Thousands Beg President Joe Biden for Mercy as He Pardons a Couple of Turkeys
The annual photo op takes on cruel undertones as drug offenders continue to suffer under harsh federal prison sentences.

On Friday, President Joe Biden continued the meaningless tradition of "pardoning" two turkeys prior to Thanksgiving. The two birds, named Peanut Butter and Jelly, were presented before Biden, who said "instead of getting basted, these two turkeys are getting boosted."
At The New York Times, Katie Rogers notes that there was no talk of Biden's domestic agenda, though that apparently wasn't for lack of trying by reporters at the event. Steven Nelson of the New York Post asked the president if he would be pardoning any actual people. Biden played it off as a joke, asking Nelson if he needed one. Nelson subsequently asked the same question of White House press secretary Jen Psaki, who essentially shrugged it off: She had no updates about any potential mercy for actual human beings.
Every year, the turkey pardon highlights the absurd gap between presidential performance and actual policy. Despite campaign trail promises that he would roll back some of the harsh laws he was responsible for helping pass in the first place, Biden has done little in this arena during his first year as president. Sens. Elizabeth Warren (D–Mass.), Ed Markey (D–Mass.), and Jeff Merkley (D–Ore.) sent a letter to Biden earlier in November asking him to use executive authority to mass pardon any federal prisoners with non-violent marijuana convictions, but thus far nothing has come of it.
And that's not the only looming problem that needs Biden's attention. The CARES Act, the COVID-19 economic stimulus legislation signed into law last year under President Donald Trump, authorized the temporary emergency home release of thousands of federal inmates as a way of attempting to slow the spread of the pandemic in prisons.
But when the federal crisis response to the pandemic eventually ends in some unspecified future date, so does the authority to keep these people out of prison, even if they've fully complied with the terms of their releases. Sentencing reform groups like FAMM have attempted to put political pressure on Biden to use his pardoning power to keep some 4,000 prisoners from being forced to return to their cells. FAMM, Color of Change, Dream Corps, Justice Action Network, and other groups have urged people to come to a D.C. rally this afternoon to tell Biden to "pardon people not turkeys."
In September, the Biden administration launched a system to encourage certain prisoners released under the CARES Act to submit applications for commutation. But Biden's potential mercy (should it actually come) is deliberately narrow in this formulation: He's only offering commutations to those in prison for drug offenses who have less than four years left on their sentences.
Thanks to some absurdly harsh federal sentences for drug offenses, that limit leaves out many people who could be helped. In a Medium post about the frustration that federal inmates and their families feel about this performative turkey-pardoning, Ann Espuelas, FAMM's director of family outreach and storytelling, details just who the administration will be leaving out:
The Biden administration has said that they are considering clemency for many of the people under the OLC memo cloud, but the criteria they have announced is quite narrow and will exclude many, including Antwan Jones. He has a great job and is focused on successful reentry. But Antwan worries deeply about the impact being sent back to prison would have on his fragile but improving relationship with his kids. "They were 8 and 2 when I went in. Losing them a second time would seal the deal on any hopes of my fatherhood being a positive experience for them. I need to be there for them."
"The Biden administration's proposal for who gets clemency and who doesn't, based on arbitrary criteria, has nothing to do with public safety," writes Espuelas. These prisoners "were already painstakingly vetted, then deemed the lowest of low-risk by Attorney General [William] Barr."
Espuelas ends her column with this plea to the president: "Please think beyond two turkeys. There are thousands of people and their families looking to you to do the right thing. Do the humane thing for humans—not just birds."
Presidential history suggests she's going to be disappointed.
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So what actually happens to the turkeys? They aren't bred to live long happy lives on a farm or some shit. I'd bet they get whacked and eaten anyway as soon as the cameras are off.
Sent to Uncle Fauci's Puppy, Primates and More Farm.
Yeah they're not butured. Their vocal chords are removed and their heads are chewed off by parasite carrying flys. Fauci masturbates to the videos.
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They're probably the "guest of honor" at the White House Thanksgiving dinner.
Before the tradition of pardoning both turkeys, only one was pardoned, the other actually did go on to be the "guest of honor"
I believe it was G.W. Bush, or Obama who began "pardoning" both
They go to a farm to live out their lives (really). I think a couple of years ago they went to a sanctuary at a college in Virginia. I remember one year they went to a farm in New Jersey.
Except, their lives will be quite short. They don't get eaten, but they are bred to grow super fast. They die in a couple of years, which is young by turkey standards. Wild turkeys live 10-15 years.
