury of eight women and four men and sentenced to death by hanging.[16] His sentence was commuted in 1995 and Lobban remains in jail

Phew, tragedy averted!

[beko]

55

[Azathoth!!]

How long before someone realizes the real problem?

Hands.

It's hands to fire a gun with. Hands you hold a knife with. Hands that hold the stick, the rock. The pen.

Hands that make the fists.

Hands that tear the clothes. Hands that rape.

What we need is common sense hand control.

Talk to your congressman. Stop hand crime today.

[mad.casual]

The pen.

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[emkcams]

Yes, but why stop at hands? It seems, at best, only a partial solution.
Ban Humans! They are the ones who murder, pollute, emit micro aggressions, and eat animals.

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[Wizard4169]

They can take my hands when they pry them from my hot, smoking gun.

[mad.casual]

[Miss Ann Thrope]

It's illegal to carry a knife with a safety lock on the blade like this one. https://www.opinel-usa.com/collections/classic-folding-knives/products/opinel-knives-no-7-carbon-steel-folding-knife
You must be 18 to buy a drawing set that has an x-acto knife for sharpening pencils.

[Davedave]

Nope. But in any case, why would anyone want to own a knife that is useless for anything except as a shitty weapon? That isn’t a good utility knife, and it isn’t better at anything than specialist knives. It’s a knife designed for criminals to stab people with. In sane countries, we usually do ban things like that.

[Joe Brandon]

The Opinel is a 130-year old design out of France, JFC you are stupid. It is the epitome of a utility knife. You should consider suicide; I hear it is painless.

[Miss Ann Thrope]

Actually, it was one of the best utility knives I ever carried before I moved with my wife to this authoritartian, surveillance state hellhole. Light, rugged, blade locks open when I’m using it and easy to sharpen.

You didn’t mention the x-acto knives, what about those?

[Wizard4169]

So, how exactly does one make people safer by banning safety features? Some people actually think a knife designed not to accidentally close on the user's fingers is a good thing. Others think it's sensible to ban pointy tips on kitchen knives. I know which one I find saner.