Sarc will be having Wild Turkey for Thanksgiving.
As is tradition.
So what actually happens to the turkeys? They aren't bred to live long happy lives on a farm or some shit.
The best documentary on Washington politics ever, Veep, tells us exactly what happens next: the turkeys get a luxury suite at a D.C. hotel where Jen Psaki will be ravaged by the sacs of the entire White House press corps, while the President will get a round of anal bleaching tonight in anticipation of a salmonella outbreak tomorrow.
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They've been getting sold to a low rated, Midwestern radio station's general manager and promotions/sales manager for charitable donations.
Cincinnati, Ohio, I believe.
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Why is he pardoning a white turkey?
Racism, strait up.
>>Thanks to some absurdly harsh federal sentences for drug offenses
*created by then-Senator Brandon* ... honesty is best, Scott.
"FAMM, Color of Change, Dream Corps, Justice Action Network, and other groups have urged people to come to a D.C. rally this afternoon "
INSURRECTION!!!
RIOTS!!!!
CALL OUT THE GUARD!!!
PUT BACK THE FENCES!!!
“Mercy is the mark of a great man! (stabs defeated opponent) I guess I'm just a good man. (stabs opponent again) Well ... I'm alright.”
Instant rec for Firefly quote.
The one show I wish they would reboot, well just so Malcom didn't become a single trans mother struggling to raise 5 multi-racial kids while fighting for a communist utopia.
Then he nominated both turkeys to the U.S. Supreme Court.
And 8 Republican Senators voted for them.
*applause*
Just as well. Biden + tryptophan = coma
I'm thinking "Dude, the turkey tryptophan thing is just a myth. "
Biden +
Oh, Yeah. Coma.
Jelly!!! That's Doctor Jelly to you. I assumed that's the one on the left.
Joe's saving up his pardoning for Hunter, his writing hand's gonna be mighty sore.
From writing?
Looking up Antwan Jones:
"On June 6, 2012, a grand jury for this District [Southern District, Georgia] charged Jones with: possession of a firearm by a convicted felon...(Count One); possession with intent to distribute controlled substances...(Count Two); and possession of a firearm and ammunition by a convicted felon...(Count Three)....The Government's Penalty Certification stated that Jones faced not more than ten years' imprisonment as to each of Counts One and Three and not more than twenty years' imprisonment as to Count Two....
"However, Jones and his trial counsel were able to negotiate a plea agreement with the Government whereby Jones agreed to plead guilty to Count Two of the Indictment in exchange for the Government moving to dismiss the remaining counts."
https://casetext.com/case/jones-v-united-states-727
I feel bad for those birds if they were boosted from behind with Biden's injection mandate.
#Turkey fucker
There's rumors about a mass pardon of low-level drug offenders. I'm sure the freedom people at FOX News would get behind that, for freedom, and definitely wouldn't turn it into a race panic.
Blame the people responsible for your lot in life.
I think the answer to Scott Shackford's question is easy. The potential downside to pardoning people is that if one of the pardoned recommits, the President will be seen as liable.
On Sunday a driver plowed into a Christmas Parade in Waukesha, WI. Turns out the driver was fleeing from a domestic dispute and had recently been released on $1K bond. Now all the news is why was the bond so low? All those articles in Reason and elsewhere on poor people being held up in jail because they could make bail, just went out the window. New thing is bails are too low.
We saw this in the 1980s and 1990s, everything is getting rid of crime, we are seeing it again. So why doesn't the President pardon more, because there is no upside for him.
The solution to that problem is simple: Just make sure the one you pardon never gets prosecuted again.
The people released from prison due to COVID shouldn't get an extra presumption in favor of being pardoned.
What lesson will that send in the next we're-all-gonna-die pestilence? "If we release these people due to a pandemic, we'll end up abrogating their prison sentences altogether. So just to be on the safe side, let's keep them in prison despite the pandemic - if they die they die."
If Biden can appoint a commission to consider fiddling with the courts, he can appoint a commission to look at the cases of those who have been sentenced by the courts. Giving priority to first time nonviolent offenders, or those who were coerced into admitting stuff they may not have done (hardly unusual in plea bargains, wouldn't you say?)
To be fair, they were Jive Turkeys.
I believe it was G.W. Bush, or Obama who began "pardoning" both
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Biden can't identify with those begging for pardons, but surely can identify with turkeys! He is one.